My genitals

February 18, 2005 1:15 PM

Question about male reproductive organ inside.

My penis is ten inches long and narrower than my thumb. This is a problem. Despite good staying power, I'm pretty sure that I've never given a woman an orgasm through vaginal intercourse. I have three questions:
1. Men-- do any of you have a similar problem? What techniques have you used to overcome it?
2. Women-- have you ever been with any men who have a similar condition? Did you find anything that worked?
3. I am skeptical of pills and pumps, and surgery isn't an option. Is there anything that I can do to change the thickness of my penis?

posted by Kwantsar to Health & Fitness (26 answers total)

Bully for you for not asking this anonymously, O Brave Kwantsar.

Can't address the first two questions, but I'd be very very surprised if, barring surgery, anything could be done. Think about this with regard to another body part - say, a finger. There's no way, unless you find an unscrupulous plastic surgeon, to make that finger longer or thicker or whatever. You gots to work with what you gots, for better or for worse.
Again, though, plastic surgery may hold some promise in this regard; if you're serious about this, and can change your mind about surgery, I'd say that's your only bet. However, I am not a medical professional.

If your real concern is bringing a woman to orgasm via stimulation of her vagina (i.e., not her clitoris, which is, as you surely know, Orgasm Hot Zone Numero Uno for most women), you could look into various toys/vibrators/etc. I would bet that most women would be excited by the fact that you'd go to those lengths (ahem) to please her, no matter the size and shape of your penis.
posted by Dr. Wu at 1:29 PM on February 18, 2005

(FYI: A lot of women never have an orgasm vaginally, no matter the shape of the penis.)

Foreplay. Before the toys, before the vibrators -- good kissing, fondling, romance will bring a lot of women to the edge before their panties are even off.

Positions. There are lots of different postions that will point (ok, now I'm blushing) you in the direction of the g-spot (if the girl your with works that way). Every girl is different so you'll have to work with her, but in this respect length is preferrable to girth (in my experience).

The right girl. Like guys, every girl is a different shape, gets off on different things, etc. If you haven't settled down with anyone, it's worth finding someone that works for you. emotionally and, well, likes deep and narrow.

Good luck.
posted by Gucky at 1:35 PM on February 18, 2005

Response by poster: (not a troll)
posted by Kwantsar at 1:35 PM on February 18, 2005

If surgery isn't an option, you might try an artificial girth enhancer. These are usually made of foam rubber or some other pliable material and are really just a sheath for the penis. Most sex shops carry them.

Obviously, you lose some intimacy this way, but it may be worth a shot (pardon the pun) for you.
posted by staresbynight at 1:37 PM on February 18, 2005

Gucky has it right...very few women come from vaginal intercourse alone. That your penis has not given a woman an orgasm all by itself is not a "condition." I'm not quite sure where the idea that vaginal intercourse makes women come all the time came from, but I bet it's pretty harmful to male and female egos alike.

Much better candidates for inducing female orgasms: hands, mouths, and vibrators. Intercourse plus any of the above items makes many women happy. Try going down on your partners before intercourse, touching them during, or encouraging them to touch themselves. Female orgasms originate in the clitoris (or indirect stimulation thereof), so concentrate on it instead of the vaginal canal.

Some folks think that there are vaginal orgasms, separable from clitoral orgasms (thanks, Freud), but that idea is generally considered outdated. Sure, g-spot stimulation is great and can make some women come all by itself, but for most women, the clit is where it's at.

So please stop beating yourself up about your penis, which is far from abnormal (except its rather unusual length). Start taking a more active role in sex with the rest of your body! And good luck.
posted by equipoise at 1:41 PM on February 18, 2005

The best advice is not to just try anything but to ask your lady what she likes best.
posted by agregoli at 1:42 PM on February 18, 2005

OK Kwantsar, if you're not a troll I suggest you change your listed email to one that lots of people (for example me) don't have the password to. People may send you rather personal information on this topic (I know I did with my sex-related posts) and it's unfair that you should allow that private stuff to be broadcast to the world.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 1:45 PM on February 18, 2005

One last recommendation....if you're really into the idea of making a lady come with just your penis, try spooning her from behind and nestling it between her nether lips (not inside). Given your length, the tip of your penis should be nudging her clit in this position. Have her hold her legs together, clamping your penis in place, and move your hips back and forth. Actually, letting her move (and thus set the pace) might work even better. You'll be stroking her clit and probably getting enough friction to come yourself too.

And of course agregoli is right--ask her what works for her! Watch her touch herself to get ideas, if she's comfortable enough masturbating in front of you.
posted by equipoise at 1:46 PM on February 18, 2005

All the non-surgical techniques for penis enhancement I've heard of are for lengthening. Surgical procedures are available for both, thickening seems to be the easier one since it's essentially just fat injections.

Like Gucky said, plenty of penises have never found the ladies' love. If you're willing to try non-penis routes and your focus is just orgasms, learn to do oral well--many women would probably like that better anyway.

There are a large number of sites out there willing to teach you how, here (NSFW) and here are detailed ones. Though with every woman it's different--ask ask ask!

(I have no idea why I know any of this. Stupid Internet.)
posted by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on February 18, 2005

I second the suggestions and observations above, especially: most women (last statistic I heard was 73%) don't have vaginal orgasms. As a personal for instance: I know my body very well and have had very skilled lovers, but the only way I can get my rocks off is with clitoral stimulation.

You do not have a condition. I don't think you have anything to worry about at all! More communication with your ladies is the key.
posted by Specklet at 2:12 PM on February 18, 2005

You totally do not have a condition. The best lovers are those who pay attention to the other person, who have confidence and are comfortable. Do not even consider surgery or enhancement or anything of the kind until you do quite a bit of reading of sex-positive folks like Susie Bright, Heather Corrina, Hanne Blank.

One of the best lovers I've ever, ahem, known was someone who had what would medically be referred to as a "micropenis." Trust me -- it made not one bit of difference. He made up for it. Many times over. The world needs more like him.
posted by jennyjenny at 2:34 PM on February 18, 2005

Coital Alignment Technique. This allows her clitoris to be stimulated by pressure from your pubic bone and the base of your penis. Seriously, I wish I had learned about this one sooner, it not only "works", it's a wonderfully intimate way to make love.
posted by teleskiving at 3:46 PM on February 18, 2005

I agree, you do not have a condition. However you might meet people with similar anatomy and good suggestions over at the LPSG forums.
posted by jessamyn at 5:02 PM on February 18, 2005

Whether the woman gets a "vaginal" or other orgasm from normal sex is much more dependent upon her than you. If she doesn't, then perhaps there are some other very fun ways to please her. Don't worry, be happy.
posted by caddis at 6:03 PM on February 18, 2005

here's no way, unless you find an unscrupulous plastic surgeon, to make that finger longer or thicker or whatever.

I don't see why that's necessarily true. Adding fat, scarring existing tissue, or otherwise plumping/engorging might all be options to consider, though more or less invasive versus the payoff.

Is the lack of girth the only factor in your partner's satisfaction? I would imagine (can only imagine!) with 10 inches you'd be at risk for quite a lot of cervix-knocking. You might try positions that minimize that (side-by-side, one of you on top) and see if you have different results.

very few women come from vaginal intercourse alone

I don't know about "very few." That's overstating it, I think, though it's true some never do, and many have much difficulty.
posted by scarabic at 6:30 PM on February 18, 2005

artificial girth enhancer

Yeah, actually, that's an idea. Some women with extraordinarily capacious and/or lubriciuos vaginas use their fingers or supplementary toys to enhance their man's sensation. I don't see why it can't work in reverse. If you have good staying power, you should be able to spend some time on her and then ditch the device at some point. I've been in situations either of my own making or hers, where it was necessary to focus all my attention on her at first, and only later on join the fun. If you enjoy getting your woman off, it can be simply another kind of pleasure.
posted by scarabic at 6:34 PM on February 18, 2005

Your slenderness might be a bonus for oral fun, and who doesn't love a blow job?

Don't focus on your size and shape; focus on pleasing your sweetie and yourself.
posted by theora55 at 7:39 PM on February 18, 2005

very few women come from vaginal intercourse alone

I don't know about "very few." That's overstating it, I think, though it's true some never do, and many have much difficulty.

The stats on this say that anywhere from 50-75% of women don't have orgasms just from the in-and-out intercourse thing. Adding clitoral stimulation or other sex play to this changes the percentages dramatically. This may not be the sort of answer you're looking for, but a more slender penis would be well-suited to anal sex where length isn't as much of an issue and girth [or lack of girth] is. Combining this with some sort of reach-around activity might be something else you and your partner would enjoy.
posted by jessamyn at 7:54 PM on February 18, 2005

Hemingway writes, in A Moveable Feast, of taking Fitzgerald to the Louvre to look at statues in an attempt to reassure him that his penis is adequate. Every body is different from every other body. That's the fun part. We all do what works for our bodies and our partners' bodies and we all want to make our partners feel good and we all figure it out. There isn't one right way to have sex. You'll be fine.
posted by judith at 8:53 PM on February 18, 2005

How long is your tongue?

Sorry. The point is, though, that it's really not a dealbreaker unless you make it so.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 9:15 PM on February 18, 2005

I doubt if you can make your willy longer through exercises, but you can make it thicker. Don't subscribe to any dodgy websites tho.

If you get a copy of "the multiorgasmic man' by mantak chia and some other bloke, it's got a lot of information about finding different parts of your bits and becoming sensitive to your body, so I recommend that first.

It's got some penis exercises in the back. I recommend adding the 'milking' exercise.

You wrap yourself in a flannel dipped in warm water. Then get a hard on. Put some lube on it. Put your thumb and forefinger tightly around the base, and slide the ring up so it pushes the blood up your member. Then before you get to the top, do the same thing with your other hand. Repeat so it's a continuous milking motion. You have to keep squeezing your muscles to keep semi hard. Do it for 10 mins or so, and warm flannel after.

Then after you do that, the most important part is kegel exercises. Google them, and do quite a lot. Try doing them whilst assuming the shagging position.

Everything people have said about dick shape not being important is true, but this little workout keeps your knob in good form which feels good. You don't have to go over the top, 2 or 3 times a week is probably enough.

Wahey, I probably just lost all respect on this site!
posted by lunkfish at 2:57 AM on February 19, 2005

Let me just say that it has nothing to do with the size, length, girth, thickness of the member. As RikiTikiTavi pointed out above, learn to use your tongue. ;)
posted by cass at 8:47 AM on February 19, 2005

During intercourse, rub her clit in a circular motion with your thumb if she is on top or reach around and use your 1st two fingers when doing it doggy style. Never fails!!
posted by zwemer at 9:51 AM on February 19, 2005

Hell, let her do the clitwork. She's the one most connected to it.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:38 PM on February 19, 2005

See a urologist, preferably a younger one whose cure for everything is not surgery.
posted by joeclark at 2:22 PM on February 19, 2005

it doesn't work for all women, but teasing your partner (as sort of mentioned above) might be helpful. for some women, being teased and having the desire for you in her build to unbearable proportions can make the moment of gratification much more intense. so. spend lots of time with your penis against her, but not in her. other stuff like that. also, what like, everyone else said about there being a zillion other things you can do! if your partner's cool with it, and so are you, you might also want to look into toys to augment sensation.

do you think your narrowly-focused concern over this might affect your confidence and demeanor/zeal when you're with someone? if it does, that can add problems--i realize that's cyclical (it makes you insecure which makes it less fulfilling for both of you which makes you more insecure which makes it even less fulfilling...etc etc.). so as people mentioned, try to have a positive attitude instead of a "it's doomed" nervous one, and tell yourself "relax. i can do many great things with the right partner. i will do many great things. i can be very good." etc. enthusiasm, i think, tends to make up for perceived shortcomings. seriously. be happy, lusty, and open to trying other things.
posted by ifjuly at 9:28 AM on February 24, 2005