Yep, I actually am asking strangers on the internet for sex advice.

April 12, 2007 2:07 PM

No sex in several weeks (damn dissertation) and my girl deserves more. How can I give it to her with a great big bow on top?

My dissertation has had me cloistered for the last sereral weeks, during which I have been big ball of negativity--a big sexless ball. My girlfriend, who lives almost an hour from my school, has been incredibly supportive during all of this. With the dissertation nearing the home stretch, I'm finally going to see her again this weekend (YAY!) and I want to make it special. I'm thinking something along the lines of candles and roses, but maybe not so cliche. We haven't been terribly sexually adventurous in the past, but I'm pretty sure she's open to it.

Added challenge: I'm going to her place, so my ability to set up something to surprise her will be limited. I might be able to get her housemate to lure her away, though, so suggestions involving set-up are still welcome.

Also, I have seen this, but we're lesbians.

posted by anonymous to human relations (16 comments total)

When my lesbian girlfriend finally finished her master's project, we had to get acquainted again before we felt very sexual. And we lived together! Your being there in person will be wonderful enough, in my opnion.
posted by Carol Anne at 2:25 PM on April 12, 2007

Well, you with a literal bow (as opposed to a proverbial) on top in her bed might be cliche, but I've found as a guy in a hetero relationship that it usually works...

What might be even better, if you can swing it, is some time away from her home and yours. In a similar situation, I took my SO to a bed & breakfast that was a few towns out into the country, on a lake.

And then tied myself up with a bow.
posted by SpecialK at 2:27 PM on April 12, 2007

Does she like anything special in bed? For example, one of my ex's used to really like me in army gear. Dunno why. Used to drive him wild. So one time, for his birthday, I went to a surplus store, and got some kit. I dressed up in it, let myself into his house and surprised him when he got home from work. I also spent a lot of time making sure he was enjoying himself, and put my own enjoyment on the back burner.

Could you do something similar for your gf?
posted by Solomon at 2:32 PM on April 12, 2007

How about an evening in a box? (Tied with a bow, of course.) You could put together some nice wine, strawberries or chocolates or whatever else might be sexy to eat (body paint?), something to wear or use in bed.... use your imagination, and keep in mind both things that have worked for you two in the past and things that she's suggested she'd be interested in trying. Candles may be cliche, but with other personal touches there's a reason they're classic. You can put them in the box too, and you can take the time to get in the mood by setting out everything together.
posted by bassjump at 2:45 PM on April 12, 2007

I always think that the stuff we think of as cliche we do because of the media...I mean, how many tims have I been *surprised* with wine and flowers and sweet, sweet lovin' and thought it was lame? Not too many. That alone would be so lovely to me.

Anyway, what about a nice long massage (by you in the bed), candles, music, etc, that leads to the durty? A new toy for you two?
posted by tristeza at 2:46 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

What tristeza said. I've never had a guy bring me flowers and think. "Sigh. Again!"
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 2:59 PM on April 12, 2007

I like bassjump's idea of an evening in a box. I think you'll strike gold with anything you do - especially if you make her feel that she's the center of your universe (instead of your dissertation)...at least for the weekend.
posted by wearyaswater at 3:47 PM on April 12, 2007

What tristeza said, with a twist. Wine, flowers, chocolates (or her food indulgences -- candied ginger, ice cream, mango) and some kinda toy you've been talkin' about or thinkin' about. A little romance and a lotta sexing would be my kind of weekend. Be sweet but with a slight edge and I'd be over the moon. A sexy new harness, or a flavoured lube, two pairs of sexy lounging outfits, or a pair of handcuffs with a little note that said, "I know I've been tied up, but now I'm yours to tie down" would be heaven.
posted by barometer at 3:59 PM on April 12, 2007

Once when I was trying to impress my girlfriend, I made an appointment at the local hot tub rental place (not a skeevy one), and once we got there, and were naked in the tub, I pulled out some presents: a mini waterproof vibrator (I think they're called 'water dancers') and a copy of Aqua Erotica.

That date went very nicely.
posted by serazin at 4:16 PM on April 12, 2007

I'll nth that clichéd romance is still appreciable. I don't know anyone who wouldn't love a good meal, drink, massage and after-dinner lay. A new toy might be the spice you're looking for- figuring out a creative way to use it would be a good way to "get to know one another" again.
posted by sunshinesky at 5:02 PM on April 12, 2007

Yes - champagne and flowers.
But: what does she like? Does she love to curl up and watch sappy movies? Does she love being read to? Does she love really great Japanese food? Breakfast in bed? A walk first thing in the morning, maybe earlier than you would normally get up? etc. You're going to make a whole wonderful weekend of it, yeah?
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:02 PM on April 12, 2007

If you have the dough (which as a grad student you may or may not) I second taking her away to a nice place where you can focus on each other. Romantic getaway weekends are the best thing ever. Don't tell her where you're going and just get her in the car and drive her there.
posted by crinklebat at 11:38 PM on April 12, 2007

Imagine that Mr Lilithim turns in his thesis today at 1:13pm.
Current plans are to escape to the place where we had our first date some years ago on Saturday night, because we've both got obligations on Friday night and Saturday. Whether or not that happens, it's up in the air. We've at least fantasized about escaping for a little while.
posted by lilithim at 12:15 AM on April 13, 2007

In all seriousness...dick in a box. She'll never forget that.
posted by Betty_effn_White at 4:31 AM on April 14, 2007

Betty, that would probably work better if you had read the question and seen that the OP and her partner are both lesbians.
posted by rossination at 8:07 PM on April 14, 2007

My answer was not meant to be heterosexist, she might even have a variety of dicks to put in said box.
posted by Betty_effn_White at 1:40 AM on April 16, 2007