worried about worrying.
February 12, 2010 8:03 AM Subscribe
How can I differentiate anxiety about my health from legitimate medical concern?
Long back-story: I'm 32 a year-old male living in the USA. In my mid-20s I lived a very high risk lifestyle, all kinds of drugs, lots of casual unprotected sex and an insane amount of booze. Somehow, thorugh it all, I always seemed to be in great health.
In the last four years, I've cleaned up, gotten married and developed a healthy relationship with alcohol. I've also gotten sick.
For the last two years, I've had a never-ending list of ailments: Chest pain, abdominal pain, headaches, cold and tingling hands and feet, light-headedness, disorientation, roving pains throughout the rest of my body. I've seen several doctors and had all kinds of tests done and, so far as anyone can tell, I'm perfectly healthy. I'm 6'0", 175 pounds, I eat well and I can run 8 miles in an an hour.
Over this time period, I've serially convinced myself that I'm dying of various different things. I thought I was having heart failure. But no, my blood pressure is fine, my cholesterol is fine, my ECG reads fine. I thought I had stomach cancer. But an endoscopy and an abdominal CAT scan show a healthy and tumor free digestive tract. I thought I was having liver or kidney failure because of years of alcohol and substance abuse. But, unbelievably, my liver and kidney function are like those of a teetotaler. In fact, I scored near the center of the ideal range on every single test in the Comprehensive Metabolic Panel.
Most recently, after the roving pain settled in my testicles for a while, I've become convinced I have syphilis. Almost all of the symptoms I've had could be connected to tertiary syphilis. And last year, I had an itchy and blistery rash on my hands and genitals. At the time, we dismissed it as poison ivy but now, of course, I see it as more sinister.
I had an STD panel done before I got married, and it came back clean on everything. but it was in a different country and I don't have access to the records. I don't remember whether they tested me for syphilis, or just HIV and Hepatitis.
So I went to my doctor and requested that I be tested. Clean on everything, including syphilis. But, of course, I went ahead and looked up the specific syphilis test she administered (RPR) online and found out that, as it tests for antibodies rather than the illness itself, it can have a high incidence of false negatives in late-stage infections.
So now, I find myself convinced that, not only do I have syphilis, but that it's going to progress untreated because I've received a false negative on the test. I've been considering the merits of going back to my doctor and demanding a more specific test. This despite having received a clear test result, my wife having received a separate clear test result, and me not actually having any evidence that anyone I have ever slept with has been exposed to the disease.
So, what I'm getting at is that I think I might be crazy.
It may not have escaped the more astute YANMD-filter readers that almost all of the symptoms I named are also symptoms of anxiety. My doctor has hinted at this possibility before, but I dismissed it.
I have never had the slightest issue with anxiety in my life. In fact, if anything I tend to get myself in trouble by not worrying enough. For my entire life, I've had "It'll all work out fine" as a completely impervious axiom of my psyche. Until recently, I was the kind of person who never visited the doctor, convinced that whatever was wrong with me would just get better on it's own. I recognize that these beliefs and behaviors have their own downsides, but anxiety doesn't seem like it should be one of them.
I'm very happy in my marriage, in my career, in my life in general. I would go so far as to say that if my health would just sort itself out, I would have no complaints whatsoever.
All the same, I can't ignore the possibility that my health problems are being caused by anxiety. In a way, it would be a relief to believe that. I don't think I would even need medication. If I could give myself permission to stop worrying about my health, my life would be easy again. I have the strength to live with these symptoms I'm having, even if they don't go away.
But what if I give myself that license and, as a result, my syphilis or lupus or brain cancer or whatever continues to ravage my body untreated?
So, um, help? How can I know whether my concern that I'm dying in the face of all medical evidence that I'm perfectly healthy is well-founded or not? At what point do reasonable people just suck up the roving pain and the tingling extremities?
Long back-story: I'm 32 a year-old male living in the USA. In my mid-20s I lived a very high risk lifestyle, all kinds of drugs, lots of casual unprotected sex and an insane amount of booze. Somehow, thorugh it all, I always seemed to be in great health.
In the last four years, I've cleaned up, gotten married and developed a healthy relationship with alcohol. I've also gotten sick.
For the last two years, I've had a never-ending list of ailments: Chest pain, abdominal pain, headaches, cold and tingling hands and feet, light-headedness, disorientation, roving pains throughout the rest of my body. I've seen several doctors and had all kinds of tests done and, so far as anyone can tell, I'm perfectly healthy. I'm 6'0", 175 pounds, I eat well and I can run 8 miles in an an hour.
Over this time period, I've serially convinced myself that I'm dying of various different things. I thought I was having heart failure. But no, my blood pressure is fine, my cholesterol is fine, my ECG reads fine. I thought I had stomach cancer. But an endoscopy and an abdominal CAT scan show a healthy and tumor free digestive tract. I thought I was having liver or kidney failure because of years of alcohol and substance abuse. But, unbelievably, my liver and kidney function are like those of a teetotaler. In fact, I scored near the center of the ideal range on every single test in the Comprehensive Metabolic Panel.
Most recently, after the roving pain settled in my testicles for a while, I've become convinced I have syphilis. Almost all of the symptoms I've had could be connected to tertiary syphilis. And last year, I had an itchy and blistery rash on my hands and genitals. At the time, we dismissed it as poison ivy but now, of course, I see it as more sinister.
I had an STD panel done before I got married, and it came back clean on everything. but it was in a different country and I don't have access to the records. I don't remember whether they tested me for syphilis, or just HIV and Hepatitis.
So I went to my doctor and requested that I be tested. Clean on everything, including syphilis. But, of course, I went ahead and looked up the specific syphilis test she administered (RPR) online and found out that, as it tests for antibodies rather than the illness itself, it can have a high incidence of false negatives in late-stage infections.
So now, I find myself convinced that, not only do I have syphilis, but that it's going to progress untreated because I've received a false negative on the test. I've been considering the merits of going back to my doctor and demanding a more specific test. This despite having received a clear test result, my wife having received a separate clear test result, and me not actually having any evidence that anyone I have ever slept with has been exposed to the disease.
So, what I'm getting at is that I think I might be crazy.
It may not have escaped the more astute YANMD-filter readers that almost all of the symptoms I named are also symptoms of anxiety. My doctor has hinted at this possibility before, but I dismissed it.
I have never had the slightest issue with anxiety in my life. In fact, if anything I tend to get myself in trouble by not worrying enough. For my entire life, I've had "It'll all work out fine" as a completely impervious axiom of my psyche. Until recently, I was the kind of person who never visited the doctor, convinced that whatever was wrong with me would just get better on it's own. I recognize that these beliefs and behaviors have their own downsides, but anxiety doesn't seem like it should be one of them.
I'm very happy in my marriage, in my career, in my life in general. I would go so far as to say that if my health would just sort itself out, I would have no complaints whatsoever.
All the same, I can't ignore the possibility that my health problems are being caused by anxiety. In a way, it would be a relief to believe that. I don't think I would even need medication. If I could give myself permission to stop worrying about my health, my life would be easy again. I have the strength to live with these symptoms I'm having, even if they don't go away.
But what if I give myself that license and, as a result, my syphilis or lupus or brain cancer or whatever continues to ravage my body untreated?
So, um, help? How can I know whether my concern that I'm dying in the face of all medical evidence that I'm perfectly healthy is well-founded or not? At what point do reasonable people just suck up the roving pain and the tingling extremities?
How can I know whether my concern that I'm dying in the face of all medical evidence that I'm perfectly healthy is well-founded or not? At what point do reasonable people just suck up the roving pain and the tingling extremities?
Get therapy, and believe in and try some of the coping mechanisms they teach you. I was convinced my anxiety symptoms were something bigger, but after some practice with coping and calming myself, I found that my symptoms were mostly, if not entirely attributable to anxiety.
While you're at it, cut out anything like caffeine, because I found that really exacerbated my problems (which sound similar to those you're experiencing).
You can also try taking a prescribed anti-anxiety medication to see if it helps. I chose not to, but if these symptoms are really getting in the way of you living comfortably, it might be worth it. Honestly I'm surprised your doctors haven't suggested these routes yet, since they obviously think you're healthy!
Oh, and stop reading about medical stuff on the internet. Please. It can only help you. Ignorance is bliss.
posted by sunshinesky at 8:15 AM on February 12, 2010
Get therapy, and believe in and try some of the coping mechanisms they teach you. I was convinced my anxiety symptoms were something bigger, but after some practice with coping and calming myself, I found that my symptoms were mostly, if not entirely attributable to anxiety.
While you're at it, cut out anything like caffeine, because I found that really exacerbated my problems (which sound similar to those you're experiencing).
You can also try taking a prescribed anti-anxiety medication to see if it helps. I chose not to, but if these symptoms are really getting in the way of you living comfortably, it might be worth it. Honestly I'm surprised your doctors haven't suggested these routes yet, since they obviously think you're healthy!
Oh, and stop reading about medical stuff on the internet. Please. It can only help you. Ignorance is bliss.
posted by sunshinesky at 8:15 AM on February 12, 2010
One of the things that makes me crazy about many GP and internist doctors who suspect anxiety as the root cause of your problems is that they seem to think that by suggesting it and stopping there, it's now on you to solve the problem.
You should not have to feel these things. It does sound like anxiety is a very likely culprit. It's the very fact that you are pointing to your past as a possible root cause for the myriad issues you're having points to that.
I think that it's completely normal for you to look back at the carelessness you took with your health in your 20s and think that it's not possible for you to have gotten off scott-free, that there must be some latent damage that you've done. And there may well be -- the anxiety you're feeling now! In your 20s, you were drinking/drugging/sexing it up, not really learning how to deal with stress in a normal, healthy way, which is something that most adults DO learn in their 20s. Now you're in your thirties, married, and normal, and all of the physical twinges and twangs that come with stress are hitting you hard.
FWIW -- I'm 32, and I have finally accepted the link between "I'm totally stressed out, either about the present, past or future, and it's causing my stomach to hurt/chest to hurt/eyes to hurt" -- I used to really believe I was dying. I'm still here, though. Healthy as a horse. If I'm really exhausted/stressed/feeling like crap, I will often think "CLEARLY MY LACK OF SELF-CARE IN MY YOUTH IS NOW BITING ME IN THE ASS AND I AM DYING" -- but nope. It's just getting older. Stress hits you harder -- and you have more experiences under your belt to stress about! Stupid being in your thirties.
Your health is not going to sort itself out. You need to work with professionals until you find someone who can help you either understand, mitigate, or stop the symptoms you're experiencing. Get an STD test. Get a different doctor who will refer you to a psychologist if they really believe that anxiety is what's causing your physical discomfort. No stopping until you feel better. You owe it to yourself. And good luck!
posted by pazazygeek at 8:15 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
You should not have to feel these things. It does sound like anxiety is a very likely culprit. It's the very fact that you are pointing to your past as a possible root cause for the myriad issues you're having points to that.
I think that it's completely normal for you to look back at the carelessness you took with your health in your 20s and think that it's not possible for you to have gotten off scott-free, that there must be some latent damage that you've done. And there may well be -- the anxiety you're feeling now! In your 20s, you were drinking/drugging/sexing it up, not really learning how to deal with stress in a normal, healthy way, which is something that most adults DO learn in their 20s. Now you're in your thirties, married, and normal, and all of the physical twinges and twangs that come with stress are hitting you hard.
FWIW -- I'm 32, and I have finally accepted the link between "I'm totally stressed out, either about the present, past or future, and it's causing my stomach to hurt/chest to hurt/eyes to hurt" -- I used to really believe I was dying. I'm still here, though. Healthy as a horse. If I'm really exhausted/stressed/feeling like crap, I will often think "CLEARLY MY LACK OF SELF-CARE IN MY YOUTH IS NOW BITING ME IN THE ASS AND I AM DYING" -- but nope. It's just getting older. Stress hits you harder -- and you have more experiences under your belt to stress about! Stupid being in your thirties.
Your health is not going to sort itself out. You need to work with professionals until you find someone who can help you either understand, mitigate, or stop the symptoms you're experiencing. Get an STD test. Get a different doctor who will refer you to a psychologist if they really believe that anxiety is what's causing your physical discomfort. No stopping until you feel better. You owe it to yourself. And good luck!
posted by pazazygeek at 8:15 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Sorry, I want to clarify this:
One of the things that makes me crazy about many GP and internist doctors who suspect anxiety as the root cause of your problems is that they seem to think that by suggesting it and stopping there, it's now on you to solve the problem.
Because -- it IS on you to solve the problem. However, what I mean to say here is that treating you like you're just crazy and anxious and silly is NOT the way to help you. A good doctor will see that your anxiety is causing you all kinds of discomfort and will work with you on THAT problem. A doctor that is not right for you will say "it's just anxiety, calm down now, see ya in a year!"
posted by pazazygeek at 8:18 AM on February 12, 2010
One of the things that makes me crazy about many GP and internist doctors who suspect anxiety as the root cause of your problems is that they seem to think that by suggesting it and stopping there, it's now on you to solve the problem.
Because -- it IS on you to solve the problem. However, what I mean to say here is that treating you like you're just crazy and anxious and silly is NOT the way to help you. A good doctor will see that your anxiety is causing you all kinds of discomfort and will work with you on THAT problem. A doctor that is not right for you will say "it's just anxiety, calm down now, see ya in a year!"
posted by pazazygeek at 8:18 AM on February 12, 2010
I should also note that I thought the idea of 'anxiety' was preposterous, because I have a similar outlook on life as you-- "everything will work out in the end" and I tend to be pretty lax and anti-stress. Anxiety is strange though, and can manifest itself in any number of ways. It also loves to build on itself, so although you might not be able to pinpoint a source, by now it could just be anxiety about the symptoms and growing exponentially from there.
posted by sunshinesky at 8:22 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by sunshinesky at 8:22 AM on February 12, 2010
I have never had the slightest issue with anxiety in my life.
The high-risk behaviors you identified can be indicative of anxiety. Sure, some people deal with anxiety by becoming control freaks and avoid all possible risks. Others go balls to the wall and live a crazy drugged-up lifestyle trying to escape it. I was never a worrier... until I quit drinking. Look behind your usage. Was there something you were trying to escape or mitigate? There might be something coming out in anxiety now because you aren't smothering it in booze, drugs and sex.
posted by milarepa at 8:24 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
The high-risk behaviors you identified can be indicative of anxiety. Sure, some people deal with anxiety by becoming control freaks and avoid all possible risks. Others go balls to the wall and live a crazy drugged-up lifestyle trying to escape it. I was never a worrier... until I quit drinking. Look behind your usage. Was there something you were trying to escape or mitigate? There might be something coming out in anxiety now because you aren't smothering it in booze, drugs and sex.
posted by milarepa at 8:24 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I also want to second pazazygeek that part of the problem, if it is indeed anxiety, is probably that you never learned healthy coping methods while you were young. Some of the more anxiety ridden individuals I know are people in their 30s who had a crazy, over-the-top 20s.
posted by milarepa at 8:28 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by milarepa at 8:28 AM on February 12, 2010
It may not have escaped the more astute YANMD-filter readers that almost all of the symptoms I named are also symptoms of anxiety.
Yay, I'm astute! ;-)
Anxiety is a physical condition as well as a mental one, so you might not identify it as such. You don't have to be emotionally nervous to be very tense physically, for example.
I'd recommend trying some relaxation exercises such as yoga or (much more focused and scientific and therefore more likely to work quickly) Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and seeing if that relieves your symptoms.
Maybe a quicker, easier, and quite pleasant test would be to get a relaxing Swedish (not anything painful that would prevent relaxation) massage and seeing if that relieves your symptoms for a few hours. If that works, great, move on to the yoga or MBSR.
I personally had a lot of tendinitis/carpal tunnel/ulnar tunnel/tarsal tunnel/muscle pain that I think could be attributed to anxiety and various relaxation techniques were in the end by far the best treatment for them. I absolutely was unaware of any anxiety at the time and was surprised at my score on the Anxiety Checklist Assessment.
posted by callmejay at 8:56 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yay, I'm astute! ;-)
Anxiety is a physical condition as well as a mental one, so you might not identify it as such. You don't have to be emotionally nervous to be very tense physically, for example.
I'd recommend trying some relaxation exercises such as yoga or (much more focused and scientific and therefore more likely to work quickly) Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and seeing if that relieves your symptoms.
Maybe a quicker, easier, and quite pleasant test would be to get a relaxing Swedish (not anything painful that would prevent relaxation) massage and seeing if that relieves your symptoms for a few hours. If that works, great, move on to the yoga or MBSR.
I personally had a lot of tendinitis/carpal tunnel/ulnar tunnel/tarsal tunnel/muscle pain that I think could be attributed to anxiety and various relaxation techniques were in the end by far the best treatment for them. I absolutely was unaware of any anxiety at the time and was surprised at my score on the Anxiety Checklist Assessment.
posted by callmejay at 8:56 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
Re: syphilis, yes the RPR might have false negatives, but if you read about how syphilis progresses and if you feel you're late stage -- you'd probably know it (see this pretty accurate wiki article about what can happen to you if you get syphilis after 6months of being infected -- read the latent and tertiary paragraphs since if you've been protecting yourself that would apply to you). If you want to confirm syphilis, ask for the specific antibody tests (FTA-ABS). However, the problem re: the RPR is seems to it's rate of FALSE POSITIVES, not FALSE NEGATIVES as for 2ndary or latent or tertiary syphilis it's sensitivity (the ability of the test to capture the total amount of the disease that's out there) is pretty damn high.
I'm not sure how much of an alcoholic you were, but anxiety is of course a sign of withdrawal from alcohol. It's not an acute thing for you, but perhaps some aspect of why alcohol was appealing to you is that it soothed some element of anxiety that you are now have to deal with specifically. SURELY REFRAIN FROM GOING BACK TO DRINKING EXCESSIVELY to sort that out, but it could be from where it stems. I hate to state it but if this concern about your health -- we'll call it anxiety for lack of a better succinct word -- gets in the way of your elementary functioning and relationships -- i.e. it causes a disorder in you -- perhaps a benzodiazepine might help.
But, medically, from what you've told me you seem pretty safe. A negative blood count and metabolic panel really does rule out a lot stuff. The imaging you've had is even more reassuring. You're not consistently tired, you're not losing weight intentionally, and your exercise capacity is not worsening -- that also rules out something fatal. If you really want, make sure you have been cleared for all types of hepatitis as some can be present even if you have normal liver enzymes.
I'm not sure the extent of your past forays into unprotected sex, alcohol, and drugs, but you're lucky. That should ease your fears a bit. Congratulations on settings things right. But, from what you've told me, you've had a good workup and have come out clear also.
posted by skepticallypleased at 8:58 AM on February 12, 2010
I'm not sure how much of an alcoholic you were, but anxiety is of course a sign of withdrawal from alcohol. It's not an acute thing for you, but perhaps some aspect of why alcohol was appealing to you is that it soothed some element of anxiety that you are now have to deal with specifically. SURELY REFRAIN FROM GOING BACK TO DRINKING EXCESSIVELY to sort that out, but it could be from where it stems. I hate to state it but if this concern about your health -- we'll call it anxiety for lack of a better succinct word -- gets in the way of your elementary functioning and relationships -- i.e. it causes a disorder in you -- perhaps a benzodiazepine might help.
But, medically, from what you've told me you seem pretty safe. A negative blood count and metabolic panel really does rule out a lot stuff. The imaging you've had is even more reassuring. You're not consistently tired, you're not losing weight intentionally, and your exercise capacity is not worsening -- that also rules out something fatal. If you really want, make sure you have been cleared for all types of hepatitis as some can be present even if you have normal liver enzymes.
I'm not sure the extent of your past forays into unprotected sex, alcohol, and drugs, but you're lucky. That should ease your fears a bit. Congratulations on settings things right. But, from what you've told me, you've had a good workup and have come out clear also.
posted by skepticallypleased at 8:58 AM on February 12, 2010
Seconding callmejay's suggestion to do yoga or something similar for some length of time and see what it does for you. Another thing to try is trigger point massage (which can be very painful, but potentially leave your body very very relaxed).
posted by trig at 9:34 AM on February 12, 2010
posted by trig at 9:34 AM on February 12, 2010
Even though palliative treatments like yoga and relaxation and so on may allay your symptoms, I really think you need to get to the root of the problem.
I used to be a fearful flyer. Hyperventilation. Sweats. Months of anticipatory anxiety. I read everything I could on airplanes, industry news, turbulence reports, TSA bulletins, you name it. None of that helped. My brain leapt from one issue to another to another -- didn't matter which one -- because I couldn't deal with the possibility of something going wrong, however remote.
You are a "hypochrondriac," in that you are endlessly trying to identify and defuse any threats to your person. You are seeking control over your body, and your brain is leaping from one issue to another to another... you guessed it....because you can't deal with the possibility of something going wrong, however remote.
It's an issue of emotional control, if you ask me, and you need to get to the root of that with therapy, probably cognitive behavioral therapy of some kind. You need to target the automatic thoughts that kick off when your brain goes searching for something to worry about. It's possible to retrain your thinking so that the automatic thought is not negative, and doesn't lead to a chain reaction of horrible, catastrophic thinking.
Because, think about it, you can only be diagnosed with so much, if anything at all, and if you were, you would probably be able to deal with the concrete details of the condition. It's the threat of the unknown and your inability to give up control that is doing you in.
BTW I was cured of my aviophobia by that SOAR coarse at fearofflying.com (not trying to plug it, but it really helped me). I think it has a lot in common with other programs that deal with this anxiety stuff.
Good luck.
posted by teedee2000 at 10:13 AM on February 12, 2010
I used to be a fearful flyer. Hyperventilation. Sweats. Months of anticipatory anxiety. I read everything I could on airplanes, industry news, turbulence reports, TSA bulletins, you name it. None of that helped. My brain leapt from one issue to another to another -- didn't matter which one -- because I couldn't deal with the possibility of something going wrong, however remote.
You are a "hypochrondriac," in that you are endlessly trying to identify and defuse any threats to your person. You are seeking control over your body, and your brain is leaping from one issue to another to another... you guessed it....because you can't deal with the possibility of something going wrong, however remote.
It's an issue of emotional control, if you ask me, and you need to get to the root of that with therapy, probably cognitive behavioral therapy of some kind. You need to target the automatic thoughts that kick off when your brain goes searching for something to worry about. It's possible to retrain your thinking so that the automatic thought is not negative, and doesn't lead to a chain reaction of horrible, catastrophic thinking.
Because, think about it, you can only be diagnosed with so much, if anything at all, and if you were, you would probably be able to deal with the concrete details of the condition. It's the threat of the unknown and your inability to give up control that is doing you in.
BTW I was cured of my aviophobia by that SOAR coarse at fearofflying.com (not trying to plug it, but it really helped me). I think it has a lot in common with other programs that deal with this anxiety stuff.
Good luck.
posted by teedee2000 at 10:13 AM on February 12, 2010
I have not personally suffered an anxiety disorder but observed them in action in people very close to me (with one person in particular we have discussed it intensively over many years). I think there is a lot of evidence that you are suffering an anxiety disorder. I'm sorry to write a book about it and of course I'm not a doctor but I've really thought about this a lot because the person who suffered from this is very close to me and went through terrible ups and downs convinced they were dying of incredibly unlikely things.
1: Unless you're leaving something out, there doesn't seem to be any evidence of a progressive deterioration of your health. That is, you're not describing any symptoms that could not be purely a product of your nervous system without any other progressive physiological deterioration involved. On top of this, symptoms aside you have every reason to believe you are healthy: you're young, fit, and surviving a period of drug and alcohol abuse and casual sex in your twenties really isn't all that unlikely of a feat. Our bodies are tough.
2: You have taken a body of symptoms and used them to build a case for a strong belief in a long list of disparate and mutually exclusive and generally rare diseases, all of which have been disproved by medical investigation (except arguably syphilis). It is manifestly evident that your self-diagnostic abilities are completely unreliable and yet you continue to believe in your self-researched conclusions.
3: Maybe there are exceptions but in my experience people who "have never had the slightest issue with anxiety" in their lives aren't all that likely to engage in protracted periods of aggressive drug and alcohol abuse and high-risk sexual behavior. Are you so sure you weren't engaged in that behavior to get away from what was going on in your mind? Anything problematic about your youth, bad experiences that you deny have had a serious impact on your mental health throughout your life? Even if you don't have any particularly clear mental health issues in your history, maintaining a "It'll all work out fine" attitude while you're stoned and drunk all the time isn't much evidence of everything. There are also two obvious things that could trigger the onset of anxiety at this point in your life: the feeling that somehow you must "deserve" to be punished for your past behavior and the fact that you now have things in your life that you're afraid of losing and probably you are more afraid now of the impact your death would have on others, particularly your spouse.
4. You are experiencing anxiety right now. The experiences you are having about your health concerns IS anxiety. You believe it is rational anxiety, but nevertheless: consider the question: how much of your honest-to-goodness suffering over the past years is the symptoms and how much of it is really about your reaction to the symptoms?
I think I also see where your problems with accepting anxiety as a likely if not certain cause of your symptoms are. It starts with:
So, what I'm getting at is that I think I might be crazy.
In my observation one of the hardest things for people with an anxiety disorder to deal with is the idea that this means their symptoms aren't real, that it is "all in their heads," that they are, in a nutshell, crazy and their brain is making it all up. The thing is, our subjective experience of our lives is "all in our heads." If you are indeed suffering from anxiety, the things you are feeling are real. You are not inventing them. They are genuine responses of your nervous system. They just aren't symptoms of an underlying physiological deterioration caused by a disease. They are the symptoms of anxiety and your physical reactions to anxiety such as muscle tension and digestive complaints (our digestive systems have a huge concentration of neural tissue, second only to the brain, and are highly sensitive to emotions).
It is further complicated by the flaws in this proposed strategy:
If I could give myself permission to stop worrying about my health, my life would be easy again. I have the strength to live with these symptoms I'm having, even if they don't go away.
One problem with this is the one you mention: it is not impossible there is a real problem. Part of the problem of your question is that to get to your real initial question, you cannot differentiate between anxiety and legitimate medical concerns unless you get proof of a real medical concern. Otherwise the possibility of the undetected is always out there. And you mustn't just start ignoring your health.
But the other problem, and it's the real one if you actually have anxiety issues, is that your idea of responding to that is to just ignore what's going on. First if you have a real anxiety disorder you won't be able to do that. You think you can because you think the anxiety you're having over your symptoms is just a rational response but it really isn't. You are rationalizing what are irrational fears. If you want to explore the possibility that this is anxiety you have to start treating and dealing with anxiety.
If you have anxiety, taking measures to overcome anxiety will reduce your symptoms. If you have some hidden medical complaint it will not: they will inevitably get worse. You don't have to start with medication. You can get into things like progressive relaxation and breathing exercises easily and entirely on your own. One thing you definitely should do is cease all personal investigation of possible diagnosis. Be realistic: you've basically proven that you can talk yourself into the idea that you have a disease you don't have. Stop feeding the anxiety. Again, if there is a legitimate medical concern, your failure to pore over internet horror stories (delivered by research resources of questionable provenance, I mean, look who you are listening to right now) will not stop your symptoms from getting progressively worse. You can also ask your doctor to investigate the possibilities of anxiety with you without abandoning other avenues of investigation in a proper medical context. You can forgo exploring medication as a solution for as long as you like. Though helped by occasional tranquilizer use to address out-and-out panic attacks, the person close to me I mentioned before has for years managed anxiety with no medication, experiences many less symptoms and at long last truly believes that there is nothing seriously wrong with them.
posted by nanojath at 11:05 AM on February 12, 2010
1: Unless you're leaving something out, there doesn't seem to be any evidence of a progressive deterioration of your health. That is, you're not describing any symptoms that could not be purely a product of your nervous system without any other progressive physiological deterioration involved. On top of this, symptoms aside you have every reason to believe you are healthy: you're young, fit, and surviving a period of drug and alcohol abuse and casual sex in your twenties really isn't all that unlikely of a feat. Our bodies are tough.
2: You have taken a body of symptoms and used them to build a case for a strong belief in a long list of disparate and mutually exclusive and generally rare diseases, all of which have been disproved by medical investigation (except arguably syphilis). It is manifestly evident that your self-diagnostic abilities are completely unreliable and yet you continue to believe in your self-researched conclusions.
3: Maybe there are exceptions but in my experience people who "have never had the slightest issue with anxiety" in their lives aren't all that likely to engage in protracted periods of aggressive drug and alcohol abuse and high-risk sexual behavior. Are you so sure you weren't engaged in that behavior to get away from what was going on in your mind? Anything problematic about your youth, bad experiences that you deny have had a serious impact on your mental health throughout your life? Even if you don't have any particularly clear mental health issues in your history, maintaining a "It'll all work out fine" attitude while you're stoned and drunk all the time isn't much evidence of everything. There are also two obvious things that could trigger the onset of anxiety at this point in your life: the feeling that somehow you must "deserve" to be punished for your past behavior and the fact that you now have things in your life that you're afraid of losing and probably you are more afraid now of the impact your death would have on others, particularly your spouse.
4. You are experiencing anxiety right now. The experiences you are having about your health concerns IS anxiety. You believe it is rational anxiety, but nevertheless: consider the question: how much of your honest-to-goodness suffering over the past years is the symptoms and how much of it is really about your reaction to the symptoms?
I think I also see where your problems with accepting anxiety as a likely if not certain cause of your symptoms are. It starts with:
So, what I'm getting at is that I think I might be crazy.
In my observation one of the hardest things for people with an anxiety disorder to deal with is the idea that this means their symptoms aren't real, that it is "all in their heads," that they are, in a nutshell, crazy and their brain is making it all up. The thing is, our subjective experience of our lives is "all in our heads." If you are indeed suffering from anxiety, the things you are feeling are real. You are not inventing them. They are genuine responses of your nervous system. They just aren't symptoms of an underlying physiological deterioration caused by a disease. They are the symptoms of anxiety and your physical reactions to anxiety such as muscle tension and digestive complaints (our digestive systems have a huge concentration of neural tissue, second only to the brain, and are highly sensitive to emotions).
It is further complicated by the flaws in this proposed strategy:
If I could give myself permission to stop worrying about my health, my life would be easy again. I have the strength to live with these symptoms I'm having, even if they don't go away.
One problem with this is the one you mention: it is not impossible there is a real problem. Part of the problem of your question is that to get to your real initial question, you cannot differentiate between anxiety and legitimate medical concerns unless you get proof of a real medical concern. Otherwise the possibility of the undetected is always out there. And you mustn't just start ignoring your health.
But the other problem, and it's the real one if you actually have anxiety issues, is that your idea of responding to that is to just ignore what's going on. First if you have a real anxiety disorder you won't be able to do that. You think you can because you think the anxiety you're having over your symptoms is just a rational response but it really isn't. You are rationalizing what are irrational fears. If you want to explore the possibility that this is anxiety you have to start treating and dealing with anxiety.
If you have anxiety, taking measures to overcome anxiety will reduce your symptoms. If you have some hidden medical complaint it will not: they will inevitably get worse. You don't have to start with medication. You can get into things like progressive relaxation and breathing exercises easily and entirely on your own. One thing you definitely should do is cease all personal investigation of possible diagnosis. Be realistic: you've basically proven that you can talk yourself into the idea that you have a disease you don't have. Stop feeding the anxiety. Again, if there is a legitimate medical concern, your failure to pore over internet horror stories (delivered by research resources of questionable provenance, I mean, look who you are listening to right now) will not stop your symptoms from getting progressively worse. You can also ask your doctor to investigate the possibilities of anxiety with you without abandoning other avenues of investigation in a proper medical context. You can forgo exploring medication as a solution for as long as you like. Though helped by occasional tranquilizer use to address out-and-out panic attacks, the person close to me I mentioned before has for years managed anxiety with no medication, experiences many less symptoms and at long last truly believes that there is nothing seriously wrong with them.
posted by nanojath at 11:05 AM on February 12, 2010
I think the most important thing is to stop reading about your symptoms on the internet.
My father is a doctor, and it's the first advice he gives to anyone who starts expressing worry about something they read on the internet. It causes a ridiculous amount of baseless anxiety.
posted by jayder at 12:37 PM on February 12, 2010
My father is a doctor, and it's the first advice he gives to anyone who starts expressing worry about something they read on the internet. It causes a ridiculous amount of baseless anxiety.
posted by jayder at 12:37 PM on February 12, 2010
In fact, if anything I tend to get myself in trouble by not worrying enough. For my entire life, I've had "It'll all work out fine" as a completely impervious axiom of my psyche.
This can be a coping mechanism for anxiety, actually. Just judging by myself here. My childhood was full of funny anxiety stories, and somewhere around, oh, age 8, I switched into being really happy-go-lucky. I learned not to trust my worries. And to have my worry fuses almost immediately short out and send me over to "anyway, I'm sure it'll all be fine" before I can engage in the potentially-anxiety-provoking facts.
A resurgence of anxiety might be consistent with becoming less avoidant and addicted, and more "real," ie, really acknowledging that something is worrying you. Before, you thought, "whatever, my health will be fine!" Now, you're not just blowing off all concerns, both real and anxiety-driven, so figuring out where to draw the line is a new challenge. Which, I guess is why you posted the question. One thing you might try to do is to watch for anxieties that come and then go away: what made them go away? More information? Really thinking about the possible outcomes? Avoiding any contact with that topic? What strategies work for you?
posted by salvia at 1:45 PM on February 12, 2010
This can be a coping mechanism for anxiety, actually. Just judging by myself here. My childhood was full of funny anxiety stories, and somewhere around, oh, age 8, I switched into being really happy-go-lucky. I learned not to trust my worries. And to have my worry fuses almost immediately short out and send me over to "anyway, I'm sure it'll all be fine" before I can engage in the potentially-anxiety-provoking facts.
A resurgence of anxiety might be consistent with becoming less avoidant and addicted, and more "real," ie, really acknowledging that something is worrying you. Before, you thought, "whatever, my health will be fine!" Now, you're not just blowing off all concerns, both real and anxiety-driven, so figuring out where to draw the line is a new challenge. Which, I guess is why you posted the question. One thing you might try to do is to watch for anxieties that come and then go away: what made them go away? More information? Really thinking about the possible outcomes? Avoiding any contact with that topic? What strategies work for you?
posted by salvia at 1:45 PM on February 12, 2010
Not many doctors know about Myofascial pain
This provides a mechanism to explain one way how anxiety causes physical problems. It's not all 'in the head'
posted by Not Supplied at 2:15 PM on February 12, 2010
This provides a mechanism to explain one way how anxiety causes physical problems. It's not all 'in the head'
posted by Not Supplied at 2:15 PM on February 12, 2010
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It sounds like you've been dealing with this anxiety for quite a while and are having a tough time getting someone to really listen to you -- capital letter LISTEN, you know? Dealing with this on your own, to whatever degree, can only ramp it up. The fact that you're thinking that you might not even need medication (highly possible, although don't rule out the possibility that it could also help you) is also a sign that talking with someone who could help you sort out and work down to the core of your feelings could be a big help.
Good luck!
posted by Madamina at 8:11 AM on February 12, 2010