Helping out an employee who may have personal problems
March 6, 2007 2:35 PM Subscribe
How to deal with an employee who may have a drink or drug problem in a caring, conscientious manner...
I am dependent on my assistant to take up the slack after an accident that has left me home-bound. Fortunately, it's not a busy time of the year, but it is still important that work gets done, so its either him or I need to get outside help.
Before my accident, a family member suffered a health issue and he needed to take a time off to help take care of a sibling. After that time off (a bit more than two weeks), I asked him if he would be able to come back to work and he said it would be okay. At the time it sounded like it would not be a problem.
Since then, however, his work schedule has been erratic and tickets have not been completed. One person I asked him to help today mentioned to me privately that his behavior was odd, to the point of being troubling (perhaps as a parent would be concerned for a depressed, sullen child), and that he looked very thin and pale.
To take care of family issues I've tried to give him as much time as I can, and have asked him throughout if he needs more time off so that he can deal with issues and so that I can try to schedule outside help, so that my group provides the services it should while I'm away.
The reason this concerns me so much is that he has had occasional tardiness problems in the past and mentioned obliquely several months ago that he had discussed with his doctor that he may be drinking too much, and this affects his insomnia.
The problem: I don't know if this is related to previous issues, if he is depressed about family stuff, or if he is just unhappy with work, and he seems uncommunicative about asking for help from me (if he really does need it).
Unfortunately, communicating with people has never been my strong suit, so I'd like to avoid beginning the conversation along lines which make assumptions about his issues and possible causes.
I would therefore like to ask for advice with helping someone who works for me, who may or may not have dependency problems, in a careful, respectful and caring way, so that he gets the resources he needs and I can keep my operation up and running. How do you get someone who claims not to want help to open up?
I am dependent on my assistant to take up the slack after an accident that has left me home-bound. Fortunately, it's not a busy time of the year, but it is still important that work gets done, so its either him or I need to get outside help.
Before my accident, a family member suffered a health issue and he needed to take a time off to help take care of a sibling. After that time off (a bit more than two weeks), I asked him if he would be able to come back to work and he said it would be okay. At the time it sounded like it would not be a problem.
Since then, however, his work schedule has been erratic and tickets have not been completed. One person I asked him to help today mentioned to me privately that his behavior was odd, to the point of being troubling (perhaps as a parent would be concerned for a depressed, sullen child), and that he looked very thin and pale.
To take care of family issues I've tried to give him as much time as I can, and have asked him throughout if he needs more time off so that he can deal with issues and so that I can try to schedule outside help, so that my group provides the services it should while I'm away.
The reason this concerns me so much is that he has had occasional tardiness problems in the past and mentioned obliquely several months ago that he had discussed with his doctor that he may be drinking too much, and this affects his insomnia.
The problem: I don't know if this is related to previous issues, if he is depressed about family stuff, or if he is just unhappy with work, and he seems uncommunicative about asking for help from me (if he really does need it).
Unfortunately, communicating with people has never been my strong suit, so I'd like to avoid beginning the conversation along lines which make assumptions about his issues and possible causes.
I would therefore like to ask for advice with helping someone who works for me, who may or may not have dependency problems, in a careful, respectful and caring way, so that he gets the resources he needs and I can keep my operation up and running. How do you get someone who claims not to want help to open up?
Does your business offer health insurance? Most health insurance have at least some sort of coverage for this, although it's most likely out-patient if it's his first issue with drugs/alcohol.
If you suspect he has a problem, make it clear that his job is not at stake if he does have a drug/alcohol problem if he's willing to seek help, and then direct him to your health care provider's 800 number (Depending on where you live, his job might be protected legally if he does have a problem and is seeking help). You can frame it more as you're acting as your own HR staff, and not as his direct boss critiquing his performance.
Assuming he does have a problem, there's not much you can do unless he's ready for help. Since he's discussed it with his doc, it sounds like he might be, but it's a tough situation. Best of luck.
posted by Crash at 3:12 PM on March 6, 2007
If you suspect he has a problem, make it clear that his job is not at stake if he does have a drug/alcohol problem if he's willing to seek help, and then direct him to your health care provider's 800 number (Depending on where you live, his job might be protected legally if he does have a problem and is seeking help). You can frame it more as you're acting as your own HR staff, and not as his direct boss critiquing his performance.
Assuming he does have a problem, there's not much you can do unless he's ready for help. Since he's discussed it with his doc, it sounds like he might be, but it's a tough situation. Best of luck.
posted by Crash at 3:12 PM on March 6, 2007
I agree, keep it on the performance, and keep it open-ended. You don't want to get too involved in his personal life, and he obviously doesn't want you there anyway.
Instead, just start out by stating that you appreciate his help since your accident, and that you hope he understands that you've done everything you can to accommodate his needs as well. That said, you need more from him - give him specifics about his performance issues and why it matters to the company/team/customer.
Stop talking for a minute and let him say whatever he has to say, then tell him clearly and specifically what you need from him - like, "I need you to come in by 8:00 every day. I need you to check the tickets before you turn them in every time." Then ask him if he understands what you're asking and why. He'll probably just respond with a yes.
Then change the subject, and get on with your days. Before he leaves, tell him that again, you appreciate what he's done, and ask him if he has any questions about your requests.
If that doesn't get his attention, you need to begin looking for someone else.
posted by pomegranate at 3:24 PM on March 6, 2007
Instead, just start out by stating that you appreciate his help since your accident, and that you hope he understands that you've done everything you can to accommodate his needs as well. That said, you need more from him - give him specifics about his performance issues and why it matters to the company/team/customer.
Stop talking for a minute and let him say whatever he has to say, then tell him clearly and specifically what you need from him - like, "I need you to come in by 8:00 every day. I need you to check the tickets before you turn them in every time." Then ask him if he understands what you're asking and why. He'll probably just respond with a yes.
Then change the subject, and get on with your days. Before he leaves, tell him that again, you appreciate what he's done, and ask him if he has any questions about your requests.
If that doesn't get his attention, you need to begin looking for someone else.
posted by pomegranate at 3:24 PM on March 6, 2007
I think pomegranate nailed it.
Have a discussion about performance and define success for his position. Make sure he understands the work in-front of him. Ask if he has anything he needs to discuss with you or any questions. Are there any things he needs from you to meet the defined success?
If not, move on and see if that helps.
But you might consider creating a paper trail of interactions you have had with this person.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:47 PM on March 6, 2007
Have a discussion about performance and define success for his position. Make sure he understands the work in-front of him. Ask if he has anything he needs to discuss with you or any questions. Are there any things he needs from you to meet the defined success?
If not, move on and see if that helps.
But you might consider creating a paper trail of interactions you have had with this person.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:47 PM on March 6, 2007
Right, what pomegranate said. Tell him exactly what you expect of him and that you are willing to help him--within reason--to meet those expectations. That said, he has to do his job. My experience is that *if* he has a drinking/drug problem he'll make excuses and ask you to change your expectations (make himself the victim). For most alcoholics/drug addicts (and I'm not saying he is one), any job that gets in the way of drinking and drugging is not really worth having.
posted by MarshallPoe at 4:00 PM on March 6, 2007
posted by MarshallPoe at 4:00 PM on March 6, 2007
I am sort of that guy. It's a little personal for this venue but I have some health issues that have interfered with my attendance at work.
It is right to be very plain and clear about what your expectations are, but don't forget to have compassion. What this gentleman is going through is a lot bigger than his job and not everyone is able to stuff away their feelings for 8 hours a day. Create an environment where he feels comfortable confiding some of the nature of his problems if he feels it will provide you necessary insight and mitigate the situation, but don't press. And don't hold it over his head every time you talk to him. Try to treat him as you would anyone else. Be willing to consider alternative work arrangements where possible. If you value him as an employee and feel certain you'd like to give him time to turn things around, telling him that straight out will go a long way to easing his mind. I know I personally fret a lot that I'm going to get fired for taking time off for this or that, and it helped a lot when my boss said that the idea of firing me wasn't on the table. It makes me feel more responsible to perform well when I'm being given the benefit of the doubt that way.
Also, this is applicable to me, but may also be to him -- Some people need more structure. I tend to come to work on time when I'm being observed, like when I shared an office. Now that I'm in my own office and no one really knows I tend to come in late often. I actually have considered asking my boss to take note so I will have that accountability. This could extend to other areas of the job -- checking in at regular intervals or having a regular scheduled times may help him get into a routine that works for him.
Remember that his health is always the #1 priority. No business is that important. (unless you're an ER doctor or something. that's important.)
posted by loiseau at 5:13 PM on March 6, 2007
It is right to be very plain and clear about what your expectations are, but don't forget to have compassion. What this gentleman is going through is a lot bigger than his job and not everyone is able to stuff away their feelings for 8 hours a day. Create an environment where he feels comfortable confiding some of the nature of his problems if he feels it will provide you necessary insight and mitigate the situation, but don't press. And don't hold it over his head every time you talk to him. Try to treat him as you would anyone else. Be willing to consider alternative work arrangements where possible. If you value him as an employee and feel certain you'd like to give him time to turn things around, telling him that straight out will go a long way to easing his mind. I know I personally fret a lot that I'm going to get fired for taking time off for this or that, and it helped a lot when my boss said that the idea of firing me wasn't on the table. It makes me feel more responsible to perform well when I'm being given the benefit of the doubt that way.
Also, this is applicable to me, but may also be to him -- Some people need more structure. I tend to come to work on time when I'm being observed, like when I shared an office. Now that I'm in my own office and no one really knows I tend to come in late often. I actually have considered asking my boss to take note so I will have that accountability. This could extend to other areas of the job -- checking in at regular intervals or having a regular scheduled times may help him get into a routine that works for him.
Remember that his health is always the #1 priority. No business is that important. (unless you're an ER doctor or something. that's important.)
posted by loiseau at 5:13 PM on March 6, 2007
I'm also going through something like this right now, and one thing I can say is: don't micro manage him. Set out a list of clear parameters, and then check in - say - once a week to evaluate his progress and see what he needs from you and continue being clear about what you need from him.
posted by anastasiav at 6:56 AM on March 7, 2007
posted by anastasiav at 6:56 AM on March 7, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
What he may have a blind spot to is the degree to which his drinking or depression or whatever is affecting those around him. Or he may think that you're willing to cut him more slack than you can afford. Either way, it seems to me that you could address this without asking him to divulge personal details that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing.
posted by treepour at 2:48 PM on March 6, 2007