So what do I actually DO with my Fuck You fund?
July 11, 2024 10:59 AM Subscribe
Earlier this year I was laid off from a job I was super mega burned out on, and also got dumped by the partner I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. I am really at a loss as to what to do with myself. Fortunately, through a combination of living below my means and some lucky investment choices, I have a pretty respectable amount of money saved up.. How can I be sensible about what to do with it so that I neither spend it all carelessly while unemployed, nor spend all my time wracked with anxiety over finding work and jump back into a job that's a bad fit out of desperation?
I'm in my mid-thirties, single F, no dependents. I own a small condo in a very expensive city, and my accumulated nest egg (which is separate from my retirement fund, which I'm trying not to touch at all) amounts to about 6 years of regular living expenses - i.e. a reasonably modest lifestyle without extreme deprivation, but also no travel or big life changes. For various family reasons, moving to a less expensive area is not feasible at this time. I am not in the US so concerns about health insurance, etc when unemployed don't apply.
I've tried applying to some jobs over the past few months and have actually gotten a fair number of calls back, but I think my burnout/aimlessness is coming through during interviews and not making a very good impression. Like, I don't even know if I want the job, so why should they hire me? Apart from looking for work, I've been taking a lot of time to rest, getting back into exercise and a regular sleep schedule and an artistic practice that I'd dropped at some point because of all the other stuff life was throwing at me. It's been nice.. almost too nice, to the point where I worry that I could get too used to this "life of leisure" and just let the years float by while my funds dwindle and I become less and less employable.
Question 1. Re: the financial nuts and bolts, is there anything I should be changing about my investments during a time of personal uncertainty? Currently they're spread out between cash, low-risk/guaranteed investments and a larger portion in some higher-risk equities (which have been doing unsettlingly well recently...). When I was working I was comfortable with the higher risk since I was easily covering my day-to-day expenses, but it feels less comfortable now that I might need to actually use the funds at an unknown time in the near-ish future.
Question 2. Re: the mental stuff. How can I find a balance between thinking and not-thinking about my job/career situation, so that I can get the rest I need while not sabotaging my future?
I'm in my mid-thirties, single F, no dependents. I own a small condo in a very expensive city, and my accumulated nest egg (which is separate from my retirement fund, which I'm trying not to touch at all) amounts to about 6 years of regular living expenses - i.e. a reasonably modest lifestyle without extreme deprivation, but also no travel or big life changes. For various family reasons, moving to a less expensive area is not feasible at this time. I am not in the US so concerns about health insurance, etc when unemployed don't apply.
I've tried applying to some jobs over the past few months and have actually gotten a fair number of calls back, but I think my burnout/aimlessness is coming through during interviews and not making a very good impression. Like, I don't even know if I want the job, so why should they hire me? Apart from looking for work, I've been taking a lot of time to rest, getting back into exercise and a regular sleep schedule and an artistic practice that I'd dropped at some point because of all the other stuff life was throwing at me. It's been nice.. almost too nice, to the point where I worry that I could get too used to this "life of leisure" and just let the years float by while my funds dwindle and I become less and less employable.
Question 1. Re: the financial nuts and bolts, is there anything I should be changing about my investments during a time of personal uncertainty? Currently they're spread out between cash, low-risk/guaranteed investments and a larger portion in some higher-risk equities (which have been doing unsettlingly well recently...). When I was working I was comfortable with the higher risk since I was easily covering my day-to-day expenses, but it feels less comfortable now that I might need to actually use the funds at an unknown time in the near-ish future.
Question 2. Re: the mental stuff. How can I find a balance between thinking and not-thinking about my job/career situation, so that I can get the rest I need while not sabotaging my future?
Have you truly given yourself time to grieve, recuperate and reset? In your case, I'd give myself 3-6 months of *not* job hunting and *not* rejiggering any finances. Use that time to just...be. Therapy is probably a good idea as well. But no active moving forward for half a second, please.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:07 AM on July 11 [16 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:07 AM on July 11 [16 favorites]
If I were you I'd take three months and not even worry about applying for a job until those months are over. Give yourself some time to heal from the burnout. You know what you need to be doing to take care of yourself - sleep, exercise, art. Do a little travel if that appeals. Take mid-week beach days, or museum days, or whatever energizes you. Spend time with people you care about.
posted by mskyle at 11:10 AM on July 11 [8 favorites]
posted by mskyle at 11:10 AM on July 11 [8 favorites]
Three months is good. Six is better, and takes you almost exactly to January when people start hiring with the new budget. Give yourself the rest of 2024 to recuperate and do things you've been putting off - good time for a free or low cost class, joining the yoga in the park, noting free concerts every week. (Do make sure to get out of the house each day and a social activity each week - few people do well with no structure.) Hell, take on a saneish Instagram challenge.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 11:31 AM on July 11 [4 favorites]
posted by I claim sanctuary at 11:31 AM on July 11 [4 favorites]
If you have 6 years of savings plus a retirement account, you have obviously made some really good decisions along the way. Keep using your good sense and keep making decisions that look ahead months or years rather than the next rent check.
Keep applying to jobs. The right one will come along and you will be back in the game so to speak.
As for your investments, I would consider taking some profits off the table. If you have some stocks or equities that have had inordinate returns sell some of them. Not all, some. If they keep going up, well you still have say 60%. If they go down, you can make the decision to buy some back or find another investment. Win-win.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:32 AM on July 11 [1 favorite]
Keep applying to jobs. The right one will come along and you will be back in the game so to speak.
As for your investments, I would consider taking some profits off the table. If you have some stocks or equities that have had inordinate returns sell some of them. Not all, some. If they keep going up, well you still have say 60%. If they go down, you can make the decision to buy some back or find another investment. Win-win.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:32 AM on July 11 [1 favorite]
Yes take time off, "officially" so, without any intention besides rest. Then I'd massively reconsider that "less and less employable" assumption. You're in an great position to follow your own interests and see where they lead, without having to commit to another "career"-type job for a long time. You could start an entire nonprofit (adjust term as needed for your jurisdiction) focused on anything you want. You could become competitive at a sport you don't even currently know the rules of. You could get involved in politics. You could collect a bunch of gig and/or part-time jobs, none of which individually give you many hours (or much stress!) but that add up to at least monthly grocery money, and help stretch your funds even farther. There's just so very much potential here, and no reason to go right back towards what left you so burned out.
posted by teremala at 11:38 AM on July 11 [2 favorites]
posted by teremala at 11:38 AM on July 11 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I think you need to give yourself a real, full break, where you aren't in that liminal state of part vacation-part anxiety and stress about the job search. Decide to take off a certain amount of time (three months?) and take an actual nice trip in there. Not like a lifetime luxury dream trip (doesn't seem like you'd go for that anyway, as a relatively frugal person), but a real vacation, not just a visit to un-fun relatives (or whatever), and not just home chores. Travel someplace new or beloved where you can relax and explore and really be in a whole different headspace. Go for 2-3 weeks or even a month.
Or, go ahead and plan that trip now, and then give yourself, say, two weeks after the trip before you begin a job search. Get the full reset now.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:41 AM on July 11 [4 favorites]
Or, go ahead and plan that trip now, and then give yourself, say, two weeks after the trip before you begin a job search. Get the full reset now.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:41 AM on July 11 [4 favorites]
One idea, if I was in your position:
I would take two years of living expenses from my nest egg and put it in a "transition" bucket. I would think of this as my income stream for the next two years, with the idea that this can give me the runway to decompress and find a new job. I would want this money in cash or guaranteed investments (accessible without penalty during the next two years).
I would look at the remaining nest egg and see if it is still allocated in a way I was comfortable with for a longer term investment horizon.
I would plan on a 6 month break, with the first three months focused on me, my "now", and settling into my new normal. In the second three months, I would develop my plan for my next job. I might start talking to people, updating my resume, looking at openings, talking to headhunters, but not really applying to anything unless something great and exciting crossed my path.
Then after 6 months, I would start the job search in earnest.
Well, that would be my plan today, but I would also be aware that it may take longer than I expect to decompress. So, I would be prepared to check in with myself along the way to see if my plan still made sense to me. By setting two years' expenses aside for transition, I would feel pretty comfortable taking up to a year to decompress.
posted by bruinfan at 11:46 AM on July 11 [2 favorites]
I would take two years of living expenses from my nest egg and put it in a "transition" bucket. I would think of this as my income stream for the next two years, with the idea that this can give me the runway to decompress and find a new job. I would want this money in cash or guaranteed investments (accessible without penalty during the next two years).
I would look at the remaining nest egg and see if it is still allocated in a way I was comfortable with for a longer term investment horizon.
I would plan on a 6 month break, with the first three months focused on me, my "now", and settling into my new normal. In the second three months, I would develop my plan for my next job. I might start talking to people, updating my resume, looking at openings, talking to headhunters, but not really applying to anything unless something great and exciting crossed my path.
Then after 6 months, I would start the job search in earnest.
Well, that would be my plan today, but I would also be aware that it may take longer than I expect to decompress. So, I would be prepared to check in with myself along the way to see if my plan still made sense to me. By setting two years' expenses aside for transition, I would feel pretty comfortable taking up to a year to decompress.
posted by bruinfan at 11:46 AM on July 11 [2 favorites]
What hobbies got put aside? Do you want to take 40-90 days to examine a few of them?
posted by k3ninho at 12:32 PM on July 11
posted by k3ninho at 12:32 PM on July 11
Give yourself a year. Pay yourself the salary you were making, on the same schedule, from your fuck you fund, and then set aside a smallish extra amount for something special (you’ll know it when you see it). Rebalance the rest of your fund in roughly the same investment mix you had before and forget about it.
Then: be on sabbatical. Take classes in random things. Revive or start a new art practice. Catch up with old friends. Read promiscuously. Get an impractical haircut. Give yourself new perspective on your working life by reaching out to friends of friends or work contacts who have interesting jobs to ask them about their careers or industries. Daydream. Waste time. Rest and explore in whatever way you fancy.
At the end of the year, enter the job market with purpose. In cover letters and interviews, share the wisdom and skills and new focus you gained during the time that your frugality and good planning allowed you.
You have a rare and wonderful silver lining after a tough couple of losses. I’m so impressed by and excited for you.
posted by minervous at 12:45 PM on July 11 [6 favorites]
Then: be on sabbatical. Take classes in random things. Revive or start a new art practice. Catch up with old friends. Read promiscuously. Get an impractical haircut. Give yourself new perspective on your working life by reaching out to friends of friends or work contacts who have interesting jobs to ask them about their careers or industries. Daydream. Waste time. Rest and explore in whatever way you fancy.
At the end of the year, enter the job market with purpose. In cover letters and interviews, share the wisdom and skills and new focus you gained during the time that your frugality and good planning allowed you.
You have a rare and wonderful silver lining after a tough couple of losses. I’m so impressed by and excited for you.
posted by minervous at 12:45 PM on July 11 [6 favorites]
Your return to good sleep, exercise, and artistic practice are great. I understand your fear that you could melt into an aimless lifetime of leisure, but I think that is your poor emotionally exhausted lizard brain feeding you a variation on the same story that let you push yourself to the point of burn out.
Given the financial safety net you've accumulated, you have excellent drive and make sensible decisions. You will return to that place and you will be very employable again, once you've let yourself heal more. When you've healed, that raw energy, determination, and enthusiasm will flow like it used to.
In your shoes I would:
1) convert 1 or 2 years' worth of expenses into a low risk lower return form so that market fluctuations aren't a worry, if this isn't going to cause a big tax bill.
2) set myself little daily challenges. Currently I am taking a daily photo with my dog, with plans to Photoshop them into a collage. In lockdown, I walked every looking for 9 items (dog with clothes, a fluffy cat, an orange stick, a nice smell, a bird on a post, a palm tree, a weird or neat car, a nest). Daily ritual can be grounding and gives a shape to your day.
3) take a class: intro to pickleball, cooking, fiber arts. Meeting people and/or focusing on a small task are both therapeutic.
4) watch for patterns in what you enjoy minute to minute. You might choose to lean into that type of pleasure or you might choose to stretch beyond your pattern into new joy-inducing activities. Maybe casually journal about this. Here's why: you deserve pleasure/satisfaction that is obtainable and enriching. You can later spin this (even just to yourself) as a "research pursuit" that was worth taking time out of active employment. This framing has helped me reprogram that chatty lizard brain voice that tells me I only have value when I am producing something.
Good luck and best wishes on your path back to a health, balanced you!
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 12:48 PM on July 11
Given the financial safety net you've accumulated, you have excellent drive and make sensible decisions. You will return to that place and you will be very employable again, once you've let yourself heal more. When you've healed, that raw energy, determination, and enthusiasm will flow like it used to.
In your shoes I would:
1) convert 1 or 2 years' worth of expenses into a low risk lower return form so that market fluctuations aren't a worry, if this isn't going to cause a big tax bill.
2) set myself little daily challenges. Currently I am taking a daily photo with my dog, with plans to Photoshop them into a collage. In lockdown, I walked every looking for 9 items (dog with clothes, a fluffy cat, an orange stick, a nice smell, a bird on a post, a palm tree, a weird or neat car, a nest). Daily ritual can be grounding and gives a shape to your day.
3) take a class: intro to pickleball, cooking, fiber arts. Meeting people and/or focusing on a small task are both therapeutic.
4) watch for patterns in what you enjoy minute to minute. You might choose to lean into that type of pleasure or you might choose to stretch beyond your pattern into new joy-inducing activities. Maybe casually journal about this. Here's why: you deserve pleasure/satisfaction that is obtainable and enriching. You can later spin this (even just to yourself) as a "research pursuit" that was worth taking time out of active employment. This framing has helped me reprogram that chatty lizard brain voice that tells me I only have value when I am producing something.
Good luck and best wishes on your path back to a health, balanced you!
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 12:48 PM on July 11
Just to add to the chorus: definitely take a long period completely off. Of everything. No work, of course, but no other expectations either. Sure, exercise or work on your hobbies or whatever if you feel like it, but without any pressure or expectation. Don't fall into the trap of 'I have all this time now so I can finally get in shape/read all those books/pick up craft X/etc.'.
I was in a similar situation recently, didn't give myself complete free rein for a while and regret it. Not only was it a missed opportunity to rest and enjoy life, I think my recovery would have been a lot faster if I had taken the pressure off completely.
posted by snusmumrik at 1:11 PM on July 11 [3 favorites]
I was in a similar situation recently, didn't give myself complete free rein for a while and regret it. Not only was it a missed opportunity to rest and enjoy life, I think my recovery would have been a lot faster if I had taken the pressure off completely.
posted by snusmumrik at 1:11 PM on July 11 [3 favorites]
Something else to remember is you can always slow your burn rate later by working part time or, when you get there, taking a short term contract that gives you a skill, experience, or network towards the career you want…later.
If I were you I think I’d invest a few months in rest/recovery, do some non-luxury travel for a month or two if life permits, and then come back from that intending to spend a few months on active exploration…both personal goals/hobbies type things and then also career exploration/job searching/volunteering, being very very selective. So defer the career thinking to after your trip or other milestone.
posted by warriorqueen at 1:26 PM on July 11 [1 favorite]
If I were you I think I’d invest a few months in rest/recovery, do some non-luxury travel for a month or two if life permits, and then come back from that intending to spend a few months on active exploration…both personal goals/hobbies type things and then also career exploration/job searching/volunteering, being very very selective. So defer the career thinking to after your trip or other milestone.
posted by warriorqueen at 1:26 PM on July 11 [1 favorite]
In your shoes, I would give myself a regular paycheque into an account I could use freely, and then trust that that would keep my budget pretty on-track. I did this when my income jumped with my first real job - I paid myself "my living expenses" + "a weekly allowance" which was enough to cover a few cabs or restaurant meals each week. This way I never felt deprived, but knew I wouldn't overspend, and for random big purchases like a trip I felt fine dipping into my "big account".
It sounds like you also need to refill your cup so I'd put aside a budget of both time and money for that, and maybe a list of stuff to do. Like what if you earmark 1 year's pay to just... have fun for a year? Travel, learn something cool, etc?
Final thought is that in many places real estate is the best investment. If that's true for your location, I would actually suggest costing out what it would look like to buy a house with a rental or Airbnb unit (like a house with a basement suite, or a little triplex house). (Maybe with 50-60% of your savings so you still have a 2 year cushion). Then your money will be appreciating with the property value, it's probably a great longterm investment / nest egg, and depending where you live, the rental income might actually be able to totally cover your mortgage and even turn a profit. Then you still have lots of flexibility, because if you decide to move or travel, you can rent out your own unit too, or possibly afford to leave it vacant if the rental is carrying the property. Managing a rental can be a lot of work but there are so many resources and people to help now, real estate agents who specialize in it, and it can also be kind of a fun hobby if you're the type to enjoy hospitality or business tasks!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:57 PM on July 11
It sounds like you also need to refill your cup so I'd put aside a budget of both time and money for that, and maybe a list of stuff to do. Like what if you earmark 1 year's pay to just... have fun for a year? Travel, learn something cool, etc?
Final thought is that in many places real estate is the best investment. If that's true for your location, I would actually suggest costing out what it would look like to buy a house with a rental or Airbnb unit (like a house with a basement suite, or a little triplex house). (Maybe with 50-60% of your savings so you still have a 2 year cushion). Then your money will be appreciating with the property value, it's probably a great longterm investment / nest egg, and depending where you live, the rental income might actually be able to totally cover your mortgage and even turn a profit. Then you still have lots of flexibility, because if you decide to move or travel, you can rent out your own unit too, or possibly afford to leave it vacant if the rental is carrying the property. Managing a rental can be a lot of work but there are so many resources and people to help now, real estate agents who specialize in it, and it can also be kind of a fun hobby if you're the type to enjoy hospitality or business tasks!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:57 PM on July 11
Agree with the idea of part time work. If you get a job at the art store you’ll get a discount on supplies…
posted by shock muppet at 1:59 PM on July 11
posted by shock muppet at 1:59 PM on July 11
The idea you want here is a sabbatical. Take a year off, and write a sabbatical plan for the year, which should include rest and replenishment, time to do joyful and meaningful things not possible in a workaday existence, and a plan for re-entry, with goals, strategies, and a timeline. Enjoy this time.
posted by shadygrove at 2:23 PM on July 11
posted by shadygrove at 2:23 PM on July 11
Something similar happened to me. My suggestion is to rent out your apartment (you can put personal stuff in storage) and go somewhere else for at least a few months. I went to Mexico and Central America for a year. I learned to scuba dive, sail, spearfish, and free drive. I made friends with locals and teamed up with other travelers occasionally. I stayed in each spot for a month or more and really just relaxed and enjoyed life. My total monthly spend was about $500-1000 depending on how much scuba diving I was doing. Towards the end of the year I met some folks from California in Guatemala and we founded a tech company together. So not only was my burn out over, and my relationship grief passed, I also had a fun new job. I hope you can find some magic out there like I did.
posted by ananci at 5:51 AM on July 12 [4 favorites]
posted by ananci at 5:51 AM on July 12 [4 favorites]
Maybe this answer is too pretentious, but it's seemed to me for a while that there's often one small realisation standing between someone and something they'd enjoy: "Oh, I can just go and do that". Looking at Saturn through a telescope with my own eyes was once that thing for me, but for others I've seen it be scuba diving, watching an orbital rocket launch, singing for an audience, and many other things. More recently it's seemed that helping people have that realisation is also one of those.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 10:34 AM on July 12 [1 favorite]
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 10:34 AM on July 12 [1 favorite]
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2. Set a deadline -- figure out something you want to do, and a timeline for doing it and a plan on how or when to return to the workforce. Then go do that thing, and don't think about job hunting (as long as you have a good plan for what to put on your resume/talk about for the break).
What you don't want to do is: half-assedly unsuccessfully job hunt forever, never really check out and then eventually find yourself still burnt out and unemployed and in need of a job.
posted by so fucking future at 11:04 AM on July 11 [3 favorites]