I don't want to be Danny the Downer
January 25, 2008 6:24 AM Subscribe
I have a tendency to focus on the negative, and to be really hard on myself. And in describing my life to people (namely, women) I tend to be overly self critical. I don't think this is working for me.
posted by sully75 to human relations (28 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Any suggestions on not being like this?
The thing is, I'm pretty good at a lot of things. I'm a somewhat talented musician and a pretty good photographer. I've done a lot of things and I always get to be pretty good at what I do. But I set up really high standards for myself and they are often times very difficult to achieve. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but it's always hard.
Other times, I just describe things worse than they are. Someone (uh, a really cute girl that I really liked) asked me if I enjoyed playing music, and I was like...I enjoy it but it's really hard. And it is really hard for me. I'm a sort of loner person and dealing with a bunch of disparate personalities can be really tough. But I do get great pleasure out of it. It's just accompanied by a lot of annoyance in the process.
Part of it is that I have some strong guilt about ever lying or bullshitting anyone (Catholic much?). So for some reason I feel compelled to tell everyone everything, good and bad, about a situation.
Another part is that my mother tends to dwell on the negative in any situation and my father is a major worrier. I've developed skill in both those categories.
I think there are good parts of all of this...I'm always learning things and trying to improve my skills. I don't really see it as a bad thing. I worry more about the way it makes people percieve me. Like, say, on this date, where after a while I think the woman was looking at me like...'you poor man, I wish you'd go easy on yourself'.
I've been thinking lately that it might be good, at last, to find a good therapist. Unfortunately I'm so totally broke I don't think I can afford one, at least in the short term. Any suggestions for the meantime?