How to bring the intimacy back?
September 28, 2007 8:24 AM Subscribe
asking for a friend:
How can I get my husband to start touching me again?
posted by Danila to human relations (25 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
A couple has been married for 27 years. He is 51 and she is 47. They haven't had sex in at least six or seven years. The wife has tried to approach her husband for intimacy but he shows no interest. All he'll do is hold hands and rarely give her a peck on the lips.
She has bipolar disorder, and throughout the 90s she was in and out of mental hospitals, and when she was home she was often "out of it". For the last few years she has been on medication that has improved her situation dramatically. She is an active, involved woman again. But one of the reasons her husband gives for the lack of sex is that for so many years, there was nothing from her end. He was more caretaker than lover.
He is NOT having an affair. In my opinion, he does suffer from low-grade depression and stress. It's been a stressful situation for so long, and it's hard to break old habits. Every day he works long hours at a stressful job, comes home and watches tv for a bit, eats dinner and falls asleep.
Another reason he has given is that it was physically painful for her to have sex before. She has a terrible history of violent sexual abuse perpetrated by both family and acquaintances. She has post traumatic stress because of this.
More than missing the sex, she misses intimacy. Cuddling, hugging, passionate kisses, that sort of thing. They've gone on "date nights" but she says they're like an "old married couple". Any advice on how to bring the intimacy back?