How to deal with age difference among friends?
June 28, 2008 12:10 AM Subscribe
How does a woman in her mid-40s keep her self-esteem in an sea of thirtysomethings?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I am a woman in my mid-40s, married to a man 10 years my junior. Our relationship is very good, so no problems there. We are okay with our age difference (within our marriage) and truly love each other. However, our circle of friends consists of mainly early 30somethings--his friends--who I met through him. Although I have managed to fit in socially with his younger friends (because I have relatively good social skills), sometimes I feel like I'm way too old for this group of friends, and that I have nothing in common with them, as my priorities and interests are often completely different from theirs. I feel as though I need to "hide" my age from these friends because most of them have made numerous, rather insensitive age-ist comments that make it clear that they see anyone over 40 as ancient. (I won't go into details here, but let's just say that this is a very youth-oriented social circle that is very interested in partying and youth culture in general). Unfortunately, this makes me feel ashamed about who I am, and has had a definite effect on my self-esteem. I want to be okay with who I am, and with my age, despite the fact that I am socializing among people a full generation younger than me. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation? Should I try to convince my husband to move back to my city of origin, to be with my accepting and familiar circle of 40something friends (he has met all of them and likes them and relates to them)? Or can I summon some strength from within myself, that I didn't know existed, to make me feel better about myself--or at least NOT feel like a grandma at social functions? I pose this question to you Mefites, as there is a wealth of wisdom and experience out there, and I welcome your comments.