Russian-translation-filter

December 19, 2007 4:33 PM

Russian-translation-filter: Please help me understand the linguistic nuances in Tolstoy's famous quote, "There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do." (here in English) How accurate is this translation in your view? What is missing from it? What if anything does it add which is not there in Russian?

I have no Russian, unfortunately, but am particularly interested in any pertinent semantic links (collocations, expressions, roots) for what is translated as "lacking" and "felt."

Sorry I haven't provided a link to the Russian; I mainly seemed to have got "Shawshank Redemption" and "Redemption Song" as results.

posted by rudster to writing & language (12 comments total)

can't you help us out just a little bit? russian speakers don't just have this memorized, and it's impossible to help you without the text in the original. at the very least an act, scene, line number?
posted by timory at 5:24 PM on December 19, 2007

Maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I don't find anything like that in the original. Your link has the following exchange:

PRINCE SERGIUS. I must confess that you bewilder me. You with your gifts and charm and really au fond--a wonderful sense of what's right. How could you have permitted yourself to plunge into such tawdry distractions? How could you have forgotten so far what you owed to yourself? Tell me, why did you let your life fall into this ruin?

FEDYA (suppressing emotion). I've led this sort of life for ten years and you're the first real person to show me sympathy. Of course, I've been pitied by the degraded ones but never before by a sensible, kind man like you. Thanks more than it's possible to say. (He seems to forget his train of thought and suddenly to recall it.) Ah, yes, my ruin. Well, first, drink, not because it tasted well, but because everything I did disappointed me so, made me so ashamed of myself. I feel ashamed now, while I talk to you. Whenever I drank, shame was drowned in the first glass, and sadness. Then music, not opera or Beethoven, but gypsy music; the passion of it poured energy into my body, while those dark bewitching eyes looked into the bottom of my soul. (He sighs.) And the more alluring it all was, the more shame I felt afterwards.

[Pause.

PRINCE SERGIUS. But what about your career?

FEDYA. My career? This seems to be it. Once I was a director of a bank. There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do. (Abruptly.) But enough, enough of myself. It makes me rather nervous to think about myself.

[Rises.

PRINCE SERGIUS. What answer am I to take back?

FEDYA (very nervous). Oh, tell them I'm quite at their disposal. (Walking up and down) They want to marry, and there mustn't be anything in their way (pause); is that it? (Stops walking very suddenly. Repeats.) There mustn't be anything in their way--is that it?

If I've located the quote correctly, it's a translation of Живой труп, but the part you're looking for is different:

Князь Абрезков.
Я вас тоже не понимаю. Вы, способный, умный человек, с такой чуткостью к добру, как это вы можете увлекаться, можете забывать то, что сами от себя требуете? Как вы дошли до этого, как вы погубили свою жизнь?

Федя (пересиливает слезы волнения).
Вот уж десять лет я живу своей беспутной жизнью. И в первый раз такой человек, как вы, пожалел меня. Меня жалели товарищи, кутилы, женщины, но разумный, добрый человек, как вы... Спасибо вам. Как я дошел до своей гибели? Во-первых, вино. Вино ведь не то что вкусно. А что я ни делаю, я всегда чувствую, что не то, что надо, и мне стыдно. Я сейчас говорю с вами, и мне стыдно. А уж быть предводителем, сидеть в банке--так стыдно, так стыдно... И только, когда выпьешь, перестанет быть стыдно. А музыка, -- не оперы и Бетховен, а цыгане... Это такая жизнь, энергия вливается в тебя. А тут еще милые черные глаза и улыбка. И чем это увлекательнее, тем после еще стыднее.

Князь Абрезков.
Ну, а труд?

Федя.
Пробовал. Всё нехорошо. Всем я недоволен. Ну, да что о себе говорить. Спасибо вам.

Князь Абрезков.
Так что же мне сказать?

Федя.
Скажите, что сделаю то, что они хотят. Ведь они хотят жениться -- чтобы ничто не мешало им жениться?

For the quote you are looking for, and I'm not a translator and my Russian is pretty rusty, I'd translate it as:

Prince: What about your work?

Fedya: I tried. It was all terrible. I wasn't content with anything. What good is it talking about yourself. Thank you.

I don't know, maybe I found a draft version of the original, or maybe the translator altered it to fit his stage - most of the stage directions aren't there either. At any rate, I don't see any words corresponding to "lacking" or "felt". Also the talk about the bank is taken from the part above. For what it's worth, I think the original reads better.
posted by pamccf at 5:26 PM on December 19, 2007

By the way, the acts and scenes in the linked translation don't match up with the original I found. Again, maybe I didn't find the right one or something.
posted by pamccf at 5:27 PM on December 19, 2007

It's not called "Redemption" in Russian, it's called Живой труп 'The Living Corpse.' There's a Russian text here. But your quote doesn't seem to be there. Here's the passage in your English translation:

PRINCE SERGIUS. But what about your career?

FEDYA. My career? This seems to be it. Once I was a director of a bank. There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do. (Abruptly.) But enough, enough of myself. It makes me rather nervous to think about myself.

And here's the corresponding passage in Russian:

Князь Абрезков. Ну, а труд?

Федя. Пробовал. Все нехорошо. Всем я недоволен. Ну, да что о себе говорить. Спасибо вам.

Which is to say:

Prince Abrezkov: Well, and your work?

Fedya: I've tried. None of it's any good. I'm unsatisfied with everything. Well, why talk about myself. Thank you.

I don't know whether your "terribly lacking" quote was imported from somewhere else in the play or made up by the translator.

Hmm, I see in the preceding speech (before "what about your career?") there's the line А что я ни делаю, я всегда чувствую, что не то, что надо, и мне стыдно 'But whatever I do, I always feel that it's not what was needed, and I'm ashamed.' I searched on the Russian word for 'feel' and that's the closest I could come up with.
posted by languagehat at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2007

Bah, beaten to the punch by pamccf.
posted by languagehat at 5:52 PM on December 19, 2007

Did two people just spend far too long failing to try to do a stranger's homework? Now I feel even worse.

Oh well, the play looks interesting anyway.
posted by pamccf at 6:03 PM on December 19, 2007

А что я ни делаю, я всегда чувствую, что не то, что надо, и мне стыдно - Whaver I take up, I get the feeling that it just isn't right... seems to be a phrase that has a less dramatic import than the translation gives it. The translation overdramatizes it by turning a rather timid statement of uncertainty and unease into one of despair -

There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do.

Now, if the translator decided to take the dramatic quality of the original up a notch to spice it up, that's perhaps his right. Play translations have to resonate with the audience and a less dramatic translation, (albeit more true to the original), would have perhaps failed to engage the theater going audience.

Also, of course, it's quite possible that people looking for existentialism in Tolstoy may have wanted to play up the "existential crisis/despair" character in the play. But that's just idle speculation on my part.
posted by gregb1007 at 6:59 PM on December 19, 2007

Many thanks for your responses.

My apologies for not responding to your queries sooner, and for not providing scene, act, etc. I also too easily presumed that a quick search of the linked English translation would provide the basis for the correspondence to the Russian. My bad.

So this is indeed what I was referring to, from Act I, scene IV:

PRINCE SERGIUS. But what about your career?

FEDYA. My career? This seems to be it. Once I was a director of a
bank. There was something terribly lacking between what I felt and
what I could do. (Abruptly.) But enough, enough of myself. It makes me
rather nervous to think about myself.

For the sake of clarity, let me try to sum up your assessments thus far (of course, correct as needed).

In the Russian,
(a) there is no real sense of opposition involved, for instance between an intuition of one's own capabilities and an aspiration for or entertaining of those capabilities;
(b) there is a sense of discontent or dissatisfaction, which perhaps explains the link in the translation, albeit tenous, to Fedya's sense of being unfulfilled (the 'lacking');
(c) The English adds a certain histrionic element to the statement. It seems as if everyone thus far agrees that, to your Russian ear,' the statement is something akin to just throwing out 'I'm not happy at work' or "Nothing seems to be going right these days.'

The fact is that, indeed, one could read also sorts of philosophical implications into the statement as it stands in English. My interest in this quote is born out of such motivations, but I had certain doubts as to whether it could be submitted to any such reading. When coming across it in the work of William Gaddis (where it appears on a couple of occassions), one may be willing to let the question of accuracy slide; rightly so, no one will be so generous with my own work.

So yes, this post is born out of a research interest, which I guess could be considered a form of 'homework.' I had thought Askme was a place where someone like me, having no Russian contacts and limited research resources, could come for some knowledge-dropping. Perhaps I have misunderstood the point of Askme; at any rate, I wouldn't like to see it devolve into a source of resentment for anyone.

Many thanks again for your help.
posted by rudster at 12:51 AM on December 20, 2007

i spent a lot of time searching for it, too, but my internet gave out.
this is what comes of not wanting to do your OWN homework - you'd rather do it for somebody else.

anyway, my two cents re: translation ---

"А что я ни делаю, я всегда чувствую, что не то, что надо, и мне стыдно"
Literally: But whatever I do, I always feel that it is not what is needed, and I am ashamed.

It's been said, but the translation you have is overwrought. There's nothing so intense as "lack" or a disparity between what he's done and what needs to be done.

In retrospect I guess I haven't added anything. Poop.
posted by timory at 6:11 AM on December 20, 2007

let me try to sum up your assessments thus far

I don't think you've quite gotten the picture. Your line (which is not, by the way, a "famous quote" except among close readers of Gaddis) is not a translation of anything in the Russian. It is an invention loosely based on an earlier sentence, stuck into what Tolstoy wrote as a very low-key line ("None of it's any good. I'm unsatisfied with everything. Well, why talk about myself. Thank you.") to give it some artificial punch. Frankly, from what I saw of that translation while skimming through it, it's a complete travesty of the Russian, presumably done by one of those theater people who feel entitled to muck with other people's writing because they are Geniuses. If I were you, I'd treat it as a free-standing text rather than a quote from Tolstoy, because Tolstoy didn't write it.

I had thought Askme was a place where someone like me, having no Russian contacts and limited research resources, could come for some knowledge-dropping. Perhaps I have misunderstood the point of Askme

No, no, that's exactly what AskMe is for, and this is a fine question which I enjoyed investigating. Don't mind pamccf—he's just being grumpy.
posted by languagehat at 6:56 AM on December 20, 2007

Yah, don't mind me, I'm sick. I enjoyed looking for it.
posted by pamccf at 7:40 AM on December 20, 2007

rudster, I personally really liked this question, so don't let anyone tell you that there is anything wrong with it.
posted by gregb1007 at 1:11 PM on December 20, 2007