What do I send to a long-lost cousin to say I am thinking about her?

March 15, 2024 12:08 PM

Due to immigration and displacement, I have family members all over Europe. My much younger adult cousin (who I have never met and lives in Germany) recently lost her father (my uncle) who I met only once as a very small child.

I would like to send/mail/ship her something to say I am thinking of her – but I am not sure what. A card seems like not enough. I know that she wants to make a connection with me and I am very happy about that.

Language is a barrier – she speaks some English. I barely — at the level of a 5 year old, if that — speak our native language and I don’t speak German.

Not sure flowers would work well given the distance. Looking for ideas.

posted by Lescha to Human Relations (7 answers total)

I don't suppose you have any family photos of your uncle she might not already have?
posted by praemunire at 12:24 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]

Re flowers, foodstuffs to send, I think your question should actually be something like, "I need to send a care package or flowers to a grieving family member in Germany. Are there any German companies that provide gift baskets, flowers, etc with websites I can purchase such things from as an American?
posted by atomicstone at 12:52 PM on March 15

Best answer: FWIW, I think sending her a card would be lovely. If you can put together a little something more that, go for it. But don't let the lack of something more keep you from sending her at least a card.

If you have a memory of her father that you can include in the card -- a short anecdote -- I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 1:31 PM on March 15 [10 favorites]

We often think, as the gifted, that a card is too small or inadequate. (I know I do.)

But truly, when receiving a card, it is often incredibly meaningful.
posted by samthemander at 2:26 PM on March 15 [6 favorites]

One other item: in some cultures, it is common to give money to support a family’s funeral costs. Maybe confirm if it would be appropriate to include a small check.
posted by samthemander at 2:27 PM on March 15

A year ago, I lost my father. I received a condoleance card from a family member I don't think I ever met. It was handwritten and personal and struck me as a kind, warm gesture. It gave me a small bit of comfort, which I'm sure was exactly what it was meant to do.

Please do send that card. Handwrite it (in clear letters). Include your email address so she can write you back.

If you feel you need machine translation, now or at a later stage, use DeepL.com, not Google.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:56 PM on March 15 [5 favorites]

Agree with everyone to send a nice card.

I am lucky to have a friend who sends small and thoughtful packages to me. Some items I can think of that might work for you:
--a tiny notebook with a pretty design.
--a small candle--it was yellow, and tulip shaped, about four inches tall.
--a cotton handkerchief-white with lemons, makes me smile.
--a tea towel for my kitchen.
-a small bottle of lavender oil, or some other hippy oil.
-a tiny owl sculpted out of something.

These were all not in one box, she'd send a couple of things here and there. While my husband was dying and after he died, she did this every few weeks.

Hope you and your cousin establish a great connection.
posted by rhonzo at 3:46 PM on March 15 [4 favorites]