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How do I make visitors laugh at the expense of my kitty?
November 28, 2007 8:59 AM   Subscribe

I need a funny saying for a sign that will go in a window. It will hang over my fat cat, who hardly moves. I know you guys can come up with something great.

I have a fat white cat. He sits on a large footrest that is in front of a window all day. The window is right next to the front door. I'd like to put up a sign over the cat that visitors can see. Something funny. They always notice the cat, and I'd like to make them laugh. The cat is very happy. He's just old, lazy and arthritic. He's on meds, and is spoiled rotten, and is perfectly content gazing out the window all day, taking breaks only to eat and poop. Help me exploit this. Thanks!!
posted by Alpenglow to Pets & Animals (85 answers total) 88 users marked this as a favorite
 
Abandon all hope ye who enter here?
posted by omnipotentq at 9:01 AM on November 28, 2007


Actual cat, not a cheap imitation.
posted by jet_silver at 9:03 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


R.I.P. Toodles (1993-2006).

[Then watch them jump if he blinks.]
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 9:06 AM on November 28, 2007 [14 favorites]


Window cat is watching you?
posted by tiny crocodile at 9:07 AM on November 28, 2007 [6 favorites]


DO NOT FEED
posted by poppo at 9:09 AM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


Cat for sale, apply within
posted by 0bvious at 9:09 AM on November 28, 2007


Since you mentioned a footstool...would this work?
posted by gnomeloaf at 9:10 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Here be Dragons!
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:10 AM on November 28, 2007


Southern 18-toed Sloth.
posted by fish tick at 9:14 AM on November 28, 2007


Ask about our taxidermy class.
Cat not for sale.
Free cat with every cat purchase.
Beware of Cat.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:14 AM on November 28, 2007


If this was your cat, you'd be home by now!

Beware of Fat Cat who Doesn't Move Very Often and is Actually Pretty Nice

oh hai i haz gravitee well

Please laugh at the cat.

Or, how about just a sign with the cat's name and a big arrow? I always like to know the names of funny neighborhood cats, and a sign that acknowledges that the cat never moves would make me laugh.
posted by ulotrichous at 9:15 AM on November 28, 2007 [20 favorites]


CAFFEINE REQUIRED
posted by fish tick at 9:16 AM on November 28, 2007


BEWARE OF SLOTH
posted by fish tick at 9:17 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


INDOLENCE IS AN ART
posted by fish tick at 9:17 AM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


Use all of these! Change the sign every week.
posted by hermitosis at 9:21 AM on November 28, 2007 [13 favorites]


i haz snipr rifl stealin urz killz
posted by ncc1701d at 9:23 AM on November 28, 2007


Alpenglow's taxidermy school: inquire within.

On preview, what blue_beatle said.
posted by daniel striped tiger at 9:23 AM on November 28, 2007


Don't worry about (PhatChat), he'll start moving around as soon as his legs are able to reach the ground again.
posted by jamjam at 9:23 AM on November 28, 2007


Land Seal
posted by methylsalicylate at 9:25 AM on November 28, 2007 [10 favorites]


NEW! Catblinds for sale, 2 for a dollar!
posted by ncc1701d at 9:25 AM on November 28, 2007


I'm in ur house, eatin ur dinnerz.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:25 AM on November 28, 2007


ENTERTAIN ME. PEON.

may we see a photo of this cat?
posted by mumkin at 9:25 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


I hung a little art plaque over my cat's water fountain for inspiration (hers, not mine); it's a Native American proverb that reads "After dark, all cats are leopards." She's old and naps a lot and I like to imagine that when she's sleeping, she's having wild kitty dreams where she's a master hunter and the Queen of All She Surveys.

(not as funny as some of these others though)
posted by pineapple at 9:26 AM on November 28, 2007 [4 favorites]


Footrest cat is watching you perambulate.
posted by iconomy at 9:27 AM on November 28, 2007 [12 favorites]


Fat Cat Demands Sacrifice For Entry.

(Yeah, I want to see a photo too..)
posted by Ms. Saint at 9:27 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Available for children’s parties
posted by found missing at 9:28 AM on November 28, 2007 [7 favorites]


Ceci n'est pas un chat
posted by johnvaljohn at 9:29 AM on November 28, 2007 [31 favorites]


ce n'est pas un chat.

Composition with cat and throne.

Smile if you think I'm fat.

I'm with stupid --->

lolcat for hire

My other perch is a...wait, there is no other perch.

Schroedinger's cat is...I ated him.

[name], esq.

Hi, I'm [name]. I like short walks to the bowl and candlelit dinners of tuna and giblets. I am a 23", 19 lb, white fatty full of love for you. Bring a footrest and let's nap!

Pay toll: 1 catnip sprig or $1 to servant.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:30 AM on November 28, 2007 [4 favorites]


Put up a recursive picture of the cat sitting where he always does with a picture of himself sitting where he always does with a picture etc etc. Maybe label it NOT LOST.
posted by moift at 9:30 AM on November 28, 2007 [5 favorites]


"His amiable amber eyes
Are very friendly, very wise;
Like Buddha, grave and fat,
He sits, regardless of applause,
And thinking, as he kneads his paws,
What fun to be a cat!" --Christopher Morley

"A cat's eyes are windows enabling us to see into another world." - Irish Legend

There are people who reshape the world by force or argument but the cat just lies there, dozing, and the world quietly reshapes itself to suit his comfort and convenience." --Alan and Ivy Dodd
posted by Sassyfras at 9:30 AM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


"Meechee waakki wwaa nee ssa looo HANS SOLO mi poekee me ffa sso chha ne lee."
posted by chrismear at 9:31 AM on November 28, 2007 [21 favorites]


omg. Seconding "If this was your cat, you'd be home by now!"
posted by iamkimiam at 9:32 AM on November 28, 2007


Will ignore and disdain you for food
posted by Jakey at 9:45 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


KILLER ATTACK CAT

Put blinking red christmas lights around the sign.
posted by cashman at 9:45 AM on November 28, 2007


Here are cat photos.
These were all taken before I created his window-view seat. I'll post another after I put the sign up so you can see the results of all your creativity. You guys rock!

posted by Alpenglow at 9:47 AM on November 28, 2007


lolcat for hire

Actually, I think a simple LOL would suffice. Less is more.
posted by mumkin at 9:48 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Sleep is where I'm a Viking.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:51 AM on November 28, 2007 [7 favorites]


ooooh- extra cute kitty! (not for sign-- just commenting on the flickr photos!)
posted by beccaj at 10:01 AM on November 28, 2007


Neighborhood Watch
This Cat Reports All Suspicious Activity to the Police
posted by fandango_matt at 10:04 AM on November 28, 2007 [8 favorites]


CAUTION: CAT WORKING
posted by peep at 10:04 AM on November 28, 2007 [8 favorites]


Schrödinger Needed
Apply Within
posted by fandango_matt at 10:12 AM on November 28, 2007 [15 favorites]


Guard cat on duty.
posted by nursegracer at 10:13 AM on November 28, 2007


Stop collapsing my wave function!
posted by stevis23 at 10:17 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


Schroedinger's cat is...I ated him.

Love this one. Also, cute cat!
posted by rtha at 10:20 AM on November 28, 2007


He is a very handsome beast. May I suggest "See the miniature Yeti!"
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:23 AM on November 28, 2007


Since he's all white, and given the time of year, perhaps "I am not a snowdrift."
posted by WCityMike at 10:30 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


Wow, he looks smart enough to make his own sign. Damn the lack of opposable thumbs!
posted by thebrokedown at 10:38 AM on November 28, 2007


LAZY CAT IS LAZY
posted by rhizome at 10:46 AM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


He's adorable! What's his name?

I would second the sign with his name and an arrow. Direct and to the point. And funny cause it assumes the cat is always there, which he is.

Love it!
posted by agregoli at 10:49 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


I used to be two cats.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:56 AM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


Sleep is where I'm a Viking Lion.
posted by desjardins at 11:03 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


FEED ME
posted by Soliloquy at 11:05 AM on November 28, 2007


o hai
mai name iz
posted by casarkos at 11:38 AM on November 28, 2007


Whatever you decide, I recommend submitting it here. Your feline appears to be highly snorglable.
posted by annaramma at 11:40 AM on November 28, 2007


LOOK AT THIS CAT
posted by contraption at 11:44 AM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


will sleep for food.
posted by thinkingwoman at 11:54 AM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


THE NEW '08 CATS ARE IN!!!!

CAT LASER VISION: CHARGING.

THE AMAZING ALL-SINGING ALL-DANCING CAT-BASED THEATRICAL EXTRAVAGANZA: THREE SHOWS DAILY

TROUBLECAT CONSIDERS OPTIONS
posted by user92371 at 12:07 PM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


Having seen the pictures, my effort is:

"They won't let me out of the house because if it snows they'll never find me again."
posted by worker_bee at 12:14 PM on November 28, 2007


Please Ask About Our Motivational Seminars!
posted by Tbola at 12:16 PM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


life is what happens when you're planning your next nap.
posted by Tbola at 12:17 PM on November 28, 2007


some1 pleese to change channel?
kthnxbi.
posted by Tbola at 12:18 PM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


(stolen from a t-shirt...)

I'M GREAT IN BED
I can sleep for days


(sorry, i'll stop now.)
posted by Tbola at 12:23 PM on November 28, 2007


Schroedinger's cat is...I ated him.
...or maybe I didn't.
posted by juv3nal at 12:39 PM on November 28, 2007 [3 favorites]


W/M/15 ISO companion for long sits on the couch and affection. Ability to open the cans a plus.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:14 PM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Window cat is watching you knock on my door.

I think veeery slowly
posted by tiny crocodile at 1:46 PM on November 28, 2007


WILL WORK FOR LASAGNA

and variations.
posted by xueexueg at 1:49 PM on November 28, 2007


Do not taunt happy fun cat.
posted by jvilter at 2:09 PM on November 28, 2007


Y'all got you a Gumbie Cat.

Use a different line from the poem every day (at least of the refrain- she sits and sits and sits and sits). The literary passers-by will eventually get it.
posted by nax at 2:17 PM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Jabba the Hutt lines? "Bring me Solo and the Wookie. They will all suffer for this outrage"
posted by greenskpr at 3:12 PM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'd shy away from signs implying he needs a home or a companion.

My wife suggests a sign like the ones at zoos specifying species, map of habitat, foods, and so on.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:48 PM on November 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


WEIGHTED COMPANION CAT
posted by anthill at 5:01 PM on November 28, 2007 [12 favorites]


All your cheezburger are belong to me.

"If I were a cat, so I would have sat."

"Old Deuteronomy lies on the floor
Of the fox and French Horn for his afternoon sleep;
And when the men say: `There's just time for one more,'
then the landlady from her back parlour will peep
And say: `Now then, out you go, by the back door,
For Old Deuteronomy mustn't be woken -
I'll have the police if there's any uproar' -
And out they all shuffle, without a work spoken."
posted by notashroom at 6:03 PM on November 28, 2007


No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:50 PM on November 28, 2007 [12 favorites]


Mrrow?
posted by divabat at 9:52 PM on November 28, 2007


LUCKDRAGON (RETIRED)
posted by speicus at 10:10 PM on November 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


"Yes, you may worship me."
posted by Jade Dragon at 12:53 AM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]


Label the foot rest "caboodle". Let others put the two together....
posted by mightshould at 7:19 AM on November 29, 2007


Lolcattery: I are serious cat. This is serious house.
posted by fidelity at 9:11 AM on November 29, 2007


Window Supervisor
posted by magnoliasouth at 8:57 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]


anthill writes "WEIGHTED COMPANION CAT"

*cries*
posted by peep at 10:31 PM on November 29, 2007


"If I were a cat, so I would have sat."

I flubbed this one. That should have been, "If Tiberius were a cat, so Tiberius would have sat." I don't recall the correct attribution for the quote and the only Google result is from me.

I got it from a book of cat-related quotes I saw once, and it stuck with me because we had a cat named Tiberius at the time (hence the misquote, as my mother began saying it to the cat paraphrased the way I wrote it above).
posted by notashroom at 7:47 AM on November 30, 2007


SEAL PUP

CAT (HOTH)

SNOW TROOPER

WARNING! Heavy. Lift with legs.
posted by tarheelcoxn at 11:55 AM on December 2, 2007


I've started. Here's the first sign. I'll change them weekly. I've had a few visitors already and they love it. Thanks so much for all your help! (kitty photos)
posted by Alpenglow at 11:21 AM on December 6, 2007 [6 favorites]


You have given us a great gift.
posted by agregoli at 3:24 PM on December 6, 2007


"kittyphotos is no longer active on Flickr." :(
posted by chrismear at 2:16 PM on August 1, 2008 [4 favorites]


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