Marking a sad occasion
February 13, 2010 9:07 PM Subscribe
A couple of dear friends are breaking up. I am seeing them during their separation phase to hang out for old time's sake. What nice thing can I do for them during this sad time?
They were together many years and the separation is due to circumstance and not for lack of affection at all. There is no animosity whatsoever, it's just a sad turn of events. When I see them this week to hang out, I want to do something nice to mark the end of what has been several great years.
My best idea so far has been to bake a cake (we are food lovers), but I think you'll agree that's pretty lame. So any suggestions (not overly sentimental) you might have would be greatly appreciated.
They were together many years and the separation is due to circumstance and not for lack of affection at all. There is no animosity whatsoever, it's just a sad turn of events. When I see them this week to hang out, I want to do something nice to mark the end of what has been several great years.
My best idea so far has been to bake a cake (we are food lovers), but I think you'll agree that's pretty lame. So any suggestions (not overly sentimental) you might have would be greatly appreciated.
Just spitballin' here, but as a person thrust too often into similar roles, may I suggest, humbly, that you simply try to be a larger, sweeter, happier version of yourself? Years ago, I rode a motorcycle down to visit married friends in a rural abode, only to discover, on my arrival, that they were splitting the blanket.
Well, I thought, I could ride away, but it's 40 miles to the nearest town, or motel, and +250 miles home. I was promised a bed, and I think both _the Guy_ and _the Gal_ are willing, as they always would have been, together, to put me up.
I'm stayin', I thought to myself. And they were (willin' to put me up).
And I stayed (in a room, in the basement, far away from cares).
The following morning, she made some coffee, and biscuits. I made some omelets. He drank coffee and ate an omlet. We all stretched and sighed.
And I helped him load his pick up truck, and held her, and cried a tear or two with each of them, and got his new address and phone number, and made sure she was keeping the old address and phone number, and then he drove away. 5 minutes later, I rode away.
Later, I called her, to make sure her phone worked, and visited him, to make sure his heart worked, and sometime later, I went to a wedding, and I rode a fast canyon road with a good friend, and I kept my mouth shut, when doing so was appropriate, and needed.
posted by paulsc at 10:14 PM on February 13, 2010 [31 favorites]
Well, I thought, I could ride away, but it's 40 miles to the nearest town, or motel, and +250 miles home. I was promised a bed, and I think both _the Guy_ and _the Gal_ are willing, as they always would have been, together, to put me up.
I'm stayin', I thought to myself. And they were (willin' to put me up).
And I stayed (in a room, in the basement, far away from cares).
The following morning, she made some coffee, and biscuits. I made some omelets. He drank coffee and ate an omlet. We all stretched and sighed.
And I helped him load his pick up truck, and held her, and cried a tear or two with each of them, and got his new address and phone number, and made sure she was keeping the old address and phone number, and then he drove away. 5 minutes later, I rode away.
Later, I called her, to make sure her phone worked, and visited him, to make sure his heart worked, and sometime later, I went to a wedding, and I rode a fast canyon road with a good friend, and I kept my mouth shut, when doing so was appropriate, and needed.
posted by paulsc at 10:14 PM on February 13, 2010 [31 favorites]
Amicable or not, breakups can be pretty awful. I don't see any reason to revel in it.
posted by mattsweaters at 11:23 PM on February 13, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by mattsweaters at 11:23 PM on February 13, 2010 [2 favorites]
I broke up with somebody, I'd just want either someone to talk to, or just be by myself for a while, to ruminate and be moody.
Apologies, but baking a cake seems...a little strange. Just a friend saying, "I'm here for you" would really make me feel a lot better than a cake or any other object or service. Maybe that's just me.
posted by thisperon at 11:41 PM on February 13, 2010
Apologies, but baking a cake seems...a little strange. Just a friend saying, "I'm here for you" would really make me feel a lot better than a cake or any other object or service. Maybe that's just me.
posted by thisperon at 11:41 PM on February 13, 2010
(Sorry, preface my whole post with the word "IF (I broke up with somebody)..."
posted by thisperon at 11:42 PM on February 13, 2010
posted by thisperon at 11:42 PM on February 13, 2010
If I broke up with somebody, I would totally want cake and a cup of tea with a friend. Make sure you spend some time with both of them afterwards, too, and help to make them feel less lonely.
posted by teraspawn at 3:37 AM on February 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by teraspawn at 3:37 AM on February 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
I think there is a difference between a "birthday cake" style cake and a "coffee cake" style cake. I wouldn't bring a flowery celebration cake, but a nice comforting cake, or pie would be nice, as well as some lasagna or something.
I think it's lovely that you're going to have one last time together as a group. If you think it would be nice for them, maybe you could bring copies of a photo of the three of you together for each of them to have. Of course, you know best if this is what they would like.
posted by nprigoda at 4:24 AM on February 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think it's lovely that you're going to have one last time together as a group. If you think it would be nice for them, maybe you could bring copies of a photo of the three of you together for each of them to have. Of course, you know best if this is what they would like.
posted by nprigoda at 4:24 AM on February 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yes yes pie.
Cake is celebratory-- pie is a warm hug.
posted by availablelight at 8:18 AM on February 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Cake is celebratory-- pie is a warm hug.
posted by availablelight at 8:18 AM on February 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Are you 100% sure that they are both unhappy about this?
Sometimes one person is thrilled to be out of a relationship that look great, like the "perfect couple" to people on the outside, but was really never right for them.
Think long and hard - did one of these friends every try to complain during the relationship? Sure, I'm bringing my own issues into this, but it is something to think about.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 9:25 AM on February 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sometimes one person is thrilled to be out of a relationship that look great, like the "perfect couple" to people on the outside, but was really never right for them.
Think long and hard - did one of these friends every try to complain during the relationship? Sure, I'm bringing my own issues into this, but it is something to think about.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 9:25 AM on February 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is the second time today that AskMeFi has made me say "mmmm pie!"
posted by MuChao at 11:41 AM on February 14, 2010
posted by MuChao at 11:41 AM on February 14, 2010
Whatever you bring, don't make it seem like you brought it just because they broke up.
posted by ishotjr at 4:13 PM on February 14, 2010
posted by ishotjr at 4:13 PM on February 14, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
It's also not something that subsequently has to be split. It's something that can be shared, and enjoyed. It will bring them pleasure and happiness, two things that are in short supply in times like this.
I like your first instinct, and I think you should go with it.
posted by dejah420 at 10:12 PM on February 13, 2010