Mating call of the barking spider is getting deeper

October 18, 2006 2:37 AM

Umm how do I put this? When I was younger, the trouser trumpet used to sound and feel crisp and fast but now that Im older its become more like a tuba - sort of full and airy and slow. What's happening back there? Should I be worried? (FYI it's only ever handled the usual one-way traffic.)
posted by zaebiz to health & fitness (18 comments total)

This is just an assumption here, but...

To tie it into the trumpet/tuba metaphor: the loud, high sound of a trumpet requires the face and cheeks to be a little tighter, while the lower softer sound of the tuba requires you to relax your cheeks a but more.

You could say you've gotten a little less uptight with age.
posted by gally99 at 3:13 AM on October 18, 2006

You're talking about your butt, right?
posted by Saucy Intruder at 4:03 AM on October 18, 2006 [4 favorites]

Another possibility: has your diet changed over the years...?
posted by davidmsc at 4:12 AM on October 18, 2006

Exercise is the key to many things. Since one way traffic isn't working, introduce a couple trouser trout and some two way traffic. Soon, your trousers will be happy, your trumpet musical, and everyone will be happy (and gay).
posted by Goofyy at 4:34 AM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

saucy: I don't know where your flatulence comes from but I think he's talking about his butt. (See tags.)
posted by mendel at 4:37 AM on October 18, 2006

Can I favorite this question by a billion?

Before I read the whole post I thought "trouser trumpet" was the same thing as a skin flute. Then I was confused by the one-way traffic remark.
posted by Brittanie at 4:59 AM on October 18, 2006

Trouser Trumpet.
posted by SirStan at 5:32 AM on October 18, 2006

Stop being so vanilla Brittanie. You haven't lived until you've gotten boned in your d-hole. All the kids are doing it.
posted by ND¢ at 6:53 AM on October 18, 2006 [3 favorites]

To rephrase this question in English:

You used to have quick, loud farts, and now you have slow airy farts. Yes?

Are your farts noisier and more drawn out now?

I lived with my 80-something grandparents a while back, and I was astounded by the noise and endurance of their farts. "Plbbtt, plt, bbblllt, lllt, bbbb, bbb, bbb, .... " It could go on in fits and starts for 20 minutes. They seemed to be able to hold the farts in better -- they always made it into the bathroom before letting loose. But once in there, the cacophany that emerged was frightening.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 7:19 AM on October 18, 2006 [7 favorites]

Listen, Clifford Brown, you're not going to have the articulation and range that you had when you were younger. I used to have a brassy, Kansas City sound. Nowadays, I stick to ballads and worry about my spit valve emptying itself without warning.
posted by horsewithnoname at 7:49 AM on October 18, 2006 [11 favorites]

horsewithnoname: "Nowadays, I stick to ballads and worry about my spit valve emptying itself without warning."

That's called a "Cargo Fart."
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:25 AM on October 18, 2006

When I was doing my internship, one of the clergymen at our morning meetings used to put on quite a show. He had to lift his leg to hit the high notes but he was a hell of an artist. Ever heard the "Swanee River" melody line fly out of someone's ass? Didn't think so.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:29 AM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

LOL this *was* actually a serious question. Something related to the prostate for example?

(Worth the laughs though. The tuba is blowing proudly in appreciation as we speak.)
posted by zaebiz at 9:45 AM on October 18, 2006

...there's a reason for the term "old farts"... (although I don't know why
posted by dbmcd at 9:58 AM on October 18, 2006

Hm. Well, Le Petomane attributed his trouser trumpet talents to his strong abdominal muscles as does his modern-day counterpart so perhaps you could start doing some crunches?

Downwind please, though, if you happen to be a member of my gym.
posted by jamaro at 10:34 AM on October 18, 2006

No real help here, but did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk?
posted by blue grama at 7:54 PM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

A day late, but I've got a theory: age leads to a general weakening in muscles all over the body. In youth, the trouser trumpet muscle regions (I'd rectify this ephemistic terminology, but that seems impolite) they are taut and toned, leading to crisp sounding farts. In advances aging, muscles have a tendency to get weaker and less toned unless they are exercised properly (kegels kegels kegels). Loss of tone and strength lead to more loose flatulance.

I am qualified to answer this sort of thing because I took exercise physiology and a class on social gerontology. And I fart. A lot. So does my friend. We talk about it a lot, and generally can be considered armchair fartologists.
posted by Mister Cheese at 9:32 PM on October 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Still funny to this day, especially to my 10 y/o son. If I were my wife, I wouldn't stay with me.
posted by winks007 at 8:56 AM on April 30, 2007