Cumming but not cumming

December 19, 2006 7:31 PM

Sexual anhedonia is a condition where you 'cum,' but don't have an orgasm. I have it, and would like to not have it.

Okay, so the pretext is that I'm male, 20ish, healthy, and in a moderately serious, but non-sexual relationship. I last had an orgasm maybe 7 months ago.

Basically, I ejaculate (when I, yes, masturbate), but don't have an orgasm - none of the feeling, it can happen with my eyes open, like anything else.

The possible causes of anorgasmia (thanks to Wikipedia) are like

* Hyperprolactinaemia
Seems to be more common in women. I don't have any of the other side effects.
* Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), also called inhibited sexual desire
Uhm... I have a little bit of sexual repression thanks to a Catholic upbringing, but it doesn't seem active. And with this relationship.. I'll get to that later.
* Low levels of the hormone testosterone
Not really.
* Spinal cord injury
Nope
* Use of SSRI antidepressants
I've also seen depression as a cause. I'm neither depressed or taking SSRIs. The only thing I take is a multivitamin.

More: I've been getting some odd reactions. For one, I've prematurely come (came, whatever) twice in the past month, so that kind of knocks out the hypoactive sexual desire possibility. I'd like to figure out how to prevent that, too. The first time happened after I didn't masturbate for a month (after having a habit of 4-7 times a week), so I thought it was a result of that, but after changing back to what I used to do, I still did it once, and now, at odd times, I feel like I'm on the verge of an orgasm. Basically, that warm, sort-of-itchy sensation 'down there' - and, on (weird) occasions, I'll get a feeling like I'm flushed, and blood is rushing around, I can't think, and basically having a very weird sort-of-sexual thing without any stimulation - really, nothing. Sitting in a chair, and then getting the feeling that if you move, something bad will happen.

So, is there anything that I can do, at all? I'm wondering if this is psychological or sometime else. My current doctor had no idea when I described the fact that I didn't have orgasms anymore. Other than this thing (which is, really, messing with my mind, obviously) I don't have any prominent mental problems, OCD or whatnot. Could it be a prostate problem? That's been occasionally mentioned in other places. And, of course, this is all the more awkward because I'm not in a sexual relationship, so it's like I'm getting help for a problem with masturbating.

If anyone wants to say something anonymously, send it to [e-mail]

Thanks for any help/guidance for getting me out of this ridiculously crazy situation.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (12 answers total)

Sounds like the prostate and associated glands are working if you're producing a normal volume of semen. Makes me think of some neurological or psychological issue. Do you get the physiological changes that take place during orgasm: faster breathing, increased heart rate, etc.? Do you feel an "orgasm" coming on, and get the resultant ejaculation, but without the "feeling" of an orgasm (if that question makes any sense)?
posted by cyclopticgaze at 7:57 PM on December 19, 2006

Now that I read the Wikipedia page on anhedonia, I think it answers your question:
"A urological examination and blood tests can determine the cause of a specific case of sexual anhedonia. If no physiological problems are found, one should seek treatment via psychotherapy with a certified sex therapist, or psychotherapist."
posted by cyclopticgaze at 8:10 PM on December 19, 2006

I am not in any way a doctor, but something stuck out at me while reading your post -- you mentioned that you had a "habit" of masturbating 4-7 times weekly. Now, I've got no problem with that, but it seems to me like you could have gotten used to it. Although you said it first happened after a month of inactivity, so I dunno. Just thinking out loud.
posted by dondiego87 at 8:12 PM on December 19, 2006

you mentioned that you had a "habit" of only masturbating 4-7 times weekly.

Fixed that for you, dondiego87.

I would definitely get it checked out by a urologist, but if there are physical symptoms, perhaps the change of having a partner would be a positive thing? This isn't something you need to mention to your partner at first, from their point of view everything seems fine. Later, you can share your problem and, heck, it might be something s/he can help you with (talking, trying different things, etc.).
posted by maxwelton at 9:34 PM on December 19, 2006

Speculating here — prostate swelling problems are usually associated with the reverse, aren't they? No ejaculation, but orgasm.

In the interest of scientific inquiry, you might try a couple of things:

- Abstain from sexual activity for 2 weeks. If you get testy, go for a walk/run/bikeride, work out, or whatever. Work up a sweat.

- take choline supplements (as lecithin, phosphatidylcholine, etc.). Your frequency may be depleting your supply of essential neurotransmitters. Think about it: orgasm demands a lot of chemicals to handle the high signal load.

You might feel like you're in the Seinfeld episode "The Contest", but it would indicate whether the neurotransmitter hypothesis has any basis.

Other prostate-related treatments you can try (one at a time, to avoid varying too many things at once): sawtooth palmetto, brocolli treatment.

If you're still having problems, please go see a urologist.
posted by Araucaria at 9:47 PM on December 19, 2006

Seek a therapist. This sort of thing happens (in the abscence of physical cause) due to mental/emotional issues, like inhibition. Could be just the old catholic guilt thing, come home to roost. Perhaps, deep down, you feel guilty for masturbating when you 'should' be married making babies. I only toss that out as an example, the inhibition could be something more complicated.

I got over a big inhibition when I was about 31. Amazingly, the old sex drive suddenly worked like I was 14 again. Total mind blower. Remember, your brain is your most important sex organ!
posted by Goofyy at 1:48 AM on December 20, 2006

I don't understand what "...getting the feeling that if you move, something bad will happen" means. W
posted by wsg at 1:54 AM on December 20, 2006

pardon the extraneous W.
posted by wsg at 1:55 AM on December 20, 2006

If you've got insurance/can afford it, I really recommend pushing your doctor for a urine test and a full blood workup. If he's not taking your concerns seriously, be more vocal, or find a new doctor. If you can possibly afford it, PLEASE rule out physical causes first. They're the easiest to diagnose, and usually the easiest to treat. Especially considering the alternative might be therapy.

full disclosure: I have [a female version of] this problem, and guess what? it's physiological, and treatable with medication.
posted by miagaille at 5:55 AM on December 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

I do a similar amount of Joselyn the Elders myself, and after a week or two of going without, usually the first or second cold restarts of the system are remarkably unfriendly in the wow department.

My vote is on stress, perhaps from a source you don't consciously realize because when I'm stressed -- or haven't had enough sleep vs. enough rest (hours vs. depth) -- despite wanting to buff the manflute, the engine just won't turn over.
posted by vanoakenfold at 6:53 AM on December 20, 2006

Are you circumcised? If so, I wonder if one too many nerve endings were removed during the process. Just another thing to think about (or ask a doctor about). Good luck to you.
posted by forensicphd at 5:38 PM on December 20, 2006

Have you actually had your testosterone levels checked? Do you know for a fact they aren't low?
posted by Felicity Rilke at 8:46 PM on December 20, 2006