What do you do when masturbation has lost its fun?

May 25, 2006 11:00 PM

What do you do when masturbation has lost its fun?

I'm in a serious relationship right now. The first good one for about two years. So, I find now that I'm not masturbating at all. And yeah I'm fine with it. But even having a go by myself nowadays just doesn't have that same old appeal. I actually get bored, distracted, and then eventually stop. I basically can't stop thinking about my girlfriend. Everything else isn't floating my boat! How might one go about getting that zest for self-gratification back again though? Should I even care? Oh yeah we do have heaps of sex (you can put mutual masturbation and so on under that umbrella). It's all great. Just need to be clear on that. But I guess my mind is still wondering if there's really room for masturbation outside of a loving relationship. Have you been here?

posted by sjvilla79 to human relations (20 comments total)

My recolllection is that when masturbation has lost it's fun, you're f'ing breaking.
posted by shagoth at 11:06 PM on May 25, 2006

Sounds like you need to upgrade from the regular old vanilla flavour. Try it in public, dressed in drag, for example.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:31 PM on May 25, 2006

Have you ever considered what exactly that orgasm feeling is? I honestly think that loving someone dearly in a snuggle-type way and orgasm are the same feeling, with varying intensities, with one (snuggling up) as a lesser intensity but can last indefinitely, while actual orgasm is just a burst of high intensity that doesn't last very long. Considedring that women can have multiples in quick succession follows this since women generally experience life in a series of emotions/perceptions rather than sensations/physical-input that guys generally live by.

Try getting off (pun intended) of masturbation, as in, away from looking for ways to keep it up and focus more on the snuggly feeling and making that in a greater intensity. Because, it's really just that quick burst of feeling you're after, isn't it, not really attached to whatever gets you there, just as long as it works?
posted by vanoakenfold at 11:44 PM on May 25, 2006

So your question is "what to do when masturbation has lost its fun."

In your question you tell us that all you can do is think about your girlfriend.

Combining these two elements, I offer 3 possible answers.

1) Think about your girlfriend while masturbating.

2) If she dosen't object, masturbate infront of your naked girlfriend. She may chose to masturbate also.

3) What about mutual masturbation?
posted by Effigy2000 at 11:56 PM on May 25, 2006

Have you considered learning/trying a new technique?
You could poke around on JackinWorld to see if there's anything that might float your boat, or at least keep it from sinking.
posted by nightchrome at 1:03 AM on May 26, 2006

Effigy - mutual masturbation was already mentioned as something that they do.

Having said that... do you have no other hobbies? If you don't enjoy masturbation any more, and the sex is fantastic... Why worry about it? You don't HAVE to masturbate. I know it's a hard habit to break, but I dunno... take up jogging or something. :)
posted by antifuse at 1:35 AM on May 26, 2006

Let me paraphrase your question:

"
I'm in a serious relationship right now... The first good one for about two years. we do have heaps of sex (you can put mutual masturbation under that umbrella). I guess my mind is still wondering if there's really room for masturbation
"

So what you're saying is; you get a turkey dinner every night and you're worried because the quesadillas you used to make for yourself dont' taste as good as they used to.

you say you can't stop thinking about your girlfriend. That is a good thing. REPEAT, That is a good thing. Most guys who masterbate while in a relationship are thinking or looking at someone else. The same probably goes for women. No one is ever completely at ease. If we are actually happy with the turkey dinner we get every night. we worry about our lack of appetite, and if we want more than what's in our own kitchen we worry about missing out.

I don't really know what to say, except that your problem sounds like more of an excuse to second guess yourself than a real problem. Real problems make your life miserable. you KNOW things are wrong,

You've obviously spent most of your life as a masturbating single guy. You're used to seeing a new woman with the turn of a page or click of a mouse, but that's really just junk food. real life is different, You need to learn to explore the person beside you in bed. Touch her, tickle her, ask her questions... see where it leads.
posted by zgott300 at 3:05 AM on May 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

Pornography might help. Also, less frequent sex with your girlfriend might help. What you really need to do is psychologically decouple the girlfriend from the orgasm in your mind. If you can get a stretch of four or five days without sex, and masturbate to some really hot porn, this problem will likely solve itself.

Also, do you always go to bed at the same time? Staying up later than your girlfriend (computer games, internet surfing) can lead to less sex and more masturbation.

Good luck!
posted by Meatbomb at 4:19 AM on May 26, 2006

What is it you're looking for from masturbation that you don't get from being intimate with your girl?
posted by scalefree at 5:20 AM on May 26, 2006

This is about the time most people switch to exhibitionism or sticking various things up their butts.
posted by JJ86 at 5:24 AM on May 26, 2006

And some days, I just get a hankering for the spicy salsa goodness of quesadillas.

But even that's a bit misleading. For me, at least, masturbation is a completely different experience or form of sexuality. On some lazy afternoons, I'd rather just take care of myself rather than get engaged in the whole teamwork and compromise thing. Sometimes I just get started on a good thing after a shower or a nap and don't want to spoil the momentum or the mood. I might not be thinking about anyone, focusing instead on the feel of the wind through the windows, and the sound of rain on the roof.

There certainly are some things that masturbation scratches that sex with a partner does not. Just as an example, one of the big advantages to masturbation is the ability to play at a pace that gives me extremely intense orgasms. I'm a lazy weekend morning person, while my partner would rather play in the afternoon or evening.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. Just play it by ear and do what feels really good.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 5:35 AM on May 26, 2006

Do you jerk off in the shower? It can be a nice change of pace if not. And you feel productive because you're multi-tasking. And no cleanup required.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:50 AM on May 26, 2006

"I might not be thinking about anyone, focusing instead on the feel of the wind through the windows, and the sound of rain on the roof."

I know that it's wrong to laugh at other people's sex lives, but jerking off to the sound of the rain on the roof sounds like the most pretentious thing EVER.

Advice for the original poster—
Well, some of the things you might want to look into are lube, your left hand, and porn that turns you on but doesn't interest your partner.
posted by klangklangston at 8:11 AM on May 26, 2006

ludwig_van obviously doesn't spend much time pulling long hair out of shower drains.

I think it's normal for mastrbation to lose its gloss at this point of a relationship. I'd suggest that the OP wait for a few more months and he'll be knocking one out regularly just like before.
posted by nowonmai at 8:15 AM on May 26, 2006

When I masturbate a lot, I'm less inclined to have sex.

When I have a lot of sex, I'm less inclined to masturbate.

This is because in either case, I am already sexually gratified. I don't really see this as so much of a problem.
posted by Hallucinosis at 8:52 AM on May 26, 2006

klangklangston: I know that it's wrong to laugh at other people's sex lives, but jerking off to the sound of the rain on the roof sounds like the most pretentious thing EVER.

*shrug* It's a recent event. If I was kinked differently, I'd probably think about white granny panties and baby powder, or nipple clamps. The point was that not all masturbation involves fantasies about another person.

And BTW, the whole "better living through sex toys, lube and porn" thing? Pretentious as heck.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2006

Maybe try a public library?
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:39 AM on May 26, 2006

you don't have a problem, you have a solution ... why worry about it?
posted by pyramid termite at 11:03 AM on May 26, 2006

Why not think about your GF while you do it?
posted by delmoi at 2:50 PM on May 26, 2006

Being in a relationship makes me a LOT less interested in `taking matters into my own hands'. It's like an primitive part of my brain says `don't waste that, it's procreatin' time'.
posted by tomble at 3:36 AM on May 27, 2006