put a sock in it, will ya?
December 14, 2009 8:48 PM Subscribe
Help find a coping mechanism for an introvert so he can better tolerate his chatty co-workers?
Looking for tips and tricks on tuning out a chatterbox, or how otherwise to avoid becoming annoyed.
Asking for a friend who's a carpenter's apprentice. Being quite introverted, he is annoyed easily with idle chitchat while working ("inane chatterboxes" he calls them). He does enjoy good conversation on a topic that interests him, but it seems to be a rare occurrence. And well, if his co-workers are just not that talkative, that's the ideal situation... but some people do just like to talk of course. Some days this is something he can tolerate, but on occasion it really bothers him.
Asking to be assigned to another job site with the company isn't an option. I don't think listening to music while on the job is an option. And of course the obvious answer is to ask the other person to chatter a little less... but sometimes people forget themselves and do it anyway, and often it'd be more polite just to learn to ignore the other people instead.
It's important that he learns some way to cope with this, because he enjoys the work itself and finds this issue in dealing with "irritating people" is the only real hurdle towards his completing his apprenticeship. Hope some introverts out there have help to offer! Thanks!
Looking for tips and tricks on tuning out a chatterbox, or how otherwise to avoid becoming annoyed.
Asking for a friend who's a carpenter's apprentice. Being quite introverted, he is annoyed easily with idle chitchat while working ("inane chatterboxes" he calls them). He does enjoy good conversation on a topic that interests him, but it seems to be a rare occurrence. And well, if his co-workers are just not that talkative, that's the ideal situation... but some people do just like to talk of course. Some days this is something he can tolerate, but on occasion it really bothers him.
Asking to be assigned to another job site with the company isn't an option. I don't think listening to music while on the job is an option. And of course the obvious answer is to ask the other person to chatter a little less... but sometimes people forget themselves and do it anyway, and often it'd be more polite just to learn to ignore the other people instead.
It's important that he learns some way to cope with this, because he enjoys the work itself and finds this issue in dealing with "irritating people" is the only real hurdle towards his completing his apprenticeship. Hope some introverts out there have help to offer! Thanks!
Are we talking about chit-chat between carpenters while working? Ohh, well, it's going to be all about compromise. Identifying a couple of subjects in which he's willing to engage in some small talk will be helpful + developing rep as "quiet but good" can work. Takes awhile, though.
posted by desuetude at 10:17 PM on December 14, 2009
posted by desuetude at 10:17 PM on December 14, 2009
He could ask his boss to be put on more jobs that are one-man deals where he won't be bothered, or to work with people he can talk to when possible. However, I think the nature of his job might mean that type of work is limited. While he might not be able to wear headphones for music, might it be possible to bring a small stereo in and have it tuned to a non-offensive radio station? This should cut down on the chatter. Otherwise, he is just going to have to learn to tune them out or steer the conversation in a direction that is not so annoying.
posted by sophist at 10:29 PM on December 14, 2009
posted by sophist at 10:29 PM on December 14, 2009
Hang with me here, this is really an answer:
Tell him it's time to start learning how to have inane conversations. That ability will serve him well. He'll make more "friends," hear things through the grapevine that he otherwise wouldn't, people will offer to help him learn, he'll get offered other jobs on people's recommendation because he's "easy to work with" - being a loner is easier for an introvert but is a serious disadvantage compared to the more sociable types.
He doesn't have to change his personality to love stupid conversations about the weather. Think of it like being a pool shark. It's a skill for them to be able to find something in common with their opponents and have some sort of anecdote or stock conversation line they can fall back on at a moment's notice like a script. To develop his repertoire of canned conversations, he's going to have to listen to everyone else and remember the ones he likes. Then he can practice them later with the details changed. Who's going to notice - there are only so many small-talk conversations in the world. Anyway, looking at it like research, or practicing a sport maybe, makes it more tolerable.
posted by ctmf at 11:35 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]
Tell him it's time to start learning how to have inane conversations. That ability will serve him well. He'll make more "friends," hear things through the grapevine that he otherwise wouldn't, people will offer to help him learn, he'll get offered other jobs on people's recommendation because he's "easy to work with" - being a loner is easier for an introvert but is a serious disadvantage compared to the more sociable types.
He doesn't have to change his personality to love stupid conversations about the weather. Think of it like being a pool shark. It's a skill for them to be able to find something in common with their opponents and have some sort of anecdote or stock conversation line they can fall back on at a moment's notice like a script. To develop his repertoire of canned conversations, he's going to have to listen to everyone else and remember the ones he likes. Then he can practice them later with the details changed. Who's going to notice - there are only so many small-talk conversations in the world. Anyway, looking at it like research, or practicing a sport maybe, makes it more tolerable.
posted by ctmf at 11:35 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]
Ability to small talk is an extremely valuable skill. If your friend approaches it like any other tool to understand and utilize, it may help him. I'm chatty but friends and family with introverts, who tend to develop their small talk chops when the need arises professionally. According to my friendly introverts, what really helps is having a few key grunt-words. My dad says "ayup" because he can get away with feigning a Maine accent. My best friend clucks his tongue and then pretends to be contemplative and says "hrmm, i suppose." Coworkers who have "come out" to me as anti-chatty have used things like "mm, indeed indeed" and the standby "hrmph!" As your friend cultivates his small talk skills, he will likely develop his own personal irrelevant confirmation grunt. Once he gets over the hump of his first month or so trying to make small-talk, he'll be able to do it almost naturally, especially if you help by slipping it in in your regular interaction.
posted by Mizu at 12:07 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Mizu at 12:07 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Heh, Mizu, I use all those. My favorite, though, is being Mr. Apologist. When someone is bitching about someone else or some policy change, or whatever (which is a huge fraction of the conversation at work), I like the "Well, you know, they were probably thinking [something that sounds reasonable, if misguided]" It shows you heard them, it allows them to continue bitching, if only to refute you, it isn't going to embarrass you if it gets back to the person in question... or, maybe the person will realize that life isn't as simple as they like to believe (hey, it occasionally happens!) and move on to a more positive topic. The trick is to agree first, but then mention ways that it could have been well-intentioned, rather than being argumentative.
You'd be surprised how little you have to talk with that strategy while the other person blathers on for hours.
posted by ctmf at 12:30 AM on December 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
You'd be surprised how little you have to talk with that strategy while the other person blathers on for hours.
posted by ctmf at 12:30 AM on December 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
Oh, and occasionally, Mr. Apologist causes a mindless bitch-fest to morph into an actual interesting conversation in the "what would I have done instead" direction. Win-win.
posted by ctmf at 6:30 PM on December 15, 2009
posted by ctmf at 6:30 PM on December 15, 2009
If he want's to progress beyond the apprentice level he's going to have to learn to be more sociable. This is his problem to overcome, lots of good tips above. A huge part of construction jobs for private customers is chewing the fat, explaining things, understanding what the client wants, and getting referrals. I've worked in a few different construction and menial labor jobs and conversation with co-workers is what makes those kinds of jobs bearable, it makes the time go so much faster. There is a tendency for people with construction jobs to be extremely racist and sexist in conversation, but that's a different issue.
posted by Locobot at 6:35 PM on December 15, 2009
posted by Locobot at 6:35 PM on December 15, 2009
When someone is bitching about someone else or some policy change [...] I like the "Well, you know, they were probably thinking [something that sounds reasonable, if misguided]"
This is one of the best social skills anyone can develop. Not only does it supply a sure-fire strategy for dealing with whiners, but with practice it actually makes you a better person.
posted by tangerine at 6:54 PM on December 15, 2009
This is one of the best social skills anyone can develop. Not only does it supply a sure-fire strategy for dealing with whiners, but with practice it actually makes you a better person.
posted by tangerine at 6:54 PM on December 15, 2009
Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! He's checking in on these and I'll let you know what works for him!
posted by lizbunny at 8:57 PM on December 15, 2009
posted by lizbunny at 8:57 PM on December 15, 2009
Does he understand that success in life hinges more on likeability and contacts than it does on competence or knowledge?
posted by Jacqueline at 6:42 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by Jacqueline at 6:42 PM on December 17, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by TooFewShoes at 9:21 PM on December 14, 2009