Mrs. Robinson has an anima projection
March 11, 2006 8:35 PM Subscribe
I am a 41 year old female, recently attracted to a man about a dozen years younger than me. It did not start out as an attraction, but a work relationship that turned into an attraction and featured a lot of mutual flirting. This man started showing up in my -for lack of a better word-psychic space, the part of my brain used to process creative ideas and artistic projects. He showed up as a tuning fork, which sent me on an internet search on just what a tuning fork is and does (I am not a musician). The effect his presence was having on me was stunning. It transcends mere attraction, it was, I believe, an anima projection (a term I found after leaving the employment situation where we both worked). There was a piece of me that started to unfold, expand, absorb, and just flowered. I felt amazing and beautiful creative and calm.
I left the job and therefore the daily interaction stopped. I did not see this man on my last day, and didn't hear from him. Two weeks after leaving the job, I sent him a note expressing my feelings and that whatever it was (pretty impossible to explain, really--"gee ,dude, I think you are my muse") felt important, and I have heard nothing.
Writing down my feelings and having my guts exposed has been difficult. The age gap adds a humiliation factor. But the biggest problem I am having with this situation is how unfinished and ragged it feels. It has been far worse than any actual break up. The piece of me that was starting to unfold, this unrecognized part of me that has never revealed itself (even to me) was screaming like a baby with its limbs cut off. I do not know how to sew up this hole. I do not know how to transmute that part, that anima, that unfolding bit, into something managable. It's just howling like I ripped its soul out. Obviously the guy isn't a factor in this anymore. It's been almost two months since I wrote the note expressing my feelings. The lack of response is the response, I intellectually get that.
I came across Jung's theory of anima/amimus projections shortly after I mailed the note. It seems like an accurate description of my situation. But what do you do when your projection can't run? I've seen a therapist a couple of times, I've tried to write it out, art it out, exercise it out, and I can't sew up this hole. I also don't quite understand why this guy would seem so warm and flirty for over two months and things seemed to be progressing, and then just freeze. I do know that he was burned bad in a previous relationship, but that really isn't any excuse for sending all the signals and then not even acknowledge my note. Whatever we had going while I worked in the same environment was mutual, I am sure of that.
Would even a "thanks but no thanks" stopped this mental spiral I've been going through for two months? I don't know how to get myself to closure with this. It no longer has anything to do with the guy, he's opted out in a cowardly way and I don't want to contact him. I would like to know if you have experienced this type of thing and how you dealt with it. From what I read of the Jung material, it often leads to love, and it's often mutual. Doesn't seem to be the case here. I can intellectually deal with the brutal reality of rejection, but I also have this unwieldy flailing baby torso, this thing that wants to finish unfolding, and no where to park it or settle it down. Thank you for any insights you can provide.
Writing down my feelings and having my guts exposed has been difficult. The age gap adds a humiliation factor. But the biggest problem I am having with this situation is how unfinished and ragged it feels. It has been far worse than any actual break up. The piece of me that was starting to unfold, this unrecognized part of me that has never revealed itself (even to me) was screaming like a baby with its limbs cut off. I do not know how to sew up this hole. I do not know how to transmute that part, that anima, that unfolding bit, into something managable. It's just howling like I ripped its soul out. Obviously the guy isn't a factor in this anymore. It's been almost two months since I wrote the note expressing my feelings. The lack of response is the response, I intellectually get that.
I came across Jung's theory of anima/amimus projections shortly after I mailed the note. It seems like an accurate description of my situation. But what do you do when your projection can't run? I've seen a therapist a couple of times, I've tried to write it out, art it out, exercise it out, and I can't sew up this hole. I also don't quite understand why this guy would seem so warm and flirty for over two months and things seemed to be progressing, and then just freeze. I do know that he was burned bad in a previous relationship, but that really isn't any excuse for sending all the signals and then not even acknowledge my note. Whatever we had going while I worked in the same environment was mutual, I am sure of that.
Would even a "thanks but no thanks" stopped this mental spiral I've been going through for two months? I don't know how to get myself to closure with this. It no longer has anything to do with the guy, he's opted out in a cowardly way and I don't want to contact him. I would like to know if you have experienced this type of thing and how you dealt with it. From what I read of the Jung material, it often leads to love, and it's often mutual. Doesn't seem to be the case here. I can intellectually deal with the brutal reality of rejection, but I also have this unwieldy flailing baby torso, this thing that wants to finish unfolding, and no where to park it or settle it down. Thank you for any insights you can provide.
Response by poster: Look, this is my first post. If you don't have anything constructive to share, then don't post. I sent a normal sized card.
posted by 45moore45 at 8:57 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by 45moore45 at 8:57 PM on March 11, 2006
It might help if you explain what was in the note. If you mentioned merely that you had interest in him, that's one thing. If you told him that he appeared to you as a tuning fork and filled a hole in your psychic space and was an integral part of the wholeness of your brain, then that is entirely another.
The latter would be rather oppressive, and I could see why he would back off. If you simply expressed interest, it would perhaps be more puzzling why he stopped communicating. But if you told him everything that you told us, that might be more than he was looking for, especially if you don't know each other very well.
posted by veronitron at 9:06 PM on March 11, 2006
The latter would be rather oppressive, and I could see why he would back off. If you simply expressed interest, it would perhaps be more puzzling why he stopped communicating. But if you told him everything that you told us, that might be more than he was looking for, especially if you don't know each other very well.
posted by veronitron at 9:06 PM on March 11, 2006
To elaborate on what availablelight put very well, it's hard to deal with someone you like not liking you back. It's tempting to overthink the situation, analyzing it for deeper meaning. I find that sometimes I just have to allow myself to feel sad- I literally tell myself, Ok, so he didn't like me, and that makes me sad. But I will get over it. And then I try to erase from my mind all the deeper meaning I projected onto the connection and move on. I think that's what you have to try to do.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:08 PM on March 11, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:08 PM on March 11, 2006 [1 favorite]
Welcome to metafilter 45m.
You want to contact him. So do it. If you need an excuse just apologize for the way you worded something, that you didn't mean to send the wrong message ... whatever.
Initating a romantic advance with a letter/card is rarely ever a good idea. It doesn't let you see how the person is reacting to you advances and you don't get immediate feedback.
You obviously need the feedback so go get it.
posted by bigmusic at 9:10 PM on March 11, 2006
You want to contact him. So do it. If you need an excuse just apologize for the way you worded something, that you didn't mean to send the wrong message ... whatever.
Initating a romantic advance with a letter/card is rarely ever a good idea. It doesn't let you see how the person is reacting to you advances and you don't get immediate feedback.
You obviously need the feedback so go get it.
posted by bigmusic at 9:10 PM on March 11, 2006
To put it slightly less harshly than insomnus: It's possible that what you saw as a warm relationship that extended beyond mere friendship, he may have perceived as nothing more than a friendly workplace association. It happens.
So when he received your message, he was likely taken aback. Sometimes, people deal with this sort of thing by not replying - not because they're particularly cruel or immature, simply because they don't know what to say and don't want to cause pain or embarrassment.
A side note: I'd avoid reading too much into Jung and psychoanalysis. I'm not an expert, of course, but much of it isn't considered scientifically valid. And it isn't the sort of stuff that you should be applying to yourself while in an emotional state. Jung and Freud approached their patients as dispassionate observers, you're not able to do that with yourself.
posted by aladfar at 9:11 PM on March 11, 2006
So when he received your message, he was likely taken aback. Sometimes, people deal with this sort of thing by not replying - not because they're particularly cruel or immature, simply because they don't know what to say and don't want to cause pain or embarrassment.
A side note: I'd avoid reading too much into Jung and psychoanalysis. I'm not an expert, of course, but much of it isn't considered scientifically valid. And it isn't the sort of stuff that you should be applying to yourself while in an emotional state. Jung and Freud approached their patients as dispassionate observers, you're not able to do that with yourself.
posted by aladfar at 9:11 PM on March 11, 2006
It could simply be that the guy just likes to flirt. The work environment created a safe atmosphere where he could do so without much fear of anything coming from it. Minus the work atmosphere and it becomes something serious that he does not want to be apart of.
posted by Atreides at 9:12 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by Atreides at 9:12 PM on March 11, 2006
He's just not that into you.
For whatever reasons, some people like to pursue, and some like to be pursued. It may be contingent on the dynamics of the people involved in each particular interaction and roles may reverse from one dyad to another. In this case it seems as if he has no interest. Knowing when to cut and run is key.
posted by meehawl at 9:12 PM on March 11, 2006
For whatever reasons, some people like to pursue, and some like to be pursued. It may be contingent on the dynamics of the people involved in each particular interaction and roles may reverse from one dyad to another. In this case it seems as if he has no interest. Knowing when to cut and run is key.
posted by meehawl at 9:12 PM on March 11, 2006
I sounds to me like your question is more about how to move on with your life and allow this newly activated part of you to continue to grow? Rather than how to get him back? If so...
In what way did he make you flower and expand? Was it his actual presence, or his "showing up" in your psychic space (which sounds to me like he wasn't physically with you?)
I'm asking because if it wasn't his actual presence that was necessary for you to draw creative inspiration, if instead it was more the idea of him, and the energy within your thoughts about him, then maybe you can continue to draw from that source of energy even now that your relationship has ended. Is there any way that you could tap into that energy by just knowing that this man exists and is out there living his life? (Despite the feelings of unfairness you may have over the way your active relationship ended?)
posted by tentacle at 9:23 PM on March 11, 2006
In what way did he make you flower and expand? Was it his actual presence, or his "showing up" in your psychic space (which sounds to me like he wasn't physically with you?)
I'm asking because if it wasn't his actual presence that was necessary for you to draw creative inspiration, if instead it was more the idea of him, and the energy within your thoughts about him, then maybe you can continue to draw from that source of energy even now that your relationship has ended. Is there any way that you could tap into that energy by just knowing that this man exists and is out there living his life? (Despite the feelings of unfairness you may have over the way your active relationship ended?)
posted by tentacle at 9:23 PM on March 11, 2006
Yeah, following up on tentacle's line of thought... In whatever way, I'd figure out what need he fulfilled -- let's say he was adding the quality of humor to your life -- and then seek that out in other ways.
Could you create an actual imaginary muse? Make an altar to it, whatever, and imagine he was simply there to direct you to that higher power?
posted by salvia at 9:46 PM on March 11, 2006
Could you create an actual imaginary muse? Make an altar to it, whatever, and imagine he was simply there to direct you to that higher power?
posted by salvia at 9:46 PM on March 11, 2006
Best answer: i think what you refer to is an animus projection--a projection of your inner male, or "animus" onto an actual man.
in fact, the thing that is so amazing and life-altering in a situation like yours, is that it is an opportunity for you to come to grips with your own mental contents, because it is in fact what is inside of you that is being projected onto the man, and reflecting back to you--not his own qualities. he is your mirror.
at 41 years old you have had an experience that can be described as a maturation, as steps toward self-awareness. be thankful it isn't an actual physical relationship or even a friendship. what you call rejection or the impossibility of a real relationship in this case is probably a very good thing. he may have been projecting his anima onto you. relationships like that crash and burn.
work on yourself. try something new. you have been given a new lease on life so to speak. things won't always seem so luminous and fraught with meaning--while it lasts, enjoy it. but realise that it may take a while--months or even years, before it finds a form or a voice. meanwhile, examine and make note of your mental state, you will surprise yourself.
and yes, it is painful, very painful. you have given birth to your own little bloody self. i'm betting you'll say some day that the experience was worth the pain
good luck
posted by subatomiczoo at 9:50 PM on March 11, 2006 [2 favorites]
in fact, the thing that is so amazing and life-altering in a situation like yours, is that it is an opportunity for you to come to grips with your own mental contents, because it is in fact what is inside of you that is being projected onto the man, and reflecting back to you--not his own qualities. he is your mirror.
at 41 years old you have had an experience that can be described as a maturation, as steps toward self-awareness. be thankful it isn't an actual physical relationship or even a friendship. what you call rejection or the impossibility of a real relationship in this case is probably a very good thing. he may have been projecting his anima onto you. relationships like that crash and burn.
work on yourself. try something new. you have been given a new lease on life so to speak. things won't always seem so luminous and fraught with meaning--while it lasts, enjoy it. but realise that it may take a while--months or even years, before it finds a form or a voice. meanwhile, examine and make note of your mental state, you will surprise yourself.
and yes, it is painful, very painful. you have given birth to your own little bloody self. i'm betting you'll say some day that the experience was worth the pain
good luck
posted by subatomiczoo at 9:50 PM on March 11, 2006 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you, subatomiczoo. You get it. I am aware he was a mirror and he was a trigger, not my new messiah. At this point I really don't want contact or a relationship, I want closure and I have to give it to myself. It is life altering, things are starting to fall away. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced.
posted by 45moore45 at 10:02 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by 45moore45 at 10:02 PM on March 11, 2006
My personal experience is that if everything has become luminous and fraught with meaning, and the whole world is suddenly Making Sense in new ways that I'm busily Understanding in Deep Symbolic Terms at the age of 37 and my prose has acquired force and pungency and started to turn purple at the edges and I'm not responding well to criticism, then I'm on the slide into psychosis and I really should have been getting more sleep and eating better.
Your mileage may, of course, vary.
Not that there was anything inherently wrong with being tied down to the bed in the psych ward :)
posted by flabdablet at 10:16 PM on March 11, 2006
Your mileage may, of course, vary.
Not that there was anything inherently wrong with being tied down to the bed in the psych ward :)
posted by flabdablet at 10:16 PM on March 11, 2006
Very, very frightening. If you come across in real life anything like you're coming across here, any normal guy would be seriously spooked at getting a note from you.
Also, how you were perceived by the people that you worked with might have something to do with it. If you barely registerered on his radar, and then he gets a note out of the blue telling him that he's your muse, he probably asked a few people about you. If the response he'd get from his enquiries was ever likely to be along the lines of, "Oh, you mean the creepy one that kept rattling on about tuning forks," then he'd be more likely to call the cops than call you.
posted by mad judge pickles at 10:17 PM on March 11, 2006
Also, how you were perceived by the people that you worked with might have something to do with it. If you barely registerered on his radar, and then he gets a note out of the blue telling him that he's your muse, he probably asked a few people about you. If the response he'd get from his enquiries was ever likely to be along the lines of, "Oh, you mean the creepy one that kept rattling on about tuning forks," then he'd be more likely to call the cops than call you.
posted by mad judge pickles at 10:17 PM on March 11, 2006
You can't turn the clock back, and apparently don't want to, but had you called the guy, his reaction may have been quite different. I'm about your age, and even for me, written communication (save, perhaps, e-mail) is associated with very serious, intense messages; someone younger, even more so.
So he may have just gotten frightened/thought you were being too intense.
posted by ParisParamus at 10:23 PM on March 11, 2006
So he may have just gotten frightened/thought you were being too intense.
posted by ParisParamus at 10:23 PM on March 11, 2006
Response by poster: Why are people such assholes on this site? Does anyone even read that part above the submit button? "Please limit comments to answers or help in finding an answer. Wisecracks don't help people find answers".
posted by 45moore45 at 10:26 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by 45moore45 at 10:26 PM on March 11, 2006
If that was aimed at me, 45moore45, then yes I did read that. I wasn't making a wisecrack. To me, you seem genuinely scarey. That scariness, in my humble opinion, is at the root of your problem.
Thank you for any insights you can provide.
Maybe you'll have better luck with your question at PropUpAnImplodingIdFilter.
posted by mad judge pickles at 10:31 PM on March 11, 2006
Thank you for any insights you can provide.
Maybe you'll have better luck with your question at PropUpAnImplodingIdFilter.
posted by mad judge pickles at 10:31 PM on March 11, 2006
You remind me of me when I was becoming manic and didn't realize it.
posted by bleary at 10:40 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by bleary at 10:40 PM on March 11, 2006
i think what you refer to is an animus projection--a projection of your inner male, or "animus" onto an actual man.
What are talking about?!
Is this religious terminology or what?
posted by phrontist at 10:50 PM on March 11, 2006
What are talking about?!
Is this religious terminology or what?
posted by phrontist at 10:50 PM on March 11, 2006
Oh, Jung. I'll need to remember this post next time someone tells me psychology is a science.
posted by phrontist at 10:52 PM on March 11, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by phrontist at 10:52 PM on March 11, 2006 [1 favorite]
To me, you didn't sound scary, just vulnerable and open and earnest.
I'm with subatomiczoo. It could be some sort of opportunity.
posted by eighth_excerpt at 10:52 PM on March 11, 2006
I'm with subatomiczoo. It could be some sort of opportunity.
posted by eighth_excerpt at 10:52 PM on March 11, 2006
Among other things, you wondered why the dude did not answer your note. People offer their view of this. You not liking this view does not mean that they are unworthy views. I for one would run fast if a woman seriously analyzed our potential relationship like you do.
posted by insomnus at 10:57 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by insomnus at 10:57 PM on March 11, 2006
Yeah, phrontist, to me it reads like that gaming post -- clearly English but certainly not as I know it. But as clearly stated in the original question, it's apparently Jungian theory.
My advice is to give it more time. It's only been two months. This person meant a great deal to you (even if this was not reciprocated by, or even known to, him). Essentially you formed a close, if one-sided, relationship with him. His sudden absence from your life and implicit rejection is like an abrupt break-up. It will hurt and you will probably grieve.
It was probably not a good idea to invest so much emotionally in him, but since you've already done so, that's something to remember for the next time -- not something to beat yourself up over this time. Your pain is valid and must run its course.
Closure would probably help, but obviously you should not pursue it. You can't always get closure and when you can't, the proper thing to do is to learn to deal with that, not to continue to seek closure that you can't have. That is essentially depending on someone else for your own state of mind, which is never a good idea.
posted by kindall at 11:04 PM on March 11, 2006
My advice is to give it more time. It's only been two months. This person meant a great deal to you (even if this was not reciprocated by, or even known to, him). Essentially you formed a close, if one-sided, relationship with him. His sudden absence from your life and implicit rejection is like an abrupt break-up. It will hurt and you will probably grieve.
It was probably not a good idea to invest so much emotionally in him, but since you've already done so, that's something to remember for the next time -- not something to beat yourself up over this time. Your pain is valid and must run its course.
Closure would probably help, but obviously you should not pursue it. You can't always get closure and when you can't, the proper thing to do is to learn to deal with that, not to continue to seek closure that you can't have. That is essentially depending on someone else for your own state of mind, which is never a good idea.
posted by kindall at 11:04 PM on March 11, 2006
45m, you should really consider going back to therapy, possibly finding a different or better (for you) therapist, and sticking with it for a while instead of just going a couple of times. You seem to be a little too close to your own...stuff to realize how you're coming across to other people. Do you spend a great deal of time alone? Talking about how your co-worker appeared in your psychic space in the form of a tuning fork and how you now feel like a limbless screaming baby torso really comes across as, er, well off the beaten path, and I say that with the understanding that this is genuinely how you feel, and your exploration of different schools of thought has contributed to the way you express yourself.
It's just, one doesn't spring that sort of talk on people unexpected-like.
posted by Gator at 11:06 PM on March 11, 2006
It's just, one doesn't spring that sort of talk on people unexpected-like.
posted by Gator at 11:06 PM on March 11, 2006
I haven't experienced the kind of connection you had with your coworker, but to address your question of whether a "thanks but no thanks" would have helped end your pain: I'm not sure that such a response from him would have helped to lessen or shorten it. You had a lovely, amazing experience; I think that its very complexity and intense nature would make closure difficult even if he had responded. Closure may have to come from within.
Thirding subatomiczero. Take advantage of the opportunity to explore this wonderful (and admittedly painful, at least currently) place that you are in, and be sure to take care of yourself in the process.
posted by vespertine at 11:15 PM on March 11, 2006
Thirding subatomiczero. Take advantage of the opportunity to explore this wonderful (and admittedly painful, at least currently) place that you are in, and be sure to take care of yourself in the process.
posted by vespertine at 11:15 PM on March 11, 2006
Not to derail, but a best answer has already been given so I don't feel TOO bad about asking:
How does someone appear to be a tuning fork when the viewer has no idea what a tuning fork is?
posted by aberrant at 11:16 PM on March 11, 2006
How does someone appear to be a tuning fork when the viewer has no idea what a tuning fork is?
posted by aberrant at 11:16 PM on March 11, 2006
The type of answers rendered by mad judge pickles and insomnus are what make MetaFilter great. They are unrepentantly frank and terse, and not completely unlike a slap in the face. Refreshing in an odd way.
45moore45, it sounds like you're taking this rejection thing waay too hard. And it sounds like you're a very intense person who reads alot into things (two traits great for creating experimental art and horribly wrong for the delicate, precise sciences of courtship).
Take a breather. Recalibrate your flirting skills. Set phasers to stun, not kill. Us guys want to feel like we're the hunters and not the hunted. And try not to take rejection and critisism so personally.
posted by rinkjustice at 11:17 PM on March 11, 2006
45moore45, it sounds like you're taking this rejection thing waay too hard. And it sounds like you're a very intense person who reads alot into things (two traits great for creating experimental art and horribly wrong for the delicate, precise sciences of courtship).
Take a breather. Recalibrate your flirting skills. Set phasers to stun, not kill. Us guys want to feel like we're the hunters and not the hunted. And try not to take rejection and critisism so personally.
posted by rinkjustice at 11:17 PM on March 11, 2006
I'm not an asshole. I'm with bleary. I went mad. I didn't realize it was happening. I was sure I was fine. I was sure people who looked at me funny just didn't Get It. It felt great. It felt agonizing. It felt profound. It's probably the most stressful experience I've ever inflicted on the people who care about me. It might be happening to you.
Check these things:
1. Are you sleeping well, and regularly, or are you kept awake by Truth revealing itself unto you in massive slabs?
2. Are you eating well, and regularly?
3. Do you have difficulty making yourself understood?
4. Do you generally (a) go no further than feeling pure enlightenment as something that's always seemed difficult becomes suddenly transparently clear, or (b) perform real-world checks to test whether your new understanding actually holds water?
I didn't expect the negative reaction my overblown postings seemed to provoke on various Internet fora, either. I took them quite personally, too.
Jung was a nutter. Bright, but a nutter. Don't take his stuff too seriously - it will hose your mind all up.
posted by flabdablet at 11:33 PM on March 11, 2006
Check these things:
1. Are you sleeping well, and regularly, or are you kept awake by Truth revealing itself unto you in massive slabs?
2. Are you eating well, and regularly?
3. Do you have difficulty making yourself understood?
4. Do you generally (a) go no further than feeling pure enlightenment as something that's always seemed difficult becomes suddenly transparently clear, or (b) perform real-world checks to test whether your new understanding actually holds water?
I didn't expect the negative reaction my overblown postings seemed to provoke on various Internet fora, either. I took them quite personally, too.
Jung was a nutter. Bright, but a nutter. Don't take his stuff too seriously - it will hose your mind all up.
posted by flabdablet at 11:33 PM on March 11, 2006
I think this dude is totally afraid of you. I mean, read what you wrote here. Most guys would probably run for the hills. Anima projections? Riiight.
posted by xmutex at 11:52 PM on March 11, 2006
posted by xmutex at 11:52 PM on March 11, 2006
What was the job and why did you leave?
posted by crabintheocean at 12:24 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by crabintheocean at 12:24 AM on March 12, 2006
In the nicest possible way, I'm in the "you're scary" camp.
99.99% of the people in this world don't believe the things you believe, don't know the mumbo-jumbo vocabulary you use to describe your feelings and events. "Anima projection"? "Psychic space"? And then you say you felt a part of you "screaming like a baby with its limbs cut off"?
That's one very disturbing image. Do you come across many babies with their arms cut off in your daily life? Do you think of that as a normal kind of image to slip into conversation? Later on you picture yourself holding a limbless baby torso and want to "put it down"? Perhaps you were influenced by the recent court case in which a mother killed her baby in this way?
So, if you want to know why this young man didn't reply to your card, it's almost certainly because he thinks you're borderline insane, and he wasn't flirting, he was just being polite. If you want to know how to deal with it, I would seriously get some kind of major checkup. Let's just say, you don't see the world the way other people see it.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 1:05 AM on March 12, 2006
99.99% of the people in this world don't believe the things you believe, don't know the mumbo-jumbo vocabulary you use to describe your feelings and events. "Anima projection"? "Psychic space"? And then you say you felt a part of you "screaming like a baby with its limbs cut off"?
That's one very disturbing image. Do you come across many babies with their arms cut off in your daily life? Do you think of that as a normal kind of image to slip into conversation? Later on you picture yourself holding a limbless baby torso and want to "put it down"? Perhaps you were influenced by the recent court case in which a mother killed her baby in this way?
So, if you want to know why this young man didn't reply to your card, it's almost certainly because he thinks you're borderline insane, and he wasn't flirting, he was just being polite. If you want to know how to deal with it, I would seriously get some kind of major checkup. Let's just say, you don't see the world the way other people see it.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 1:05 AM on March 12, 2006
Maybe everyone here is an asshole. But, look at other posts on this website. They arent nearly as aggressive to those posters. Which means only one thing. Your post was different in some way. That does not mean that what they said here is or is not ok. It only means that logically something you said was a trigger to their response, unfounded or not.
Why is this important? Because it wasnt just one person who responded this way, it was nearly every single person who responded. This is the normal response you would get from the average human. Of course, a normal response does not mean a appropriate response.
You asked why everyone is being an asshole. The answer is because your question is abnormal. That is not an insult, it is a fact. Your question, the event you described and theway it was written is unique and different than the way most people think.
The way most people think again does not imply good or bad, only what society considers abnormal.
posted by JokingClown at 1:23 AM on March 12, 2006
Why is this important? Because it wasnt just one person who responded this way, it was nearly every single person who responded. This is the normal response you would get from the average human. Of course, a normal response does not mean a appropriate response.
You asked why everyone is being an asshole. The answer is because your question is abnormal. That is not an insult, it is a fact. Your question, the event you described and theway it was written is unique and different than the way most people think.
The way most people think again does not imply good or bad, only what society considers abnormal.
posted by JokingClown at 1:23 AM on March 12, 2006
I don't think you're "scary" but yes, if I had gotten a letter written in a similar style to your question, I would probably not have written back. It is strange and it would be hard to relate to
Maybe we could get a better idea if you posted the text of your letter, but at this point you're probably turned off metafilter for good. Oh well.
The type of answers rendered by mad judge pickles and insomnus are what make MetaFilter great. They are unrepentantly frank and terse, and not completely unlike a slap in the face. Refreshing in an odd way.
Rinkjustice, You're an idiot. Ask me is not a place to come to get "slapped in the face".
posted by delmoi at 2:15 AM on March 12, 2006
Maybe we could get a better idea if you posted the text of your letter, but at this point you're probably turned off metafilter for good. Oh well.
The type of answers rendered by mad judge pickles and insomnus are what make MetaFilter great. They are unrepentantly frank and terse, and not completely unlike a slap in the face. Refreshing in an odd way.
Rinkjustice, You're an idiot. Ask me is not a place to come to get "slapped in the face".
posted by delmoi at 2:15 AM on March 12, 2006
I became infatuated with a fellow worker at about the same age you are now. It was worse than any high-school crush I ever had--a crush on steroids! But an attraction like that is very much like an addiction, and I have never liked the feeling of addiction. I stayed away, and have continued to do so, yet I remember this person fondly as a friend. Take the pain for awhile, but stay away. I always thing of the truism, "this too will pass" and it will. And for heaven's sake, stay away from psych. books. Getting all introspective about this relation will do you no good. Get on with your life and find a new interest, not necessarily a man. Relationships seldom come to the hungry, not healthy ones in any case. By the way, I'm male. Don't think it just happens to women!
posted by phewbertie at 2:35 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by phewbertie at 2:35 AM on March 12, 2006
Rinkjustice, You're an idiot. Ask me is not a place to come to get "slapped in the face".
I read his comment as meaning "sometimes you gotta hear what you don't want to hear about yourself, or you are just going to keep ignoring the good advice and listen only to what you want to hear". That's a good thing to do and shouldn't be considered flippant or being an idiot.
45moore45, I honestly think you scared this guy and since he is not the issue, you should leave him alone and consider it a life lesson for the next time. Now, something about your style and response is very intense, arguably too intense. I think the "getting a good therapist" comments are spot on and you should not give this guy or this situation any more thought. He's not the issue and the obsessive behavior is keeping you from dealing with any underlying issue that is causing your unhappiness and fixation.
posted by qwip at 2:48 AM on March 12, 2006
I read his comment as meaning "sometimes you gotta hear what you don't want to hear about yourself, or you are just going to keep ignoring the good advice and listen only to what you want to hear". That's a good thing to do and shouldn't be considered flippant or being an idiot.
45moore45, I honestly think you scared this guy and since he is not the issue, you should leave him alone and consider it a life lesson for the next time. Now, something about your style and response is very intense, arguably too intense. I think the "getting a good therapist" comments are spot on and you should not give this guy or this situation any more thought. He's not the issue and the obsessive behavior is keeping you from dealing with any underlying issue that is causing your unhappiness and fixation.
posted by qwip at 2:48 AM on March 12, 2006
"Unwieldy flailing baby torso" aside, I think that you're going through a full-blown mid-life crisis. Because you're creative, you're expressing it differently than most others would. I don't think that you're abnormal, I think you've come to a place that most of do eventually, just more dramatically.
I heartily second (or third) the advice to find a therapist, perhaps one that deals well with mid-life issues. You're ready to switch gears in your life, and this man was your catalyst. I think that this experience could well prove very positive in the long run. Good luck.
posted by Flakypastry at 4:02 AM on March 12, 2006
I heartily second (or third) the advice to find a therapist, perhaps one that deals well with mid-life issues. You're ready to switch gears in your life, and this man was your catalyst. I think that this experience could well prove very positive in the long run. Good luck.
posted by Flakypastry at 4:02 AM on March 12, 2006
I didn't read the whole thread, so forgive me if repeating something said already.
From my experience, I'd say what happened was you felt desired. That is a lovely ego boost! Such things make work go nicer. I've worked where I felt some mutual attraction, and yes, I worked far better than without. I've also gone long periods of loneliness then suddenly something improved. Wow, what an impact!
In short, find a nice man and date.
posted by Goofyy at 4:20 AM on March 12, 2006
From my experience, I'd say what happened was you felt desired. That is a lovely ego boost! Such things make work go nicer. I've worked where I felt some mutual attraction, and yes, I worked far better than without. I've also gone long periods of loneliness then suddenly something improved. Wow, what an impact!
In short, find a nice man and date.
posted by Goofyy at 4:20 AM on March 12, 2006
Even though this person inspired you to climb out of the disheartening creative valley, it doesn't mean that you didn't do the actual work to change yourself into the wonderful new you. You made yourself anew because you were inspired. You may indeed miss this person, but please don't think that anyone deserves credit for making those positive changes in your life other than YOU! You did it all along and you can continue to effect positive change on your new life.
posted by roboto at 5:33 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by roboto at 5:33 AM on March 12, 2006
I have to agree with what some others have said. I have bipolar disorder, and this reminds me strongly of when I am becoming manic.
I didn't want to say that at first because well...try and tell someone who is becoming manic that they are becoming manic and need to do something about it, if this isn't something they already know. They won't exactly run to the psychiatrist.
But 45, I hope someday you do get help. Don't seek the one person in the crowd who you feel "gets" you. That is most likely not the path toward truth.
posted by veronitron at 6:27 AM on March 12, 2006
I didn't want to say that at first because well...try and tell someone who is becoming manic that they are becoming manic and need to do something about it, if this isn't something they already know. They won't exactly run to the psychiatrist.
But 45, I hope someday you do get help. Don't seek the one person in the crowd who you feel "gets" you. That is most likely not the path toward truth.
posted by veronitron at 6:27 AM on March 12, 2006
i'm not sure why so many here pathologise what is clearly an incidence of romantic love, or rather infatuation. has it so gone out of ordinary human experience that it needs professional therapeutic intervention?
the questioner is an artistic, verbal person and the question is a challenge. relationship threads here often err toward the cautionary. but they also seem very conservative to me and even puritanical.
in other words, there are lots of interesting variants of human love relationships--too bad we as a society have reduced them to a few standard models. for example, lots of clearly transient relationships are conducted along the lines of a mini-marriage, hardly the only model and often unsatisfactory.
emotion is scary, and overt lust is easier to confront than poeticised emotion. before people start calling anyone scary or a psycho, consider the poverty of experience in relationships that may underlie quite a few of the comments on this thread.
actually, it's not just a poverty of experience [which often can be excused], but a poverty of imagination and the reason so many responses here tend toward the therapeutic-- or panic.
poverty-- or failure of the imagination-- is hard to excuse.
posted by subatomiczoo at 7:31 AM on March 12, 2006
the questioner is an artistic, verbal person and the question is a challenge. relationship threads here often err toward the cautionary. but they also seem very conservative to me and even puritanical.
in other words, there are lots of interesting variants of human love relationships--too bad we as a society have reduced them to a few standard models. for example, lots of clearly transient relationships are conducted along the lines of a mini-marriage, hardly the only model and often unsatisfactory.
emotion is scary, and overt lust is easier to confront than poeticised emotion. before people start calling anyone scary or a psycho, consider the poverty of experience in relationships that may underlie quite a few of the comments on this thread.
actually, it's not just a poverty of experience [which often can be excused], but a poverty of imagination and the reason so many responses here tend toward the therapeutic-- or panic.
poverty-- or failure of the imagination-- is hard to excuse.
posted by subatomiczoo at 7:31 AM on March 12, 2006
It might help if you explain what was in the note. If you mentioned merely that you had interest in him, that's one thing. If you told him that he appeared to you as a tuning fork and filled a hole in your psychic space and was an integral part of the wholeness of your brain, then that is entirely another.
I'm going to have to agree with this statement - I have received a similiar "note" from an admirer at work.
I began taking my lunchbreak with Shauna, a young and quite attractive female that I worked with. Although I held no real romantic feelings toward her, I am not blind - Shauna was quite attractive, and I remember thinking at the time that she most likely had no problem finding a date.
Shauna and I engaged in friendly conversation, and often threw in a flirty comment here and there. Nothing huge or ground breaking, and I always thought that our lunches together were fun - I never realized that Shauna had taken her concept of our relationship much further than I would have ever guessed.
I took another job, and a few weeks later began receiving emails from Shauna. small at first, her emails seemed to follow our conversations in the lunch room - funny, flirty, and rather entertaining.
And then I checked my mail at home.
Shauna had written me a letter that described our relationship as "astrologically-correct" (whatever that means) and referred to our conversations as "golden lights in the earthly halls of darkness."
As crazy as that may seem, it got worse - Shauna mentioned that "one day soon, our hearts and minds would melt together in an eternal state of harmonious bliss." Furthermore, she also stated that "my love for you cannot be contained - I must swaddle it, nurture it, put it to my breast and allow it to suckle."
So much for Shauna.
posted by bradth27 at 7:34 AM on March 12, 2006
I'm going to have to agree with this statement - I have received a similiar "note" from an admirer at work.
I began taking my lunchbreak with Shauna, a young and quite attractive female that I worked with. Although I held no real romantic feelings toward her, I am not blind - Shauna was quite attractive, and I remember thinking at the time that she most likely had no problem finding a date.
Shauna and I engaged in friendly conversation, and often threw in a flirty comment here and there. Nothing huge or ground breaking, and I always thought that our lunches together were fun - I never realized that Shauna had taken her concept of our relationship much further than I would have ever guessed.
I took another job, and a few weeks later began receiving emails from Shauna. small at first, her emails seemed to follow our conversations in the lunch room - funny, flirty, and rather entertaining.
And then I checked my mail at home.
Shauna had written me a letter that described our relationship as "astrologically-correct" (whatever that means) and referred to our conversations as "golden lights in the earthly halls of darkness."
As crazy as that may seem, it got worse - Shauna mentioned that "one day soon, our hearts and minds would melt together in an eternal state of harmonious bliss." Furthermore, she also stated that "my love for you cannot be contained - I must swaddle it, nurture it, put it to my breast and allow it to suckle."
So much for Shauna.
posted by bradth27 at 7:34 AM on March 12, 2006
I also immediately thought "manic episode" when I first read the post. Take care of yourself.
posted by footnote at 7:39 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by footnote at 7:39 AM on March 12, 2006
>>"I did not see this man on my last day, and didn't hear from him. Two weeks after leaving the job, I sent him a note expressing my feelings...and I have heard nothing."
lady, this is what you need to think about right here, with my basic point being that if you worked so intimately with him (which you stated), and then suddenly left the job, he would have noticed at some point after two fucking weeks. in the age of cell phones and emails, two weeks is really a long time to go without contacting a close friend or aquaintance that you care about that suddenly drops from your friends or colleagues. so, if he cared any bit about you outside of the working relationship, he would have found you or contacted you.
listen, you are clearly a very sensitive woman, and you cant be faulted for taking a chance and showing him how you truely felt about him...but it is pretty obvious that he just didnt care when you left the job about any continuing relationship. i am almost positive that your lack of closure is stemming from that fact that you somehow believe that he might still have feelings for you still.
i reccommend this highly to get over your pain: you first have to believe in your heart that he was just fucking around with you, and that it was clearly an unrequited love. i can imagine you are probably thinking all these odd reasons why he did not contact you: "maybe my letter was lost in the mail?...maybe he got the flu and couldnt write back?...maybe he went on vacation and still hasnt read the letter?". but chances are he got the letter, read it, and just doesnt feel teh same way about you...and his lack of communication is extrapolated from the fact that he doesnt want to encourage any sort of external relationship with you.
listen, the least he could have done was sent you back a message like "sorry i just dont like you the same way." so im sorry he was such a dick to play with your heart like that...as you can clearly see the way he can't manage basic etiquette and communication. but you will never, ever have closure if you keep thinking of terms of "what if...what if".
posted by naxosaxur at 7:52 AM on March 12, 2006
lady, this is what you need to think about right here, with my basic point being that if you worked so intimately with him (which you stated), and then suddenly left the job, he would have noticed at some point after two fucking weeks. in the age of cell phones and emails, two weeks is really a long time to go without contacting a close friend or aquaintance that you care about that suddenly drops from your friends or colleagues. so, if he cared any bit about you outside of the working relationship, he would have found you or contacted you.
listen, you are clearly a very sensitive woman, and you cant be faulted for taking a chance and showing him how you truely felt about him...but it is pretty obvious that he just didnt care when you left the job about any continuing relationship. i am almost positive that your lack of closure is stemming from that fact that you somehow believe that he might still have feelings for you still.
i reccommend this highly to get over your pain: you first have to believe in your heart that he was just fucking around with you, and that it was clearly an unrequited love. i can imagine you are probably thinking all these odd reasons why he did not contact you: "maybe my letter was lost in the mail?...maybe he got the flu and couldnt write back?...maybe he went on vacation and still hasnt read the letter?". but chances are he got the letter, read it, and just doesnt feel teh same way about you...and his lack of communication is extrapolated from the fact that he doesnt want to encourage any sort of external relationship with you.
listen, the least he could have done was sent you back a message like "sorry i just dont like you the same way." so im sorry he was such a dick to play with your heart like that...as you can clearly see the way he can't manage basic etiquette and communication. but you will never, ever have closure if you keep thinking of terms of "what if...what if".
posted by naxosaxur at 7:52 AM on March 12, 2006
i'm not sure why so many here pathologise what is clearly an incidence of romantic love, or rather infatuation. has it so gone out of ordinary human experience that it needs professional therapeutic intervention?
Amen to that. Some of the commenters here are being assholes, and others just don't understand what the poster is feeling, but hardly anyone is actually being helpful and responsive. (And no, a slap in the face is not helpful and responsive.)
We don't know what she wrote on the card she sent the guy, but we have no reason to believe it contained the Jungian stuff she went on about here. It may just have said "Hi, remember me? I really miss our interaction at the office, and I'd love to get together for coffee sometime." There's no point speculating, and she's not asking "why didn't the guy respond," she's asking how to get closure and recapture that expansive sense of flowering. Which is not a sure sign of mania (for chrissake); it may just be a feeling of coming into her own for the first time. A woman I know experienced that when she started writing screenplays, well into middle age.
This is AskMe, not MetaTalk. If all you have to contribute is snark ("ew, you're scary!"), keep it to yourself.
posted by languagehat at 8:29 AM on March 12, 2006
Amen to that. Some of the commenters here are being assholes, and others just don't understand what the poster is feeling, but hardly anyone is actually being helpful and responsive. (And no, a slap in the face is not helpful and responsive.)
We don't know what she wrote on the card she sent the guy, but we have no reason to believe it contained the Jungian stuff she went on about here. It may just have said "Hi, remember me? I really miss our interaction at the office, and I'd love to get together for coffee sometime." There's no point speculating, and she's not asking "why didn't the guy respond," she's asking how to get closure and recapture that expansive sense of flowering. Which is not a sure sign of mania (for chrissake); it may just be a feeling of coming into her own for the first time. A woman I know experienced that when she started writing screenplays, well into middle age.
This is AskMe, not MetaTalk. If all you have to contribute is snark ("ew, you're scary!"), keep it to yourself.
posted by languagehat at 8:29 AM on March 12, 2006
Unlike some of the other commentors, I'm not and wouldn't have been overly alarmed by your Jungian jive talking (maybe slightly). If you were a person that I really liked, I'd try to figure it out and talk to you on that same level. I'd find it, in a way, charming. What gives me the greatest pause, however, is that you seem very combative and unwilling to critically look at yourself. You freaked out and pointed to the rules when people came in here to tell you that you came on too strong - comments like that are vital to AskMe, as someone mentioned earlier. This forum would be much less constructive if everyone all just said "yay rah!" to everyone who came looking for validation. Also, you repeatedly state in your post that you don't care about the guy, it's not about the guy, it's all about you and your armless baby and whatnot. What some people are suggesting, and what you really need to ponder, is: is it really about him? Did you maybe just fall in love with a guy who doesn't care that much about you?
Strip away all the psychological lingo. Be even more vulnerable. Acknowledge that maybe some of the people here are right - that by being assholes they're trying to help you, in their own way.
Although it sounds like you got the validation you wanted and left, I hope that's not the case. Amidst the harsh comments are some actual beneficial criticisms.
posted by billysumday at 8:32 AM on March 12, 2006
Strip away all the psychological lingo. Be even more vulnerable. Acknowledge that maybe some of the people here are right - that by being assholes they're trying to help you, in their own way.
Although it sounds like you got the validation you wanted and left, I hope that's not the case. Amidst the harsh comments are some actual beneficial criticisms.
posted by billysumday at 8:32 AM on March 12, 2006
Were I to receive a note — and quite possibly a note as looney as what was posted for the question, and I mean that in the nicest "I have an aunt that I love who would write like that" — from a 40-odd year cougar when I'm in my mid-twenties, you can damn well bet I wouldn't respond. Scarey bejesus freaky, that.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:47 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by five fresh fish at 8:47 AM on March 12, 2006
As for my earlier comment - on looking back, perhaps I should make myself clear.
I'm not making fun of you, nor am I suggesting that you have some sort of mental issue. I am simply stating that I once received a note with language similiar to the words you chose for your post, and I was thoroughly frightened.
Given that I do not know what the letter to this gentleman stated, it is hard for me to say if he felt the same way.
I was rather intrigued by your post, in fact ( not so much for the content, but as to the language you chose.) As I read your post, I thought that perhaps you might consider a literary career. I bet you could write a delicious novel.
In my opinion, the gentleman simply did not share your feelings - he might have been simply engaging in playful chatter. Unfortunately, you felt something deeper, and your letter may have confused him.
posted by bradth27 at 9:05 AM on March 12, 2006
I'm not making fun of you, nor am I suggesting that you have some sort of mental issue. I am simply stating that I once received a note with language similiar to the words you chose for your post, and I was thoroughly frightened.
Given that I do not know what the letter to this gentleman stated, it is hard for me to say if he felt the same way.
I was rather intrigued by your post, in fact ( not so much for the content, but as to the language you chose.) As I read your post, I thought that perhaps you might consider a literary career. I bet you could write a delicious novel.
In my opinion, the gentleman simply did not share your feelings - he might have been simply engaging in playful chatter. Unfortunately, you felt something deeper, and your letter may have confused him.
posted by bradth27 at 9:05 AM on March 12, 2006
I second bradth27's comment. Your message here reminds me of the work of Leslie Scalapino.
posted by jayder at 9:25 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by jayder at 9:25 AM on March 12, 2006
In short: you flirted with this dude at work.
Whatever this became in your mind, that's all it was. All the psychic blabla is a way of aggrandising something that was truthfully not that important to either of you or you would not have left the job without even speaking to the guy.
I would run the mania checklists that others have suggested and if you come up clear, just write the guy a short apology which does not mention Jung, limbless babies or tuning forks, tell him it was nice to have known him, and MOVE THE FUCK ON.
Jung is a load of crap, by the way.
posted by unSane at 10:13 AM on March 12, 2006
Whatever this became in your mind, that's all it was. All the psychic blabla is a way of aggrandising something that was truthfully not that important to either of you or you would not have left the job without even speaking to the guy.
I would run the mania checklists that others have suggested and if you come up clear, just write the guy a short apology which does not mention Jung, limbless babies or tuning forks, tell him it was nice to have known him, and MOVE THE FUCK ON.
Jung is a load of crap, by the way.
posted by unSane at 10:13 AM on March 12, 2006
Maybe it is better that the crush on the co-worker was unresolved. As an intense female myself, I used to get crushes on people and tended to mentally give them attributes that were exagerated or just wishful, imaginative and inaccurate. Sometimes my crushes did move on to another level and I always ended up disappointed because the person's personality or intelligence did not match my very high expectations. It's easy to become fond of the "idea" of someone and build them up into something they are not, particularly in a work type setting, where it's likely you know little about the person outside of that element.
In a way, I think it is possible to perhaps disassociate the muse ideal from your former co-worker and reflect it back onto yourself. I think a muse can be a nebulous, abstract concept rather than a corporeal being.
Also, be careful for what you wish for. In my own personal experience, relationships or close friendships that are based on intense, wishful ideals tend to die quick, firey deaths.
posted by tinaguppie at 10:13 AM on March 12, 2006
In a way, I think it is possible to perhaps disassociate the muse ideal from your former co-worker and reflect it back onto yourself. I think a muse can be a nebulous, abstract concept rather than a corporeal being.
Also, be careful for what you wish for. In my own personal experience, relationships or close friendships that are based on intense, wishful ideals tend to die quick, firey deaths.
posted by tinaguppie at 10:13 AM on March 12, 2006
For all you know, the guy read the note and said " wow, I didn't know I had that effect. Too bad she's not around anymore". Did the note really specifically say "contact me". People are well known for not replying to letters and emails, expecially if they aren't sure what to say. While it may be easier to put your words in a note, you are much less likely to get an answer. You say this guy was your muse, what do you want from him, to follow you to your new job so you be be creative? Move in with you? If you want a relationship ask him out on a date.
posted by 445supermag at 10:49 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by 445supermag at 10:49 AM on March 12, 2006
Response by poster: This has been helpful. Even the "asshole" comments have helped clarify what it wasn't, as much as some of the helpful comments have clarified what it was/is. In some way getting this kind of feedback has been useful, so thanks.
The guy, at this point, is irrevevant. It's set me on a journey through a wormhole. My note did not mention limbless babies, Jung or tuning forks. That has all happened while trying to process the situation and I recognize as my own brain trying to grapple with the situation, it's not the guy himself. I had nothing to lose by contacting him, but I left it at that single contact and have no desire to become a stalker. I recognize that this is my own story, not his. I did probably freak him out. We knew each other well enough that it seemed he would be able to deal with it, but apparently not. He is 29. I don't feel like a "cougar" hunting some neophyte. The age difference does, however, add a tinge of humiliation to it. I wouldn't pick someone younger, but attractions are rarely, if ever, based on consccious choice.
I don't believe it's a manic episode or even a midlife crisis the way most people mean that term. I think Subatomiczoo hit it with the "giving birth to yourself". It is almost impossible to explain if you haven't experienced it. I process most things through an artistic outlet and many things in life don't lend themselves to language. This is one of those things. The only way out is through. It is too big, too raw, too intense right now to even begin to process artistically. It is enough of a challenge to just try and sit with it. To let it be whatever it is it wants to be. It won't be contained, therapized, euthanized, exorcised or rationalized. It's revealing itself on its own timeline, it's a phoenix. It's going to gut me to the core and rebuild me. I just have to breathe.
posted by 45moore45 at 11:00 AM on March 12, 2006
The guy, at this point, is irrevevant. It's set me on a journey through a wormhole. My note did not mention limbless babies, Jung or tuning forks. That has all happened while trying to process the situation and I recognize as my own brain trying to grapple with the situation, it's not the guy himself. I had nothing to lose by contacting him, but I left it at that single contact and have no desire to become a stalker. I recognize that this is my own story, not his. I did probably freak him out. We knew each other well enough that it seemed he would be able to deal with it, but apparently not. He is 29. I don't feel like a "cougar" hunting some neophyte. The age difference does, however, add a tinge of humiliation to it. I wouldn't pick someone younger, but attractions are rarely, if ever, based on consccious choice.
I don't believe it's a manic episode or even a midlife crisis the way most people mean that term. I think Subatomiczoo hit it with the "giving birth to yourself". It is almost impossible to explain if you haven't experienced it. I process most things through an artistic outlet and many things in life don't lend themselves to language. This is one of those things. The only way out is through. It is too big, too raw, too intense right now to even begin to process artistically. It is enough of a challenge to just try and sit with it. To let it be whatever it is it wants to be. It won't be contained, therapized, euthanized, exorcised or rationalized. It's revealing itself on its own timeline, it's a phoenix. It's going to gut me to the core and rebuild me. I just have to breathe.
posted by 45moore45 at 11:00 AM on March 12, 2006
The poster's original message strikes me as something one would write in a creative, instrospective journaling exercise. It just doesn't work in this context. And people used to be much nicer in this space.
posted by mecran01 at 11:11 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by mecran01 at 11:11 AM on March 12, 2006
tinaguppie's point/advice is excellent -- as another intense/creative woman, I've projected in the exact same way onto crushes, and inevitably been disappointed in the exact same way too. I've found that it's incredibly intoxicating to create these sorts of narratives, but doing so can actually be emotionally unhealthy when taken to an extreme because it can divert you, frankly, from reality: it's a way of mentally/creatively flying off to some other place, rather than staying pleasant. And again, that may be quite delicious at the immediate moment (because there's something in the immediate moment that's triggering your desire to go somewhere else), but it creates the conditions for severe disappointment and confusion later, because you've started believing (and responding to) a narrative/script/storyline that the other person isn't actually part of. Suddenly, boom: you think he's a soulmate; he thinks you're someone nice to flirt with at work... and ne'er the twain shall met.
So it may be helpful to consider what purpose(s) this experience/story served for you. Obviously, this interaction was a catalyst for a profound creative and emotional awakening for you, which is great (if possibly overwhelming). But there might have been other factors at work, too -- it also might have inspired a sense of feeling physically attractive for the first time in a while. Maybe you you haven't been in a relationship for a long time and this interaction made you feel hopeful for companionship in the future. I'm just hypothesizing here -- obviously, only you can really know what your feelings were/are, as well as the greater context of your life experiences, that made this interaction so significant. I think clearly addressing those feelings and the very real needs that they are connected to, more so than spiraling off into Jungian archetypes, is the path by which you'll make sense of what happened, and in so doing find some closure.
posted by scody at 11:20 AM on March 12, 2006
So it may be helpful to consider what purpose(s) this experience/story served for you. Obviously, this interaction was a catalyst for a profound creative and emotional awakening for you, which is great (if possibly overwhelming). But there might have been other factors at work, too -- it also might have inspired a sense of feeling physically attractive for the first time in a while. Maybe you you haven't been in a relationship for a long time and this interaction made you feel hopeful for companionship in the future. I'm just hypothesizing here -- obviously, only you can really know what your feelings were/are, as well as the greater context of your life experiences, that made this interaction so significant. I think clearly addressing those feelings and the very real needs that they are connected to, more so than spiraling off into Jungian archetypes, is the path by which you'll make sense of what happened, and in so doing find some closure.
posted by scody at 11:20 AM on March 12, 2006
Ha! My best typo yet: "rather than staying pleasant" should be "rather than staying present."
posted by scody at 11:21 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by scody at 11:21 AM on March 12, 2006
Diversify. Get the muse where you can. Don't be self-important.
posted by airguitar at 11:22 AM on March 12, 2006
posted by airguitar at 11:22 AM on March 12, 2006
Apparently some of the earlier posters don't recognize that early-stage romantic love can actually feel a whole lot like mania. Requited or un-, it's also inspired a great deal of the world's art. 45moore45's language is unusual, but I think what she's going through is pretty normal.
A few specific points for 45moore45:
- No, a "thanks but no thanks" probably wouldn't have stopped the spiral.
- It's likely that you didn't hear from him because he's embarrassed, doesn't know how to respond, and doesn't want to hurt you. He should have answered, but he couldn't, and it's your turn to be compassionate. Just let that go as gently as possible.
- Given that he didn't respond and you've had to figure out the answer all by yourself, you're probably being much harder on yourself than he would have been, which is why you repeatedly mention "humiliation". Don't fall into that trap.
- This has been a good passage in your life. It got you feeling and working again.
These things can hit harder at 41 than they do at 21, not only because you're aware of mortality but because the old "other fish in the sea" arguments can be pretty unconvincing if this particular fish followed years of solitude. But you're smarter now than you were then. There's good advice here from scody, as always. If you take good care of yourself in all the obvious ways, you'll be fine.
posted by tangerine at 12:02 PM on March 12, 2006
A few specific points for 45moore45:
- No, a "thanks but no thanks" probably wouldn't have stopped the spiral.
- It's likely that you didn't hear from him because he's embarrassed, doesn't know how to respond, and doesn't want to hurt you. He should have answered, but he couldn't, and it's your turn to be compassionate. Just let that go as gently as possible.
- Given that he didn't respond and you've had to figure out the answer all by yourself, you're probably being much harder on yourself than he would have been, which is why you repeatedly mention "humiliation". Don't fall into that trap.
- This has been a good passage in your life. It got you feeling and working again.
These things can hit harder at 41 than they do at 21, not only because you're aware of mortality but because the old "other fish in the sea" arguments can be pretty unconvincing if this particular fish followed years of solitude. But you're smarter now than you were then. There's good advice here from scody, as always. If you take good care of yourself in all the obvious ways, you'll be fine.
posted by tangerine at 12:02 PM on March 12, 2006
The difference between you and the guy (age wise) and how the correspondence with him ended reminded me a little of something I went through.
For whatever reason, I developed a huge, aching, god-let-it-end crush on a friend of mine a few years back that fostered and festered for a very long time. It was the first time I had ever had feelings like that about someone of the same sex, but it wasn't the kind of thing that I wanted to sit down and discuss with him (I suppose I should have). He moved away about half a year ago and I was in complete agony over it for a while.
You seem like an interesting person, 45moore45. I'm sure you'll recover whatever it is you need to keep going. My advice to you is to not torture yourself over it, and simply do your best to forget him. I know that's easier said than done. I would imagine that seeking answers in the form of philisophical and psychological theories only keeps him in your mind, and does more to hurt than help you.
posted by kryptondog at 12:15 PM on March 12, 2006
For whatever reason, I developed a huge, aching, god-let-it-end crush on a friend of mine a few years back that fostered and festered for a very long time. It was the first time I had ever had feelings like that about someone of the same sex, but it wasn't the kind of thing that I wanted to sit down and discuss with him (I suppose I should have). He moved away about half a year ago and I was in complete agony over it for a while.
You seem like an interesting person, 45moore45. I'm sure you'll recover whatever it is you need to keep going. My advice to you is to not torture yourself over it, and simply do your best to forget him. I know that's easier said than done. I would imagine that seeking answers in the form of philisophical and psychological theories only keeps him in your mind, and does more to hurt than help you.
posted by kryptondog at 12:15 PM on March 12, 2006
Perhaps it would help you to get over this disappointment if you were to enroll some classes in the art medium of your choice at the local university. You sound like an intense, creative, sensitive person, and I think you would find kindred spirits---and possible soulmates---at the university. There are a lot of people your age, who are at transition points in their lives, who go back to school and who may share your unconventional outlook.
posted by jayder at 12:44 PM on March 12, 2006
posted by jayder at 12:44 PM on March 12, 2006
Thank you, languagehat: "she's not asking 'why didn't the guy respond,' she's asking how to get closure and recapture that expansive sense of flowering." I was wondering why the thread was all about his reaction -- she's been clear he's irrelevant at this point.
45moore45, the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron talks about this feeling of being "gutted" or "rebuilt." It's Buddhist, not Jungian, so it'll be a different perspective on what you're experiencing. Chodron pins up a postcard saying (something like) "only by being repeatedly destroyed can you discover your indestructible core." It's a guide to feeling comfortable with groundlessness, so it might help with this sitting still and breathing you're trying to do.
posted by salvia at 1:14 PM on March 12, 2006
45moore45, the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron talks about this feeling of being "gutted" or "rebuilt." It's Buddhist, not Jungian, so it'll be a different perspective on what you're experiencing. Chodron pins up a postcard saying (something like) "only by being repeatedly destroyed can you discover your indestructible core." It's a guide to feeling comfortable with groundlessness, so it might help with this sitting still and breathing you're trying to do.
posted by salvia at 1:14 PM on March 12, 2006
languagehat wrote, "Which is not a sure sign of mania (for chrissake); it may just be a feeling of coming into her own for the first time. A woman I know experienced that when she started writing screenplays, well into middle age."
I don't pathologise all of the range of human emotion and behavior, yet I still say her post reminds me of myself when I was hypo-manic and becoming manic without realizing it. And the insights I've gained from that time aren't any less valuable from turning psychotic later.
I didn't assume anything about the letter she sent, just on her thought processes as she described them here. such a range of intense passion! such a feeling of almost grasping a great insight and then despair as it falls away. such florid language!
what flabdablet writes is a sensible reality check: ... Do you generally (a) go no further than feeling pure enlightenment as something that's always seemed difficult becomes suddenly transparently clear, or (b) perform real-world checks to test whether your new understanding actually holds water?
and of course, the other questions. The one that really clicks with me, "Are you sleeping well, and regularly, or are you kept awake by Truth revealing itself unto you in massive slabs?
boo on the people who think I'm an asshole. I'm not minimilizing her insight with the mere suspician of a mania. The diagnostic questions are sensible.
posted by bleary at 1:15 PM on March 12, 2006
I don't pathologise all of the range of human emotion and behavior, yet I still say her post reminds me of myself when I was hypo-manic and becoming manic without realizing it. And the insights I've gained from that time aren't any less valuable from turning psychotic later.
I didn't assume anything about the letter she sent, just on her thought processes as she described them here. such a range of intense passion! such a feeling of almost grasping a great insight and then despair as it falls away. such florid language!
what flabdablet writes is a sensible reality check: ... Do you generally (a) go no further than feeling pure enlightenment as something that's always seemed difficult becomes suddenly transparently clear, or (b) perform real-world checks to test whether your new understanding actually holds water?
and of course, the other questions. The one that really clicks with me, "Are you sleeping well, and regularly, or are you kept awake by Truth revealing itself unto you in massive slabs?
boo on the people who think I'm an asshole. I'm not minimilizing her insight with the mere suspician of a mania. The diagnostic questions are sensible.
posted by bleary at 1:15 PM on March 12, 2006
Seconding tangerine's advice to think (and let go of) of him and his lack of response as gently and compassionately as you would wish him to think of you -- exercising compassion towards him may go some way towards putting to rest some of the turmoil you're still feeling. Along those same lines, salvia's suggestion to read Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart is excellent. Comfortable With Uncertainty is another one of her books I like a lot.
posted by scody at 1:24 PM on March 12, 2006
posted by scody at 1:24 PM on March 12, 2006
Maybe this is trivial, but are you 100% sure he got the note? I've had it happen where I assumed this girl got a message of mine and made all sorts of decisions and actions based on her lack of response. Turns out (much, much later) she never got the message in the first place. Ouch!
posted by zardoz at 5:16 PM on March 12, 2006
posted by zardoz at 5:16 PM on March 12, 2006
This is one of those things. The only way out is through. It is too big, too raw, too intense right now to even begin to process artistically. It is enough of a challenge to just try and sit with it. To let it be whatever it is it wants to be. It won't be contained, therapized, euthanized, exorcised or rationalized. It's revealing itself on its own timeline, it's a phoenix. It's going to gut me to the core and rebuild me.
I've been there. At the time, I called it epiphany. Looking back, it was about 20% down the slide into fullbore psychosis.
I just have to breathe.
AND you have to sleep properly, and eat properly. If you're not able to do both of those things these days, make sure you're in regular face-to-face contact with people who care about you; and if you can't do that, seek medical assistance.
There's a lot of negativity attached to the whole idea of madness, and it's easy to misread a warning that somebody might be heading that way as a disrespectful and dismissive putdown - especially if you haven't actually been mad before.
During the darkening of the clouds that lead up to my own mental Katrina, I too got the occasional questioning look and the passing comment on my precarious grasp on reality, and I too interpreted those as misguided attempts at wit. A little further in, I could not understand why the people I talked with appeared to be disconcerted and frightened by the things I was saying; I still felt just fine (better than fine, in fact). A week or so later I was gone.
45moore45, please reread the replies in this thread from people who have personally experienced losing their minds, and try to see those as straight and honest responses to the original request for "any insights you can provide". We're not assholes, and we're also exposing our guts here.
The most important things I learned by going mad are these:
1. Total mental disintegration is the purest, cleanest, most profound, most agonizing, most ecstatic experience I've ever had. I have never felt so enlightened, before or since. The language I quoted from you resonates absolutely truly with me.
2. The insights that fuelled that experience were, without exception, 100% pure bullshit.
3. Mad people put incredible stress on the people around them. The friends who stuck by me through the whole process are true friends.
4. After a psychotic episode is over, the fear of recurrence is very unpleasant and takes a long time to go away.
5. It was mostly luck that prevented serious harm to me and others.
Please take care.
posted by flabdablet at 11:12 PM on March 12, 2006
I've been there. At the time, I called it epiphany. Looking back, it was about 20% down the slide into fullbore psychosis.
I just have to breathe.
AND you have to sleep properly, and eat properly. If you're not able to do both of those things these days, make sure you're in regular face-to-face contact with people who care about you; and if you can't do that, seek medical assistance.
There's a lot of negativity attached to the whole idea of madness, and it's easy to misread a warning that somebody might be heading that way as a disrespectful and dismissive putdown - especially if you haven't actually been mad before.
During the darkening of the clouds that lead up to my own mental Katrina, I too got the occasional questioning look and the passing comment on my precarious grasp on reality, and I too interpreted those as misguided attempts at wit. A little further in, I could not understand why the people I talked with appeared to be disconcerted and frightened by the things I was saying; I still felt just fine (better than fine, in fact). A week or so later I was gone.
45moore45, please reread the replies in this thread from people who have personally experienced losing their minds, and try to see those as straight and honest responses to the original request for "any insights you can provide". We're not assholes, and we're also exposing our guts here.
The most important things I learned by going mad are these:
1. Total mental disintegration is the purest, cleanest, most profound, most agonizing, most ecstatic experience I've ever had. I have never felt so enlightened, before or since. The language I quoted from you resonates absolutely truly with me.
2. The insights that fuelled that experience were, without exception, 100% pure bullshit.
3. Mad people put incredible stress on the people around them. The friends who stuck by me through the whole process are true friends.
4. After a psychotic episode is over, the fear of recurrence is very unpleasant and takes a long time to go away.
5. It was mostly luck that prevented serious harm to me and others.
Please take care.
posted by flabdablet at 11:12 PM on March 12, 2006
Response by poster: Flabdablet, you've posted at least 3 times on this thread. Sorry you had a full blown pychotic episode. That is not what this is. Are you sure YOU aren't having another one, instead of freely diagnosing my "condition"? Eating and sleeping, going to work, feeding my cats, I am doing these things. I am doing these things while also processing.
Maybe most people shut down on processing such events because it is emotionally raw and scary. Maybe that concept is so foreign to some people they can only think you are "crazy". I am willing to accept that I am intense, that I probably scared the guy. But please don't cut and paste my own words as your "proof" of my impending pychotic breakdown. Maybe I'd have one if I wasn't willing to let this be what it is. Sitting still and letting it unfold at it's pace. I guess I could self-medicate by watching TV and eating bags of potato chips and numbing out. I think it's better to feel it, painful as it is.
I also had no idea my writing style was so apparently outside the realm, "florid" "purple" whatever, and apparently that is putting people off on AskMeFi, too. It's been a learning experience, posting on this site. It's actually been more useful than the shrink was, oddly enough.
posted by 45moore45 at 6:11 AM on March 13, 2006
Maybe most people shut down on processing such events because it is emotionally raw and scary. Maybe that concept is so foreign to some people they can only think you are "crazy". I am willing to accept that I am intense, that I probably scared the guy. But please don't cut and paste my own words as your "proof" of my impending pychotic breakdown. Maybe I'd have one if I wasn't willing to let this be what it is. Sitting still and letting it unfold at it's pace. I guess I could self-medicate by watching TV and eating bags of potato chips and numbing out. I think it's better to feel it, painful as it is.
I also had no idea my writing style was so apparently outside the realm, "florid" "purple" whatever, and apparently that is putting people off on AskMeFi, too. It's been a learning experience, posting on this site. It's actually been more useful than the shrink was, oddly enough.
posted by 45moore45 at 6:11 AM on March 13, 2006
'S OK, 45moore45: docs see disease everywhere, cops see criminals everywhere, psychos see psychosis everywhere. (Note: I am not mocking people with mental problems, just making gentle fun of flabdablet.) I did not get even the slightest whiff of psychosis from your post; it reminded me of some of the wonderful, artistic, intense women I used to know in an earlier portion of my checkered life. I think your writing style is fine, and I think anyone who appreciates you and wins your affections will be a lucky guy. (I wanted to send you an e-mail, but you don't provide an address, which given the reaction to your question I guess you're glad about.)
posted by languagehat at 6:25 AM on March 13, 2006
posted by languagehat at 6:25 AM on March 13, 2006
"My personal experience is that if everything has become luminous and fraught with meaning, and the whole world is suddenly Making Sense in new ways that I'm busily Understanding in Deep Symbolic Terms at the age of 37 and my prose has acquired force and pungency and started to turn purple at the edges and I'm not responding well to criticism, then I'm on the slide into psychosis and I really should have been getting more sleep and eating better.
Your mileage may, of course, vary."
I actually think flabdablet's comment above well thought-out & well-intentioned, but couched in a flippant style so as not to seem overly critical.
Anyway, 45moore45, my personal experience tells me that often we can think too much - once we overindulge it's hard to get off the treadmil of analyzing ourselves, the situation, hidden meanings. Leads to a bit of a pain in the Gulliver.
Just try and Be Here Now
posted by Pressed Rat at 2:15 PM on March 13, 2006
Your mileage may, of course, vary."
I actually think flabdablet's comment above well thought-out & well-intentioned, but couched in a flippant style so as not to seem overly critical.
Anyway, 45moore45, my personal experience tells me that often we can think too much - once we overindulge it's hard to get off the treadmil of analyzing ourselves, the situation, hidden meanings. Leads to a bit of a pain in the Gulliver.
Just try and Be Here Now
posted by Pressed Rat at 2:15 PM on March 13, 2006
Here's my take: you went through something that left you with deeply profound and intense FEELINGS. You're now trying to link these feelings to deeply profound MEANINGS (i.e Jung).
Naturally, this is just my (atheist, skeptic) view, but I don't see the two (feelings/meanings) as being connected. In fact, I think the search for meaning can devalue feeling.
To flip to the banal for a second, people tend to do this with popular culture: it's not enough for a movie to make them FEEL -- they only think it's valuable if it has some "meaning." It has to be a social/political allegory or something. Otherwise it's "just" entertainment. Another version of this is people wanting childrens toys/stories to be educational. Why can't they "just" be fun?
The funny thing is, most of the things we care deeply about as people DON'T have meaning. They are about pure sesation: love, sex, food, music, etc. (I'm sure plenty of people will tell me that music has meaning, but I think really effective music hits us in the gut, not the head.)
If you really feel that searching for meaning will help you control the feelings, they of course you should do so. But are you sure the search doesn't make it worse? Yes, it gives your pain some dignity, this dignity can be a trap. The more you honor your pain, the longer it will stay with you.
Here's what I think happened to you. You can a crush on someone (or you fell in love with someone) and they rejected you. That's it. It's the most banal thing that can happen to anyone. It's ALSO the most profound thing that can happen to anyone. It hurts like hell. They cure -- the only real cure -- is time.
If I locked you in a room and didn't feed you four weeks, your cravings would feel profound. They would BE profound. But only in the (very important) sense that you'd be profoundly hungry. You hunger wouldn't "mean" that you'd discovered another dimension. It would just be hunger. And hunger itself is enough for prodfundity.
To search for cosmic meaning in love and rejection is to glorify or romanticize something that is -- in a way -- mechanical. By which I mean it's something that is built into the cogs and wheels of us humans. And it's almost bound to happen to everyone at some point. Yet it seems like you're trying to elevate it to something "greater."
"Greater" is in quotes, because it's great already. It doesn't NEED to be romanticized. Even if it's just a chemical reaction, it's important. It's important because it FEELS important.
Love is just biology.
Love is the most profound thing in the universe.
That's not a contradiction. Nor is it a paradox.
It is profound simply because it FEELS profound. THAT is the meaning I would take from it. It hurts because it hurts. It's pure FEELING -- the way a chocolate is pure FLAVOR. We don't need to search for meaning to find chocolate profound; it just IS profound because it tastes so good.
I hope this helps or at least doesn't offend. My thoughts are with you.
posted by grumblebee at 3:07 PM on March 13, 2006
Naturally, this is just my (atheist, skeptic) view, but I don't see the two (feelings/meanings) as being connected. In fact, I think the search for meaning can devalue feeling.
To flip to the banal for a second, people tend to do this with popular culture: it's not enough for a movie to make them FEEL -- they only think it's valuable if it has some "meaning." It has to be a social/political allegory or something. Otherwise it's "just" entertainment. Another version of this is people wanting childrens toys/stories to be educational. Why can't they "just" be fun?
The funny thing is, most of the things we care deeply about as people DON'T have meaning. They are about pure sesation: love, sex, food, music, etc. (I'm sure plenty of people will tell me that music has meaning, but I think really effective music hits us in the gut, not the head.)
If you really feel that searching for meaning will help you control the feelings, they of course you should do so. But are you sure the search doesn't make it worse? Yes, it gives your pain some dignity, this dignity can be a trap. The more you honor your pain, the longer it will stay with you.
Here's what I think happened to you. You can a crush on someone (or you fell in love with someone) and they rejected you. That's it. It's the most banal thing that can happen to anyone. It's ALSO the most profound thing that can happen to anyone. It hurts like hell. They cure -- the only real cure -- is time.
If I locked you in a room and didn't feed you four weeks, your cravings would feel profound. They would BE profound. But only in the (very important) sense that you'd be profoundly hungry. You hunger wouldn't "mean" that you'd discovered another dimension. It would just be hunger. And hunger itself is enough for prodfundity.
To search for cosmic meaning in love and rejection is to glorify or romanticize something that is -- in a way -- mechanical. By which I mean it's something that is built into the cogs and wheels of us humans. And it's almost bound to happen to everyone at some point. Yet it seems like you're trying to elevate it to something "greater."
"Greater" is in quotes, because it's great already. It doesn't NEED to be romanticized. Even if it's just a chemical reaction, it's important. It's important because it FEELS important.
Love is just biology.
Love is the most profound thing in the universe.
That's not a contradiction. Nor is it a paradox.
It is profound simply because it FEELS profound. THAT is the meaning I would take from it. It hurts because it hurts. It's pure FEELING -- the way a chocolate is pure FLAVOR. We don't need to search for meaning to find chocolate profound; it just IS profound because it tastes so good.
I hope this helps or at least doesn't offend. My thoughts are with you.
posted by grumblebee at 3:07 PM on March 13, 2006
Eating and sleeping, going to work, feeding my cats, I am doing these things.
I have to ask. How many cats?
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:04 PM on March 13, 2006
I have to ask. How many cats?
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:04 PM on March 13, 2006
Flabdablet, you've posted at least 3 times on this thread.
So have you, dear :)
Sorry you had a full blown pychotic episode. That is not what this is. Are you sure YOU aren't having another one, instead of freely diagnosing my "condition"?
Let me check.
Sleeping: fine.
Eating: fine.
Getting looked at funny by friends and associates: no more than usual.
Omniscient: no.
Nope - I'm OK. But thanks for caring enough to ask.
Eating and sleeping, going to work, feeding my cats, I am doing these things.
Ah! That's good. You'll likely be fine, then. I'm glad that my fear for your continued wellbeing was unfounded.
Best of luck with your whatever-it-is; I have no further insights to offer.
posted by flabdablet at 9:46 PM on March 13, 2006
So have you, dear :)
Sorry you had a full blown pychotic episode. That is not what this is. Are you sure YOU aren't having another one, instead of freely diagnosing my "condition"?
Let me check.
Sleeping: fine.
Eating: fine.
Getting looked at funny by friends and associates: no more than usual.
Omniscient: no.
Nope - I'm OK. But thanks for caring enough to ask.
Eating and sleeping, going to work, feeding my cats, I am doing these things.
Ah! That's good. You'll likely be fine, then. I'm glad that my fear for your continued wellbeing was unfounded.
Best of luck with your whatever-it-is; I have no further insights to offer.
posted by flabdablet at 9:46 PM on March 13, 2006
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...but you're still obsessing over him. That's the insight I can supply. You need to be kind to yourself and stop overthinking this. Just stop. Step away from the Jung. You were a creative and artistic individual before this romantic crush, and you don't need to feed any more energy into overanalyzing this or making it in to something beyond what it was.
If you can't let go of it as metaphor, then write a story about it, or a poem--paint it, whatever it is you do. Just stop living it.
posted by availablelight at 8:55 PM on March 11, 2006