Hi, I'm a walking AskMeFi cliche:
* I'm in my late 20s
* I've recently moved to a new city
* I'm not single and haven't been in a long time
* I want you to tell me how to make friends
But wait! I've read the prior posts. I know that making friends is both a process and a numbers game. I accept that as an introvert, I have to increase my tolerance for failure and willingness to interact with people before knowing whether they're folks I'd like to hang out with regularly. I've been working on this.
Here's what's troubling me: MeFi's advice in this situation normally skews towards getting out of the house/meeting people through a shared hobby/finding a thing you're passionate about/etc. I get the benefits of that approach, and after all, you have to start somewhere. But last week I read this
comment from clavicle [describing the SF poly community, but that's tangental]. And suddenly, I'm thinking I'm going about it all wrong. Meetup-type events, be they queer community socials, knitting circles, homebrewing get-togethers, board games, or volunteering, self select. They "attract lots of people whose identities are heavily wrapped up in [that activity/community]." And that's just not me.
I'm not that into meetups - the people or the activities. I'm averse to putting more projects on my plate, and I don't want to be a person whose identity is heavily wrapped up in That One Thing. I like dabblers, and folks who don't always need to be doing something every minute. I want to meet nerds who don't necessarily come across as nerds, people who bike on the weekends who aren't That Cyclist Chick, and folks who volunteer occassionally, every now and then, when they have the time. And given my choice, I'd like my socializing to be less Go Do This Thing, and more Kick Back, It's Time For Hanging Out.
Are other people like me? How have you dealt with this problem? Can you think of any ways I can work smarter on making friends, instead of harder?
Important note: everyone I met at SF MeFi Scotch Night #1 was very nice, and more of those kinds of irregular get-togethers may actually be a good idea.