TIME FOR MORE STORIES

May 19, 2008 9:49 AM

Last night, I spent an hour reading the crazy, hilarious stories posted here. One hour was not enough. I need more davesecretaryatwork - or at least, more like him.

Rarely do I laugh so hard at things I read, let alone things I read online. A chuckle or giggle, yes, but not the kind of laughter brought on by random stories of kyle, camping trips gone wrong, floating hoo-has and tawny cougars.

The stories ended far too soon, and according to the comments, davesecretary has moved to China with no new stories to be found. Sadly, my Google searches also found nothing new.

Where can I find more awesome, hilarious writers, bloggers or other material online like davesecretary? Not necessarily ones with the exact same writing style (though that would be great), but any that make you really, REALLY laugh out loud. I realize humor is subjective, but I'd love to hear any suggestions. The only writers I can think of are Dave Barry or Douglas Adams, but to me their styles are merely humorous than outright BUAHAHAHA awesome.

:)

posted by yeoja to writing & language (24 answers total)

Metafilter's own Skot never fails to crack me up at Izzle pfaff!.
posted by melissa may at 10:03 AM on May 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

That kid reminds me of Ryan North. Dinosaur Comics are always amusing, and often hilarious.
posted by moxiedoll at 10:06 AM on May 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Maddox?
posted by fire&wings at 10:08 AM on May 19, 2008

Bill Bryson (e.g., here and here) has a similar ability to recount goofy stories in heartbreakingly perfect ways. The laughs aren't quite so condensed (since he writes travel memoirs rather than bulleted lists of stories) but the non-hysterical-laughter-inducing parts are pretty good as well. If you like Dave Barry and Douglas Adams, I think you'd really like Bryson.
posted by pluckemin at 10:20 AM on May 19, 2008

RICHH
posted by zippy at 10:36 AM on May 19, 2008

I'll give it a shot:

ONE TIME IN GRADE SCHOOL MY BUDDY DOUG WALKER AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT MY BOY SCOUT UNIFORM. DOUG HAD REDDISH HAIR AND FRECKLES AND I THINK HE ENDED UP GOING TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI, I KNOW FOR SURE HE WENT THE THE CATHOLIC HIGH-SCHOOL IN PHILLIPSBURG, I KIND OF LOST TRACK OF HIM AFTER THAT, BUT WE DID WORK AT LANECO TOGETHER, MORE ABOUT THAT LATER...
ANYWAY I WAS TELLING DOUG THAT THERE WAS A BUTTON MISSING FROM MY BOY SCOUT AND THAT I HAD TO SEW IT.
I THINK DOUG HAD HEAVY WAX BUILDUP IN HIS EARS THAT DAY, BECAUSE HE RESPONDED, "SELL IT? WHO WOULD BUY IT WITH A BUTTON MISSING?"
I SAID "SELL IT? WHY WOULD I SELL MY BOY SCOUT SHIRT, IT HAS ALL MY MERIT BADGES AND STUFF ON IT!" IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY BECAUSE WE WERE IN 5TH GRADE OR WHATEVER.
posted by joecacti at 10:45 AM on May 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet, but A Street Sweeper's Tale is pretty awesome. The StoryLog site is a pretty good resource for stories in general, but they're not always humorous.
posted by denimflavored at 11:13 AM on May 19, 2008

MY FRIEND DAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PLAY HE SAW. IT WAS THE STORY OF JESUS CHRIST. IN THE END, JESUS WAS ON THE CROSS, AND THIS ROMAN SOLDIER WAS SUPPOSED TO WALK BY AND JAB HIM IN THE RIBS WITH A SPEAR. ONLY HE GRABBED THE WRONG PROP. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE OF THOSE ONES WITH A RETRACTIBLE BLADE. INSTEAD, HE GRABBED A REGULAR SPEAR. HE JABBED JESUS WITH IT REALLY HARD, AT WHICH POINT JESUS SCREAMED, "JESUS CHRIST THAT HURTS!!!!" THE CURTAIN CAME DOWN.

IT CAME BACK UP A FEW MINUTES LATER. THE JESUS THAT GOT HURT WAS GONE, PROBABLY BEING DRIVEN TO THE HOSPITAL, AND THERE WAS A NEW JESUS IN HIS PLACE. IT WAS SOME FAT STAGE-HAND WEARING A FAKE BEARD.

THE PLAY WAS SUPPOSED TO END WITH JESUS ASCENDING TO HEAVEN. THEY HAD A WHOLE PETER-PAN FLY SYSTEM RIGGED TO HIM. ONLY THEY FORGOT TO ADJUST IT FOR THE NEW JESUS'S WEIGHT, SO WHEN HE ASCENDED, HE DID SO REALLY SLOWLY, AND YOU COULD HEAR GURNTS AND GROWN FROM THE GUYS OFFSTAGE, TRYING TO RAISE HIM UP. AND WHEN THE PLAY ENDED, YOU COULD STILL SEE HIS LEGS, DANGLING DOWN FROM THE TOP OF THE STAGE.
posted by grumblebee at 11:26 AM on May 19, 2008 [19 favorites]

I always enjoyed the (now ancient by internet standards) True Porn Clerk Stories - obviously nsfw.
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:51 AM on May 19, 2008

It is ancient, at least by internet standards, but Walter Miller's tales of familial woe and strife still make me laugh. It appears only the old geocities version is working now; the updates are here.
posted by TedW at 11:54 AM on May 19, 2008

Another oldie but goodie is Acts of Gord about the adventures of a video game store owner. And I swear I didn't just copy the phrase "ancient by internet standards" from the post above mine.
posted by TedW at 11:59 AM on May 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

2nding Bruiser's street sweeper's tale

and the best page in the universe
posted by ijoyner at 1:26 PM on May 19, 2008

Those really remind me of Bad News Hughes. He's not updating the blog anymore, but the archives are still there. Here's an entry about ass blood that I found quite hilarious. And here's where Patrick goes to a Renaissance Faire.
posted by peep at 1:48 PM on May 19, 2008

Tucker Max
posted by bertrandom at 2:19 PM on May 19, 2008

Oh, and the Comedy Goldmine section of the Something Awful Forum.
posted by bertrandom at 2:23 PM on May 19, 2008

I really love this guy this guy . He's hilarious and he's the best story teller I know.
posted by heffalump at 4:22 PM on May 19, 2008

Dave has continued to post in the original thread since the Metafilter post went up. There may be more to come.
posted by evilcolonel at 4:27 PM on May 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

Shameless self plug here but I sometimes write stories from my crazy past on my blog. I call them "story times."

Don't miss the one from 12/10 last year about the time I took a ball python on a trans-continental commercial flight.
posted by allkindsoftime at 8:40 AM on May 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

Drew from Toothpaste for Dinner has some funny writing. "the duder" in particular.

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/writing.php
posted by seiryuu at 11:42 PM on May 20, 2008

Okay - I know how to take meat away from a dog. How do I take a dog away from meat? This is not, unfortunately, a joke.

They're inside of it. They crawled inside, and now I have a giant incredibly heavy piece of carcass in my yard, with 2 dogs inside of it, and they are NOT getting bored of it and coming out. One of them is snoring. I have company arriving in three hours... - Dogs in Elk. (see also)

Part of the beauty of this one is how it plays out on a message board, the kind of message board where someone asks a question, hopes for useful answers, and reports back the results... The chronological nature of the posts, and the element of time and dialog between the poster and commenters adds a certain something to the storytelling.
posted by toxic at 2:53 PM on May 21, 2008

Hugh Grant Squid Test. Hilarious absurdist humour. There are a lot of English-specific jokes that fly right by me (as an American) but when it clicks, it's great. Examples...

Jesus
Grandparents
Compass
posted by inactivist at 8:31 PM on May 21, 2008

b3ta.com Question of the Week.
posted by flabdablet at 3:51 AM on May 22, 2008

The "Best of Craigslist" section has occasional gems... but a lot of talk about pooping at the office.
posted by anthill at 6:16 PM on May 22, 2008

If anyone's still checking this, Dave Secretary has blogged some of his stories, reprinting some old ones, and adding some new ones. OK TIME FOR SOME NEW STORIES.
posted by not_on_display at 9:25 AM on January 5, 2009