To Wig, or not to Wig? that is the question.

August 17, 2014 6:50 PM

looking for some advice and opinions on male wigs.

So here it is.

Ive been losing my hair since I was 21 and up until now Ive just been using concealers to hide the really thin spots but now that is becoming almost impossible considering I have almost no hair left at the top for the concealer to grab on to.

So what are my options?

Pills? No thanks, they dont really work and the side effects and $$ are simply not worth it.
Transplant? Expensive long term and still will never look that great.

Wigs?

Now in the past I would of said hell no. But as of recent Ive seen some incredible wigs that hardly look noticeable...I mean I cant tell the difference at all. Check out these 2 really good examples -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcs5KiELX8w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNiJH1yBINw


Now I have considered the shaving my head option but bald just doesnt suit me. On top of that I had a really bad car accident several years ago that left me with a really nasty scar on the top.


So a few questions I have are...

Ladies what do you think of male wigs? Especially if they are practically unnoticeable. Is it really that terrible for a guy to wear one?

Also im curoius to know if anyone wears one or has done in the past? What are your recommendations? Is it worth doing?

Any advice or opinions would help tremendously! Im still a young guy - age 28

posted by red47Apple to Health & Fitness (50 answers total)

It is always preferable for a guy to have a shaved head than for him to try to conceal his baldness. A wig is absolutely out of the question.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:58 PM on August 17, 2014 [69 favorites]

To Wig, or not to Wig? that is the question.

The answer to which is, not to wig.
posted by headnsouth at 7:02 PM on August 17, 2014 [10 favorites]

Especially if they are practically unnoticeable.

They're always noticeable. I have worked places where the executives were revoltingly wealthy and could have afforded the finest wigmakers, and nevertheless, the toupees still stuck out like sore thumbs. Among other things, the hair tends to not move quite right in real life.

Really, the best thing is to just own it and cut it short or shave it off.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 7:03 PM on August 17, 2014 [6 favorites]

...

My general opinion on things like this is if it helps you feel as good as you can about yourself and that you are comfortable with it, then go for it. It doesn't really matter what *I* think of it. If you're happy, then go for it.

But, as a lady, and if we were to meet in a dating situation, I would say no to the wig. I'd rather see a shaved head than a wig.
posted by absquatulate at 7:04 PM on August 17, 2014 [10 favorites]

A coworker of mine came back from vacation with a wig. He's someone I like and respect, and not bad looking, but when I saw the wig I just felt sad. Sad that he feels so insecure about something as common and insignificant as thinning hair that he has to devote so much time and effort to covering it up.

My suggestion would be to find a hair dresser or stylish friend who can help you choose a haircut (not necessarily shaved) that suits your head and remaining hair. If you really can't live with your relative hairlessness I'd reconsider transplants; they can look really good. And beware of promotional videos. Of course the wig looks good, it's a paid ad for the company!
posted by arrmatie at 7:05 PM on August 17, 2014 [11 favorites]

Wigs and toupees are... not... uh... I dunno, man. If I was dating a guy and I found out his hair was a wig (which, honestly, I'd probably notice before he said anything), it would be weird.
posted by erst at 7:06 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

A shaved head or well-trimmed hair + confidence = YES!

A wig = Probably not.

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with the balding quite early in life so I want to acknowledge and validate that frustration. However, I do feel it's so common and less of an issue -- if ever an issue -- to others as you get older. And if you're thinking this partially from a dating standpoint: sure, I like nice hair but it's just one factor in many. Of course, a good personality would get equal initial notice and totally win out after a few minutes of chatting and absolutely in the long term. (I'm saying this genuinely and not just paying lip service. :-)

Ultimately, it's your choice and it's about what you feel most comfortable in. If you go the wig route, I'd make sure a few close friends give their honest opinions when you try it on to be sure.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:08 PM on August 17, 2014 [5 favorites]

I am biased as I have a major thing for a nice shaved bald head, but I say dear god no wig.
posted by Katine at 7:21 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

I hear you about the scar. I don't know if the other answerers are taking that into account. Could you post a photo of the scar?
posted by amtho at 7:21 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

A teacher of mine has a shaved head and prominent 6" or so scar across it. No one has ever remarked upon it and I haven't actually thought of it consciously until now. I don't think it's a big deal, a wig, when surrounded by students, probably would be a big deal though.
posted by deadwax at 7:23 PM on August 17, 2014

I'm not a lady, but the mother of a friend of mine was not getting any job offers until someone finally admitted her wig was offputting. She ditched the wig and got employed again.

I'd say you're fortunate that we live in a time when some of biggest sex symbols (Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel) have shaved heads. And scars are manly.

And I think some people will wonder if you're having chemo.
posted by musofire at 7:24 PM on August 17, 2014 [3 favorites]

I'm going to go against the tide here and say that if your thinning hair is causing you a lot of stress and adversely affecting your self-esteem, and if you can afford a good one and do the styling required to make it stay looking good, then go and get a wig. I think that if this question were from a woman with thinning hair, that most people would understand how this might affect someone and lower their confidence. You don't have to just 'suck it up' any more than a woman in the same situation would. I say this as a woman who probably wouldn't care if you were bald or not if I were interested in you. Also as someone who probably wouldn't notice it was a wig.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 7:25 PM on August 17, 2014 [10 favorites]

shaved head + hat
posted by bq at 7:30 PM on August 17, 2014 [3 favorites]

Just looked at the videos you linked. The guy who is talking in the first video definitely looks like he's wearing fake hair, and it's a little off-putting. The hair looks too thick and uniformly dark to be natural, and additionally looks like it doesn't match his face.

In the second video, the guy looks a little like a... cartoon character? I mean, I don't want to insult him, and he has a nice face, but the wig just looks too uniform to be natural, and the hairline is weird. He actually looks much better -- in fact, really nice -- without the wig (although he might look better if he hadn't had to cut his hair specifically to accommodate the wig).
posted by amtho at 7:30 PM on August 17, 2014 [3 favorites]

I have a bald friend with a very noticeable scar and a bit oddly shaped head. I noticed both for about five seconds then his kind blue eyes, big smile and everything else. Now he is Friend who is simply a cool guy. The scar is pretty awesome looking actually.

Ditto for a friend who lost her hair to chemo - she had very cute wigs, which are different on a woman because they're long. At a certain length, the hair on a wig starts to have movement and look more natural, but short wigs don't have the grip and flexibility. She had a short wig but didn't like it, and every short wig I've seen looks like a hair helmet, compared to long.

No-one, male or female, really suits short wigs because they lack movement by their shortness. I actually like a very short buzz compared to truly bald - it gives you a soft fuzz to touch and it looks more textured IMO than bald. The top-balding guys who have shaved the sides to a very slight buzz looked great, way better than just thinning and ignoring it or covering it up.
posted by viggorlijah at 7:38 PM on August 17, 2014 [8 favorites]

I also vastly prefer the slight-buzzed sides, bald top to any other hair option for a balding guy. The wig would weird me out, and looking at your videos, seems to only work at all when the guy is going for a hairstyle with a lot of product in it so that you wouldn't expect the hair to look natural anyway - the model in the first part of your first linked video, for instance, looks ok after they spike his hair up because we expect gelled up spiked hair to be stiff and artificial, but before that point it's much easier to tell.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:43 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

Transplant? Expensive long term and still will never look that great.

I know two younger guys with transplants and you'd never know. The old hair plugs weren't great but the new micro thingy that they do looks and feels pretty much normal. You do end up with a scar from where they harvest the hair though.

Honestly, a LOT of guys go bald by 35-40. Right now you might feel self-conscious but I bet a quarter of your friends will be bald or sporting shaved heads by then. It might be worth just waiting it out for a bit and seeing how you feel as you age. In the meantime, you could try a short haircut to see how it suits you.
posted by fshgrl at 7:47 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

It's your head and you should do what makes you feel comfortable, but if your question is what other people (especially ladies) will think if you wear a wig:

Is it really that terrible for a guy to wear one?

There aren't many positive images of men who wear wigs, and by that, I mean every time I've seen a man with a wig portrayed in the media he's been the butt of a joke. If I noticed that a man was wearing a wig I would, to be completely honest, think it a little pathetic. It's not fair, and I hate being that shallow, but I think you're looking for honesty.

As for the shaved head head look, for me it is just a default haircut that I barely notice. No, I won't be impressed by your luxurious locks, but it's not really a negative either.

So, basically, in terms of attractiveness:

A good head of well-styled hair: A positive.

A shaved head: Neutral.

A wig: Nooooo.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:16 PM on August 17, 2014 [8 favorites]

I'm a woman, and personally I'm not particularly super into hair as a feature so balding/thinning hair isn't that big a deal to me. A wig would be much more of an issue, especially at a younger age. To me, owning your hair situation would be sexy sign of confidence. That said, it's a little like me having kind of big boobs and telling someone not to get implants. Easy for me to say, but you do what you have to. But the bottom line is, the right woman will not reject you simply because you're wearing one.

If you want to read about a recent male wig in the news, this is Corey Stoll, a handsome actor with advanced hair loss. In his new role on the tv show The Strain his character wears a wig. If you don't mind possible spoilers, a search for "Corey Stoll + wig" will give you an interesting perspective on the negative reaction people have had to seeing him with a wig. (FWIW, I'm on team Bald Corey.)
posted by Room 641-A at 8:24 PM on August 17, 2014

My bestie (a woman) has cancer, and she's also very rich. She has wigs created by one of the foremost wig-makers of the world. They cost thousands and thousands of dollars apiece, they are custom-made for her, they are fitted, cut and styled by the wigmaker, and then reguarly cleaned and re-set at the wigmaker's incredibly posh and private shop. They are literally the best wigs money can buy, under the best circumstances. And they're still wigs. They allow her to "pass" under many situations, but in the end they are just wigs. They are a hassle, there are a hundred ways for them to look wrong, and when she's wearing them she always, always knows she's wearing a wig and worries about it.

There is no question in my mind that you with your bald spot, and you with a shaved head, are leaps and bounds above you with a wig. The scar is a bonus. Scars are cool.
posted by BlahLaLa at 8:34 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

I don't like it when people get sneery about men wearing wigs. If a woman was balding and she wanted to wear a wig, I'm guessing most of you folks would say that it was her choice and you'd probably admit she looked better with good, fake hair than just shaving her head. If a bald man wants hair on his head, it's the same damn deal. His "vanity" is no better or worse than hers.

If it was me I'd embrace the whole wig thing and get a bunch of different wigs I could wear depending on my mood. I'd go glam rock with it, so I could have a blue mohawk on Monday and a black bob on Tuesday! Too many people are squeamish about embracing the artificial. If we were just living "naturally," we'd be living in caves and dying in agony at 30. Natural mostly sucks.

That being said, if you are looking for something that appears totally natural you are going to have a much easier time of it with a transplant. You get one of those jobs and then you've got hair back on your head and that's that. The sad truth is that most women will get kind of weird about a man in a wig, even a woman who walks around with a padded bra and a painted face... or even a wig.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:35 PM on August 17, 2014 [9 favorites]

Oh, and wigs can get uncomfortably hot.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:38 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

I would say, if you're going to wear a wig, to just totally own it, Andy Warhol-style. Get some that are just really obvious. There's more to life than blending in with the masses.
posted by sexyrobot at 8:41 PM on August 17, 2014 [10 favorites]

I'm sure there are good wigs/toupees that I don't notice, but the noticeable ones are always bad. Like, worse than combover bad, and combovers are bad enough. I'm tall so I see scalps, and wigs that look ok from the front can look horrid from above.

At my age most guys (including myself) seem to be noticeably balding, and it's no big deal. Spend the money and/or time to figure out what is flattering for your head -- shave, buzz, nicely styled haircut -- and keep a hat around to avoid sunburn.

The old hair plugs weren't great but the new micro thingy that they do looks and feels pretty much normal. You do end up with a scar from where they harvest the hair though.

I'd look into this before getting a wig.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:44 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

The second guy in particular, I thought: He doesn't look horrible, but he'd look just as good if not better buzzed or shaved, and he would spend way less time on it even if he did it daily, and he'd never have to worry about what anybody would think if they knew. I do think these new ones look pretty okay, with a lot of effort put into styling just so, but--okay, are you planning to never sleep over with someone ever again? If it's ever coming off, then what you have is part of the time looking basically okay, and part of the time with the hair on the sides and the great swath buzzed down in between. Or you could look just as good, but all the time.

Unless the scarring is seriously keloided, you could probably do a fine job toning down the scarring by shaving and just using something like Dermablend, with less time and effort than that guy's doing for that whole routine.
posted by Sequence at 8:46 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

A bald spot or thinning hair is no big deal to me. A wig would be a turnoff.
posted by Redstart at 9:15 PM on August 17, 2014

If you shave it then you have won over your hair and it can't cause you any stress or grief ever again. Plus you save $$$.
posted by Sebmojo at 9:20 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

I am a male with a full head of hair so take this for what it is worth, but I am ok with a guy wearing a wig. I have a good friend who wears one and I actually did not know it was one until well he had to remove it. (Long story)

I say do whatever makes you feel better.
posted by 724A at 9:25 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

Bald is really not even a blip on my radar. To me, it's not like "oh, God, he's bald!" But more like "oh yeah, I guess he's bald." It's a descriptor like wearing glasses, hair color, height, or age.

When I went in the first date with my now husband, I didn't realize until the end of the date that he was seriously balding. He's tall and I didn't notice until I watched him walking away. It made zero difference to me. Had he been wearing a wig, I probably would've been less likely to go out with him. His brother wears a wig and I can't help but notice it and think about how douchey it looks.

Be bald. Be proud.
posted by Sal and Richard at 9:35 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]

My husband is a perfect experiment for this. He has a twin brother. They both started balding at 18. His brother wears a wig; my husband shaves his head. Look which one I married :)
posted by lollusc at 9:48 PM on August 17, 2014 [6 favorites]

Please don't get a wig. It will feel weird for a little while and you might feel self-conscious when you first get your head shaved but once you're used to it, I PROMISE that you will feel SO LIBERATED, particularly since you've been fretting about your hair for a while now. Either get your own clippers or have a buzz cut once a month or so. A wig seems like such a burden.
posted by lois1950 at 9:54 PM on August 17, 2014

Scars just show that you had a tough time, survived, and healed. Love your scars. Shave it off!

(Also, bald men are cute.)
posted by samthemander at 9:56 PM on August 17, 2014 [3 favorites]

Why not go on a test-run with baldness for a holiday? Get a buzzcut at the airport, put on sunscreen (I cannot emphasise this enough) and then see if you like your shaved head. If you hate it after a week, wear a hat till it grows back and then invest in a wig.
posted by viggorlijah at 10:28 PM on August 17, 2014 [6 favorites]

First off: I didn't think either of the video guys' wigs was bad or noticeable. Second guy was way better, but I don't think I'd notice even the first guy's wig.

Secondly: The upkeep just seems a pain to me, though. And also I'd be worried about situations arising where I'd be found out, and I wouldn't like that extra constant worry.

Finally: A picture of you now, and one of your scar, would be helpful if you can manage it.
posted by rio at 10:48 PM on August 17, 2014

Before she passed my mom lost her hair to chemo and was super self conscious about it. She wore a wig the last 4 years of her life. It wasnt that long but thanks to it being expensive and her hair stylist being awesome it looked really good. People are shocked when I tell them. So if it looks good and works go for it. Just male sure its no obvious.
posted by Carillon at 10:59 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

So I was going to say noooooooo, don't wig it up... But then I watched the two videos and both guys seemed so much more natural and comfortable with the hair piece. Honestly I (a judgy female type) couldn't tell the hair was fake when watching on my phone. IRL, not sure but I am shocked to say the fake hair impressed me. I did notice that the amount of work is intense and you would pretty much have to master hair styling to even begin to pull this off.

Also if I was dating you I would want to know what it looked like up close, felt like and smelt like. I could see this not going super well in intimate moments. But, who knows.

Do you have a super honest lady friend(s) that could go with you for the consultation? I think this needs to be evaluated on a person by person basis.

Good luck with your decision.
posted by saradarlin at 11:10 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

Man, not lady, with full, wavy hair, here. I will probably never go bald, but I hope my two cents are useful.

Honestly, my gut feeling about wigs is much the same as my gut feeling about guys who dye their hair as it starts greying.

Personal reasons -- and rare exceptions -- aside, the general vibe is of someone who is lacking in self confidence. Yeah, there's a double standard in terms of gender, but that's sort of moot. I know many people who are specifically attracted to bald or balding men, and just as many people who -- through acceptance and ownership -- really make it work.

There's arguably also a gender disparity in the appreciation of scars, but again (fair or not) this is typically something that guys can get away with and even benefit from. I've got a noticeable scar marring my brow, but there's a great story behind it, and it gives me character. I have a friend who has several serious scars on his head from a bad wreck; he keeps his hair short and seems to be okay with them (I know he's had women approach him because of them, too).

This isn't to say that the example videos weren't impressive. That sort of wig seems about 80% convincing (they do look quite natural, but I noted some slight color matching issues in video #1). They do seem like a ton of work to maintain, and I say this as someone who spends a lot of time and money futzing with his hair. Another thing to bear in mind is that everyone who knows you at present will be aware of your tactic. Is that something you'd be comfortable with (e.g. explaining it multiple times)? Is it something you'd be willing to reveal to a SO, eventually? How does the short term perceived disadvantage of hair loss compare to the long term sense of betrayal/distrust that they might feel?

The larger question is which approach -- getting comfortable with your natural state vs. overcoming it -- is more likely to give you comfort and confidence. Personally? I'd go with acceptance. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to admire my distinguished greying temples.
posted by credible hulk at 11:35 PM on August 17, 2014

A man who was balding went on vacation. When he came back, he had lots of hair and looked 10 years younger. Also ridiculous. Moral of the story: people who know you know you are losing your hair. People who don't know you - well, what do you care what they think?
posted by Cranberry at 11:40 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

People shouldn't be comparing your use of a wig to a woman's use of a wig: society has pretty serious double standards when it comes to hair loss.

It is very much a "normal" part of a man's life to lose his hair. It won't happen to everyone but it happens to enough men at a young age that a bald or shaved head is COMPLETELY normalized.

For women the opposite is true, thinning hair or bald spots are often a marker for a physical problem, whether it's chemo or alopecia, and it leaves them very vulnerable to both discrimination (in the workplace) and shame. It sucks and it's unfair but it still happens this way.

You're young, you're healthy, you have a society-approved haircut awaiting you, one that is still considered manly and attractive. Go for it. Wigs really are a last resort and they will look out of place on someone, like you, who had the option to shave and own it.
posted by lydhre at 3:53 AM on August 18, 2014 [9 favorites]

I know a lot of guys who started losing hair in their mid-twenties. It's not at all unusual. 2nd buzzed / trimmed or shaved. I also almost never care about whether men have hair or don't. (I might judge overuse of product, however.)

The odds that a woman would negatively judge you for a scar are pretty low, and if she did, you wouldn't want to be with her. On the contrary, I am pretty sure that reactions would range from neutral (not noticing it or accepting it) to positive (being curious about the story or feeling more endeared to you).

If you do want to take more direct action, transplants would be better than a wig, because you'd be free to engage in athletic activities, and to be intimate with someone without fearing you'll be exposed. The wig would leave you with a pretty significant Achilles heel outside of sedentary situations in which no one's touching you.
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:55 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

If the wig makes you happy get it. Really. My MIL had severe hair loss and scars from brain surgery. She wears wigs. They often look like wigs but heres the thing she is happy about her looks for the first time in years. Until I came along her all male family couldn't see why she would care about her looks having another female to encourage her when she bought up going to a wig store gave her the courage to go. She is dressing nicer now, going out & making new friends and feels better about herself than she did when I first met her. So I don't give a flying fuck that she looks like she's wearing a wig because she's also smiling.

Having said that things she does that she could do better to make her hair look less wig like. Don't buy cheap wigs. You don't buy one wig and keep it forever those babies have a life span and its not as long as you think. For the love of God style it don't just plonk it on your head. Those woven in ones need upkeep are you willing to go in regularly for the upkeep, because the second you don't it's going to look like a wig.

People saying guys should just shave their heads as there is not as much pressure on them to have hair as women forget just how many actors are bald. John Travolta, Ben Affleck, Gary Sinise, Burt Reynolds, William Shatner, Nic Cage & Sean Connery all wore/wear wigs for years. So through their films & appearances and see if you can pick them out. Sometimes you can sometimes you can't, and they have the advantage of good lighting, hella expensive products & professional in between shot styling and you can still pick the wig from time to time. Are you going to fool all the people all the time. Probably not. Are you going to make yourself happy? That's up to you to decide.
posted by wwax at 5:33 AM on August 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

Something else to think about is how easy it will be to maintain the facade. I know I don't have a typical all-day-in-the-office job, but in a given week I have to put on and take off hard hats and sun hats (or winter hats) multiple times a day; there's always the risk of falling into a river (everyone does it, usually a few times a year); and there's the issue of climate, with cold rain and windy or 100+ and sweaty that the wig would have to stay equally anchored for. (There are also late night drunken hot tub and sauna moments at conferences and on vacations, but those are always optional and easy to avoid.) There's no way I'd want to add that kind of stress to my life.

Same thing if you are a gym person or like to go hiking or put on a motorcycle helmet -- there are a lot of normal day to day activities that would be hard to never have a hairpiece malfunction. And maybe it's just because I keep my hair buzzed short, but I have people (especially but not exclusively women and gay guys) say hello by coming up from behind and rubbing my head all the time -- how embarrassing would it be to have a wig come off in their hand?

So look carefully at your normal activities and make sure that a wig would fit seamlessly and unobtrusively in every part. What I've described aren't issues for some people, and might not be concerns at all for you, or might be answerable with newer wig technology, but would definitely give me pause.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:42 AM on August 18, 2014 [5 favorites]

I am a woman. Consider me a big "No Wig" vote.
Dating a bald man? Sure!
Dating a man with a full head of hair? Sure!
Dating a balding man? Sure!
Dating a man who I THOUGHT had a full head of hair but later on found out he was wearing a wig/toupee? Call it unfair or superficial, but I'd almost definitely take a pass on that one.

That would be such a huge turn off for me. Everyone is different, and maybe it wouldn't bother everyone, but it would bother the hell out of me. It feels like way too big of a deception. Same as if I were dating a woman if I found out that her C-cups were actually AA cups but with a hugely padded bra. Just give it to me straight, you know?

FWIW never have I ever heard any woman I know say anything negative about a man's bald head. Bald head is pretty much a big neutral.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 6:52 AM on August 18, 2014

Ladies what do you think of male wigs?

28 is right smack dab in the middle of the age-range I've been dating in for a few years, and I've definitely been with more than one dude with closely-trimmed fuzzy sides-of-head and a smooth-top-of-head. Doesn't bother me at all, normal, common, hot, shows they are comfortable with their body and know what grooming looks best on them.

In general, I'm "hell yeah, wigs." I own multiple long pastel wigs that hang out in my bedroom on styrofam heads. I have a lot of friends who feel more comfortable wearing hairpieces, but I'm a genderweird person who has a lot of friends who are also on the trans spectrum. I am all for people doing things to make them feel more confident and at home in their bodies.

I totally understand wanting to wear a wig to look more femme, like a lot of my friends. I don't quite understand wearing a wig to be a more attractive cis dude, though, because generally attractive cis dudes don't wear wigs. I'm gonna go ahead and give my supportive "you do you" blessing, with my first paragraph as a "but...." caveat.
posted by Juliet Banana at 9:07 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

I went shaved in my late '30s. Totally the right decision, should have done it much sooner. Yeah, every once in a while I'll push a blade too long and nick the hell out of my head and shaving is a PITA, but in general? Own it.

Sure, 3 decades ago there were skinhead connotations, but post Star Trek: The Next Generation? Shaved says "I am confident and cool under pressure, and you can only aspire to get with me. But I do appreciate the effort."
posted by straw at 10:13 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

I was a tiny bit charmed that somebody in this day and age is considering this option, so I went back and read your two relationship questions. You are so old school for one so young! I don't know: at first I was against the wig idea, but now I'm wondering whether you couldn't use it as a weed-out mechanism to find the "girl of your dreams," somebody who wouldn't be put off by the wig and in front of whom you'd feel safe donning and doffing the wig...? Except that the idea of doing what the guy in the second video has to do to maintain the stupid thing gives me the major creeps. I hate hassle, and that whole production in the sink dabbing at a wet pile of somebody-else's-hair with a dishwashing sponge looks like hassle on a monumental scale. Not to mention gluing it on your head. Every single day. I say skip it: don't make any big decisions at this juncture. Wait. Date. And go proudly bald.
posted by Don Pepino at 2:43 PM on August 18, 2014

I'm 33 now, but since I was about 27, I have often remarked on the fact that more than half of the men I know well are bald or balding. Except for the few that are in the earlier stages of visible bald spots, they all rock their (sexy) shaved heads. Some of them have funkier head shapes and weird skulls and visible folds and divots and what not. I couldn't describe a single one of those "imperfections" in detail to you.

I didn't think shaved heads were sexy in college; funny how I much I love me some sexy bald (and/or silver) foxes now. I imagine it has been hard to deal with losing your hair younger and more quickly than your peers, but realize that it's only going to get easier. You're aging into the part of your life where this is totally normal and mostly a neutral non-issue. Trying to incorporate a wig into your life at this point just seems like signing up for more years of continued hair anxiety to me. As you can see, it's going to turn more people off than on. Don't stack the odds against yourself.

Also, I didn't watch the entirety of either commercial, but it looked to me like both of those men were shown using professional styling and products. Do you/did you spend that much effort, time, and money on your hair every day? Is it worth it? Wouldn't it be nice not to?
posted by juliplease at 3:14 PM on August 18, 2014

Not to wig.

Bald, or close cropped hair is way better. And personally, thinning hair/ a bald spot on a man was never a turn off for me. (Patrick Stewart rocks it, so can you). Being confident and comfortable with who you are is way more important.
That said... if *you* want a wig because *you* prefer it, then go for it. But if you want general opinions on it, then that is a different thing.

A good friend of mine has a large scar on his head and has close cropped hair. I asked him once if it bothers him that people stare/ask questions. He said that he had become comfortable with the idea that people want to know, and doesn't let it define him. It had also started some friendships for him, as people asked about it. His calmness, and nonchalance answering that made him seem incredibly cool and confident.
posted by troytroy at 3:50 PM on August 18, 2014

You've asked for women's opinions, so here's mine: no wig.

The wigs in those videos did look good, for sure, but there is no wig that's going to stand up to someone putting their fingers through your hair, or impromptu skinny dipping, or vigorous, sweaty sex.

I'm imagining myself dating and in the early stages of a relationship with a guy. If he had one of those fancy wigs, I probably wouldn't notice at first. But then once we're starting to get all up in each other's space, I'd be bound to notice. And then it's just all awkward. Do I say something? Am I supposed to pretend I don't notice? Is he really insecure about his hair? Will he notice that I've noticed? Is that going to make him feel bad? What do I do if it makes him feel bad? Do I say it looks real? Do I say I think bald men are sexy? Man! exhausting.

Think about the different stages of a relationship and try to imagine at what point you are going to feel comfortable revealing that you are wearing a wig. First date? Right before you have sex? Honeymoon? Some day when you're really, really sick and have to go to the hospital? Never?

This will reveal the fact that I am an old lady, but I once saw an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that was about a man whose wife and children had never seen him without his toupee. The makeover dudes eventually convinced him to lose the wig and get a nice short haircut. One of them made the point that on some level, a wig is a lie, and that by wearing the wig he was hiding his true self from his family, in a literal and metaphorical sense. They encouraged him to have the bravery to be vulnerable and he went for it. It was super emotional!

This all pre-supposes that if you got the wig you would keep it a secret (I'm basing that on the fact that you have been trying to hide your hair loss for several years already). Secrets really suck, man. On the other hand, if, as someone suggested above, you rock the wig Andy Warhol style and make no bones about its unrealness, then I think you could probably make it work for you. (But I don't get the feeling that's how you are approaching the wig issue.)

On the other hand, we happen to live in a time when bald is fucking beautiful. And it just keeps getting sexier. I honestly think you would do better in the long run to work on all the crappy feelings you have about losing your hair and make peace with it rather than trying to hide it.
posted by looli at 7:00 PM on August 18, 2014

Oh, and FWIW, whatever you choose is likely to only be temporary. ..just read that some japanese researchers have cured baldness (still in human trials IIRC) ...Stuff like Rogaine, etc only grow back the center part of the hair follicle. ..this new thing apparently grows back the whole thing...
posted by sexyrobot at 7:27 PM on August 18, 2014