Should I stay in therapy?
October 16, 2006 2:36 PM Subscribe
I had some situational depression so I went to therapy. I'm feeling a lot better now - is there any reason to stay in therapy?
I had a baby and two weeks later my best friend killed himself. Understandably - I kind of lost it. I started therapy - and with some work and some time -I'm now feeling a lot better. I've gone to therapy a few other times in my life - but always to deal with a particular situation - never for just general analysis. My therapist has suggested I continue to come to explore other issues and I'm not sure if its worth the time and the money. Has anyone else gone to therapy when they didn't traditionally "need" it and did you find value in doing so?
I had a baby and two weeks later my best friend killed himself. Understandably - I kind of lost it. I started therapy - and with some work and some time -I'm now feeling a lot better. I've gone to therapy a few other times in my life - but always to deal with a particular situation - never for just general analysis. My therapist has suggested I continue to come to explore other issues and I'm not sure if its worth the time and the money. Has anyone else gone to therapy when they didn't traditionally "need" it and did you find value in doing so?
I personally would not continue going if I felt the crisis was resolved. Of course there's always a benefit to therapy, but as you say, its value has to be weighed against time and money.
You say your therapist suggests continuing -- not many wave their wands and say, hey, you're cured -- so it's up to you to decide if you're in a happy place. Are the other issues your therapists wants to explore causing you difficulty in your life? Do you feel they affect things that are important to you? Important enough to equal the cost of more therapy to address them?
Those are the questions I'd ask myself.
posted by empyrean at 2:57 PM on October 16, 2006
You say your therapist suggests continuing -- not many wave their wands and say, hey, you're cured -- so it's up to you to decide if you're in a happy place. Are the other issues your therapists wants to explore causing you difficulty in your life? Do you feel they affect things that are important to you? Important enough to equal the cost of more therapy to address them?
Those are the questions I'd ask myself.
posted by empyrean at 2:57 PM on October 16, 2006
From my experience, therapy can slow down a lot and become a lot less productive. At one point, my therapist was serving as not much more than a time management sounding board for me, for example.
I think the best course of ation is to let your therapist know you think you're ready to stop going to sessions as often, taper off, and arrange with him or her to call as needed later on.
Be mindful of the signals you may feel that indicate unprocessed stress or other feelings going forward. Perhaps your therapist can help you sketch out what those signs are.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:18 PM on October 16, 2006
I think the best course of ation is to let your therapist know you think you're ready to stop going to sessions as often, taper off, and arrange with him or her to call as needed later on.
Be mindful of the signals you may feel that indicate unprocessed stress or other feelings going forward. Perhaps your therapist can help you sketch out what those signs are.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:18 PM on October 16, 2006
I went through situational therapy several times, starting in college -- usually 6 months or less. Each time, the therapy got me through that particular rough patch (and there were some serious rough patches in there!), which was great. But eventually I realized I kept going back into therapy every few years for similar problems -- and what I realized was that there were much deeper, underlying issues that persisted from crisis to crisis that I finally believed needed to be addressed.
So for that reason I made a long-term commitment to therapy several years ago, and it's made a massivedifference in terms of my general happiness and emotional health (including coping skills, sense of confidence, self-acceptance, ability to deal with relationships and conflict), etc. It's been hard but extremely rewarding work, and I would unhesitatingly call it the best investment I've ever made in myself. I've been in a good place for a couple of years now, and so only see my therapist twice a month, and yet am always glad to have the outlet and support, even when our sessions are more about simple conversation and less about "issues."
posted by scody at 3:20 PM on October 16, 2006 [2 favorites]
So for that reason I made a long-term commitment to therapy several years ago, and it's made a massivedifference in terms of my general happiness and emotional health (including coping skills, sense of confidence, self-acceptance, ability to deal with relationships and conflict), etc. It's been hard but extremely rewarding work, and I would unhesitatingly call it the best investment I've ever made in myself. I've been in a good place for a couple of years now, and so only see my therapist twice a month, and yet am always glad to have the outlet and support, even when our sessions are more about simple conversation and less about "issues."
posted by scody at 3:20 PM on October 16, 2006 [2 favorites]
(darn, hit "post" instead of "preview")
...so I would suggest tapering down, since the worst of the crisis is clearly behind you. If you see your therapist twice a week, suggest going to once a week. If you see your therapist weekly, suggest going to twice a month.
posted by scody at 3:23 PM on October 16, 2006
...so I would suggest tapering down, since the worst of the crisis is clearly behind you. If you see your therapist twice a week, suggest going to once a week. If you see your therapist weekly, suggest going to twice a month.
posted by scody at 3:23 PM on October 16, 2006
Personally, in those instances when I've stopped therapy because I felt I no longer "needed" it, I always wish I hadn't at some point later on.
If you have a therapist (a) you like and (b) who genuinely helps you work through things, you're ten steps ahead of the game. But a therapist's real value comes in, in my opinion, when you and your therapist have established a relationship where they have the shared experiential background to be able to put your life and its changes into some broader context. There's a longer-term payoff to that commitment that comes in most handy when things go bump, especially when you consider all the sessions it takes to "break in" a new therapist, which always feels like playing catch-up for the first few months.
Therapists aren't of much use, in my opinion, if one is scrambling to find one at the "point of impact" when things explode. There's too much new information and too little background, and people usually aren't "themselves" enough to give an accurate picture of what, precisely, they might need in the broader scheme of their lives.*
If your therapist isn't just some shill trying to shake you down for more cash, there may be some merit in hearing out the unexplored issues. It's always better to have someone in your corner for the long haul - through the good, the bad, and the neutral.
* ...which isn't to discount the valuable work of crisis and/or grief counselors and the like. But I think there are a lot of important nuances that get lost in non-catastrophic, but still urgent, therapy situations.
posted by mykescipark at 3:53 PM on October 16, 2006 [1 favorite]
If you have a therapist (a) you like and (b) who genuinely helps you work through things, you're ten steps ahead of the game. But a therapist's real value comes in, in my opinion, when you and your therapist have established a relationship where they have the shared experiential background to be able to put your life and its changes into some broader context. There's a longer-term payoff to that commitment that comes in most handy when things go bump, especially when you consider all the sessions it takes to "break in" a new therapist, which always feels like playing catch-up for the first few months.
Therapists aren't of much use, in my opinion, if one is scrambling to find one at the "point of impact" when things explode. There's too much new information and too little background, and people usually aren't "themselves" enough to give an accurate picture of what, precisely, they might need in the broader scheme of their lives.*
If your therapist isn't just some shill trying to shake you down for more cash, there may be some merit in hearing out the unexplored issues. It's always better to have someone in your corner for the long haul - through the good, the bad, and the neutral.
* ...which isn't to discount the valuable work of crisis and/or grief counselors and the like. But I think there are a lot of important nuances that get lost in non-catastrophic, but still urgent, therapy situations.
posted by mykescipark at 3:53 PM on October 16, 2006 [1 favorite]
My experience has been similar to scody's. Being in therapy when there hasn't been some sort of acute crisis is a very different experience and has been really valuable to me.
posted by jjwiseman at 3:58 PM on October 16, 2006
posted by jjwiseman at 3:58 PM on October 16, 2006
Response by poster: Thanks everyone for the thoughts. I'll give it a try and see how it goes. To follow up - what kinds of things do you talk about when you aren't in crisis? My baby and my friend were pretty obvious topics - and will continue to be for awhile - just not as severely.
posted by Wolfie at 4:08 PM on October 16, 2006
posted by Wolfie at 4:08 PM on October 16, 2006
While I appreciate the position of the folks who say to stick with it, I'll chime in to say that you should feel free to stop going. I say this as a therapist. I think that psychotherapy actually suffers from the idea that people should stay in it rather indefinitely. Therapy really does help people, and it does so rather quickly. It's a bit strange to assert after it's done that that it needs to last longer. I sometimes like to think of some kinds of therapuetic processes as like going to the dentist: sometimes you need just a touch-up, a cleaning, sometimes you're in for a root canal. One alternative to continuing to attend regular appointments is to set up with your therapist to call when you feel like it. That might be because your mood is low, or it might be because you've figured out something about yourself that you'd like to discuss. Regadless, I think people do better in therapy when they really do want to go; that desire is a indispensible component part of successful psychotherapy.
If you feel like going, if there are things you still want to discuss, therapy can be helpful. Early change in therapy, which you've had, is a good predictor of later change in therapy, so if you keep going you may find that you experience improvements in your life or mood or whatever. If you are going to keep going, you should probably do some thinking about why: what things you think contribute to your propensity (if you have one) to experience situational depression, how your life can be better than it is now, etc.
posted by OmieWise at 4:29 PM on October 16, 2006
If you feel like going, if there are things you still want to discuss, therapy can be helpful. Early change in therapy, which you've had, is a good predictor of later change in therapy, so if you keep going you may find that you experience improvements in your life or mood or whatever. If you are going to keep going, you should probably do some thinking about why: what things you think contribute to your propensity (if you have one) to experience situational depression, how your life can be better than it is now, etc.
posted by OmieWise at 4:29 PM on October 16, 2006
Actually, quite a lot of us manage to get by without seeing a therapist regularly.
What sort of holidays/treats for yourself/fun in giving gifts to others could you get for the same money?
posted by Idcoytco at 4:44 PM on October 16, 2006
What sort of holidays/treats for yourself/fun in giving gifts to others could you get for the same money?
posted by Idcoytco at 4:44 PM on October 16, 2006
I've gone into therapy twice, both times based on my observation that my life was going well, but that it could be going much better. I was correct both times. It's taken an enormous amount of time and a fair bit of money as well, but I have no regrets on either count.
To follow up - what kinds of things do you talk about when you aren't in crisis?
I suspect this is very different for each person, but there are a few constants: childhood and family of origin, behaviors that made sense once but are a bit in the way now, older crises that (perhaps) you haven't fully worked through.
I don't know if I'll start weekly therapy when I become a parent, but I'll certainly be touching base with a therapist regularly. I know that I have goals as a parent, and I've seen too many of my friends with similar goals lose track of them under the strain of parenting. Chatting with someone outside the situation will help with that.
posted by tkolar at 7:21 PM on October 16, 2006
To follow up - what kinds of things do you talk about when you aren't in crisis?
I suspect this is very different for each person, but there are a few constants: childhood and family of origin, behaviors that made sense once but are a bit in the way now, older crises that (perhaps) you haven't fully worked through.
I don't know if I'll start weekly therapy when I become a parent, but I'll certainly be touching base with a therapist regularly. I know that I have goals as a parent, and I've seen too many of my friends with similar goals lose track of them under the strain of parenting. Chatting with someone outside the situation will help with that.
posted by tkolar at 7:21 PM on October 16, 2006
You could continue for a few weeks but if you feel you're not getting "a weight lifted off of your shoulders" or it's not making any difference in your mood I'd discontinue. Sometimes spot therapy is all you need.
I went right before college when I was stressed out about leaving for a whole new place where I knew no one. I was moody and my parents thought I was really depressed. In reality I was hiding the fact I was slowly paying off a man $600 because I got in my first accident that junior-year spring. I was afraid to tell my parents so agreed to pay him off every few weeks with money from my Toys R Us job. A LOT of stress. After I finished paying the debt, there wasn't really anything bogging me down, so it wasn't necessary anymore.
My mother goes to therapy because she has anxiety and has been in 2 really bad car accidents. For her it's a good thing, and she needs it. It's different for every person.
posted by PetiePal at 9:28 AM on October 17, 2006
I went right before college when I was stressed out about leaving for a whole new place where I knew no one. I was moody and my parents thought I was really depressed. In reality I was hiding the fact I was slowly paying off a man $600 because I got in my first accident that junior-year spring. I was afraid to tell my parents so agreed to pay him off every few weeks with money from my Toys R Us job. A LOT of stress. After I finished paying the debt, there wasn't really anything bogging me down, so it wasn't necessary anymore.
My mother goes to therapy because she has anxiety and has been in 2 really bad car accidents. For her it's a good thing, and she needs it. It's different for every person.
posted by PetiePal at 9:28 AM on October 17, 2006
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Yes and yes. Although I get it for free through school, so that makes it a different decision. For me it's just a nice kind of pressure release every week. I like being able to sit down and rant about things that I'd feel guilty about unloading on my friends. YMMV.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:56 PM on October 16, 2006