Girls who eat salad? hot or not?

September 21, 2006 6:26 PM

Are girls who eat salad and watch every calorie worth it?

I'm in good shape, am a pretty small size, and get attention when I go out. I realize, though, that I could lose up to 20 pounds by eating salad, counting my calories, and hitting the gym every day.

I'm just curious--not making any life changes based on the answers--if it's worth it for guys to date super -hot girls who go through the maintenance to stay that way. You know, you get a burger, she gets a salad. She won't have another beer; has to get to bed early to see the trainer. Guys, are you disappointed that you can't have it both ways? Or is it worth it to be with a high-maintenance, calorie--counting chick because of the looks you get and the feeling of being with "the perfect girl"? I'm just curious because being the perfect girl seems like a full time job--I'm sure I would have no time for anything else in my life, much less contributing to a meaningful relationship.

posted by sweetkid to Human Relations (39 answers total)

None of my superhot friends (male or female) "calorie count". Or, if they do, they don't make an issue of it. When I go out to eat with people I don't ask them why they're ordering what they're ordering and only the annoying ones tell me. "I'm just getting the salad because I'm on a diet" or "I'm not having another drink as they're fattening--but you go ahead". If you're going to do that--well, then no, you're gonna be a pain to date. I'm a vegetarian but I rarely mention it to anyone. I just order meatless food.

In short: Keep it to yourself and no one will care.
posted by dobbs at 6:31 PM on September 21, 2006 [4 favorites]

I've dated that girl. She was a tyrant. Never again.
posted by clango at 6:35 PM on September 21, 2006

I'm in good shape, am a pretty small size, and get attention when I go out.

Enough already! You're fine. Would it be worth it to you? That's what is more important.

In my personal opinion, stay at your current level.
posted by knapah at 6:43 PM on September 21, 2006

Well, my wife is careful about her food intake and gets regular exercise, but it hardly puts a damper on the relationship. She's not high-maintenance, and respects the rule "everything in moderation, including moderation." I get some regular exercise too, but I'm apparently blessed with a reasonably fast metabolism, and have more latitude WRT food.

In short, I don't think it's accurate to paint people who are conscious of their weight and fitness as high maintenance or not fun.
posted by adamrice at 6:47 PM on September 21, 2006

All that said, if you are comfortable with yourself and at a healthy weight, why sweat it?
posted by adamrice at 6:48 PM on September 21, 2006

I am a guy who works out a lot, and has started eating more salads although I have come to this relatively late in life. I am still single though, and while not young I still have student loans.

I tend to think about the women I attracted in the past, and the women I am looking for now.

Basically I think people who are concerned about appearances tend to attract people concerned with appearances, the opposite is also true. I had a relationship with a beauty queen once, and I don't think I would want to do that again because while I care about appearances, it is not all I care about.

I appreciate a little effort, and I think being a little eager to please one's mate (male or female) is a good thing but there is a line that probably should not be crossed. So if you want my opinion I would say keep as healthy and good-looking as possible without making your beauty and workout routines into something that makes you obsessed and socially awkward. All that said, a day will come - no matter how hot you look- when that beauty will fade and you will need friends, and people who love you for your charater
posted by Deep Dish at 6:52 PM on September 21, 2006 [4 favorites]

Having dated several girls who had the opposite happen (relatively fit to begin with, then 6 months later +30 lbs), I would appreciate the attention and discipline re: your body. (Though I got used to strict diet things when I dated a vegan).

That said:

1. Nothing is sexier than a girl who likes the way she looks in a genuine sort of way, even if she's on the chubbier side. If it's going to get neurotic for you, well, then best to keep things the way they are.

2. If I cook you dinner and you get all weird about eating it, I don't think it will work out.

Seconding dobbs: As long as you're not anorexic, you keep it to yourself, and you're willing to cheat every once and a while, I think many will appreciate the effort.
posted by dentata at 6:55 PM on September 21, 2006

People who takes care of themselves have a certain attraction that goes beyond the physical. That being said, I would not lose weight or diet merely to obtain the affection of others. Do these things for you, because they make you feel better, because they are healthy, not for someone else.
posted by caddis at 6:56 PM on September 21, 2006

Also, eating well/healthy doesn't have to equal "salad".

(Not that there is anything wrong with salad, but you know...)
posted by stefnet at 6:57 PM on September 21, 2006

An annoying beautiful person is still annoying.
Yet not all beautiful people are annoying.
posted by the jam at 6:58 PM on September 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Some people want to be superhot. Not me. It's too much hard work. I'd rather be reasonably attractive and let those who get paid to be superhot do all the crap it takes to be superhot.

I do watch what I eat, and I do try to exercise, and I do love clothes that look good on me, and I do take care of my hair and skin, and I do enjoy a good 45 minutes of prettification before a night out. This, combine with whatever natural gifts I may have been endowed with, adds up to me being reasonable attractive. If I wanted to be superhot, I think I could be. I could REALLY watch what I eat and exercise a lot more and spend a lot more money on clothes and on my hair and skin (Oh, the things you can do to your skin!) and prettify more often, more intensely.

My boyfriend seems to appreciate my reasonably attractiveness and the habits I have to maintain it. I appreciate that he doesn't let himself go, either.

We both seem to have plenty of time for the things that differentiate us from all the other reasonable attractive people we're not dating. Like, you know, reading books and stuff. I think we still try to impress each other on that front, too.

(Oh yeah, and Dobbs is right on-- if you fail the zipper test and need to shed a few pounds (it happens to us all) do not comment on the salad you order. Just order it.)
posted by lalalana at 7:03 PM on September 21, 2006

Guys/girls can have it both ways-- often people with terriffic bodies don't have to work for it.

And really I think the "perfect" girl or guy for alot of people are mates that are in shape-- not looks wise but ability/activity wise.

I have dated men that have been "in training" and although it some times was a inconvenient when they could only eat certain foods, etc I admired their willpower and dedication.

But because of looks you get? Alot people prefer to not get attention based on appearance.
posted by beccaj at 7:05 PM on September 21, 2006

I've always been of the mindset that girls who enjoy food are more fun to be around. Just seems to be the case, in my experience.

Calorie-counting is just like any other compulsive disorder, unless it's a temporary thing. If it is, it tends to be symptomatic of the "happiness is only ten pounds away" mindset, which I never went for.

I'll second the "nothing is sexier than a girl who genuinely likes the way she looks, regardless of size."
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:12 PM on September 21, 2006

Here's a weird, alternate question: would it bug you if someone you were dating was just as food-conscious because they had IBS, diabetes, a food allergy, fructose malabsorption, etc.? If they had regular physical therapy with a trainer due to an injury?

If yes, then it's the attention paid to the routine that bugs you. If no, then it's the reason they are doing it.

Separating out the two might be handy.
posted by adipocere at 7:14 PM on September 21, 2006

I overheard this one girl, today, that put it in a way I like. Another girl nearby had commented on how she consistently dressed in a unique and fashionable way and just had this innate, keen sense for beauty (obviously coupled with her natural one).

"I don't really have much to pour myself into in my life; I've got school which is pretty much pressure all the time, and I've got a few interests, but maintaining my appearance is something I enjoy. I like choosing what to wear and finding styles that fit. I figure, why not? There's not much else I can do around here but I can certainly change this."

(totally paraphrasing, of course)

And it's true. I don't really know her, but she's already been burned in my mind as a totally rad chick I'd love to ride off in fantasy land with.

Her perspective is totally different from 'my gawd my jeans aren't bleached enuff' girls we see on the other end of the spectrum.
posted by Lockeownzj00 at 7:17 PM on September 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I like girls that can put away.
posted by pullayup at 7:23 PM on September 21, 2006

You ALWAYS want to date women who enjoy putting things in their mouth. ALWAYS.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:26 PM on September 21, 2006 [4 favorites]

I personally find people who are into food more fun to be around, but that's beside the point. You should eat healthy food and exercise, and there's been at least a couple threads on both subjects recently, because it's the right thing to do for your health and well-being.

I don't know what kinda culture you've grown up in, but "perfect as seen on tv" is a far cry from perfect in real life, in my experience. You're right to focus more on doing things that are meaningful. There's a lot more to life than you know of now, One day when you're a little older you'll realize how shallow your question seems, and I don't say that to belittle you, just to point you in the right direction, which you seem to be headed in already.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 7:27 PM on September 21, 2006

Doesn't sound like the other end of the spectrum to me, it just sounds like you're making a judgement based on social class.
posted by crabintheocean at 7:29 PM on September 21, 2006

I think what it comes down to is that nobody (male or female) wants to be with someone who is a) neurotically obsessive, b) miserable and self-loathing or c) never satisfied with their appearance. If eating salads and working out makes someone feel happier and healthier, like a better version of themselves, then why would that be a turnoff? But if it's going to make you feel like a martyr, all deprived and starved and unhappy, then screw it. Put your body's health -- both physical and mental -- first, and everything else will fall into its proper place.
posted by junkbox at 7:34 PM on September 21, 2006

My husband tells me that during our first date, he thought to himself, "Thank God, she eats!" He thinks we would not have continued dating if I had only eaten salads.
posted by timepiece at 7:38 PM on September 21, 2006

*heh* I like the Curve Militia gals myself. I like people that enjoy life, and while it's just a shallow sweeping a generalization to say that the a salad-eating fitness obsessed person isn't enjoying life as much as someone who is a bit more epicurean, I'm just not sure they would be enjoying life in the way that I personally would also find enjoyable. i.e. I'm not sure that I would personally find much to share with and enjoy with such a person myself. :) You might, though. I mean, shouldn't this really depend on her thoughts and ideas outside of her diet and fitness regime? (Unless that's all there is to her, and then... well, again, personal preferences overrule again, that might be what you want.)
posted by smallerdemon at 7:48 PM on September 21, 2006

You don't win friends with salad!
posted by Pigpen at 7:50 PM on September 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Pigpen, I fully expected that to be one of the answers when I posted this question.
posted by sweetkid at 7:51 PM on September 21, 2006

Ever since I started really liking myself and my body, I've gotten a lot more attention from men. I did start working out and probably lost about 5 pounds during that time, but I'm certain that it's my confidence and attitude that really makes a difference.

A big eye opener for me: watching pro sports with a bunch of guys I know, and some cheerleaders came on the screen. One guy was all, "hot." Two other guys booed him. "She's too skinny it's unreal," and "I like a woman with a little meat on her bones."

Men's turn ons are at least as diverse as women's. The key to finding a man who likes women who look like you is exuding awesomeness, not giving up food and making yourself miserable.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 7:58 PM on September 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

I appreciate a little effort into maintaining appearance, but if you get attention when you go out -- don't bother trying to do something else. Going over the top is just as gross as not doing anything at all... and I find that you really attract the wrong kind of people when you're at 100% hawtness, anyway.
posted by SpecialK at 8:10 PM on September 21, 2006

The key to finding a man who likes women who look like you is exuding awesomeness, not giving up food and making yourself miserable.

What I was trying to say, in a nice, tight nutshell.
posted by SpecialK at 8:14 PM on September 21, 2006

People who can set goals and achieve them, make promises (to themselves) and keep them, people who strive to be their best selves. These people are very attractive.

People who are obsessive, people who place value on themselves over others, people who aren't comfortable with who they are and don't like themselves. These people are very unattractive.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:19 PM on September 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

You'd need *real* food. It's not just the calories, it's the nutritional value of the calories. You'd be better off seeing a nutritionist than eating like a bird. Plus you can't eat salad forever. At some point, you will start eating real food and your body will rejoice and probably regain those 20 pounds in about five seconds. I once read that Liz Hurley practically starves herself to look good and usually goes to bed hungry. Hungry = cranky and no one wants a cranky girlfriend.

Exercise though? That seems reasonable, if done within reason.

It also depends on what kind of guy you're looking for. Sure, a lot of us could be way hotter if we had more time/energy/money to make it happen. I prefer someone that is okay with me as-is. Being hot as you describe it takes a lot of work and time. Not to mention it is crazy expensive! My boyfriend couldn't believe how much money I spent just to look "good" for him (or anyone for that matter), and there's still plenty more I would do if I had the money. Do you want someone who is with you because you're the "perfect girl" on his arm, or the "perfect girl" in his life? I can't imagine that a relationship or self image built on your being arm candy is going to be all that satisfying in the long run.

FWIW, I have a good friend that recently reduced/cut saturated fats for health reasons and she looks great! She looked fine before though too. I think she lost at least 10 pounds and started adding a few sat. fats back in because she was getting too skinny. You don't have to go all high-maint. to get results.
posted by Halfpint at 10:13 PM on September 21, 2006

Hungry = cranky and no one wants a cranky girlfriend.

And that, my friends, is the truth.
posted by dentata at 10:23 PM on September 21, 2006

Girls who eat nothing because they're watching their weight are annoying. Work out three or four times a week, eat reasonably and forget about it.

I've always said I'd rather date a woman who was twenty pounds overweight and didn't care than one who was incredibly hot and bitched all the time.
posted by borkingchikapa at 10:41 PM on September 21, 2006

Women who like their food are more likely to like other things. Women who like their food are going to appreciate it when I cook or take them to dinner, instead of looking like I'm trying to poison them. Women who count every damn thing are taking one of life's great pleasures and turning in into misery. They are also sending me a strong signal that they're insecure and neurotic.

In fact the behaviour you are suggesting is contradictory to being superhot. Good for looking superhot, maybe. For actually being superhot, no.

You might be surprised at how (un)attractive men find your idea of superhot. Could be that if you did achieve it, a lot of your target audience would be thinking "give that girl a sandwich." Could be that all the effort of counting and gymming it every day could be better spent on saving for some really top-notch underwear...
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:10 PM on September 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

If a potential date is going to poo-poo you because you decide to go for a salad, that date isn't worth having. Food choices are not the most important thing in a relationship.

Having said that, if you're going to go for the salad, go for the salad. Don't give a 5-min explanaition that you're on a diet - that sends out *all* the wrong signals.
posted by badlydubbedboy at 1:19 AM on September 22, 2006

Well sure, badlydubbedboy. Eat the salad because salads are crunchy and delicious.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:54 AM on September 22, 2006

lower body fat = longer healthier happier life.

if a guy isn't into that, then kick to curb.

that said, salad isn't a good source of protein, and exercise regularly is better than counting.
posted by ewkpates at 3:43 AM on September 22, 2006

I like to cook, to be cooked for, I like to eat, I like my wife to eat the things I make. A deep appreciation of good food on the part of my partner is critical to me. I wouldn't object if my partner decided to diet, but above it's very important that their relationship with food be fairly uncomplicated. Food should be a source of pleasure, not of stress. (I don't view this as in opposition to staying healthy and fit ... maybe I also need a partner who enjoys eating mostly healthy food.)
posted by louigi at 4:03 AM on September 22, 2006

Food is an artform.
I personally don't care for people who don't appreciate art and have no desire to learn.

Which describes picky eaters more than calorie-conscious eaters.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:23 AM on September 22, 2006

"Or is it worth it to be with a high-maintenance, calorie--counting chick because of the looks you get and the feeling of being with "the perfect girl"?"

No, because in the long run, they're not perfect. Nobody is. The girls I've known that were like that were totally neurotic and paranoid and had a whole basket of other mental issues.

I am dating a wonderful woman that isn't high maintenance at all and i can't imagine life without her. :D
posted by drstein at 12:41 PM on September 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

the high-maintenance girl as you describe her is boring and not sexy. if rigorous self-maintenance comes naturally to you, if it's a kind of organic - almost invisible - part of your lifestyle which you manage so efficiently your SO doesn't notice, then maybe ok; but if it's as you describe, you may get the "looks" but you won't (imo) get the love. "early to bed to see the trainer in the morning" is probably the antithesis of sexy.
posted by londongeezer at 1:35 PM on September 22, 2006