What to ask other than "What do you do"?

July 3, 2008 1:13 PM

What other questions can I use than "what do you do" at the SF mefi meetup tonight?

I'm looking for alternative stock questions to have at hand when meeting people I don't know and have no obvious things in common with. Maybe I can use them at the SF mefi meetup tonight!

"what do you do" doesn't always work. F.i. when people are bored or frustrated with their jobs or the job is very obscure.
I'd like to have other stock questions at hand when momentarily stumped that have a good chance of bringing out interesting sides of people or that germinate interesting interactions.

I'm not really looking for general advice on socialising or observations on the insufficiency of stock questions etc. Thanks.

posted by jouke to human relations (36 comments total)

"Have you met Ted?"
posted by arniec at 1:18 PM on July 3, 2008 [3 favorites]

In DC, the stock question is not "what do you do" but some variation of "for whom do you do it?"
posted by orthogonality at 1:21 PM on July 3, 2008

How about what do you for fun? Or, what did you do on/for your last vacation?
posted by zia at 1:25 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Where do you live?" and "what do you do for fun?" and "where did you grow up?" "how do you know these people?" are pretty common questions to new people that usually lead to interesting information. I met a bunch of people yesterday at an orientation and then went to a party and that's the ground we covered.

Once that's done, I usually ask about current interests (what are they doing for July 4? are they taking in any of the city's summer activities? have they seen the Eliasson waterfalls yet? seen any movies? watching anything on tv?).
posted by xo at 1:25 PM on July 3, 2008

"How'd you find MetaFilter" is a great one at MetaFilter meetups.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:27 PM on July 3, 2008

Well, you could read the profile pages of the people who posted in the meetup thread to come up with conversation starters. Or read their recent posts.

"I like the story about how you came up with your name..."

"So have you always been interested in civil war history..."

"Did you ever get your husband to stop spending so much time looking at internet porn?"
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:27 PM on July 3, 2008 [5 favorites]

Another good meetup question is "Who is your favorite poster (present company excluded)?"
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:28 PM on July 3, 2008

This answer really depends a lot on the context. I was at a high school graduation party for my cousin and I asked a few graduates what their “next step” was. This opened the door to a lot of potential follow up questions (“Oh, you’re going to school to be an architect? How is the job market around here? Are you looking to go out of state to look for a job? Are you going to try and squeeze in any fun stuff before the summer ends?” etc etc).

I’ve had good luck asking people if they are planning on taking any trips over the summer, or if they plan to follow the (local sports team) once the (sport) season starts because it’s always exciting when they play the (hated rival).

It helps if you have some knowledge or interest in the subject. If you are into live music, ask if they’ve seen any concerts. If you are a big Batman fan, ask if they plan to see The Dark Knight.
posted by Diskeater at 1:28 PM on July 3, 2008

You're from not just out of town but out of the country. I'm always curious about how other people's sort of daily patterns vary from my own. So I ask a bunch of different questions of people, depending on what seems appropriate. Granted these are "total stranger" questions. If I know someone even a little bit I'll usually try to talk about something I know they know about, or something we both know about.

- How do you get to work? Is there public transportation where you are? Do you take it?
- Do people where you are recycle? What's the program like? Do you think it works?
- What's your local library like? Do you go there? [I am a librarian, this fascinates me]
- Where's a good place to go walking around here, to see interesting things?
- That's a really interesting laptop/watch/haircut/necklace... where did it come from?
- Have you ever been to one of these meetups before?

With most people, just getting going on one topic is enough to get the two of you talking. I find it's rare that people who will go through the trouble to go to a meetup aren't at some level interested in meeting people, so they come prepared with their own things to talk about as well.
posted by jessamyn at 1:30 PM on July 3, 2008 [4 favorites]

"Man, Metafilter's really been going downhill since [arbitrary date shortly after you joined]" and let nature take its course.
posted by Shepherd at 1:37 PM on July 3, 2008 [3 favorites]

"What's your favourite MetaFilter/AskMe thread of all time?"
posted by essexjan at 1:38 PM on July 3, 2008

"Did you see the question I asked earlier on AskMe?"
posted by fire&wings at 1:46 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

"who here likes pancakes?"
posted by oneirodynia at 2:03 PM on July 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

What's the deal with your nickname? How did you get it? If your nickname is self-explanatory, then tell everyone when you first started using the internet, and what was the first thing that made you say "wow, this isn't just a place for freaks after all?" Was it a website? Was it an email from a long-lost friend? Go on, spill it.
posted by trip and a half at 2:04 PM on July 3, 2008

Be sure to save some questions for yourself. For every meetup I've gone to so far (2 in SF, 1 in Vancouver, 1 in Seattle), I ask myself these questions:

(1) Is this the meetup where I'll give my own nickname and not someone else's?
(2) Is this a meetup where I won't make up a story about meeting one of the admins?
(3) Is this a meetup where I won't end up sleeping with one of the other attendees?

The answer to all these questions, so far, has been "no."

I love the brisket at Tommy's Joynt.
posted by troybob at 2:06 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Are you as into bacon as the rest of the internet?"

"Bears, friend or foe?"

"Do you like ice cream?" (never trust someone who doesn't like ice cream; they're usually a spy)

"I never really liked Harry Potter. How about you?" (this can lead to a conversation that lasts for an hour or more)

"Do you say babby or do you say baby?"
posted by Stynxno at 2:12 PM on July 3, 2008 [4 favorites]

You should tweak your stock question and make it clear that you aren't asking someone "What do you do (to make money)" but rather "what do you do (when you are not engaged in working to pay the rent)". That's much more engaging than talking about work.
posted by cmonkey at 2:13 PM on July 3, 2008

I recall back in my mid 20s I was able to get people to talk for hours by just teasing out the things they were interested in, and getting them to talk about it, and being interested. It's amazing how well it works. I have lost the art of doing this now that I'm a little older and jaded, but maybe I'll have to relearn the technique.
posted by tinkertown at 2:18 PM on July 3, 2008

"Did you see the question I asked earlier on AskMe?"

Ask how they would answer ¨What other questions can I use than "what do you do" at the SF mefi meetup tonight?¨ if they came across the question on AskMe.
posted by yohko at 2:39 PM on July 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

I love that the 'related questions' at the bottom of this page starts off with 'Talking to the dying'.
posted by troybob at 2:42 PM on July 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

Note that if you use "Where do you live?", you should probably not follow up with "How do I get there?" (People hate that.)

It doesn't much matter what you say, since everyone will be stumbling around. You could try putting on the green colored sunglasses whenever you ask a question. That helps everyone feel more at-home.
posted by rokusan at 2:43 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

Have you done any front page posts? What were they about? How did the discussion go? People's MetaFilter posts ought to be a pretty good way of getting into their interests, without going straight in with "So, what things do you like?" which will turn a nervous person's mind completely blank.
posted by tomcooke at 2:46 PM on July 3, 2008

Boxers or briefs?
posted by Doohickie at 2:53 PM on July 3, 2008

Good suggestions!

Personally I had cooked up "If you would post an anonymous question at askmefi about now what would it be". It's easy to be much more comfortable discussing very personal stuff with complete strangers that will be 10000 km away in a week, like me. (provided they promise not to mention it on mefi of course)
posted by jouke at 2:54 PM on July 3, 2008

I've always like to follow up the question 'What do you do?' with 'What do you do when you're not doing what you do?' It takes people have a second to parse, then they laugh, then they tell me about the things they like doing instead of what they get paid to do.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:07 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

In what are you a Viking?
posted by gnomeloaf at 4:00 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I usually ask recently-not-a-stranger types "What are you reading?" Depending on their answer, that could be the starting point of a beautiful friendship. Or, if their reply is along the lines of "I don't really read", then it would be a matter of Flag It, Move On.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:03 PM on July 3, 2008 [4 favorites]

Unfortunately I'm not going to make it to tonight's meetup. In lieu of my absence, here's some icebreakers:

"What was your first job?"
"So how bad does it get in the Tenderloin?"
"What's your favorite events during the Olympics?"
"What item on this menu would make a great band name?"
"Who at this meetup could pass for a celebrity at a club? I think [insert name] is a dead ringer for [insert celebrity]"
"When was the last time you went to the public library?" - this one is fun if you're also a reader
"Think of a time when you tried to be funny and it completely tanked." - this one really gets shy people to open up
"What ingredients do you always keep stocked in your refrigerator?" - usually people will mention a special condiment or obscure ingredient
"I'm getting thirsty. What should I get here?"
"If I were to ask your friends to imitate you in Charades, what would they do?"
"Have you started thinking about Halloween costumes? What did you do last year/before?"
"I'm still feeling jetlagged. What do you do to reset your clock?"
"What's the most fun I can have with $40 in SF in one day?"
"What's the best spot/coolest thing in the Bay Area that few people know about?"
"How can I instantly tell if someone is a Bay Area native?" a.k.a. "You might be from the Bay Area if..."
"What was up with that pregnancy pact thing in Massachusetts I heard about?"

finally...

"What place makes the best burritos?" "How about the best tacos?" - be careful with this one as it could end in bloodshed

---
If anyone uses any of these tonight, I want a shoutout and a 5% cut of the royalties.
posted by junesix at 4:05 PM on July 3, 2008 [9 favorites]

1 more: "What buzzword do you hear a lot that's annoying you?"

And this one is a fun game as an ice breaker:

Impromptu trivia! Get scraps of paper and a few pens and give everyone a minute to write a Final Jeopardy question on a piece of paper. Put them in a bowl, give it a shake, and have someone draw a question and ask the table. After the table answers it (or doesn't), let the writer say their name and why they wrote the question. Keep going around one by one. It's great for drawing out secret interests, talents, trips, odd jobs, random facts, and ephemera out of strangers.
posted by junesix at 4:24 PM on July 3, 2008 [2 favorites]

"If I were to ask your friends to imitate you in Charades, what would they do?"
"Think of a time when you tried to be funny and it completely tanked."

What I like about those is that they introduce an atmosphere of making fun (of oneself). Most questions, while good, create an atmosphere of great earnestness. Which isn't always what you're looking for when relaxing.
posted by jouke at 4:43 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I had a friend who went vague with great results. She could pull off "So, how's it been going?" or "So, what have you guys been up to?" to get someone to tell her everything that was up in their life. I like innocuous, extremely open-ended ones like that. "Where do you live? Oh really, what's it like?" Sounding interested, and keeping yourself interested by steering things in directions you like, are the tricks.
posted by salvia at 6:12 PM on July 3, 2008

I always liked "What's your passion?"
posted by Deathalicious at 10:13 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

Dude, I found you a fine conversationalist at our Amsterdam meetup; you and I spent most the night talking about me and that worked so what's the problem??

Although I suspect you'll be fine in SF; just ask folks about their lives, the mundane crap. I pepper most people I meet with a flurry of questions (you've been through it) as I'm genuinely curious about folks and how they live their lives and as interesting as I find the differences between us all it is the similarities both overt and hidden, the way we all agree more than we disagree that I find most fascinating. We've all got common links and your cachet is your European and visiting one of the more successful European colonies (i.e., The United States).

I'd be surprised if they don't treat you like a Rock Star.
posted by Mutant at 3:36 AM on July 4, 2008

"Who do you do?" or maybe what Deathalicious said.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:18 AM on July 4, 2008

I like as a follow up to 'What do you do?' - 'What would you do if you weren't doing that?' - then the outpouring of their childhood desires to be an astronaut / fireman / romantic novelist starts...
posted by eb98jdb at 5:14 AM on July 4, 2008

My dietitian friend demands to know what people have eaten that day. Breakfast in particular seems to incite the most discussion.

I have another friend who asks, when stumped at the job question, "What's the craziest customer/issue you ever had?"
posted by cranberrymonger at 7:34 AM on February 19