...Why am I so antisocial?
December 27, 2012 10:29 PM Subscribe
Is it wrong for me to not want any friends, or will it destroy me in the long run?
posted by orchidgenes to Human Relations (21 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
I have never really been an extroverted person. Let me just set that record straight. I've always been one to have one or two best friends that I am helplessly devoted to... this also leaves me quite a bit of time to be alone. I'm extremely happy with this existence, but I've found it's been kind of up-in-the-air recently. I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over 2 years about 3 months ago. At first, I wasn't sure how I'd get along; now I know that I will get along... but my situation is just a little precarious. I feel very strange.
Said relationship, one that I thought was very fulfilling and a source of a lot of happiness I had... was also the source of my misery. I was depressed, suffered from intense anhedonia (except where HE was concerned, of course), and was very often lonely. I had an odd sort of loneliness and social anxiety: one where I was anxious about my lack of friends. Before I started dating him, I can now see, I wasn't upset that I didn't have real friends at my high school (we started dating when I was a sophomore). He was an extremely extroverted attention-seeker who had a lot of friends. I think I compared myself to him, which I know is a mistake but it might be an Achilles heel of mine. Compared to him I was a social failure, a pariah, and I didn't perform well at the parties he occasionally dragged me to.
After being separated from him (forcefully, I might add, I wasn't about to drop the relationship), I am starting to see how natural this lack of friends is to me... but instead of forcing myself into friendships like I did when we first broke up to show what an AWESOME SUCCESSFUL WOMAN I had become... I am shying away from a lot of human contact. I much prefer to read the ever-growing stack of books on my shelf, plan and save up for the international travel I'm indulging in this summer, and watching YouTube videos.
My problem is now that I have a few friends whom I forced myself to hang out with when I was newly single, continuously trying to edge back into my life. Especially once who are infatuated with me. These people, though I'm sure are very nice, are just not who I want to spend my time with. In fact, the thought of going to parties and making small talk and inviting people to movies and coffee shops and more parties... it gives me that feeling everyone gets as a child when they're told they have an impending dentist appointment. Necessary, but painful.
I really enjoy how my life is now... I'm getting a lot of the happiness back that I now see I was deprived of, trying to fit into this "social butterfly" mold that I was barely even fitting into! My problem is, though, do you all think it's wrong for me to live like this? Am I potentially screwing my life up in the future by turning down these social invitations. This is how it feels to me when I politely decline another would-be friend.
Is it wrong not to want friends, or feel a need for them? Don't just tell me "Yes, live your life the way you want to!", but explain why that is okay, even in future terms. Thanks so much for reading this, hopefully I get a response soon because being the procrastinator I am, I have a few invitations that I'm deciding whether to accept or decline right now!