Getting over feelings of betrayal
April 3, 2007 10:14 PM Subscribe
I am starting to hate my cousin and best friend. Please help me forgive her.
posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Mary is my cousin, and up until about a month or so ago, my very best friend in the entire world. We used to hang out every single night of the week unless one of us had a date. It's the closest friendship I ever experienced, and while we were close it was one of the best parts of my life. We shared every detail of our lives with eachother, I would've taken a bullet (and still would) for her.
We live in a small college town and we don't live together. She live with her roomate Jane, whom I get along with and was an acquaintance/friend of mine as well. Jane, Mary, and myself all had leases that ended in April. So naturally, we decided to look for a place for all three of us.
Shopping for a rental together was stressful. Our price ranges were different, but I was more than willing to go down to her level price-wise. The chief problem was, Mary was very picky and had very high standards for her maximum price. More than once, I argued that just due to simple market conditions we were not going to meet all of her standards at a given price. We looked for months and could not find something that fit her standards/price.
April was drawing nearer, and all three of us were getting antsy as we would have nowhere to live soon. One night, while the two of us were out walking, she saw a house with a for rent sign.
As fate would have it, she called the next day on the house. It happened to meet most of her standards and the price was great! One problem... only two spots were open. She signed with Jane, leaving me to find my own housing somewhere else. I was crushed. I fought back tears when she told me she had signed a lease with Jane.
I found room somewhere else. She apologized to me and said she was sorry, but I think if push came to shove, she would do it again.
* * * * * * * *
Ever since then (about a month ago), our friendship has been wrecked. I thought we were down for eachother no matter what, and I feel so betrayed.
She's great in ways that I'm not, but I've always had more money and been slimmer/prettier one. In the past I never let it go to my head, I would lend her my super expensive clothes/jewellry and set her up with hot guys. Now I find myself gloating over my advantages over her and I hate myself for it. I don't want to be this kind of human.
Little things she does (stupid stuff that doesn't matter, like listen to Nickelback type music, etc) have started to bug me like crazy when I used to not notice it at all, or find it endearing.
I can't let go of the feelings of hurt and betrayal. I would give anything to feel the same as I did a month ago. I've gone from seeing her every night to ignoring her. I know she hurt me, but I am being fucking immature.
Last year I modelled for a swimsuit designer in town, and I get discounts. She saw a swimsuit she wanted and texted me today to ask me if I could get her a discount (since she's really poor right now) and I didn't even fucking respond.
I'm so disgusted with myself for holding on to this grudge, but I cannot let go any way I try.
Please help me.