This is a complicated question, but I really want to simplify it- boil it down to a few points so that I can take your insight and explore their ideas in a branching manner.
It comes down to this:
I feel like I have but a small amount of real personality- that I have little in the way of moral values I can claim as coming to on my own, that I have only one or two main focuses of energy at any given time (and these often shift around randomly), that people can't point to me and say "this person is a real so-and-so", or "that's something so-and-so would say/do". Maybe people do say or think these things, but I certainly don't feel like they'd have any certain compass point to do so.
The flip side of this is that I feel like my self is very malleable- that whenever I'm speaking with someone, I will bend my conversation, mannerisms, and whatever else to suit them. This is unconscious. I feel like there's no other way to be around them.
I'm aware that there can be different instances of a person- that you wouldn't necessarily act the same way around your mother as you would your best friend, but this goes beyond that. Friend to friend, no matter the status of knowledge of each other, I change.
Have you ever seen Zelig
by Woody Allen? I feel like the central character- but to me, it's not so funny. Helpless, I guess.
So I'm asking- has anyone out there have advice as to how to solidify myself? To get over what appears to be a lack of identity? Should I write out my feelings on various controversial topics and work out my critical thinking (this I have done, it doesn't seem to stick)? Should I shout out to the dawn my most terrible fears and violent passions and see what I blurt?
How do I get to know myself to the degree that, if one were to draw a graph of my personality where X was my interactions with various individuals over time and Y was the amount of change in my character, one would see a straight line?
I know, this is all very eponysterical. But thank you in advance. I hope I don't have to point out how vulnerable this feels to post non-anonymously. Be kind.