Awesome First Date: The Sequel!

October 17, 2006 5:23 PM

I need ideas for an awesome second date.

So, I met a girl online. We met up for coffee on Sunday. It went incredibly well-- it felt (to me at least) like we totally clicked. We had one of those conversations where you completely lose track of time-- we just started talking, and looked up and realized two hours had passed.

I was instructed to call her again soon, and I want to get together with this wonderful woman again, this weekend. I've seen a lot of great ideas on here for the first meeting, but what about number two?

For what it's worth, I'm in a mid-sized city (about 400000 people). We're both in our mid-twenties, and are intelligent, educated people who like good music, The Simpsons, and proper grammar (and yes, I realize that by saying that in this post, I'll inevitably make some horrible grammatical error. Please humour me.) I've been scanning the local "coming events" listings, and this weekend seems kind of dry.

So any ideas would be great. What makes a great second date? Obviously, if she has an idea, that'd be good, too, but I don't want to say "Want to get together and do SOMETHING?", and then, when asked "Like what?" have to say "Uh, I dunno."

posted by synecdoche to society & culture (35 comments total)

Museum?

Moving around + laughing at weird art together + opportunities to get to know her tastes = fun date and a good baseline for compatibility.
posted by karmaville at 5:31 PM on October 17, 2006

A Sunday morning/afternoon trip to a nice art/biographical museum that's out of the way, small, and interesting (I'm thinking something like the Frick in New York City), followed by lunch at an outdoor cafe if the weather is nice, followed by the renting of a thinking-heavy movie (eg, Godard's Band of Outsiders) and the watching thereof curled up in a quilt on the floor, followed by sitting on the porch as the sun sets, smoking cigarettes, kissing and laughing.
posted by nasreddin at 5:37 PM on October 17, 2006 [3 favorites]

Here's my standard list:

Sports games (do you have a pro or college baseball/football team that she likes?)

See a play.

See an indie movie.

Museums.

Do you have a botanical gardens in your area?

Does your town have an art gallery walk or something like it?

Comedy club.

Boating, if there's water near by and it's not too cool outside.

Zoo?

Have you got a scenic public park you could walk around?
posted by trystero at 5:38 PM on October 17, 2006

Can you cook? If so, that's guaranteed to impress her. But make plans to go out somewhere after dinner so that you don't give the impression you're expecting her to "stay in" with you. If she insists on staying in...well...lucky you!
posted by randomstriker at 5:43 PM on October 17, 2006

Assuming the first date was at night I think an outdoor day date for number 2 is always a great idea. I have no idea where you are but here in the Northeast it's perfect applepicking weather. Barring that there's always public parks or some kind of daytrip to some quaint town that you can walk around and have lunch. My favorite second date growing up in Brooklyn was a day trip to Coney Island - if she said yes to a ride on the Cyclone she was a keeper!
posted by any major dude at 5:45 PM on October 17, 2006

I like randomstriker's suggestion.

I personally would avoid something like a movie or a play where you are essentially just sitting next to each other and can't talk. Sporting events are cool though beacause there is action and excitement, but you can still talk and joke around.

I know this sounds cheesey, but what about the batting cages or something like that? Especially if both of you aren't good at hitting a ball and can go laugh at yourselves or make silly bets.

I think at second date territory you still want the date to mainly focus on the two of you talking and hanging out, rather than the event itself.
posted by jonah at 5:53 PM on October 17, 2006

This would be a lot easier if we knew the city. But, how about going to a Borders or Barnes and Noble, peruse the stacks of dictionaries and thesauri and have some coffee?
posted by AlliKat75 at 5:55 PM on October 17, 2006

No matter what you do, you'll both enjoy it, assuming you are right for each other.

I'd suggest not trying to plan a truly awesome date, because if you pull it off, it can only be downhill from there. Or worse, you'll find yourself expected to meet that level of quality for the rest of your life together.
posted by kindall at 5:59 PM on October 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

If the weather is nice, a casually romantic picnic is always good. Some nice wine, cheese and crackers, apples, grapes, chocolate...It's worked for me is all I'm sayin'.
posted by BillBishop at 6:01 PM on October 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

One of the best dates I ever had was an all-day date:

Phase 1: brought a picnic lunch to a local botanical garden, and spent 2-3 hours there;
Phase 2: hit a couple of rummage sales;
Phase 3: took a nap together (not advisable for a second date, but this was later judged to be a most excellent component of the date experience);
Phase 4: late dinner at her favorite semi-fancy restaurant.

These Phases, in succession, led to Phase 5: sexual intercourse.
Your results may vary.
posted by Dr. Wu at 6:02 PM on October 17, 2006

How about some good old-fashioned fall fun at a corn maze?
posted by necessitas at 6:03 PM on October 17, 2006

You've got this great connection. The more you can make everything seem organic and naturally flowing--rather than structured and formal--the higher the chances that it can continue.

So the "instruction" to call for another date is a nice bit of encouragement from someone you like, but literally followed it may be a momentum breaker and a mood killer. A highly planned date can also make people feel as though their reaction is being watched.

Think casual and low key. High expectations, on both of your parts, are the enemy here.
posted by Phred182 at 6:09 PM on October 17, 2006

Funny you should tell it like that. That sounds almost identical to the internet-to-coffee date transition my fiencee and I did.
For the record, for our second date, we went to his place and made rum balls together. The excuse was I needed to make them for a party, but any old excuse will do. And the nice part is, we got to hang out and talk while the food spent their time in the fridge for cooling. Small amount of work, lots of waiting time that resulted in conversation and getting to know each other. And cooking together is always fun.
posted by billy_the_punk at 6:11 PM on October 17, 2006

you come over and cook, you get laid. sounds crude but is true. you cannot of course expect this but if it doesn't happen, you royally screwed up.

alternative: call the local animal shelter and ask if they would let you walk their dogs with her. I know one in brooklyn (the barc shelter) that let's you just plunk your ID on the counter and get one or two dogs for two hours. nobody ever expects that, especially if you look urban.
posted by krautland at 6:19 PM on October 17, 2006

Given the lose-track-of-time-talking aspect, I second the idea of a picnic if it's not too cold where you are. You can eat a nice lazy meal and then spend hours and hours talking with no waiters looking over your shoulder waiting for you to leave.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:19 PM on October 17, 2006

Putt-putt.

Seriously, it's awesome. Esepcially if you can find one of those seriously kitchy courses like there are in resort towns. It's just a little bit weird, genuinely fun, and gives you both a chance to be laid-back and silly while getting to know each other a little better.

Follow it up with a picnic-style dinner and you're golden.
posted by god hates math at 6:25 PM on October 17, 2006

To morph what randomstriker and Dr. Wu said, if you can cook and pull off a Food Network-style picnic, you're golden.

If you can't cook, or if the weather really blows, cooking lessons (if she's clued you in that she's a foodie) probably wouldn't suck.

You want to stay with the interaction. Along the lines of what jonah said, you don't want to just sit there staring at other people doing things. It's the brief touches and brushes of various body parts that are going to clue you in to whether or not there's something there.

Have you got a downtown of any form? Park at one end and walk to the other. Pop into anyplace you find interesting, whether it be a bar or antique shop.

You're not trying to seal the deal on the second date, you're trying to show that your deal is worth investing in.
posted by Cyrano at 6:33 PM on October 17, 2006

Oh, and stay clear the fuck away from any event thrown/hosted/periferally-involving either your friends or hers.

You need to focus on each other, not trying to look good for the other's friends. (This is just based on my personal experience. YMMV.)
posted by Cyrano at 6:37 PM on October 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

weird historic local something. every city of that size has its haunts that are not the run of the mill "and here so and so died" thing. someplace where you probably haven't been is better because then you have that exploring vibe going on, which is better than the let me show you the sweet stuff I know about vibe.

just as an example...I live in richmond, va. if I had a super promising 2nd date to think of a plan for, I would suggest a daytrip to try n locate the very weird elko tract . you get the exploration, the driving in a car with your new love interest which can be super fun, you get the going out to the country thing, and the may get arrested for being found on strange government secret thing all in one easy bundle.

after you do something of that nature, the rest will spontaneously plan itself based on your joint decisions, and that's the communication aspect that you need in any good relationship. start brainstorming and the resultant compromising on the 2nd date and maybe y'all will have a chance to make beautiful music together.
posted by modernpoverty at 6:55 PM on October 17, 2006

Cheap first date ideas from a previous question.
posted by hooray at 7:29 PM on October 17, 2006

In London ON this weekend:
The Shriner's Haunted Mansion at Western Fair?
This Fri and Sat only, the Public Library Used Book Sale, also at Western Fair?
Minor league hockey?
Cape Dorset print show at Innuit Gallery
Museum London, which has art, and supposedly has a show starting Oct 21 of a giant papier-mache crossword puzzle. They also show movies -- if you like cool things, check out the Andy Goldsworthy movie that's coming there Nov 1. And they run haunted tours of London, from now until Halloween, in the evenings.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:09 PM on October 17, 2006

I always keep a list of unusual restaurants where my date most likely hasn't eaten. You automatically get points for giving her a new experience.

I haven't tested this yet, but for my next date I'm planning on going to a student-run restaurant at a cooking school. Any decent sized city should have something similar. You get a gourmet meal for a hell of a lot less then gourmet prices. If the food stinks, you can laugh it off and make fun of the chefs that are pissed because they were forced to play waiter that night.

I agree with what some other posters said about expectations. After a great first date, high expectations are the devil. I try to slowly build on the rapport from the first date. I suppose if you "played it right" you could get lucky, but my only goal for a second date is to get a third date (assuming I still want a third date).
posted by bda1972 at 8:10 PM on October 17, 2006

I would like to go on a second date with all of you
posted by Deep Dish at 8:37 PM on October 17, 2006 [3 favorites]

Assuming you are still in London, the Lipizzaner Stallions are in town this weekend.

krautland's suggestion of walking dogs at the pound is a good one, or part of a good one. Cooking for her may be a good third date idea if you can pull it off.

Halloween costume shopping is also a good chance to get to know some of the more quarded aspects of your date's personality. Of course, then you will have to take her to a party too.
posted by Yorrick at 8:59 PM on October 17, 2006

Bring along a copy of Mad Libs.
posted by brujita at 9:15 PM on October 17, 2006

Does fall in London, ON mean that there are pretty leaves to drive around and look at and take pictures of possibly? I'm not entirely sure, being from Florida and never having seen a fall leaf in real life (much less in Canada), but if this is the case, I think that would be a lovely second date. However, I am pretty hippie-dippie, so you may not agree. For future spring/summer reference, a botanical garden date, with picnic if possible, should also get you mad points.
posted by tatiana wishbone at 9:45 PM on October 17, 2006

Fingerpaint.
posted by mmdei at 12:15 AM on October 18, 2006

For me, anything that would be a good first date generally works just as well for a good second date.
posted by antifuse at 2:25 AM on October 18, 2006

The best date for a couple that clicks is to just be together. Don't try and make the event the focus. Just get together and enjoy!
posted by qwip at 3:58 AM on October 18, 2006

Rent a convertible, pack some blankets to cozy up in and a picnic, and go for a scenic drive.
posted by orangemiles at 6:56 AM on October 18, 2006

I sixth the picnic. If you're good talkers, then all you need is an excuse to sit there together. Ever done a hiking picnic? Those can be fun. Split up the stuff in two packs (hers lighter because you're a gentleman), don't take too much, and go hike somewhere together, something nature trail-ish, not scree-infested or really tough. That's also great for conversation if the trail is wide enough to walk side by side. Then you stop halfway, have your fun little leisurely picnic and chat, then walk back. I've used that one a number of times and it's always a hit. You kind of see her eyes go gooey after a while and you're like "wa-heyyy!" (or booyah or aww or whatever). Serious point scorer.
posted by kookoobirdz at 7:05 AM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

Zoo.
posted by Alt F4 at 7:43 AM on October 18, 2006

I second the corn maze. It'll be like a hike, with lots of time for conversation and diversions along the way.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 11:46 AM on October 18, 2006

Wow, thanks for all the great suggestions. I'll file these away for future reference--as it turns out, she's heading out of town on Saturday, so we're meeting for dinner at the restaurant/lounge in her building and then going from there. Wish me luck! :)
posted by synecdoche at 6:16 PM on October 18, 2006

kookoobirdz, can I just say wow that you have correctly used the word scree in a sentence? I ran across the word once as a freshman in college through a rhyming dictionary, and haven't seen it since. woo!

And synecdoche, hope you had a great time. I agree with all the notes above that say if you're synching up together in person, all you need is the kind of outing where you talk to one another, e.g., a picnic. Good luck!
posted by onlyconnect at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2006