Twelve-step programs and non-theism
March 9, 2007 2:52 PM Subscribe
Non-theist twelve-steppers - how do you reconcile the two philosophies?
I've been thinking for years about attending some twelve-step meetings - Al-Anon and CoDA specifically - but as an agnostic, I'm skeptical (heh) about the Higher Power part. I know there are many atheists and agnostics who have been able to interpret this aspect of the process so that it jives with their non-belief, and I'm wondering if there are any of you here who could share how you've done it (in any 12-step program, not just the two I've named above.).
(I'm really not interested in hearing about how cultish and creepy you think these groups are. I respect the opinion, but that's not what I'm looking for here.)
I've been thinking for years about attending some twelve-step meetings - Al-Anon and CoDA specifically - but as an agnostic, I'm skeptical (heh) about the Higher Power part. I know there are many atheists and agnostics who have been able to interpret this aspect of the process so that it jives with their non-belief, and I'm wondering if there are any of you here who could share how you've done it (in any 12-step program, not just the two I've named above.).
(I'm really not interested in hearing about how cultish and creepy you think these groups are. I respect the opinion, but that's not what I'm looking for here.)
I just had this conversation with two separate people. I'm not a 12-step member, but my brother works at a detox facility and a close friend is a psychiatrist for adults with subtance abuse issues. Both say that atheist 12-steppers tend to embrace the higher power as nature, humanity, the universe, Buddha, goodness, Earth, etc. My psychiatrist friend is atheist and says she has a hard time wrapping her mind around how other atheists embrace the Higher Power bit, but she says that the programs are often very effective for those who can find some way to see themselves as not being the centre of the universe. My brother says much the same thing, but I think he has a harder time understanding the point of view of an atheist.
posted by acoutu at 3:04 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by acoutu at 3:04 PM on March 9, 2007
In my experience, people who actively object to the "theistic" element of AA do so because they don't sincerely believe they belong in the program (in an "I don't have a problem" kind of sense).
If you have a problem with alcohol, just go to a meeting. Without letting anyone force anything down your throat, just try it out. You don't have to start with a big book or a twelve step meeting your first time, in fact, avoid it. Go to a lead.
I found the "theistic" issue a total non-starter (despite attending in bible-thumping ohio). I mean, fuck. I never gave a shit about "whose god" or "is god real" or "god, this is bullshit". (then again, i was actually compelled to go.) im not in the program anymore, so let me put it this way. was it good for me? it was the best thing that could have happened to me, at the time. am i still in it? no. why not? life is complicated. was it the best decision to leave? some days im not sure. why dont i go back? its tough going back, sometimes the more i think about it, the harder it is.
so don't worry about your second-guessing. some people say you need to hit rock-bottom before you commit to AA. i dont necessarily believe that. but your doubts are ok. just ask yourself if you want to get better, and are willing to try something new.
posted by phaedon at 3:12 PM on March 9, 2007
If you have a problem with alcohol, just go to a meeting. Without letting anyone force anything down your throat, just try it out. You don't have to start with a big book or a twelve step meeting your first time, in fact, avoid it. Go to a lead.
I found the "theistic" issue a total non-starter (despite attending in bible-thumping ohio). I mean, fuck. I never gave a shit about "whose god" or "is god real" or "god, this is bullshit". (then again, i was actually compelled to go.) im not in the program anymore, so let me put it this way. was it good for me? it was the best thing that could have happened to me, at the time. am i still in it? no. why not? life is complicated. was it the best decision to leave? some days im not sure. why dont i go back? its tough going back, sometimes the more i think about it, the harder it is.
so don't worry about your second-guessing. some people say you need to hit rock-bottom before you commit to AA. i dont necessarily believe that. but your doubts are ok. just ask yourself if you want to get better, and are willing to try something new.
posted by phaedon at 3:12 PM on March 9, 2007
my bad. when i read "twelve step" i think of AA. i didn't mean to typecast your situation.
posted by phaedon at 3:17 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by phaedon at 3:17 PM on March 9, 2007
As I understand it, higher power just means that there are forces in this universe that are greater than you are. Which is a fact that, even as an atheist, is difficult fact to deny.
So let's say you were worried that you would lose your job and become homeless and for some reason the whole situation is beyond your control. You could still take solace in the fact that a higher power will provide for your basic needs: food, shelter, and companionship. In this case, your higher power would be the goodness and kindness of your fellow man. Or even the local government. Those are all non-deity powers greater than yourself because they can accomplish things that you alone cannot.
I think it's important to realize that we are not totally in control of the world so we don't feel responsible for everybody and everything. And it's important to feel like something greater than myself is out there. After all, the serenity prayer is just that: being able to sort out what you have control over and what you do not and finding peace.
Here's another great non-deity higher power: time. Time moves on and changes everything. I often take faith in the fact that no matter what my situation is today, time will change it. Time is a power greater than myself.
posted by GIRLesq at 3:52 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
So let's say you were worried that you would lose your job and become homeless and for some reason the whole situation is beyond your control. You could still take solace in the fact that a higher power will provide for your basic needs: food, shelter, and companionship. In this case, your higher power would be the goodness and kindness of your fellow man. Or even the local government. Those are all non-deity powers greater than yourself because they can accomplish things that you alone cannot.
I think it's important to realize that we are not totally in control of the world so we don't feel responsible for everybody and everything. And it's important to feel like something greater than myself is out there. After all, the serenity prayer is just that: being able to sort out what you have control over and what you do not and finding peace.
Here's another great non-deity higher power: time. Time moves on and changes everything. I often take faith in the fact that no matter what my situation is today, time will change it. Time is a power greater than myself.
posted by GIRLesq at 3:52 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
These are some of the steps that involve a higher power:
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
As an atheist, I am quite able and willing to see nature, or greater humanity as a higher power, but I can't really slot either of those into those steps in a way that would make sense - like "turn my life over to nature? how's that work?" or have "humanity remove these defects of nature?" "Time" might work to make sense, but would it be effective as a tool in dealing with addiction. I mean, you can't just dump those steps, can you? You have to work through them?
I realise I'm not answering the OPs question, but I hope perhaps I'm expanding on the difficulties an atheist might have so that this can be resolved satisfactorily.
posted by b33j at 3:59 PM on March 9, 2007
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
As an atheist, I am quite able and willing to see nature, or greater humanity as a higher power, but I can't really slot either of those into those steps in a way that would make sense - like "turn my life over to nature? how's that work?" or have "humanity remove these defects of nature?" "Time" might work to make sense, but would it be effective as a tool in dealing with addiction. I mean, you can't just dump those steps, can you? You have to work through them?
I realise I'm not answering the OPs question, but I hope perhaps I'm expanding on the difficulties an atheist might have so that this can be resolved satisfactorily.
posted by b33j at 3:59 PM on March 9, 2007
As I understand it, higher power just means that there are forces in this universe that are greater than you are. Which is a fact that, even as an atheist, is difficult fact to deny.
Hear, hear. (Here, here?)
Depending very much on the meeting you go to, AA can be a "take what works for you, in the time when it works for you" kind of organization.
You might be interested to read David Foster Wallace's huge novel Infinite Jest. A lot of it is pretentious, but if you try to get past that, it's a truly amazing novel about addiction that includes a lot of stuff about atheists and smarty-pantses getting involved in 12-step programs.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:08 PM on March 9, 2007
Hear, hear. (Here, here?)
Depending very much on the meeting you go to, AA can be a "take what works for you, in the time when it works for you" kind of organization.
You might be interested to read David Foster Wallace's huge novel Infinite Jest. A lot of it is pretentious, but if you try to get past that, it's a truly amazing novel about addiction that includes a lot of stuff about atheists and smarty-pantses getting involved in 12-step programs.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:08 PM on March 9, 2007
The point is to accept that there are some things -- notably, whatever has brought you to the 12 step program -- that are beyond your control. An atheist or agnostic just has to find a way to come to grips with this in a way that works for her.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:11 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:11 PM on March 9, 2007
while i'm not that experienced, i've found that the higher power is more of a mental realization of the problem and the desire for change. it's like, the transformation from denial to the realization that there is a problem and a desire for change.
the higher power can be your own mind, if thats what you see fit.
my 2 cents.
posted by RobertDigital at 4:23 PM on March 9, 2007
the higher power can be your own mind, if thats what you see fit.
my 2 cents.
posted by RobertDigital at 4:23 PM on March 9, 2007
When I was in the program in Boston, a kid said God stood for 'group of drunks'. He was an atheist with a couple years in, and that was his higher power. Whatever works is the creed.
Nobody at AA is going to shove religion down someone's throat, but there *are* rituals, like the Our Father at every meeting I've been to. It gets everyone to connect with each other by holding hands, and underscores the purpose; together and individually, surrendering to powers (whatever they may be) that are outside of themselves.
full stop.
posted by nj_subgenius at 4:33 PM on March 9, 2007
Nobody at AA is going to shove religion down someone's throat, but there *are* rituals, like the Our Father at every meeting I've been to. It gets everyone to connect with each other by holding hands, and underscores the purpose; together and individually, surrendering to powers (whatever they may be) that are outside of themselves.
full stop.
posted by nj_subgenius at 4:33 PM on March 9, 2007
There is only one step: don’t drink/use/engage in codependent behavior.
The problem is that a certain subset of the population has a tremendous lot of difficulty following simply programs, so this one step had to get a little complicated. Call it good marketing: the target demographic wants their recovery program to have little dangly bits, you give it little dangly bits. They want God, you give ‘em God. Here’s how I look at it: every day you spend soberly considering the existence and attributes of God is a victory. It’s a day without drinks, drugs, or dependency. Maybe it's just the distraction that this subset of the population requires. Which is worse: the way it was when you were in active addiction/codependency, or the way it is when you spend five minutes every morning meditating?
Every one of the steps can be reduced to a non-theistic action. Steps two through five, the ones that b33j mentions, come down to this: "In step one, I realized that I’m a drunk/coedependent. I believe that there’s a solution, 'cause I met these people who claim to have been like me, and now they seem like they've got their shit together. I’m going to direct my will and life in search of that solution, since anything is better than the idiocy I was living with before. This search will involve some self-reflection (and maybe some therapy), and the willingness to change some seemingly extraneous habits." That's it: no God necessary. It's a program of action, not theological debate.
Now, let’s say the 4th step inventory results in the realization that you're a resentful person. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to hold resentments? Normal people hold resentments, right? There's such a thing as righteous anger. It's not fair that as an addict/alcoholic/codependent, you should be held to a higher standard (a counter-intuitive standard!) is it? Well, I prefer the Nietzschean answer to Bill W’s, but it’s pretty much the same: resentments weaken you. They distract you and make you feel entitled to a drink/codependent behavior. Enough resentments, and you might actually drink/drug/act codependently. That’ll show ‘em! Err, maybe not.
posted by anotherpanacea at 5:22 PM on March 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
The problem is that a certain subset of the population has a tremendous lot of difficulty following simply programs, so this one step had to get a little complicated. Call it good marketing: the target demographic wants their recovery program to have little dangly bits, you give it little dangly bits. They want God, you give ‘em God. Here’s how I look at it: every day you spend soberly considering the existence and attributes of God is a victory. It’s a day without drinks, drugs, or dependency. Maybe it's just the distraction that this subset of the population requires. Which is worse: the way it was when you were in active addiction/codependency, or the way it is when you spend five minutes every morning meditating?
Every one of the steps can be reduced to a non-theistic action. Steps two through five, the ones that b33j mentions, come down to this: "In step one, I realized that I’m a drunk/coedependent. I believe that there’s a solution, 'cause I met these people who claim to have been like me, and now they seem like they've got their shit together. I’m going to direct my will and life in search of that solution, since anything is better than the idiocy I was living with before. This search will involve some self-reflection (and maybe some therapy), and the willingness to change some seemingly extraneous habits." That's it: no God necessary. It's a program of action, not theological debate.
Now, let’s say the 4th step inventory results in the realization that you're a resentful person. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to hold resentments? Normal people hold resentments, right? There's such a thing as righteous anger. It's not fair that as an addict/alcoholic/codependent, you should be held to a higher standard (a counter-intuitive standard!) is it? Well, I prefer the Nietzschean answer to Bill W’s, but it’s pretty much the same: resentments weaken you. They distract you and make you feel entitled to a drink/codependent behavior. Enough resentments, and you might actually drink/drug/act codependently. That’ll show ‘em! Err, maybe not.
posted by anotherpanacea at 5:22 PM on March 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
In England the 12-step meetings I attend are far less 'religious' than in the US. We don't say the 'Our Father' in the UK, but use the far more generic Serenity Prayer. In fact, I was kind of affronted at the use of a Christian prayer in an AA meeting, so when I spoke at a Christmas Day meeting in San Francisco a few years back, I closed with a chorus of 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town'. Some people were horrified, most joined in with gusto.
For me, with no religious affiliations, the 'group of drunks' analogy worked well and continues to do so eight years on. I can't stay sober without going to AA - the programme, the meetings and hearing the stories of other alcoholics trying to stay sober a day at a time are all part of a power greater than me.
Find what works for you. For some people, it's Jesus, the Bible, church, which is their higher power. For most it's something intangible but which touches the spirit.
posted by essexjan at 5:26 PM on March 9, 2007
For me, with no religious affiliations, the 'group of drunks' analogy worked well and continues to do so eight years on. I can't stay sober without going to AA - the programme, the meetings and hearing the stories of other alcoholics trying to stay sober a day at a time are all part of a power greater than me.
Find what works for you. For some people, it's Jesus, the Bible, church, which is their higher power. For most it's something intangible but which touches the spirit.
posted by essexjan at 5:26 PM on March 9, 2007
The problem with resolving the "greater power" issue for atheists and rationalists with addiction behavior issues, is one of the generative forces behind the Rational Recovery program. Whether you accept Rational Recovery's critiques of 12 step programs or not, the alternative they present has been compelling, and successful, for some.
posted by paulsc at 5:57 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by paulsc at 5:57 PM on March 9, 2007
Interesting review of play in todays NYT about founding of AA and Bill W's skepticism about a higher power
posted by rmhsinc at 8:09 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by rmhsinc at 8:09 PM on March 9, 2007
A friend of mine, an athiest, had to deal with this in AA. He decided his toaster oven was his higher power. It worked for him.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 8:18 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 8:18 PM on March 9, 2007
A Skeptic's Guide to the 12 Steps by Phillip Z. is an overview of each of the twelve steps from an agnostic point of view. The twelve step were designed to help anyone with a desire to get the benefits of the program without demanding that you change your beliefs.
posted by calumet43 at 9:21 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by calumet43 at 9:21 PM on March 9, 2007
I read about a 12-step meeting where someone invoked Elvis as their higher power....
posted by brujita at 10:24 PM on March 9, 2007
posted by brujita at 10:24 PM on March 9, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by yodelingisfun at 3:01 PM on March 9, 2007