It's a wig. Is that OK?

April 7, 2007 3:09 PM

Men, how would you feel if you discovered your date wears wigs?

I am growing out a short haircut and to help me with the in-between stage, I've been wearing very stylish wigs. If I didn't mention they were wigs, no one would ever know...except maybe my neighbors who are probably wondering how I go from short and curly to long and luxurious from one day to the next. If you were a guy and had been dating me for a while and then discovered that great hairstyle you've been seeing is a wig, what would you think? I kind of see them as just something else to wear with an outfit but I don't want to be dishonest.

posted by anonymous to human relations (77 comments total)

Well, if it was like in I'm gonna git you, sucka I might be upset. But personally, I wouldn't care. I went out with (and then back home with -- wakka wakka!) a woman who was wearing a wig, and I thought it was totally hot. Of course, I knew she was wearing a wig, so it was almost like dating 2 chicks at once. But, I'm a pervert. Some dude, most likely a total knob, will get pissy about it, though.
posted by papakwanz at 3:16 PM on April 7, 2007 [4 favorites]

The first thought that would come to my mind would be... "Why?". It would creep me out, then I'd wonder what else about you isnt real. (boobs?). Sorry, being honest here.
posted by BillsR100 at 3:19 PM on April 7, 2007

I'm with sarelicar. It's creepy only if it's treated like a dirty little secret.
posted by roll truck roll at 3:22 PM on April 7, 2007

I am not a guy, but I did once date a guy who wore colored contacts. I was kind of creeped out when I found out (after a while). Not because I didn't like his real eye color, but I felt like he was presenting himself as something he really wasn't. If he mentioned his real color early on, I wouldn't have cared but as it was, I felt like he was sort of phony, presenting himself as something he really wasn't. I wondered if he was covering up other aspects of his self or his life that he didn't like and I'd have new surprises in the future.

I think you can consider the wigs to be an accessory to wear with an outfit as long as your dates know that you are wearing a wig. If they don't know, when they find out they might feel a bit misled. They also might find it a bit . . . unusual. YMMV, I am not a guy.
posted by necessitas at 3:23 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I don't understand. If you had the confidence to cut yuor hair that short in the beginning, why would you need to cover the "in-between" stage? You just grow a short haircut out, it wouldnt be bad at all. Seeing how you posted anonymously, I personally think you cant grow hair at all.

It would be a big shock to me if someone I've been dating revealed to me that they were bald and wore wigs, but only because they werent up front about it from the beginning. If they aren't OK with that, then that person isnt for you.
posted by lain at 3:23 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I think it might be kinda kinky and fun. But, like, is there any underlying story that hasn't been told (I would want to know if someone I was dating had cancer)?
posted by rbs at 3:26 PM on April 7, 2007

I would think it strange, myself. I prefer long hair, but to wear a wig just because you're growing your hair out would seem to me somewhat off-putting. On the other hand, if you wear them consistently enough to make them a regular lifestyle choice, they could be a useful conversation topic. But for me and others I know, it'd call up associations of "friend's horrible illness" (recovered, thankfully) more than "cute fashion accessory". YMMV, of course.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 3:26 PM on April 7, 2007

I'd freak.
posted by unSane at 3:31 PM on April 7, 2007

I'd probably be entertained and not much care beyond that. I mean, hey! Wigs! Neat!

If you were really anxious or weird about the wig/hair thing, that might be off-putting, but that goes for any idiosyncrasy you can name.
posted by cortex at 3:32 PM on April 7, 2007

WTF... you're capable of growing hair and you're wearing a wig?! Yes, highly creepy. Show your actual body please.
posted by phrontist at 3:38 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

i think i'd be a little surprised at first... well, ok, to be honest, more than a little. i knew a girl who wore hair extensions once and once we were getting, uh, closer, and it came off in my hand.. i admit, i was a little freaked, looking at this clump of something just lying in my hand, not having known she wore them.

but the next thing i'd want to know is "why?", right or wrongly, and where the relationship went from there would depend on what the answer was.
posted by modernnomad at 3:39 PM on April 7, 2007

I wouldn't care about the wigs per se.

But if you were buying expensive wigs just to deal with hair that's growing out, I might think you spend way too much time and energy worrying about your appearance.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:39 PM on April 7, 2007

Metatalk. Sorry.
posted by roll truck roll at 3:40 PM on April 7, 2007

I think it would be fine - as long as it wasn't one of those baroque powdered wigs and as long as the carpet matched the curtains. (heh)

Hmm. . . But I would be curious to see a baroque powdered merkin worn in ensemble with the powdered wig and maybe a bit of rococco lace, a pink ribbon and a fan.
posted by isopraxis at 3:45 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm with BillsR100. So much of a relationship is learning to trust each other, and if I found out that something relatively fundamental, something that I ordinarily wouldn't think to question, was fake... it would make me wonder what less-obvious things were also fake. (Although I would probably jump to 'personality?' before jumping to 'boobs?') In the early stages of a relationship when trust is forming, the very fact that you choose to keep something like this (something that shouldn't matter) a secret makes everything else you do suspect.
posted by foobario at 3:46 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Not creepy unless you MAKE it creepy. I agree with working it into the conversation. One reason I say this is that if he were to comment on your hair looking good, and then later it is revealed to be a wig, then he could easily feel embarrassed.

I vote for "make a joke out of it" or something.

If you think you're going to get intimate, then this knowledge needs to be given to the man as directly as possible BEFORE the hair-pulling starts. When that starts depends on the guy. If he's like me, that will be right after the 2nd kiss. ;)

I agree with some of the sentiment above though, this seems like extraordinary measures for a short haircut that is just growing out.

Maybe you could consider some barrettes and/or pins/clips? Some of that stuff is HAWT.
posted by Ynoxas at 3:55 PM on April 7, 2007

I don't think you need to tell everyone that you meet, but if you are getting closer with someone, it would probably be a good idea to let them know, just as an aside.

But I think it's ridiculous to say that if you don't tell someone about it you are hiding something, or faking in other aspects of your life...it's hair, it's not your gender, etc.

But sorry, I'm a bottle blonde who sometimes fake eyelashes, I'm not to be trusted.
posted by thisisnotkatrina at 4:02 PM on April 7, 2007

My answer depends on a number of factors. For instance, how long have we been dating? If we'd been dating for years and you hadn't told me (and I hadn't noticed) I'd be upset that you hadn't let me in on what was obviously an important part of you. But if I was taking a date home one night and found she was wearing a wig, well, I probably wouldn't care, and it'd be decidedly shallow of me to care at all.

Of course there's other reason you may wear a wig. You may have trichotillomannia and in that scenario I would completely understand your reasons for wearing one.

But I guess ultimately its a case of how you reveal it to me and, as Ynoxas says above, how creepy you make it.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:03 PM on April 7, 2007

*sometimes wears, or sometimes fakes i guess.
posted by thisisnotkatrina at 4:04 PM on April 7, 2007

I'd be up-front about it. It might be seen as odd, but not creepy. I dated a woman who wore a wig due to a medical condition, and that wasn't a big deal for me, for what it's worth. She told me about the wig (and the reason for it) before we were dating, though. If, on the other hand, you lie about it (even through omission), that's potentially creepy and upsetting.
posted by Alterscape at 4:05 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm a guy. It would be very weird to me.
posted by delmoi at 4:07 PM on April 7, 2007

Is this Britney?

Cool. I remember that girl from the real world road rules challenge that had short hair and wore cool wigs. I'd like it.
posted by Slenny at 4:07 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Think of a good way to bring it up. Like make it a big surprising reveal somehow.

If someone likes you, then they like you. That's my way of thinking. Someone that freaks about the wig is the kind of person that would dump you if you gained 5 pounds (== not good.)
posted by n9 at 4:09 PM on April 7, 2007

In short, some people will like the fact that you wear wigs. Some people won't. Don't change yourself for either group.
posted by zhivota at 4:15 PM on April 7, 2007

I am not a man so can't offer an opinion, but I will point out that I have a few friends who wear wigs as fashion accessories despite having perfectly adequate hair of their own. Some women just like being able to go from blonde to redhead or whatever, based on their mood. It's certainly a lot easier than hair dye, and I think that the only reason why wigs aren't very popular is that good ones are quite expensive.

And how is wearing a wig any different from wearing a padded bra? Tons of women wear those, and while some men probably get mad if they find out, I would guess that most don't really care.
posted by clarissajoy at 4:19 PM on April 7, 2007

I wouldn't care at all.
posted by willnot at 4:35 PM on April 7, 2007

It depends on when/if you eventually tell.

If a girl I was dating was upfront about wearing a wig I would have no problems. I'd probably even get a cheap thrill out of it, especially if she played it up. Really, you've got a hell of an icebreaker here. You can work out an entire evening's worth of conversation all wrapped up, provided your date has something resembling a sense of humor.

If, as you say in your post, you only told after a while (I'm assuming multiple dates/weeks), I think I might be a little weirded out at first.

Plus, short-haired girls are teh hott.
posted by lekvar at 4:36 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wow, I'm surprised that there are people saying they would be freaked out.

Wigs are fashion accessories, that's it. Lots of women I have worked with had a different hair style every week because they wore wigs.

But, they were black, and I think there's probably a different cultural reaction to white women who do that? I don't know.

But I'm not sure why it matters if you wear a wig or not. Unless you act really embarassed about it the first time he sees you take it off or act all subterfuge-y about it, what's the big deal?

Also, I mean, when exactly does it come up in conversation that you wear a wig (or colored contacts, or whatever)?

I am a woman.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 4:55 PM on April 7, 2007

I wouldn't freak out, but I'd be inclined to think, "Aren't you being silly? It's just hair." At which point you'd explain that you've tried to find a good style for your in-between hair but really haven't much luck yet. And then I'd ask you to wear this to our second date.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:58 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Seconding lekvar. Short hair can look great.

Even if she was upfront about wearing a wig, I couldn't deal with it. For one, I wouldn't deal well with seeing such a radical shift between wearing it/not all the time.. for another, its just... uncomfortable to be around someone knowing they're doing that. Suck it up & don't wear it. If the guy is into you enough, it won't matter.
posted by devilsbrigade at 5:01 PM on April 7, 2007

Wigs are fashion accessories, that's it.

No. The difference between a wig and, say, earrings is that no one looks at a woman and assumes that the earrings are actually part of her body.

Short hair on the ladies is often very nice. But hiding underneath a wig and revealing it after the fact is kind of creepy. Same goes for men wearing toupees.
posted by dhammond at 5:04 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Partly in response to misanthropicsarah and clarissajoy, I'd bear in mind the following: lots of men will not have noticed when other women are wearing wigs, and so for them, the (disclosed) idea of a woman wearing a wig may be far more foreign than in should be. Personally, I'd be kind of into it. But it would also fill me with curiosity about what lies beneath, and were that not revealed, I might be feel cheated -- while showing it would tend to defeat the whole point.

Outside possibility: what if the dude then confesses he's wearing a toupee?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 5:15 PM on April 7, 2007

On the other hand, in response to those saying that short hair is teh hott: sure it can be. But the OP is growing it out, and even I, a dude, know that those in-between stages can sometimes be pretty challenging.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 5:18 PM on April 7, 2007

Who needs to actually talk about any of this? Just wear short/curly on one date, and long/luxurious on the next. They'll catch on.
posted by wearyaswater at 5:23 PM on April 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

It depends on how you're perceived outside of the hair. If I was dating a woman and she was wearing a wig, I'd view it as an oddity. I'd also view it as out of the norm if I was dating a woman with an expensive purse or lots of makeup. However, I have friends who regularly date girls would would possibly use hair extensions, wigs, the aforementioned accessories, or a number of other things I probably wouldn't even think of. That's cool.

The question isn't whether wearing a wig is weird or not, it's whether it's a norm among the group you socialize with and date. Unfortunately, I can't answer that question.
posted by mikeh at 5:34 PM on April 7, 2007

Wear as many wigs as you want, sweetie (said the gay man).

Seriously, it shouldn't be any different from dyeing your hair or wearing make-up, hair extensions, whatever. I used to work with a stunning African-American woman whose hair changed radically ever week. Think of it as adding something more, not something less.

FWIW, my ex used to dye his hair blond, and he was blond-ish when I met him. His hair turned darker. So did our relationship, but the two things weren't related.
posted by Robert Angelo at 5:45 PM on April 7, 2007 [3 favorites]

wait, would you people be pissing yourselves if she just had undisclosed hair extensions? and, for that matter, so what if "other things" aren't factory originals? do people have to announce it if they've dyed their hair, too? or, perhaps, that they wear foundation to cover skin blemishes? because that's projecting the image of being a natural blonde with perfect skin. at worst it makes you look a bit vain, but who doesn't go out of their way to look nice on a date? vegans and anarchists, that's who.

weirdos.

anyway. some people seem to be treating it like it's some grand deception, but at what point in dinner conversation are they suggesting she announce, "now, i have something to tell you. my beautiful hair, you see, it's... and it hurts me to tell you this... not real"?

if it comes up, just laugh it off and explain the situation. treat it like the non-issue it is, and if the guy flips... then there's something a bit off about him.
posted by wreckingball at 5:45 PM on April 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

This thread is educational. I'm black, and, well, lots of women in the black community wear wigs. It really is a fashion accessory. They also wear fake ponytails (my mother has one right now, the entire ponytail is fake, the only part of her head that's real is the slicked down front). And everybody knows about weaves. All of the hair stores are prominently displayed in my community and right in front there are the wigs. Many black men seem to love the longer hair and slicker styles you can get with wigs.

If from these answers you perceive that men within your community might have a negative reaction to it, perhaps you might consider dating men outside of it.
posted by Danila at 5:46 PM on April 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

I wouldn't care at all. I would figure that you were just having fun with an accessory.
posted by xammerboy at 5:51 PM on April 7, 2007

Honey, you're me! I wear wigs every day. It's a lifestyle choice I made, because I inherited my mother's thinning hair, and my dad's multiple cowlicks. As I got older and my hair became gray, it got more and more course... a styling nightmare.

I wear my real hair short. My collection of wigs ranges from short, frisky blonde to long, sexy red, and just about everything in-between.

I am very upfront about it with anyone I meet, assuming I might meet them again. Kidding and saying "Take a good look at my face, 'cause my hair is never the same twice in a row - I wear wigs" might raise a few eyebrows, but you'd be surprised how quickly it becomes a non-issue.

As far as dating goes, I always told my dates. In this day and age of internet dating, my profile included that tidbit, and the reasons why I chose to wear wigs. Also, the disclaimer that I don't take my wig off for 'just anyone.' I figure that if anyone got close enough to me for an unveiling, they really wouldn't be concentrating too much on my hair...

My S.O. loves my many looks... after almost three years together, I'm still a surprise!
posted by Corky at 6:02 PM on April 7, 2007

For me the problem here would be "overly concerned with appearance." If you wore wigs because you thought they were kicky and fun, or because of some sort of health problem, that's OK, but to cover-up a growing out hairdo? That seems a little extreme to me. I'd get the same vibe from a woman who wore more than a little makeup, or wore excessively coiffed hair, or always wore pantyhose, say. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but a raised flag, certainly.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:13 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm a heterosexual male and I can't imagine being the least upset finding out that someone I was dating, or possible going to date, wore a wig. I might be upset if it came off during sex or something. Otherwise, not at all. Clearly, though, I'm in the minority here.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 6:30 PM on April 7, 2007

A wig? I'd just suppose you had theatrical inclinations.
posted by furiousthought at 6:40 PM on April 7, 2007

His hair turned darker. So did our relationship, but the two things weren't related.

Please post more often. I like your style.
posted by Ynoxas at 6:41 PM on April 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

You just grow a short haircut out, it wouldnt be bad at all.

My hair curls outward. When it's just at ear length, it makes me look like (a) I have wings or (b) I am wearing one of those Swiss Miss hats. Growing out a haircut sucks.

I haven't worn wigs, but I have worn falls. I don't see them as being any different than fake nails, or contact lenses. Were I in some sort of romantic situation however, I would probably try to call attention to it as soon as possible ("I like your hair"/"Oh, really? Well, it's fake...") just to remove any chance of "YOU DECEIVED ME, YOU TROLLOP!" in the future.
posted by Lucinda at 6:43 PM on April 7, 2007

Funny thing: my wife is growing her hair out. Last night, as she was putting on her pink wig to go to a party, she half-joked about wearing wigs during that awkward growing-out period.

She's looking over my shoulder as I read over these responses, and she says a wig can be a way of assuming a different persona. So I can understand why guys would be creeped out to learn their date was wearing a wig. That said, as long as it was clear you were wearing a wig early in the relationship, I wouldn't be the slightest bit creeped out. I say have fun with it, be open about it.
posted by adamrice at 7:29 PM on April 7, 2007

Do not date men who overreact to one of the simplest and oldest cosmetic aids known to man and womankind. No, seriously, someone who would flip over something so routine could turn out to be a real problem down the road. Just tell him outright next time you see him - if he's normal he'll be fine with it, but of course assure him that you didn't lose your hair due to illness, you just thought it would be fun to skip the growing out stage with pretty wigs.

As an aside, I have a girl friend who's totally hairless, not a single strand on her gorgeous head. She wears wigs most of the time, and no guy has ever "wigged out" upon learning she's naturally bald.
posted by zarah at 8:18 PM on April 7, 2007

My lord - I'm with the 'enjoy wearing your wigs, and don't worry about it' group (especially if they're a quality product). If somehow you feel the need to bring it up, just tell them the truth - you have short hair and you're growing it out. Men who are a) creeped out or b) feel like it's some grand relationship deception should a) stop watching horror movies where villans take off their wigs, or b) realize that people chang parts of their physical appearance temporarily all the time. Honestly, folks, it's hair - you're meant to have fun with it, no? If it turns into a relationship dealbreaker, well, date someone with a bit more sense of fun, no?
posted by rmm at 8:18 PM on April 7, 2007

There's a store in my neighborhood that has a lot of wigs on display. They must be selling them to somebody, and not just black women.

Like others have said, break it to your date so that it isn't too much of a shock to them. If they can't deal with it, then move on until you find someone who can.
posted by faceonmars at 8:21 PM on April 7, 2007

I'm a girl, if I were in your position I would bring it up sooner rather than later. He will find out eventually, and you will save yourself the trouble of needing to keep track of which wig he's seen you in.

Seems like a wig is lower maintenace than a lot of hairstyles. Never need to get it cut, never need to get it colored like many women do with their hair. I wonder how the boys on here who think a wig is being overly concerened with apperances would feel about a woman shaving her head?
posted by yohko at 8:25 PM on April 7, 2007

One of my best friends wore a wig for one reason: her hair was extremely curly, she preferred it straight and didn't want to spend hours every single day (she had long hair) straightening it.

She also didn't want to take the chance of frying it by having it professionally straightened.

She bought a wig that matched her straightened style and wore it quite often.

None of the men she dated cared.
posted by gummi at 8:39 PM on April 7, 2007

I'd be turned on, thinking it hints at kinky adventures ahead.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:18 PM on April 7, 2007

Someone that freaks about the wig is the kind of person that would dump you if you gained 5 pounds (== not good.)

Uh huh. And a very good friend of mine was dumped by another friend of mine (AWK-ward!) for something akin to the latter situation, so I've witnessed some pretty shallow behavior from otherwise normal, fine people...

If a wig would freak him out that much, do you really want him around in the future? My boyfriend has known me since I was 16, so half my life. He's seen me in just about every ridiculous predicament there is, witnessed me at my worst (from drunk to vomity to covered in sweat and dirt in the garden to bad haircuts like you wouldn't believe and stupid outfits galore)... yet he still luuuurvs me.

In my opinion, if wearing a wig as an accessory freaks a man out, well... he's not worth keeping. Sorry, guys. It's a little shallow and weird.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:36 PM on April 7, 2007

I'm a guy. I have no problem with it in principle...in fact, I think the idea of a girlfriend wearing wigs sometimes is kind of cool.

But there's an important distinction here. You're talking about guys who *don't know* that it's a wig. And as far as you know, they may be attracted to you mainly because of your wig, which they think is your hair.

Just saying "by the way, this is a wig, I'm wearing it while my hair grows out" is enough. For a lot of guys, it will make you more interesting. 100% of them will ask you what color your hair really is. Tell them. If there's a problem, you'll find out then.
posted by bingo at 10:12 PM on April 7, 2007

I'm a guy and past personal experience has taught me to associate women who wear wigs (while having a full head of hair) with psychological instability.

So if someone I was dating told me that they were wearing a wig, it could be a pretty big red flag. A red flag that could be overcome in the absence of other red flags but a damning red flag in the presence of others.
posted by 517 at 10:33 PM on April 7, 2007

Yeah, well 517 sometimes a wig is just a wig.

Otherwise if I'm going out with a girl and I suspect the hair she wears is not her own, having her complete the MMPI for my evaluation would obviously mark me as an insecure boychild who's never recovered from an oedipal complex and fixation with my mother's virginal tresses.

"Oh mum, you had such a beautiful coiffure before you became involved with that scurrilous rake we both resent. Here, let me affix the curlers lovingly to your head and delicately envelope your pate with this hairnet I carefully weaved from the dried effluvium of my tears. And look, it glistens with the gloss of ten-thousand heart-broken spider webs."
posted by isopraxis at 11:24 PM on April 7, 2007

Heh. anonymous, if you see them as another accessory or a way to spice up your look (and clearly, so do a lot of other people), then those guys who would freak out over it are just incompatible with you. That's all. You don't have to wear your hair short if you don't want to, for goodness sakes.

I guess you were trying to see if wearing a wig would make you unattractive to men, but I think only to those people you wouldn't be compatible with for other reasons. It doesn't make you vain or signify a character flaw. If someone thinks it does, maybe they're projecting. Maybe they've been dating the wrong people and blaming it on the wigs. Whatever it is, just know there's plenty of women who wear wigs. If you feel good and confident with it, that's all that will matter to the right guy. That's why there is no need for you to hide it either.

You asked how someone would feel if they found out after "a while", but if you're cool with it then that shouldn't be a problem. Hey, go all out with it if you feel like it! Wear a red wig one night, a black wig the next. Match them with your outfits if you please. That way you don't have to have an awkward "wig conversation" like it's weird or something.
posted by Danila at 12:05 AM on April 8, 2007

A friend of mine doesn't wear wigs, but she regularly has a head full of fake hair extensions and I've never known it to get in the way of her dating men.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 12:13 AM on April 8, 2007

If I suddenly discovered the wig, I would probably assume you were undergoing chemotherapy. If you just flat out told me the honest truth, I'd be fine with it. In no case would I be, er, wigged out.
posted by chairface at 1:20 AM on April 8, 2007

I'm a white male, and I wouldn't be bothered by it. When I found out it was a wig, I might assume it was just an accessory, or I might ask why. The answer "I'm growing it out and don't like the middle length" would satisfy me. I've been there. I'd also be cool with "I just like wearing wigs" or "I felt like being a redhead tonight".

It's very common in my circle of friends to dye hair both natural and unnatural colors (I've done both to mine), and not uncommon to get extensions, so I may be more inclined to think of hair as something fun to play around with than the average guy.
posted by aneel at 3:50 AM on April 8, 2007

I'm with cortex on this: no big deal. There's much bigger things to worry about than a wig. When I met Mrs. arcticseal she was wearing purple contact lenses and not once did I think she was being shallow/lying/misrepresenting herself. I did think she was cool and she was upfront about the lenses (purple not being a usual colour made it pretty obvious anyway).
posted by arcticseal at 3:52 AM on April 8, 2007

I am a guy. But, here's the caveat. I'm married to a bellydancer, so wigs and costumes are just kind of part of the household at this point.

Wigs are sexy (well, good ones are). Seriously. It's really cool to see your significant other with TOTALLY DIFFERENT hairstyles, without having to do something really crazy.

Wigs can be fun. There's no reason to freak.
posted by geekhorde at 4:15 AM on April 8, 2007

makes no difference at all.
posted by foodybat at 6:19 AM on April 8, 2007

I'm with chairface and others. Wigs, extensions, clipped-in-pieces, cosmetic dentistry and surgery are pretty normal in my social circle. So if you mentioned it casually and quickly brushed it aside as the non-issue it is, it wouldn't be anything. I'd empathize since I've worn a hat for the very same reason. But if it were revealed accidentally, it'd put a chill on the whole evening because my mind would be racing, wondering if it's because of chemo, running through a catalog of other diseases, trying to assess the truth of your "oh, ha ha, I guess the secret is out--it's just while I'm growing it out, no big deal", wondering if it's really no big deal or if your hair is some big issue for you.
posted by Martin E. at 6:53 AM on April 8, 2007

I'm with 517.
posted by philfromhavelock at 8:14 AM on April 8, 2007

OK, so assume you wear a wig. It seems you have a couple of different options.

1. Don't say anything at first.

Downside A: they might notice regardless. My assessment: depends on the dude. If you sense the date might need to be eased into wigginess, don't change the wig for a few dates, but if you guess the date might be into it change it up next time. Of course, you can also manage this by wearing a particularly obvious wig, like a beehive.

Downside B: they'll know eventually, and feel deceived. My assessment: maybe, but on the other hand, no one has a right to know everything straight off, and here there's relatively little harm done. If you look amazing in the wig, and it's what made them fall for you, you can keep wearing the damn thing.

2. Put your cards on the table, right after dealing. OK, I betrayed my biases on that one. It's hard for me to imagine any casual way of saying this that doesn't seem bizarre, assuming this is a get-aquainted kind of date. And making a big deal of disclosing it is even stranger. Sure, the ideal person wouldn't care, but not all ideal people act that way consistently.

If the consequences of #2 are worse, as I think they likely are, the question is more of an ethical one. Since I think there's a shared understanding that early dates are exercises in constrained deception (manners, opinions, clothing, activities, etc.), I think you're fine.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:21 AM on April 8, 2007

I'd be more concerned if you just had just one wig rather than a collection of them. I don't know why that is but I'm guessing for sanitary reasons. I certainly wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it one way or another and can totally sympathize if it's for dealing with an "in between" hair style phase.

Of course, you could make your wig thing clear by the second date simply by wearing a completely different wig and bringing it up early in the conversation.
posted by furtive at 9:43 AM on April 8, 2007

Another vote for not caring. It's just an accessory. Next thing you'll be telling me your eyelids aren't actually purple, and your lips aren't always ruby red...

I also humbly theorize that this thread is skewed to the negative because most people who don't feel one way or another about wigs are so indifferent that they can't be bothered to post saying "I wouldn't especially care."
posted by Sticherbeast at 11:57 AM on April 8, 2007

Another vote for not caring. It's just an accessory. Next thing you'll be telling me your eyelids aren't actually purple, and your lips aren't always ruby red...

These things fall into the category of apparent deceptions: while the true color of the lips and eyelids may be disguised, the fact that they are being disguised is not. An obvious (or mentioned) wig is exactly the same. A more subtle wig may not be.

I also humbly theorize that this thread is skewed to the negative because most people who don't feel one way or another about wigs are so indifferent that they can't be bothered to post saying "I wouldn't especially care."

This may be right. This is all a little messy, because half the people are reporting what they themselves would do, and half are saying what they expect the average date would so.

Still, counter-hypotheses: (1) people feel better about themselves if they can truthfully report they wouldn't care, so they are overrepresented; (2) those with poorly affixed wigs may be unable to participate because they cannot see the monitor.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 2:42 PM on April 8, 2007

You could wear a blatantly unnaturally colored wig: pink or green or blue or purple.

It could be a conversation topic, then...
posted by Pronoiac at 5:06 PM on April 8, 2007

I dated a girl, shortly, that wore wigs and color contacts. She didn't tell me about either and the first time she showed up at my house without either, it was super creepy and uncomfortable.
posted by m3thod4 at 12:46 AM on April 9, 2007

put me in the "who cares" camp. Although, I would like to be clued in before any situation where it might come off, just so I wouldn't be surprised.
posted by mikepop at 6:27 AM on April 9, 2007

I'm surprised that so many people see a wig as "no different" than lipstick.

Would you feel the same way about a toupee on a man, or what about fake facial hair like a moustache or a fake beard?

Some things are decoration, some things are modification.

Again, I wouldn't really care, but I would prefer to be told due to my specific preferences.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:43 AM on April 9, 2007

I am a dude. I wouldn't care if you wore a wig. If you felt the need to tell me about it, like on the first or second date, I would think "Why the hell does she think wearing a wig is some sort of big enough deal that she has to be up front about it?" and assume you were a total freak. Wearing a wig is fine. Assuming that you have to disclose wearing a wig is weird.

Here's the rub, though. I might reallly like your wig hairstyle, and then not like your real hair at all. I might ask you to wear the wig, and you might think I'm a jerk for that.
posted by 23skidoo at 2:11 PM on April 9, 2007

I am learning a lot about wigs and reactions thereto. One variable: would it matter if the OP was really inquiring about a merkin?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 2:17 PM on April 9, 2007

Would you feel the same way about a toupee on a man...

I think a more apt comparison in light of the asker's style would be a man who wore a different toupee every week vs. a man who wears a toupee meant to pass as his real hair.

The fact that the asker has all these wigs around, which she now happens to be using more while her hair is more to her liking, puts her use squarely into the camp of fashion accessory (in my opinion).

It's like that kid at the coffee shop who has different colored-hair every week. Sometimes blue, sometimes green - I don't think he is trying to fool anyone.
posted by mikepop at 5:43 AM on April 10, 2007

Clyde: merkins are right out, regardless of color, complexity, or gender of the wearer.

mikepop: I see what you're saying, but in my (admittedly limited) experience, toupees seem to be viewed differently from wigs. Toupees are almost universally derided and a source of shame if discovered. I don't think wigs are, as evidenced by this thread.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:10 AM on April 10, 2007