How do I save this friendship?
June 6, 2008 6:07 AM Subscribe
How do I save this friendship?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (35 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I met Josh two years ago and he has been one of my best friends ever since. A month or so after we
started hanging out, we had a talk that was very awkward, and ended with me saying "let's stay
friends." After the talk, he denied that he ever really felt like that and I just tried to forget about it
Over the past two years there were a handful of moments that made me slightly uncomfortable because
of things he said or did, but since we both dated and had relationships with other people over that
period of time and discussed these relationships with each other openly I was confident he was over me
and forgot about it.
Three weeks ago, late one night while we were hanging out, he told me that he has never been in love
with anyone else and I was the only person he could ever be in love with and wanted to know if I was
open to try dating. I said that I couldn't because I had started recently dating someone else (only kind
The truth is I don't think I could ever date Josh. We would be very compatible in so many ways it
makes me very sad that I don’t feel any of the lust or romantic attraction that one needs to date
someone else. We’re so compatible that maybe someday I’d suddenly feel lust or whatever for him,
but since its been two years already and it hasn’t happened yet, it’s not fair to lead him on or give him
After the awkward talk we just had, I tentatively held out an olive branch but let him know it was cool if
he needed time apart, and then we immediately went back to being just friends and pretending we’d
never had that talk. But now I feel weird (and I think he might too).
1. I’m worried that he may be neglecting other things, people, or opportunities in his life to spend
more time with me. I like spending time with him and love to do it whenever we both can, and
I can’t really call him out on maybe not doing stuff because he’s maybe still carrying a torch for
2. I know exactly how he feels, I was once madly in love with a male friend and I told him of my
feelings and got shut down. (I guess what goes around...) I’m not in love with said male friend
anymore, but I know that I’ll always carry a little bit of a torch for him, and if he ever came to
me feeling the same, if I weren’t in love with someone else I’d definitely give it a go.
3. Spending time with him is not as fun as it used to be, because now I feel like every thing I say,
my body language, and every action has to be guarded and second guessed so I don’t give him
the wrong impression.
4. I get really mad sometimes when I think about the whole situation. I wish my life was one of
those romantic comedies and I’d wake up tomorrow and be madly in love with him. I get angry
at him (not fair I know) for making me feel all bizarre and queasy about our relationship when
he is really one of the best friends I ever had.
I won’t end my friendship with him and I wont reopen the wound by bringing up the subject again only
to shut him down. I need help and ideas on what the best things to do so that a)we stay really good
friends b) he moves on and finds a girl who is crazy about him?