What are some mental tricks to endure an unpleasant event?
November 1, 2024 6:28 AM
Because of circumstances, I will be attending an NFL football game this Sunday. This event promises to be a perfect storm of unpleasantness, combining many things that I find bothersome.
I am not in danger of having any kind of real meltdown, but I'm afraid of being the sourpuss who brings everyone else down. And I'm dreading the event much like I would dread getting a root canal.
What sort of "mind hacks" can I employ to make it through this event without undue suffering and without sucking the joy out of my companions?
- Crowds and standing in line
- Extreme noise
- Watching a violent game that I dislike
- Being confused by plays I don't understand
- Standing for three-plus hours (which seems to be the norm for these things)
- Feeling like the odd person out because I'll be surrounded by people whose interests are alien to me
- Being outside in cool, windy weather
- A long drive there and back
I am not in danger of having any kind of real meltdown, but I'm afraid of being the sourpuss who brings everyone else down. And I'm dreading the event much like I would dread getting a root canal.
What sort of "mind hacks" can I employ to make it through this event without undue suffering and without sucking the joy out of my companions?
EARPLUGS. You don't have much time (or I'd suggest ordering etymotics musicians earplugs) but get to the drugstore and buy a selection of earplugs that will ensure you can control your sound levels. Just buy them all and test fit them at home. You want hours-long comfort fit but not too sound deadening that you can't hear people speaking at you.
It is really shocking how much easier -- everything -- is to tolerate when it's got 20db right off the top.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:40 AM on November 1
It is really shocking how much easier -- everything -- is to tolerate when it's got 20db right off the top.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:40 AM on November 1
Assuming that you really really want to put yourself through this, I would deal with all of the sensory input by being a ghost. That is to say that I would let it flow right through me without touching me at all. Maintaining myself as a hard physical presence would just result in me being beaten to a pulp.
Another way to say that: you’re going to end up disassociated anyway, you might as well do it on your schedule.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on November 1
Another way to say that: you’re going to end up disassociated anyway, you might as well do it on your schedule.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on November 1
I'm not going to ask why you can't decline, but am going to assume some sort of sitcom-like situation where, unless you can go to this football game and appear to enjoy it, you're not going to inherit some vast fortune. Thus you must endure.
Crowds and standing in line
I find that cultivating patience toward these things in general makes for a more pleasant experience of being in the world around other people. Instead of focusing on how much you would like to be at the front of the line already, think about how you're spending time with your friends, and how you're really not in a hurry to be anywhere else at the moment.
Watching a violent game that I dislike
I can't think of a way around the moral or ethical dilemma here. It sucks, but the game will happen whether you're there or not and your presence won't really have an effect.
Being confused by plays I don't understand
Cultivate curiosity. You don't need to figure it out, but watching it as though it's a puzzle is something I've done when attending sporting events with friends and helps to pass the time. It's also something that helps with friends who have other interests I don't, like Magic: The Gathering, or knitting, or whatever.
Being outside in cool, windy weather
Dress appropriately. I'm not sure what type of climate that you're used to, but my experience is that unless it's also wet, you can be pretty comfortable outdoors as long as it's above 0F or so, as long as you have the appropriate clothing. Wear warm footwear and layers; if it's windy an outer layer that blocks wind is helpful. Have a warm place for your hands (coat pockets).
A long drive there and back
Podcasts, music.
But overall, it seems like you're already resenting that you have to go to this event and focusing on all of the things about it that you're not going to like. Letting go of that resentment will be the key to not being miserable, because resentment will heighten all of the minor irritations that you're going to experience.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 6:42 AM on November 1
Crowds and standing in line
I find that cultivating patience toward these things in general makes for a more pleasant experience of being in the world around other people. Instead of focusing on how much you would like to be at the front of the line already, think about how you're spending time with your friends, and how you're really not in a hurry to be anywhere else at the moment.
Watching a violent game that I dislike
I can't think of a way around the moral or ethical dilemma here. It sucks, but the game will happen whether you're there or not and your presence won't really have an effect.
Being confused by plays I don't understand
Cultivate curiosity. You don't need to figure it out, but watching it as though it's a puzzle is something I've done when attending sporting events with friends and helps to pass the time. It's also something that helps with friends who have other interests I don't, like Magic: The Gathering, or knitting, or whatever.
Being outside in cool, windy weather
Dress appropriately. I'm not sure what type of climate that you're used to, but my experience is that unless it's also wet, you can be pretty comfortable outdoors as long as it's above 0F or so, as long as you have the appropriate clothing. Wear warm footwear and layers; if it's windy an outer layer that blocks wind is helpful. Have a warm place for your hands (coat pockets).
A long drive there and back
Podcasts, music.
But overall, it seems like you're already resenting that you have to go to this event and focusing on all of the things about it that you're not going to like. Letting go of that resentment will be the key to not being miserable, because resentment will heighten all of the minor irritations that you're going to experience.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 6:42 AM on November 1
Can you tell your friends that you don't usually go to NFL games, and ask them to tell you the stuff that they like best -- like tailgating food, the venue, rare plays, subtleties about the matchup, history of their team, nearby "stadium friends" (a thing among season ticket-holders!), et al. -- to help pep them up (as opposed to your dreaded Eyeore Energy), and maybe get a little excited yourself?
No guarantee that you will care about it, but it's a distraction, and people do like to talk.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:46 AM on November 1
No guarantee that you will care about it, but it's a distraction, and people do like to talk.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:46 AM on November 1
When you start walking down/up the stairs to your seats, make sure you’re next to whoever’s company you’d most enjoy. You’ll essentially only be able to talk with them for the majority of the game since the line of people format doesn’t lend it self to good conversation.
If you’re on the end of the group and don’t want to talk with folks, bring AirPods and just put one in and listen to an audiobook.
Depending on the game you may not be expected to stand the whole time.
posted by raccoon409 at 6:47 AM on November 1
If you’re on the end of the group and don’t want to talk with folks, bring AirPods and just put one in and listen to an audiobook.
Depending on the game you may not be expected to stand the whole time.
posted by raccoon409 at 6:47 AM on November 1
Yeah, I sympathize. I've had to endure more than one of these type of events. And, yes, I did have to go in order to, for example, be there for family.
I take it all in as a cultural experience. Like being a museum-goer. It is alien but can be interesting because it is still part of a human cultural phenomenon. Think of it like watching a documentary.
There's also the social aspect. Honestly, there are long periods of nothing happening on the field and people use this time as an excuse to just socialize, like you would at any get-together. It is not like watching a film together. Many people just use sports events as backdrops. Chat about other things, socialize with your family and friends on topics other than the event around you.
posted by vacapinta at 6:48 AM on November 1
I take it all in as a cultural experience. Like being a museum-goer. It is alien but can be interesting because it is still part of a human cultural phenomenon. Think of it like watching a documentary.
There's also the social aspect. Honestly, there are long periods of nothing happening on the field and people use this time as an excuse to just socialize, like you would at any get-together. It is not like watching a film together. Many people just use sports events as backdrops. Chat about other things, socialize with your family and friends on topics other than the event around you.
posted by vacapinta at 6:48 AM on November 1
Time to be a secret alien anthropologist who will be reporting back to the mothership! Learn as much as you can! What are the denizens wearing, eating, talking about? These friends, what memories of other football games do they have and why do they choose to keep attending? How about the referees, announcers, camera, coaches?
posted by heyforfour at 6:48 AM on November 1
posted by heyforfour at 6:48 AM on November 1
I also like looking at the crowds and finding my favorite fan outfit
posted by raccoon409 at 6:48 AM on November 1
posted by raccoon409 at 6:48 AM on November 1
At least for parts of it, consider some mind games for yourself to reframe the activities when you aren't able to be social with your friends. Be an alien anthropologist, and look at it as if you've never seen some of it before. Find some detail and overanalyze that, or recontextualizate it. For example, I'm stuck somewhere with terrible music? Find one instrument and follow its pattern, instead of the song as a whole. Make up stories about other people in the crowd.
And yeah earplugs ftw.
posted by cobaltnine at 6:50 AM on November 1
And yeah earplugs ftw.
posted by cobaltnine at 6:50 AM on November 1
Headphones. Over earplugs. And listen to the commentary if you can and play Sexual Innuendo Bingo; it's hilarious.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:51 AM on November 1
posted by DarlingBri at 6:51 AM on November 1
The only plus side is that I will be with friends whose company I enjoy (at least, under most circumstances).
Be with them at the game. Talk with them about stuff that isn't the game. Catch up on what everyone's been doing.
Despite what people may say, NFL football is an incredibly boring and slow game. A huge percentage of the time is spent with the players farting around on the field while setting up for the next play, or while a time out has been called, or while the refs are reviewing something. You don't notice how dreadfully boring the game is on television because most of the boring parts are when the commercials air.
What I'm saying is, there will be lots of downtime when you can just hang with your friends, which is what you seem to want to do.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:51 AM on November 1
Be with them at the game. Talk with them about stuff that isn't the game. Catch up on what everyone's been doing.
Despite what people may say, NFL football is an incredibly boring and slow game. A huge percentage of the time is spent with the players farting around on the field while setting up for the next play, or while a time out has been called, or while the refs are reviewing something. You don't notice how dreadfully boring the game is on television because most of the boring parts are when the commercials air.
What I'm saying is, there will be lots of downtime when you can just hang with your friends, which is what you seem to want to do.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:51 AM on November 1
Is going for walks on option?
My story: Years ago I went to a baseball game. It was Yankee stadium (my first and only visit to a storied place). It was Derek Jeter's 2nd last game (a historic time). Despite this, I was bored out of my mind. So I walked around a lot, people watching.
posted by falsedmitri at 6:53 AM on November 1
My story: Years ago I went to a baseball game. It was Yankee stadium (my first and only visit to a storied place). It was Derek Jeter's 2nd last game (a historic time). Despite this, I was bored out of my mind. So I walked around a lot, people watching.
posted by falsedmitri at 6:53 AM on November 1
If you can use Amazon, order these Etymotic earplugs RIGHT NOW. If you order in the next 15min they should deliver tomorrow. It'll be well worth the $20.
posted by hovey at 6:56 AM on November 1
posted by hovey at 6:56 AM on November 1
When I was a kid we went to church every Sunday and I found it to be profoundly boring, so I would close my eyes and pretend that I was sitting on a chair at home (vs sitting in a pew at church). It was surprisingly effective. Of course, you can't do that during the whole game, but doing it intermittently could give you some breaks (perhaps wear sunglasses while doing this).
Another thing you could try is to pretend the whole time; make a game out of it: pretend that you are an actor in a movie. Be completely fake. Pretend that everything around you isn't real; they're all just actors and it's all just a movie set. When you're standing in line, act how someone who is being filmed for a movie would act, during the game, when everyone stands up to cheer when one brute knocks the hell out of another brute, you, too, stand up and cheer the way an actor being filmed would, etc. Be fake as hell. Basically, you'll be mocking the whole entire thing the whole entire time; the joke's on them.
posted by SageTrail at 6:57 AM on November 1
Another thing you could try is to pretend the whole time; make a game out of it: pretend that you are an actor in a movie. Be completely fake. Pretend that everything around you isn't real; they're all just actors and it's all just a movie set. When you're standing in line, act how someone who is being filmed for a movie would act, during the game, when everyone stands up to cheer when one brute knocks the hell out of another brute, you, too, stand up and cheer the way an actor being filmed would, etc. Be fake as hell. Basically, you'll be mocking the whole entire thing the whole entire time; the joke's on them.
posted by SageTrail at 6:57 AM on November 1
Yes to earplugs, and maybe also being someone happy to go run and get you those nachos/beer/whatever. I've been to a few games and there was plenty of sitting, so I wouldn't worry too much about that, especially if you don't care to watch the football.
posted by advicepig at 6:58 AM on November 1
posted by advicepig at 6:58 AM on November 1
Why not get yourself something nice to enjoy when you get home, whether that is a snack you don't usually eat, a special bath soap, a new pair of pajamas, a new book, etc. I sometimes find it helpful to focus on how in X hours I will be home reading my new book while eating a delicious snack. When you're there, think about how you're getting closer and closer to being done and it will be over and you don't have to do it again.
posted by Frowner at 7:03 AM on November 1
posted by Frowner at 7:03 AM on November 1
my #1 rule in life and relationships is never to yuck anyone's yum, so I really appreciate that you are trying not to do that! huge second to the idea of asking your friends what THEY like about it and seeing if you can either enjoy that thing yourself, OR enjoy it vicariously! sometimes it's nice just to watch people you care about caring about stuff.
Crowds and standing in line
- idk, there's not actually that much of this? maybe some to enter the stadium, maybe some if you are particular about food/drink options, but there's usually SOMEWHERE with no lines
Extreme noise
- earplugs
Watching a violent game that I dislike
- so: as someone who's had a slew of sports injuries as an adult (who just does sports as a hobby and not for millions of dollars!!), I remind myself that all of these people knew what they were getting into. people regularly act like I am insane for going back to sports that have given me serious, multiday-hospitalization injuries, but...iykyk
Being confused by plays I don't understand
- I invite you to learn the basics of how the game works! start with this article. many of us who grew up in the upper midwest learned the game because we were forced to watch it every week and eventually due to desperate boredom we either asked or read about how it worked
Standing for three-plus hours (which seems to be the norm for these things)
- you absolutely do not have to! if you sit you may not be able to see much (although that is not always the case), but it's totally fine to take a sitting/phone-scrolling break
Feeling like the odd person out because I'll be surrounded by people whose interests are alien to me
- use this time to figure out why they like this thing! there's lots of stuff I thought was dumb or weird or incomprehensible until someone who loves it explained it to me
Being outside in cool, windy weather
- coat and hat
A long drive there and back
- enjoy the scenery! download a podcast or audiobook!
posted by goodbyewaffles at 7:04 AM on November 1
Crowds and standing in line
- idk, there's not actually that much of this? maybe some to enter the stadium, maybe some if you are particular about food/drink options, but there's usually SOMEWHERE with no lines
Extreme noise
- earplugs
Watching a violent game that I dislike
- so: as someone who's had a slew of sports injuries as an adult (who just does sports as a hobby and not for millions of dollars!!), I remind myself that all of these people knew what they were getting into. people regularly act like I am insane for going back to sports that have given me serious, multiday-hospitalization injuries, but...iykyk
Being confused by plays I don't understand
- I invite you to learn the basics of how the game works! start with this article. many of us who grew up in the upper midwest learned the game because we were forced to watch it every week and eventually due to desperate boredom we either asked or read about how it worked
Standing for three-plus hours (which seems to be the norm for these things)
- you absolutely do not have to! if you sit you may not be able to see much (although that is not always the case), but it's totally fine to take a sitting/phone-scrolling break
Feeling like the odd person out because I'll be surrounded by people whose interests are alien to me
- use this time to figure out why they like this thing! there's lots of stuff I thought was dumb or weird or incomprehensible until someone who loves it explained it to me
Being outside in cool, windy weather
- coat and hat
A long drive there and back
- enjoy the scenery! download a podcast or audiobook!
posted by goodbyewaffles at 7:04 AM on November 1
I would go the opposite of SageTrail: Remember that you don't have to fit in or pretend to like things you don't like. For this event, you're the friend who's coming to an event you wouldn't otherwise attend because your friends are going. They get that, or will figure it out quickly, and if they are decent friends they will appreciate it. Of course, don't bring up your moral qualms, don't say the game is boring, don't complain about the weather. But you don't have to stand up if you don't want to and don't have to engage in debates about game strategy. Enjoy your friends' enjoyment, and quietly tolerate everything else.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:05 AM on November 1
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:05 AM on November 1
Watching a violent game that I dislike
The NFL is likely the densest concentration of human athleticism in history. Cultivate an actual interest in their artistic performance of sport.
posted by daveliepmann at 7:05 AM on November 1
The NFL is likely the densest concentration of human athleticism in history. Cultivate an actual interest in their artistic performance of sport.
posted by daveliepmann at 7:05 AM on November 1
If one of your friends used to play the game in school, see if you can get them talking about the game strategy and tactics, specifically from the perspective of the player in their position. It's a good way to learn about the game, and connect with them on a personal level about why they like it.
Focus on aesthetics: this is a chance to understand the real human scale of something that exists primarily now as a mediated event covered with 40+ camera angles, broadcast in 4k with closeups and surround sound. For someone interested in media/TV/film/theater/etc (maybe that's you?) it's an interesting contrast.
posted by hovey at 7:13 AM on November 1
Focus on aesthetics: this is a chance to understand the real human scale of something that exists primarily now as a mediated event covered with 40+ camera angles, broadcast in 4k with closeups and surround sound. For someone interested in media/TV/film/theater/etc (maybe that's you?) it's an interesting contrast.
posted by hovey at 7:13 AM on November 1
I've been to a few NFL games, and the vast majority of the time, people sit. NFL games are relatively sedate (compared to big college football games, where people stand the entire game) and so they play games and stuff on the jumbotron tv screens. It's actually very easy to never even look down at the field.
Of course, I haven't been to all NFL stadiums, so some may be more exciting than others, with expectations of standing.
But its also 2024. Make sure your phone is charged, enjoy some expensive food at the concession stand, and sit and watch your phone. Many stadiums also have bars you can watch tv or sit at if you get overwhelmed. Or giftshops if you want to wander.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:16 AM on November 1
Of course, I haven't been to all NFL stadiums, so some may be more exciting than others, with expectations of standing.
But its also 2024. Make sure your phone is charged, enjoy some expensive food at the concession stand, and sit and watch your phone. Many stadiums also have bars you can watch tv or sit at if you get overwhelmed. Or giftshops if you want to wander.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:16 AM on November 1
Dress warm. Sunglasses, hoodie/hat, earplugs or headphones to minimize sensory overload.. You can sit for like 90% of the game. I just went to an NFL game last weekend and people only stood up if it was a big play, and it's fine if you don't do that, like maybe you have bad knees or something, people won't care. Feel free to take breaks and wander the stadium to check out food options, use the restroom etc. if you actually desire to learn more about game strategy (and it's fine if you don't) ask one of your friends who is into the sport to explain things to you- like why teams run vs pass, when they decide to punt on a 4th down versus go for it. Other than that, watch the jumbotron for silly fan antics, people watch, try to find the other non-fans in the crowd, and enjoy spending time with your friends.
posted by emd3737 at 7:17 AM on November 1
posted by emd3737 at 7:17 AM on November 1
I think about how much I care about the people I am with and try to reflect that care throughout being with them. For example: I love James, and James loves this activity. I am going to try to share my love for James with this activity.
For things that no one loves, like standing in line, I try to focus on the shared human experience. Here we all are in line and no one likes waiting in line. Isn’t it amazing that we are all sharing this feeling?
posted by hilaryjade at 7:19 AM on November 1
For things that no one loves, like standing in line, I try to focus on the shared human experience. Here we all are in line and no one likes waiting in line. Isn’t it amazing that we are all sharing this feeling?
posted by hilaryjade at 7:19 AM on November 1
Bringing a blanket or a poncho-type hood that goes over your coat, combined with earplugs, creates a kind of cosy bubble because it goes from head to shoulders.
Are you thinking you're standing because people stand up for plays? When I've gone to games it's actually been a lot of sitting. Being able to fold up that blanket and sit on it is nice too.
Is there anything in your life that you've been meaning to think about? Time to plot out a novel or mull over a theory. My life is more chaotic than the usual but sometimes being forced to sit somewhere is a meditative experience.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:28 AM on November 1
Are you thinking you're standing because people stand up for plays? When I've gone to games it's actually been a lot of sitting. Being able to fold up that blanket and sit on it is nice too.
Is there anything in your life that you've been meaning to think about? Time to plot out a novel or mull over a theory. My life is more chaotic than the usual but sometimes being forced to sit somewhere is a meditative experience.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:28 AM on November 1
People-watching at sports events is amaaaazing. You can dampen the sensory overload to make this experience more distanced and comfortable: Wear earphones/earplugs, wear a cozy scarf, have a nice drink. Cocoon. Watch people as if through glass. You are an anthropologist, a novelist, a psychologist.
The people-watching trick is also excellent for airports, waiting rooms, the DMV….
posted by mochapickle at 7:52 AM on November 1
The people-watching trick is also excellent for airports, waiting rooms, the DMV….
posted by mochapickle at 7:52 AM on November 1
Also, sports are so more fun if you can tune in to the commentary on your phone. It was all loud and confusing to me until the rules started making sense.
posted by mochapickle at 7:54 AM on November 1
posted by mochapickle at 7:54 AM on November 1
Is there anything in your life that you've been meaning to think about? Time to plot out a novel or mull over a theory.
Our new pastor is a terrrrrrrrible homilist. When I attend Mass, I just set my face in a thoughtful pose and then spend the fifteen awful minutes of his sermon day-dreaming about a craft project: how will I sew a tricky seam or fold a complex shape? Where can I add another one of the Bluetooth sensors that has an outlet no one can see? What feature should I add next to my Home Assistant set-up?
posted by wenestvedt at 7:56 AM on November 1
Our new pastor is a terrrrrrrrible homilist. When I attend Mass, I just set my face in a thoughtful pose and then spend the fifteen awful minutes of his sermon day-dreaming about a craft project: how will I sew a tricky seam or fold a complex shape? Where can I add another one of the Bluetooth sensors that has an outlet no one can see? What feature should I add next to my Home Assistant set-up?
posted by wenestvedt at 7:56 AM on November 1
An NFL game would be the 9th circle of hell for me so my sympathies. If I were required to go, I would do the following:
1) bring a book
2) scout out a relatively quiet place when I need to get away from the noise
3) have an exit strategy if it gets to be too much - even if that means waiting in the car.
Godspeed.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 8:01 AM on November 1
1) bring a book
2) scout out a relatively quiet place when I need to get away from the noise
3) have an exit strategy if it gets to be too much - even if that means waiting in the car.
Godspeed.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 8:01 AM on November 1
Football games are less fun to attend than baseball games if you're not interested in the game because the opportunity for leisurely conversation with your friends is less and the average noise level is higher. But this is doable. Every Saturday in the fall, tens of thousands of college kids, if not more, who don't know doodly about football go to football games just to hang out and socialize.
Earplugs for sure.
You don't have to stand at all if you don't want to, but, even if you stand when others are standing, that will be only a small portion of the time (it's usually for important plays because people want to see better). Note, though, that if/when you get bored/restless, you are absolutely allowed to get up and wander around at (basically, it might get a little tricky at the time of a key play, but that will rarely last more than a minute) any point. You'll be in a large building with multiple levels to get your steps in, if nothing else, but you will be able to kill some time just observing what a giant operation like this looks like and how it operates. Pick up some snacks (indulge yourself a little and get something you wouldn't ordinarily get), (say you're going to) go to the bathroom, or just say you're curious to see what the stadium looks like.
For your physical comfort, you can bring a seat cushion if you want. Check the temperature and dress in layers. It shouldn't be too bad.
Feeling like the odd person out because I'll be surrounded by people whose interests are alien to me
Absolutely saying this as someone prone myself to this way of thinking: this is understandable for a teenager, but for an adult, especially in a short-term, low-stakes situation, it's...weaksauce. Yes, other people are interested in other things you find baffling or unappealing. For a person with reasonable curiosity about life, this is an opportunity to learn a lot, about the game (football is weirdly constructed in that there is an insane level of technicality underlying the plays but it's actually not that hard to follow the action as it develops on a superficial level), humanity as a whole, about logistics, about your friends. It's a chance to try something new. Above all, it's a chance to make a few memories with your friends. You're absolutely right to not want to be the sourpuss, so accept that--at least for a few hours on one afternoon, when the conditions are decent--it's absolutely in your control to have at least a moderately okay time. Don't get in your own way! No contempt prior to investigation! (And you don't have to go again, ever!)
posted by praemunire at 8:02 AM on November 1
Earplugs for sure.
You don't have to stand at all if you don't want to, but, even if you stand when others are standing, that will be only a small portion of the time (it's usually for important plays because people want to see better). Note, though, that if/when you get bored/restless, you are absolutely allowed to get up and wander around at (basically, it might get a little tricky at the time of a key play, but that will rarely last more than a minute) any point. You'll be in a large building with multiple levels to get your steps in, if nothing else, but you will be able to kill some time just observing what a giant operation like this looks like and how it operates. Pick up some snacks (indulge yourself a little and get something you wouldn't ordinarily get), (say you're going to) go to the bathroom, or just say you're curious to see what the stadium looks like.
For your physical comfort, you can bring a seat cushion if you want. Check the temperature and dress in layers. It shouldn't be too bad.
Feeling like the odd person out because I'll be surrounded by people whose interests are alien to me
Absolutely saying this as someone prone myself to this way of thinking: this is understandable for a teenager, but for an adult, especially in a short-term, low-stakes situation, it's...weaksauce. Yes, other people are interested in other things you find baffling or unappealing. For a person with reasonable curiosity about life, this is an opportunity to learn a lot, about the game (football is weirdly constructed in that there is an insane level of technicality underlying the plays but it's actually not that hard to follow the action as it develops on a superficial level), humanity as a whole, about logistics, about your friends. It's a chance to try something new. Above all, it's a chance to make a few memories with your friends. You're absolutely right to not want to be the sourpuss, so accept that--at least for a few hours on one afternoon, when the conditions are decent--it's absolutely in your control to have at least a moderately okay time. Don't get in your own way! No contempt prior to investigation! (And you don't have to go again, ever!)
posted by praemunire at 8:02 AM on November 1
I give pretty much zero shits about sports/kind of actually hate most the mainstream ones but I actually like going to sports matches on occasion because they're not really about the sport being played - though it's also there and happening - but about other things that I find fun, like concessions and hanging out and chatting with my friends! You can totally get away with not watching the game very closely by just treating it as a social event where you can chat with your friends, drink beverages and eat concession foods and be around other people who are having a good time. Often it's a pretty fun vibe even if I find the actual sport I am there for boring and would never watch it on TV.
Especially with something like football with a huge field and lots of time where nothing is happening because they're setting up plays, there is so much downtime when you're there in person - much more than there would be when you're watching it on TV when there is commentary and commercial breaks and such. You can also usually find quieter spaces when the game is actually on by just going to the concessions area and chilling out there. They're usually only busy during breaks between sports units (like halftime) and pretty tranquil otherwise, in my experience. You can just say you're going to the bathroom or offer to get more refreshments for the group and take the time to have some quiet.
I also bring bluetooth headphones and keep one in my ear to listen to music I really enjoy if I am doing something I otherwise don't like and that really helps.
posted by urbanlenny at 8:13 AM on November 1
Especially with something like football with a huge field and lots of time where nothing is happening because they're setting up plays, there is so much downtime when you're there in person - much more than there would be when you're watching it on TV when there is commentary and commercial breaks and such. You can also usually find quieter spaces when the game is actually on by just going to the concessions area and chilling out there. They're usually only busy during breaks between sports units (like halftime) and pretty tranquil otherwise, in my experience. You can just say you're going to the bathroom or offer to get more refreshments for the group and take the time to have some quiet.
I also bring bluetooth headphones and keep one in my ear to listen to music I really enjoy if I am doing something I otherwise don't like and that really helps.
posted by urbanlenny at 8:13 AM on November 1
seemingly paradoxical to the great suggestions to be present, pretend to be an anthropologist, inquire organically and authentically what people are enjoying…
It’s easiest for me to be an anthropologist if I’ve researched in advance and I have some scripts ready to go. Otherwise, despite my best attempts to sociologize the event, I will start to mentally drift off and hyper focus on the unpleasant sensory stuff.
Do you have bare minimum time to prepare some questions / scripts that might help you?
Ex - “I looked it up but can you tell me what does XYZ term mean?” “I read that this is a good/bad season for Team. What do you think?” “Did you hear about this new rule change?” Etc.
That would actually help me stay in character as an anthropologist more than trying to white knuckle it on the fly.
posted by seemoorglass at 8:17 AM on November 1
It’s easiest for me to be an anthropologist if I’ve researched in advance and I have some scripts ready to go. Otherwise, despite my best attempts to sociologize the event, I will start to mentally drift off and hyper focus on the unpleasant sensory stuff.
Do you have bare minimum time to prepare some questions / scripts that might help you?
Ex - “I looked it up but can you tell me what does XYZ term mean?” “I read that this is a good/bad season for Team. What do you think?” “Did you hear about this new rule change?” Etc.
That would actually help me stay in character as an anthropologist more than trying to white knuckle it on the fly.
posted by seemoorglass at 8:17 AM on November 1
I hate football just as much as you, and would see this as a chance to broaden my cultural horizons. As others have noted above, football games are a lot of waiting around, timeouts, changing teams, whatever. Enjoy the time with your friends and bring home some fun anecdotes. Also earplugs.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:19 AM on November 1
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:19 AM on November 1
First, OMG yes earplugs. IMO the plastic ones that look kinda like a Christmas tree are better than the foam ones that slowly expand, because the latter often don't seal right. (BTW re custom-fitted earplugs, in my experience Etymotic has recently gone down the toilet, I switched to Starkey, and they are fantastic, best ever.)
Second:
Be with them at the game. Talk with them about stuff that isn't the game. Catch up on what everyone's been doing.
That has been my intent at these things, but the truth is that because of the unrelenting noise, you won't be able to hold a conversation.
These statiums are so big, and the game itself is so far away, that you'll easily be able to ignore it. But you won't be able to talk to people. Sucks, I know. Grin and bear it, which is much easier with earplugs ...
posted by intermod at 8:27 AM on November 1
Second:
Be with them at the game. Talk with them about stuff that isn't the game. Catch up on what everyone's been doing.
That has been my intent at these things, but the truth is that because of the unrelenting noise, you won't be able to hold a conversation.
These statiums are so big, and the game itself is so far away, that you'll easily be able to ignore it. But you won't be able to talk to people. Sucks, I know. Grin and bear it, which is much easier with earplugs ...
posted by intermod at 8:27 AM on November 1
Ok, you "have to" go, but why do you feel like you have to actually watch the game? When I go to a sporting event I: look at my phone, talk to the people I'm there with, look for interesting birds, count everyone in the crowd wearing purple, volunteer to make all the snack runs, think about ways to improve the mascot, etc etc. I certainly don't stand up and try to understand the plays. It's not even intentional, I just can't focus on something so boring for more than five seconds. If it's really important for you to appear polite you can keep your phone away, but nobody is going to be tracking your eyeballs.
posted by umwelt at 8:35 AM on November 1
posted by umwelt at 8:35 AM on November 1
I was about to say what unwelt said. Find other ways to amuse yourself--people watching, bring a portable hobby, make up a bingo game of weird things that happen.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:42 AM on November 1
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:42 AM on November 1
Going to the loo, going for drinks and going for snacks are good time killers and the latter two may be appreciated by people watching the game as they won’t miss anything!
posted by eastboundanddown at 8:51 AM on November 1
posted by eastboundanddown at 8:51 AM on November 1
People-watching at sports events is amaaaazing.
I was just thinking that as well. This is also my approach to being on the Vegas strip. Really not a place where I'd choose to be, but if I'm there, I can treat it as an anthropological expedition and find my own entertainment that way.
posted by gimonca at 8:55 AM on November 1
I was just thinking that as well. This is also my approach to being on the Vegas strip. Really not a place where I'd choose to be, but if I'm there, I can treat it as an anthropological expedition and find my own entertainment that way.
posted by gimonca at 8:55 AM on November 1
Yes, it's like the exact opposite of a boring sermon (through which I have sat many in my day): there is zero obligation to appear quietly and respectfully attentive. Maybe you don't want to be totally zoned out on your phone (and a book probably wouldn't be feasible), but that's to stay engaged with your friends, not because you'd be violating other unspoken social norms. You don't need to be worrying about regulating your demeanor.
posted by praemunire at 9:06 AM on November 1
posted by praemunire at 9:06 AM on November 1
Imagine heists and scifi/fantasy premises.
Check out the people around you, the entryways and exits, the machinery and patterns. What could a ne'er-do-well do to make furtive use of then? What would it be like if one strange incongruity got exaggerated to fantastical dimensions?
posted by brainwane at 9:12 AM on November 1
Check out the people around you, the entryways and exits, the machinery and patterns. What could a ne'er-do-well do to make furtive use of then? What would it be like if one strange incongruity got exaggerated to fantastical dimensions?
posted by brainwane at 9:12 AM on November 1
I don't know the last time you were at a top-league professional sports event ... but the food and beer (and even wine!) have gotten MUCH better. Do some research about people's favorite kiosks at the stadium. There will be some local chefs and brewers featured you may really enjoy.
If you like any kind of sports (watching / playing) AND you have good seats - you're actually in for a treat. The athleticism of NFL players is amazing and you can't really get it on TV the way can live and up close. I've taken people who've hardly ever watched football and have weird foreign stereotypes about it and when the game's over they are very impressed.
As noted above ... sit as much as you want. Completely expected.
posted by MattD at 9:21 AM on November 1
If you like any kind of sports (watching / playing) AND you have good seats - you're actually in for a treat. The athleticism of NFL players is amazing and you can't really get it on TV the way can live and up close. I've taken people who've hardly ever watched football and have weird foreign stereotypes about it and when the game's over they are very impressed.
As noted above ... sit as much as you want. Completely expected.
posted by MattD at 9:21 AM on November 1
Radical submission. Don’t try to hold “yourself” against “them” like you are separate somehow. Just let go of all separateness and become one with the scene.
I am also hearing some of it is sensory-based irritation. Sensory overwhelm.
Same suggestion applies. Whenever I’m trying to hold on to my idea of myself against sensory overload I find the pressure rise but once I just radically submit that I, too, am a part of this, then I feel really alive.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:40 AM on November 1
I am also hearing some of it is sensory-based irritation. Sensory overwhelm.
Same suggestion applies. Whenever I’m trying to hold on to my idea of myself against sensory overload I find the pressure rise but once I just radically submit that I, too, am a part of this, then I feel really alive.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:40 AM on November 1
1. Role playing being an enthusiastic new fan. Look at everything with delight and curiosity, mirror the excitement of your group. Smile broadly. Look around a lot and take in all the interesting things. Actually role play and get into the part wholeheartedly.
Drawbacks of this method: You might convince them that you are fan, and you might suddenly collapse when your sensory system reaches overload. Migraines, passing out, suddenly puking or an uncontrolled crying fit can happen if you override a too sensitive nervous system. Also you won't be fit for anything afterwards.
2. Dissociation. Don't focus on anything, retreat as far into your body as you can and get lost in your thoughts. Be mindful and entirely concentrate on how cold you are, or the sensation of your heart thudding and the waves of noise. If you can, concentrate on something else entirely imaginary, such as remembering as much as you can about your last vacation, or a video game you play. Allow your body to sway if it wants to. If you are especially imaginative create a scenario that parallels the one you are in - waiting outside in the cold amid a noisy crowd - and dissociate into being yourself outside in a noisy crowd, waiting to be evacuated after a natural disaster.
Drawbacks of this method: your friends will probably notice that you are far away and it made disturb them. It may be difficult to stay in the dissociated state, but if it kills twenty minutes of the three hours that means it will have helped a little. It can be a bad habit to fall into dissociation. If your friends insist on interacting with you, they will probably stop you from dissociating so your attempt will fail. But on the good side, if you dissociate enough you won't be exhausted and fed up as you would have been if you didn't dissociate, so you will be much better prepared to spend more good social time with your friends or just enjoying the rest of the day.
posted by Jane the Brown at 9:46 AM on November 1
Drawbacks of this method: You might convince them that you are fan, and you might suddenly collapse when your sensory system reaches overload. Migraines, passing out, suddenly puking or an uncontrolled crying fit can happen if you override a too sensitive nervous system. Also you won't be fit for anything afterwards.
2. Dissociation. Don't focus on anything, retreat as far into your body as you can and get lost in your thoughts. Be mindful and entirely concentrate on how cold you are, or the sensation of your heart thudding and the waves of noise. If you can, concentrate on something else entirely imaginary, such as remembering as much as you can about your last vacation, or a video game you play. Allow your body to sway if it wants to. If you are especially imaginative create a scenario that parallels the one you are in - waiting outside in the cold amid a noisy crowd - and dissociate into being yourself outside in a noisy crowd, waiting to be evacuated after a natural disaster.
Drawbacks of this method: your friends will probably notice that you are far away and it made disturb them. It may be difficult to stay in the dissociated state, but if it kills twenty minutes of the three hours that means it will have helped a little. It can be a bad habit to fall into dissociation. If your friends insist on interacting with you, they will probably stop you from dissociating so your attempt will fail. But on the good side, if you dissociate enough you won't be exhausted and fed up as you would have been if you didn't dissociate, so you will be much better prepared to spend more good social time with your friends or just enjoying the rest of the day.
posted by Jane the Brown at 9:46 AM on November 1
Football is tedious except when somebody has the ball and runs with it a long way. Then it's genuinely interesting. People watch, compose a novel in your head yadda, except when somebody's running with the ball. Then it's worth paying attention. I suppose it's also interesting when somebody throws the ball to someone else because will it be intercepted or will he catch it, God the suspense, but I can't gin up interest in that because I can't see it happening. This is because I can never figure out where the fuck the ball is except when someone's running and everybody's chasing him--then it's pretty obvious.
posted by Don Pepino at 10:20 AM on November 1
posted by Don Pepino at 10:20 AM on November 1
I guarantee that there will be something you can appreciate in the crowd.
I've been to a few baseball games in person; I wasn't quite as dead-set against it as you seem to be, but it's not something I typically do. But my then-boyfriend had Yankees season tickets so whatever, or my boss was doing a work event and we got access to the skybox so whatever.
In all cases I found them to be fascinating exercises in people-watching. There is weird fan shit going on all over the stadium - at the Yankees game there was a superfan whose thing was that he dressed in a clown wig and had a pan slung around his neck on a string, and he would walk from seat to seat encouraging fans to pound on the pan with a wooden spoon as a sort of fan-booster thing. If I got bored watching the game I'd look for him and see if I could see fans giving him a "what the hell are you doing" look or if they got all in and banged his pot.
At the Yankees/Red Sox game I was amused when the guy who had been coming up and down the aisle in our section trying to sell ice cream announced, in the third inning, that he was now selling "Boston Sucks ice cream". Everyone around me cracked up when they heard this, and his sales noticeably picked up to the point that he was totally sold out by the last inning, but stayed around to just run up and down the aisles leading chants of "BOSTON SUCKS!"
When I was in the Skybox they had an amazing buffet and I hung out there a lot.
There are invariably going to be little kids flipping their shit over the game and that's always cute.
You could also do the thing that an old boyfriend and his friends did - they had a Super Bowl party each year, but only half the people there were really into football, so the other half wagered on goofy shit like "is the coin flip going to be heads or tails" or "is the national anthem performance going to be over or under 1:45" or "which celebrity starlet will be in the GoDaddy ad". Think of your own ridiculous Crowd thing to track and play that game with yourself (i.e., "how many people will I see with stupid foam fingers" or something like that).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:26 AM on November 1
I've been to a few baseball games in person; I wasn't quite as dead-set against it as you seem to be, but it's not something I typically do. But my then-boyfriend had Yankees season tickets so whatever, or my boss was doing a work event and we got access to the skybox so whatever.
In all cases I found them to be fascinating exercises in people-watching. There is weird fan shit going on all over the stadium - at the Yankees game there was a superfan whose thing was that he dressed in a clown wig and had a pan slung around his neck on a string, and he would walk from seat to seat encouraging fans to pound on the pan with a wooden spoon as a sort of fan-booster thing. If I got bored watching the game I'd look for him and see if I could see fans giving him a "what the hell are you doing" look or if they got all in and banged his pot.
At the Yankees/Red Sox game I was amused when the guy who had been coming up and down the aisle in our section trying to sell ice cream announced, in the third inning, that he was now selling "Boston Sucks ice cream". Everyone around me cracked up when they heard this, and his sales noticeably picked up to the point that he was totally sold out by the last inning, but stayed around to just run up and down the aisles leading chants of "BOSTON SUCKS!"
When I was in the Skybox they had an amazing buffet and I hung out there a lot.
There are invariably going to be little kids flipping their shit over the game and that's always cute.
You could also do the thing that an old boyfriend and his friends did - they had a Super Bowl party each year, but only half the people there were really into football, so the other half wagered on goofy shit like "is the coin flip going to be heads or tails" or "is the national anthem performance going to be over or under 1:45" or "which celebrity starlet will be in the GoDaddy ad". Think of your own ridiculous Crowd thing to track and play that game with yourself (i.e., "how many people will I see with stupid foam fingers" or something like that).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:26 AM on November 1
I don't have much for mental strategies, but if you are physically more comfortable the time won't drag as much.
I watch football with my family just to spend time with them. I read my book (if you have a kobo or kindle it's less obtrusive than a physical book) and look up when they cheer. It's still fun.
Could you put one earbud in and listen to something?
Batter powered heated vests are great for sitting outside in the cold. Or if not that, then a few hand warmers will be a nice boost to your coat and hat situation. You can get bigger ones that stick to your torso too.
Nthing ear plugs.
If you can bring food in, pick a favourite snack and reward yourself with a little treat at various intervals. I have chocolate bars I love but rarely eat. I would pack four and dole out one per quarter.
If you drink, a beer at the start will take the edge off the first half and still leave you able to drive home at the end.
posted by velocipedestrienne at 10:33 AM on November 1
I watch football with my family just to spend time with them. I read my book (if you have a kobo or kindle it's less obtrusive than a physical book) and look up when they cheer. It's still fun.
Could you put one earbud in and listen to something?
Batter powered heated vests are great for sitting outside in the cold. Or if not that, then a few hand warmers will be a nice boost to your coat and hat situation. You can get bigger ones that stick to your torso too.
Nthing ear plugs.
If you can bring food in, pick a favourite snack and reward yourself with a little treat at various intervals. I have chocolate bars I love but rarely eat. I would pack four and dole out one per quarter.
If you drink, a beer at the start will take the edge off the first half and still leave you able to drive home at the end.
posted by velocipedestrienne at 10:33 AM on November 1
Hot Hands (those packets that you expose to air and shake, then put in your gloves and/or boots) are great for enduring cold weather! I would personally bring a knitting project or something, but I don’t care about appearing antisocial.
posted by sugarbomb at 11:22 AM on November 1
posted by sugarbomb at 11:22 AM on November 1
Two mental games you can play at a football game to help pass the time:
1) See which team has the ball. Count how many people are not standing on the line...who line up in the "backfield." It varies, and can be a little mental game you are playing.
2) There are two basic kinds of offensive (guys with the ball) plays, running or passing. See if the biggest guys in the middle of the field (the large linemen) push forward or step back when the play starts. And then try to guess if the play turns out to be a run or a pass.
Otherwise, whatever mental game got you through church as a kid. "Who has the fanciest outfit?" "What is the best/worst song they've played today?" "How many rows of seats are there?" I was a bad church goer.
PS the two mental games at the top are things people who really really get football are mentally performing all game long. There are a bunch of ramifications based on what the answers are, but it's also something you can do to just idly pass time.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:32 PM on November 1
1) See which team has the ball. Count how many people are not standing on the line...who line up in the "backfield." It varies, and can be a little mental game you are playing.
2) There are two basic kinds of offensive (guys with the ball) plays, running or passing. See if the biggest guys in the middle of the field (the large linemen) push forward or step back when the play starts. And then try to guess if the play turns out to be a run or a pass.
Otherwise, whatever mental game got you through church as a kid. "Who has the fanciest outfit?" "What is the best/worst song they've played today?" "How many rows of seats are there?" I was a bad church goer.
PS the two mental games at the top are things people who really really get football are mentally performing all game long. There are a bunch of ramifications based on what the answers are, but it's also something you can do to just idly pass time.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:32 PM on November 1
The only plus side is that I will be with friends whose company I enjoy (at least, under most circumstances)
I'm dreading the event much like I would dread getting a root canal
not possible to get out of it
Not possible to get out of it, really? Absolutely not? If you had stomach flu and were vomiting, you would still have to go participate in this recreational activity, your friends would want you to sit with them at the game and be vomiting while they jumped up and down shouting about the game?
Because it sounds like you are looking at that level of enjoyment here.
I'm not sure how you have gotten yourself into a situation where it's not possible to get out of it -- court order that requires you to go perhaps? Some sort of weird bet?
If you are just going to "impress someone", I would suggest you ask yourself what the endgame is for that. Is going to this game going to put you in a situation where you will be expected to continue going, and is that something you want to do?
Get a couple of different types of earplugs in case one gets uncomfortable or lost or you just want a different sort of sound attenuation. Get sunglasses. Get some cold weather gear that will be appropriate to the weather including a hat that will cover your ears. If the long drive same day is going to be a bother, consider getting a hotel room closer to the event the night before.
There's probably some intro to football stuff online, maybe look for resources for expats in the US or English language learners to find resources for people completely unfamiliar with the game.
posted by yohko at 1:04 PM on November 1
I'm dreading the event much like I would dread getting a root canal
not possible to get out of it
Not possible to get out of it, really? Absolutely not? If you had stomach flu and were vomiting, you would still have to go participate in this recreational activity, your friends would want you to sit with them at the game and be vomiting while they jumped up and down shouting about the game?
Because it sounds like you are looking at that level of enjoyment here.
I'm not sure how you have gotten yourself into a situation where it's not possible to get out of it -- court order that requires you to go perhaps? Some sort of weird bet?
If you are just going to "impress someone", I would suggest you ask yourself what the endgame is for that. Is going to this game going to put you in a situation where you will be expected to continue going, and is that something you want to do?
Get a couple of different types of earplugs in case one gets uncomfortable or lost or you just want a different sort of sound attenuation. Get sunglasses. Get some cold weather gear that will be appropriate to the weather including a hat that will cover your ears. If the long drive same day is going to be a bother, consider getting a hotel room closer to the event the night before.
There's probably some intro to football stuff online, maybe look for resources for expats in the US or English language learners to find resources for people completely unfamiliar with the game.
posted by yohko at 1:04 PM on November 1
I marvel at the infrastructure and logistics involved. Can you see the camera operators? What strategies are vendors using going through the aisles? What are people doing on the sidelines (players, cheerleaders, support staff)? Is there a particular era or genre of music they’re playing? Why?
Also, +1 earplugs and hand warmers. There’s also warmers that stick to your socks inside your shoe.
posted by momus_window at 1:36 PM on November 1
Also, +1 earplugs and hand warmers. There’s also warmers that stick to your socks inside your shoe.
posted by momus_window at 1:36 PM on November 1
OP, seeing as you are going with friends whose company you enjoy and not like, due to a court order, please ignore the advice to listen to music in one earbud. It's so incredibly rude. If you're 19 maybe you can get away with it (though I wish they would also cut it out!!) but assuming you are full adult aged, do not do this.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 4:40 PM on November 1
posted by goodbyewaffles at 4:40 PM on November 1
I once had to go to a NASCAR race for work. I felt so sorry for myself that I went out and bought an expensive new purse.
My overall life experience has been that the things I dread the most almost always end up being Not That Bad. Like visiting my in laws, and how when we pulled out of their driveway for the trip home, I could hear the angels sing.
Also I'd rather go to an NFL game or NASCAR race than endure a root canal. The game will be more fun than:
Eating a fish head
Crawling on your hands and knees over broken glass
Going to a Trump rally
Colonoscopy prep
and so on. Wishing you well my friend.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:17 PM on November 1
My overall life experience has been that the things I dread the most almost always end up being Not That Bad. Like visiting my in laws, and how when we pulled out of their driveway for the trip home, I could hear the angels sing.
Also I'd rather go to an NFL game or NASCAR race than endure a root canal. The game will be more fun than:
Eating a fish head
Crawling on your hands and knees over broken glass
Going to a Trump rally
Colonoscopy prep
and so on. Wishing you well my friend.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:17 PM on November 1
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posted by rd45 at 6:35 AM on November 1