Full Metal Dentistry

March 29, 2008 8:08 PM

How exactly would one procure, care for, and live with a set of metal teeth -- especially if they were pointy?

In case you're wondering, I'm thinking of the sort of thing sported by this gentleman here. And no, I'm not thinking of replacing MY teeth. Purely hypothetical. I presume no dentist would ever do this (...right?), so I'm wondering how one would go about creating such a thing for oneself -- more likely as something to wear over one's real teeth than as an out-and-out replacement for them. How hard would it be to make a set? Would you be best off setting the metal teeth in artificial gums made of some other substance, and if so, what? Also: If they're stainless steel, I guess they wouldn't rust, but what other problems would you have? Could you talk with them in? How easy would it be to cut your lips and tongue?

Responses from one or more actual dentists and/or metallurgists would be awesome, but I'll take what I can get here. Thanks!

posted by kittens for breakfast to science & nature (12 comments total)

My best suggestion is to create a crude sketch of what you want, go to your local college that has a metals department, and commission a student to make a pair for you.
posted by saxamo at 8:47 PM on March 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

If they were made out of gold or stainless steel it wouldn't probably wouldn't require much maintenance.
posted by delmoi at 8:54 PM on March 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

If you were Jaws from the Bond movie you would take them out at night and use your real teeth! I think you underestimate the effect that metal teeth would have on your eating habits if they were implanted, since they conduct heat and cold much more efficiently than enamel. I don't know if you've ever chewed on aluminum foil, that'd probably be a good starting point if you can imagine it applying to your entire mouth. No more ice cream for breakfast! Or drinking water.
posted by rhizome at 8:56 PM on March 29, 2008

While reading my dental insurance policy, I noticed that the insurer covers 50% of the cost of porcelain crowns, but 80% of the cost of stainless-steel ones. After doing a little reading, I gather that they're mostly done with baby teeth, though you could probably find a dentist who was willing to do it.

Also, anybody who makes custom hip-hop grills could probably whip up something (in fact, I seem to recall Method Man having something along the Jaws lines).

On preview: titanium would be pretty good too, I'd think.
posted by box at 8:57 PM on March 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

And no, I'm not thinking of replacing MY teeth. Purely hypothetical. Just wanted to point this out, so we can skip the rest of the "this is a bad idea" comments.

Here's the old fashioned way. Some people have custom crowns made out of gold, silver, or platinum (see: Gangsta Gold or Mr. Bling) and I know that dentists make stainless steel crowns, so it would probably be one of those deals where you call dentists or bling-ists until you get the name of someone who had the right combination of tools and skills for it. If you were really going to do it and wanted to cut to the chase, I bet you could just go to Boing Boing or Make or something like that and say you'd like some steampunk teeth, then wait for all the offers to come flying in. Now that I think about it, I bet if you asked this question in a body mod forum you could probably find someone with first-hand experience with getting custom fangs or the like.
posted by stefanie at 9:44 PM on March 29, 2008 [2 favorites]

Ah hah! Wow, that'd actually be a lot simpler than I thought...mostly because I was imagining this exotic mouth-as-a-deadly-weapon apparatus that probably just about no one would ever have in real life, and failed to consider that people pretty much already wear these (even if they're typically gold and aren't...usually?...used to bite people to death). Thanks, all!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:02 PM on March 29, 2008

There's already a mythbusters episode about this. They show you how they made theirs. They also dont magically cut through steel cables.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:15 PM on March 29, 2008

They also dont magically cut through steel cables.

Well, I imagine you'd have to be The Incredible Hulk to bite down that hard. I figure that must have been a pretty fun myth to bust, but I should think it was a foregone conclusion! I was really more interested in the practical aspects of such teeth in and of themselves -- that is, how you'd make them, how comfortable they'd be to wear, et cetera. Like I said above, it didn't occur to me that people kinda already do wear these. I'm still not really sure whether you'd be able to use them as a weapon at all without risking damage to your real teeth (that is, if you were wearing them as dentures; I think pointy crowns would be safer...to you, I mean...although permanent fixtures could be problematic in many, many other ways), but that's probably where artistic license comes in (as this falls into the ever popular category of For a Story I'm Writing).
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:39 PM on March 29, 2008

I wonder if people with metal teeth would be more sensitive to temperatures. Since metal transfers heat and cold pretty well, maybe Jaws was a real pansy when it came to ice cream cones.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:13 AM on March 30, 2008

Sheesh. I have four gold full crowns (three in a row, a couple for almost 30 years) and painlessly eat ice cream quite a bit. Probably more than I should, says the scale. Anyway, temperature sensitivity isn't that bad if your teeth aren't rotten or nerve exposed underneath, though I suppose they are a bit more sensitive until you get used to it.
posted by mdevore at 1:35 AM on March 30, 2008

it seems to me that OP is looking more for temporary metal teeth he can put on and take off at will, rather than crowns (which are quite permanent), so...

metal retainers :D

like the kind of retainers that fit right over your teeth and are usually clear plastic so it looks like you are wearing nothing at all, except in metal!

perhaps go to your friendly local cosmetic dentist and ask him how he makes retainers? see if you can commission a special pair ;)

when i got retainers made, the dentist took a mold of my teeth with a clayey thing i had to bite into, and hey presto, plastic teeth in a week.
posted by Xianny at 9:03 AM on March 30, 2008

Sure, but my point is that crowns placed directly over damaged teeth will typically be more sensitive than temporary teeth placed over normal teeth given comparable fittings. Metal crowns simply aren't so temperature sensitive as to preclude, for example, eating delicious cold foods such as ice cream. Quality-made temporary metal teeth should also be fine on the temperature front, everything else being "normal". Of course, if you are buying the teeth from a Halloween supply store, then an arcane phrase about getting what you pay for springs to mind.

Anticipating another objection, gold crowns are force fit the same as the theoretical temporary, assuming no oral surgery complications. It's the glue that makes the crown permanent. And, according to my dentist, the glue can actually make the tooth more sensitive, offering a second reason why a well-made temporary cover or cap shouldn't have as much effect on the wearer as a garden-variety metal crown. For that matter, I've had a crown yanked off by virtue of a ill-considered caramel and simply forced it back on the tooth for a few days, until my dentist could get to it, or maybe it was until I could get to her. No big deal for a little while, and pretty close to an exact single-toothed match of what is being talked of here.
posted by mdevore at 9:54 AM on March 30, 2008