How to avoid disordered eating during perimenopause
October 23, 2024 7:24 AM Subscribe
I'm struggling to go through perimenopausal changes with grace, but also struggling with some disordered eating habits as I try to find a balance between accepting what nature wants to do to my body and trying to maintain a healthy weight.
I'm not overly restrictive during the day. I eat when hungry. I don't crave junk early in the day. But at night once everyone is in bed I crave junk and binge. I'm not sure if I am using that word correctly in a clinical sense. I am doing HRT and my meds seem to work ok to balance me out.
I'm pretty sure this is mostly mental, like I'm trying to make healthy choices but I have a shadow self that doesn't like the rules and I keep her at bay til the end of the night. Idk. I had this problem when I tried keto a few years back. Many years ago I decided to do a raw food diet temporarily and maintained it perfectly. I didn't feel restricted or rebel against myself. But then after having children and breastfeeding my relationship to carbs changed maybe. So I tried keto and I feel AMAZING in ketosis but I end up eating tons of garbage because the mental aspect of restriction just doesn't work well for me.
So even though I am not intentionally "restricting" early in the day I am prioritizing healthier foods and I guess in some way it's effectively the same thing.
I also have PDA autism which is probably relevant as I wonder if the food choices are a "demand" and how to navigate that. I also suspect part of the current issue is due to having to take a break from my Vyvanse until I get checked by the cardiologist - since Vyvanse is also prescribed for binge eating disorder it isn't surprising if I'm struggling more with this while I can't take it. (As an aside, if you've done research into the safety of stimulants for cardiac patients, specifically those with late discovered congenital issues like a hole in the heart, please share citations for clinical studies about this as I want to advocate for the doctor to let me stay on my meds.)
I don't want to just get fat. But I also don't want to have so much mental energy taken up by this inner battle. What do?
I'm not overly restrictive during the day. I eat when hungry. I don't crave junk early in the day. But at night once everyone is in bed I crave junk and binge. I'm not sure if I am using that word correctly in a clinical sense. I am doing HRT and my meds seem to work ok to balance me out.
I'm pretty sure this is mostly mental, like I'm trying to make healthy choices but I have a shadow self that doesn't like the rules and I keep her at bay til the end of the night. Idk. I had this problem when I tried keto a few years back. Many years ago I decided to do a raw food diet temporarily and maintained it perfectly. I didn't feel restricted or rebel against myself. But then after having children and breastfeeding my relationship to carbs changed maybe. So I tried keto and I feel AMAZING in ketosis but I end up eating tons of garbage because the mental aspect of restriction just doesn't work well for me.
So even though I am not intentionally "restricting" early in the day I am prioritizing healthier foods and I guess in some way it's effectively the same thing.
I also have PDA autism which is probably relevant as I wonder if the food choices are a "demand" and how to navigate that. I also suspect part of the current issue is due to having to take a break from my Vyvanse until I get checked by the cardiologist - since Vyvanse is also prescribed for binge eating disorder it isn't surprising if I'm struggling more with this while I can't take it. (As an aside, if you've done research into the safety of stimulants for cardiac patients, specifically those with late discovered congenital issues like a hole in the heart, please share citations for clinical studies about this as I want to advocate for the doctor to let me stay on my meds.)
I don't want to just get fat. But I also don't want to have so much mental energy taken up by this inner battle. What do?
Discontinuing a stimulant is a great way to gain weight, agreed.
Try eating more during the day when you are more likely to make healthy food. Plan your meals and eat on a schedule. This is hard if you have executive function deficits, you’ll need a limited menu and reminders.
posted by shock muppet at 8:35 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
Try eating more during the day when you are more likely to make healthy food. Plan your meals and eat on a schedule. This is hard if you have executive function deficits, you’ll need a limited menu and reminders.
posted by shock muppet at 8:35 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
I don't know if this will help you, but what I've found is that if I'm more active during the day I don't comfort eat as much. I'm guessing it's because I'm getting enough dopamine from the various walks I do around the block. I also find it easier to fall asleep if I get at least 6k steps in during the day.
posted by Art_Pot at 8:38 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
posted by Art_Pot at 8:38 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
I also started struggling with excessive late night snacking post-kid. I don't know if it's the same for you, but for me it's definitely needing stress relief after the daily kid stresses are finally over, especially bedtime. I notice the snacking urge is much stronger immediately after particularly rough bedtimes (my kid is a challenging sleeper).
It's still sometimes a issue, but some things that sometimes help me, not necessarily on the same nights:
-break the routine and go straight to bed if it's particularly late even though this is when I most want the stress relief. Try to focus on how much better you'll feel with more sleep. If you can change your daily routine to add a different form of late-night stress relief, even better (I haven't been able to)
-brushing teeth first, to add motivation to keep them clean
-before snacking, chew sugar-free gum, or a hard candy that takes a long time to eat. Also drink water or a hot tea
-have appealing snacks ready that fit into your health goals, whatever those are
-avoid buying the snacks that I end up eating excessively, or at least buy in smaller amounts
-if you're calorie counting, plan a certain amount of calories for that time as part of your daily goal, whether it's junk food or a mini-meal or something in between
-on nights I really feel like I "need" the snacking and it's not just out of habit, I still go for it and don't beat myself up about it. If you can keep it fairly infrequent and/or relatively moderate quantities and/or count it as part of what you plan to eat every day, it'll average out to be not a big deal. May not be helpful if used as a rationale to overeat routinely, though.
posted by randomnity at 8:52 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
It's still sometimes a issue, but some things that sometimes help me, not necessarily on the same nights:
-break the routine and go straight to bed if it's particularly late even though this is when I most want the stress relief. Try to focus on how much better you'll feel with more sleep. If you can change your daily routine to add a different form of late-night stress relief, even better (I haven't been able to)
-brushing teeth first, to add motivation to keep them clean
-before snacking, chew sugar-free gum, or a hard candy that takes a long time to eat. Also drink water or a hot tea
-have appealing snacks ready that fit into your health goals, whatever those are
-avoid buying the snacks that I end up eating excessively, or at least buy in smaller amounts
-if you're calorie counting, plan a certain amount of calories for that time as part of your daily goal, whether it's junk food or a mini-meal or something in between
-on nights I really feel like I "need" the snacking and it's not just out of habit, I still go for it and don't beat myself up about it. If you can keep it fairly infrequent and/or relatively moderate quantities and/or count it as part of what you plan to eat every day, it'll average out to be not a big deal. May not be helpful if used as a rationale to overeat routinely, though.
posted by randomnity at 8:52 AM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Based on my own experiences, in therapy and in my own behavior, my take is that binging/snacking/heavy eating at night is strongly correlated with simply not getting enough calories during the day. So the first thing I'd do is add more, particularly later in the day. So, your afternoon snack and your dinner should probably be bigger. Maybe even much bigger.
I'm also here to say that after years of hearing a trainer tell me to eat more protein, when I finally obeyed, I was *astounded* at how much my hunger level dropped. I don't count grams or anything like that, but I make sure I'm eating a protein with every meal. Maybe try doing that with your dinner to start?
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:41 AM on October 23, 2024 [5 favorites]
I'm also here to say that after years of hearing a trainer tell me to eat more protein, when I finally obeyed, I was *astounded* at how much my hunger level dropped. I don't count grams or anything like that, but I make sure I'm eating a protein with every meal. Maybe try doing that with your dinner to start?
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:41 AM on October 23, 2024 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I also have PDA autism which is probably relevant as I wonder if the food choices are a "demand" and how to navigate that.
Demand avoidance can be really tricky to deal with.
The only thing I've found that works is to basically be my own perfect parent - really kind, endlessly patient, with a sense of humour about the challenges. Scolding, pressure, threats, dire predictions of consequences, none of these things work and they exacerbate demand avoidance, so be on the watch for self talk that includes any of that. Also, watch out for predicting failure and replace that with realistic self compassion.
So instead of "I have to do x because [bad thing]" change that to "I want to do x because [ encouraging true thing]"
And if you notice that you're falling into a pattern of behaviour you don't want, note it in a non judgemental way, commiserate with yourself as perfect-parent you would with a sad and cranky toddler. "Damn I'm tired. It's the end of the day, no wonder that's happening for me. I'd probably feel better if I did either x or y. Which would I prefer right now? "
posted by Zumbador at 9:43 AM on October 23, 2024 [8 favorites]
Demand avoidance can be really tricky to deal with.
The only thing I've found that works is to basically be my own perfect parent - really kind, endlessly patient, with a sense of humour about the challenges. Scolding, pressure, threats, dire predictions of consequences, none of these things work and they exacerbate demand avoidance, so be on the watch for self talk that includes any of that. Also, watch out for predicting failure and replace that with realistic self compassion.
So instead of "I have to do x because [bad thing]" change that to "I want to do x because [ encouraging true thing]"
And if you notice that you're falling into a pattern of behaviour you don't want, note it in a non judgemental way, commiserate with yourself as perfect-parent you would with a sad and cranky toddler. "Damn I'm tired. It's the end of the day, no wonder that's happening for me. I'd probably feel better if I did either x or y. Which would I prefer right now? "
posted by Zumbador at 9:43 AM on October 23, 2024 [8 favorites]
Best answer: Like PP noticed I also found myself unwinding in the same way you're describing after having kids. It doesn't happen anymore mostly b/c my solution to peri weight struggles has been intermittent fasting, which helps me with food decisions b/c I'm either in an 'eating window' or not and the binary simplicity of that has been very extremely helpful to me, as has been the freedom to eat what my body wants during my eating window. But even before starting IF a year ago this was a habit I recognized wasn't helping me at all - I would binge and then feel just so crappy and full of food the next day, and generally miserable physically and mentally. I had to look at what my personal patterns were, aside from just getting some relief from the stress and gogogo of the day for me it was a) alcohol and b) sitting on our couch close to the kitchen and c) occasionally a lighter often low carbish dinner (ie. salad with protein, etc.) that by 9:30pm wasn't enough to satisfy me. I realized I couldn't unwind with a glass of wine b/c even when I said it was just going to be a glass of wine it always always always turned into a hour of rummaging through the kitchen. It's not a struggle I even think about anymore but I had to be very intentional in order to "retrain my brain" - I had to deliberately choose to do other things at that time -whether it was yoga in my bedroom, or working on music stuff, reading/sleeping in bed, I had to consciously leave the environment b/c the pull was just so strong otherwise. And sometimes those evenings weren't very satisfying b/c I really wanted the wine and cheese, but until reading your post this morning it's been a long time since I've even thought about it. I hope you can find a solution that works for you!
posted by snowymorninblues at 10:10 AM on October 23, 2024 [2 favorites]
posted by snowymorninblues at 10:10 AM on October 23, 2024 [2 favorites]
This is just one tool in the toolbox but I recently started making my own tea/infusions from frozen berries and it has massively cut down on my evening snacking.
I use about 1/3 cup fruit to 4 cups water. Blend with an immersion blender & let it steep. Strain through a sieve. I save the pulp for my oatmeal. Sometimes I add things like cinnamon, orange zest, ginger, vanilla, coconut etc. but blueberry & apple is my fave.
I was absolutely not a tea drinker despite trying many, many types. Now it is something I look forward to every night & it really keeps me from mindlessly snacking my way through menopause.
posted by i_mean_come_on_now at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2024 [3 favorites]
I use about 1/3 cup fruit to 4 cups water. Blend with an immersion blender & let it steep. Strain through a sieve. I save the pulp for my oatmeal. Sometimes I add things like cinnamon, orange zest, ginger, vanilla, coconut etc. but blueberry & apple is my fave.
I was absolutely not a tea drinker despite trying many, many types. Now it is something I look forward to every night & it really keeps me from mindlessly snacking my way through menopause.
posted by i_mean_come_on_now at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2024 [3 favorites]
Do your evening meals provide a decent amount of protein and fat? On nights when I eat really stick-to-your-ribs things, I feel so full and satisfied that I sometimes actually feel mad about not having the space/desire to snack while I unwind.
There are lots of high-protein and/or high-fat dishes I’m thinking of that are plant-based, for example - greens or root vegetables sautéed or roasted with generous amounts of olive oil, coconut curries, chili, liberal use of pesto, adding chopped nuts or seeds to salads, bean salads with decent amounts of oil in the dressing, avocado on everything, etc.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:46 PM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
There are lots of high-protein and/or high-fat dishes I’m thinking of that are plant-based, for example - greens or root vegetables sautéed or roasted with generous amounts of olive oil, coconut curries, chili, liberal use of pesto, adding chopped nuts or seeds to salads, bean salads with decent amounts of oil in the dressing, avocado on everything, etc.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:46 PM on October 23, 2024 [1 favorite]
Eat the indulgent things, just do so distributed throughout the day. For example, my breakfast was multigrain toast, scrambled eggs and scallions, sautéed zucchini and mushrooms. But I also had a generous slathering of blueberry jam on one of my toast slices, and I had two slices - one sweet, one savory - and I finished my scrambled egg with a little bit of butter instead of the avocado oil I’d used for the veggies and to actually cook the eggs. For lunch I will probably have something sweet to finish the meal, like a cookie or a bubble tea, and there will be a crunchy salty snack some time after dinner like popcorn or chips and salsa or even maybe some bruschetta with fresh mozzarella toasted on top.
If I’m able to have little treats throughout the day I typically don’t want them at night. And if I do, I think back on what I ate and try to figure out what nutritional gap I’m dealing with - most often for me it’s fiber, so a bulky snack is better than a rich one - and adjust the following day to see if that feels better. Also if I’m having treats during the day among my meals I’m going to become used to enjoying a smaller portion of said treat because I will be nearly full. Your body is sending you signals for a reason. Being fat is not a failing and food should be pleasurable, in many small and some big ways.
posted by Mizu at 1:30 PM on October 23, 2024 [3 favorites]
If I’m able to have little treats throughout the day I typically don’t want them at night. And if I do, I think back on what I ate and try to figure out what nutritional gap I’m dealing with - most often for me it’s fiber, so a bulky snack is better than a rich one - and adjust the following day to see if that feels better. Also if I’m having treats during the day among my meals I’m going to become used to enjoying a smaller portion of said treat because I will be nearly full. Your body is sending you signals for a reason. Being fat is not a failing and food should be pleasurable, in many small and some big ways.
posted by Mizu at 1:30 PM on October 23, 2024 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Craving carbs in the evening is probably because your brain is so tired it requires higher blood sugar to keep functioning. It's a symptom of fatigue.
I'd suggest figuring out the onset time and circumstances of the cravings, and changing what you do. For example, if you have dinner at seven, and at ten pm when you ought to be getting ready for bed you keep getting captured by the computer and craving bedtime cookies, your first step would be to read the hunger as the signal that you are twenty minutes late for bed, and go brush your teeth and take the pressure off your brain by closing your eyes in the dark.
But if that doesn't work because you find yourself being too hungry to sleep, then you probably need to be eating something at 9 PM and starting your bed time routine then, such as eating a small quantity of some complex carbs, then rinsing your mouth and brushing your teeth. If the 9 PM complex carbs are low calorie because there is no fat involved, then you won't be adding a bunch of unnecessary calories and they are likely to help you sleep.
Preemptive healthy eating, or self care is the way I would approach this - and, for best results make that pre-emptive self care a treat of some nature. Don't set it up so that you try not eat cookies, set it up so that you get to eat artisan multigrain bread, or chickpea curry, or hummus and crackers, or baked potato skins as your before bed nutrition boost, to help you avoid sitting up, bored but unable to stop doom scrolling.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:45 PM on October 23, 2024 [2 favorites]
I'd suggest figuring out the onset time and circumstances of the cravings, and changing what you do. For example, if you have dinner at seven, and at ten pm when you ought to be getting ready for bed you keep getting captured by the computer and craving bedtime cookies, your first step would be to read the hunger as the signal that you are twenty minutes late for bed, and go brush your teeth and take the pressure off your brain by closing your eyes in the dark.
But if that doesn't work because you find yourself being too hungry to sleep, then you probably need to be eating something at 9 PM and starting your bed time routine then, such as eating a small quantity of some complex carbs, then rinsing your mouth and brushing your teeth. If the 9 PM complex carbs are low calorie because there is no fat involved, then you won't be adding a bunch of unnecessary calories and they are likely to help you sleep.
Preemptive healthy eating, or self care is the way I would approach this - and, for best results make that pre-emptive self care a treat of some nature. Don't set it up so that you try not eat cookies, set it up so that you get to eat artisan multigrain bread, or chickpea curry, or hummus and crackers, or baked potato skins as your before bed nutrition boost, to help you avoid sitting up, bored but unable to stop doom scrolling.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:45 PM on October 23, 2024 [2 favorites]
I have a vague theory that my late-night snacking also has to do with like ... self-soothing, or stimming, or otherwise trying to self-regulate as I try to taper down from watching TV, playing games, etc. and wind down towards bed.
To that end, I'm experimenting with more sensory-engaging snacks: crunchy (carrots, apples), interactive (pistachios, string cheese), strong flavors (herbal cough drops), hot (tea or just hot water with lemon), etc.
posted by librarina at 12:08 PM on October 24, 2024 [3 favorites]
To that end, I'm experimenting with more sensory-engaging snacks: crunchy (carrots, apples), interactive (pistachios, string cheese), strong flavors (herbal cough drops), hot (tea or just hot water with lemon), etc.
posted by librarina at 12:08 PM on October 24, 2024 [3 favorites]
Autistic woman here. For decades I suffered from compulsive overeating / unhealthy food restriction.
Overeaters Anonymous, in my experience, offers the only solution that works longterm. Happy to chat via DM.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 12:27 AM on October 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
Overeaters Anonymous, in my experience, offers the only solution that works longterm. Happy to chat via DM.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 12:27 AM on October 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Commenting before closing this out, mostly for future people searching for similar answers. I've added two protein drinks to my day and have not been nearly as interested in the snacks at bedtime. That, and prioritizing sleep, seem to have done what I needed. Thanks all for the useful feedback.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:55 AM on November 6, 2024 [3 favorites]
posted by crunchy potato at 9:55 AM on November 6, 2024 [3 favorites]
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I don't crave junk early in the day. But at night once everyone is in bed I crave junk and binge.
That is a bit like being bone tired but watching that tv show or scrolling or whatever instead of going to bed. I live alone but I am prone to doing that if I have too little time for myself. Currently there is a lot on at work and we had a death in the family and I came down with a nasty lurgy and that compounded the lack of me time even more because I could not rest enough to recover properly. So I am up much later than makes sense to make up for that. If there is anything like that going on, finding a way to take some you time during the day may help. I know easier said than done.
I also don't want to have so much mental energy taken up by this inner battle
What if you don't get into the fight? You try to nourish yourself well. That's amazing. Do your good choices earlier in the day also allow you to enjoy the food you eat or not really? Can you tweak any of that to make it feel more indulgent? Or even include a bit of indulgence actively?Theory being you're less likely to binge during the day with people around but may get get a little indulgent feeling from it during the day.
What happens if you simply go to bed? I know food and sleep can be fraught for people. I can go to sleep even if I am actually hungry but I know many can't.
Finally, if you succumb to junk late at night chances are it has been several hrs since your last meal. You may simply be hungry again and with it being late and you being tired, it may not be obvious this is what's happening. What happens if you plan for a lateish non junk snack and have that and wait a few minutes?
posted by koahiatamadl at 8:09 AM on October 23, 2024 [4 favorites]