Gay bar tips?

March 15, 2008 1:09 PM

What are some necessary tips for approaching and meeting guys in gay bars, esp. when I'm alone?

I'm not necessarily looking for immediate hookups, but at least to get numbers and future dates.

I'm new to this scene and clueless, and need tips on how to gauge guys' interest and figure out just what they want (immediate hookup or not?), how to approach them when they're alone, how to approach them when they're in a group, what to say, whether I should have a girl with me, etc.

Dressing advice? Posture advice? Do I need to follow really complicated flirting advice or can I basically "be myself"? I'm in my 20s in NYC.

posted by shivohum to human relations (6 answers total)

Be yourself, and you'll attract people who are genuinely interested in you. That said, I think bars are a horrible place to meet people unless you're looking for immediate hookups, as everyone is inebriated to a certain extent and probably not being themselves either. I would suggest looking for a gay social group centered around something you're interested in (the outdoors, the arts, a bookclub, etc) and try your luck there.

(IANGOINYC)
posted by bizwank at 2:03 PM on March 15, 2008

While IANAGG, I am a lesbo in NY. That said, I'm sorry I can't give you any pointers on how to meet guys in gay bars, but do try checking out 20 Something at the LGBT center. They meet every other Tuesday and hold other social events outside of those meetings, like going to museums and comedy shows. It's predominantly gay men who go, and those who go are a jovial bunch. Honestly speaking, if you're not out to cruise, this group is probably the best place for you to actually meet guys.
posted by chan.caro at 2:45 PM on March 15, 2008

If you're interested, give the guy a direct look. If he gives you a direct look back, you've established mutual interest.

Go say hi. The, um, forthrightness of the look exchanged will help indicate whether he's thinking maybe you two should find someplace to hook up or whether you should ask him out on a date. The less talking, the less he's interested in the latter.

What you really need is to go find another gay boy to go out with until you get the hang of this and learn how to spot the guys who are bad news.

[paging some actual gay men to this thread!]

/Queer Girl. Former Varsity-Level FagHag.
posted by desuetude at 4:20 PM on March 15, 2008

To this (more or less) straight guys perception, gauging a guy's interest should be easy. Just think of what you'd do and act acodingly. And if the gay bars I've been in are any indication, these dudes are not shy about showing interest.
posted by jonmc at 5:46 PM on March 15, 2008

Social clubs might be a good place to start with this. Some friends of mine run OUT Astoria, which attracts a large number of people.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:25 PM on March 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Actually, I mentioned to my friend that I mentioned his club to someone on a message board, and he said, great! Send him right to me and I'll give him a thousand friends (well, that's a paraphrase). So, MeMail me if you want to meet this fellow, who could introduce you to more people than you know what to do with.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:10 PM on March 16, 2008 [1 favorite]