Help me not turn into David Brent
February 29, 2024 3:17 AM Subscribe
I manage a (small) team now, and I feel entirely unequipped for it. I've done lots of training and am up on all the theory, but I need advice on how to be a good, supportive and effective manager. How can I become less conflict-averse and self-doubting? What traits should I be developing and how? What were your best managers like?
My biggest stumbling blocks are:
1. Being averse to conflict
2. Not wanting to be too authoritarian, so I end up being too woolly instead
3. Second guessing myself/overthinking
However, I do try to be good about being always available; not micromanaging; recognising my team's strengths and encouraging them to problem-solve rather than just doing it for them. I am lucky to have a pretty competent team, so they make it easy for me by being good at what they do. I think they like me; I just don't know if that's the main goal!
I worked under really anxious, nitpicky, hyper-critical managers before and it has made me very unsure of my own decisions and instincts. That is something I do NOT want to contribute to in my team. My lack of self-confidence is really coming to the fore as I try to lead a small team. (Honestly no idea how I got this job lol).
Anyway, what are my next steps? How can I improve? I've done lots of manager training, and it's interesting, but is more training the answer? If you had a brilliant manager, what were some of their key traits?
My biggest stumbling blocks are:
1. Being averse to conflict
2. Not wanting to be too authoritarian, so I end up being too woolly instead
3. Second guessing myself/overthinking
However, I do try to be good about being always available; not micromanaging; recognising my team's strengths and encouraging them to problem-solve rather than just doing it for them. I am lucky to have a pretty competent team, so they make it easy for me by being good at what they do. I think they like me; I just don't know if that's the main goal!
I worked under really anxious, nitpicky, hyper-critical managers before and it has made me very unsure of my own decisions and instincts. That is something I do NOT want to contribute to in my team. My lack of self-confidence is really coming to the fore as I try to lead a small team. (Honestly no idea how I got this job lol).
Anyway, what are my next steps? How can I improve? I've done lots of manager training, and it's interesting, but is more training the answer? If you had a brilliant manager, what were some of their key traits?
Here's what I like about my current manager:
* Notices what I do well and what other people we're helping say about me. She must literally keep a list, review time was very stressful at my last job and they've been amazing at this job (I tried my best at both).
* Related to the above: gives feedback as we go if there's something she wants me to fix. Sometimes it's small like "can you do x y-way going forward ?" She will listen if I have a reason why I was doing it the other way and explain why she wants it done y-way (or change her mind on rare occasions when I have info she doesn't). For bigger problems, she will tell me the problem and focus on the solution. If I fix things, they don't come up on my written review.
* We've only had one person who didn't seem to be a hard worker in the time I've worked there. I did not hear anything from my manager about them, they didn't gossip. The employee did not last long and we've hired someone new. I suspect the other person was fired. Since my manager was willing to deal with the problem head on, we have an amazing team who all work hard and help each other as much as possible. I feel like in the past I've seen the opposite too often, the manager complains to other people about the employee and doesn't care to (or maybe has no power to) put them on a PIP/fire them if things don't get better.
I guess the common theme here is that honesty/directness is actually kinder than ignoring the problems and hoping they go away on their own.
If you haven't already read the askamanager website, there's some really good advice for bosses there too.
*Just thought of another one: recognizes her employee's strengths and gives them more influence/credit in those areas. I have a coworker who is the literal best at explaining things and that's pretty much her job now. She's getting promoted to a management role under my manager. I have had managers in the past that may have been so envious of those skills that they take it personally that others go to the explainer for advice rather than seeing the good that formalizing it could do for the team. We're all regularly offered new tasks and rewarded with promotions and raises as we go. My manager is pretty good at communicating her anticipated timeline for promotions and follows through.
posted by Eyelash at 4:28 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]
* Notices what I do well and what other people we're helping say about me. She must literally keep a list, review time was very stressful at my last job and they've been amazing at this job (I tried my best at both).
* Related to the above: gives feedback as we go if there's something she wants me to fix. Sometimes it's small like "can you do x y-way going forward ?" She will listen if I have a reason why I was doing it the other way and explain why she wants it done y-way (or change her mind on rare occasions when I have info she doesn't). For bigger problems, she will tell me the problem and focus on the solution. If I fix things, they don't come up on my written review.
* We've only had one person who didn't seem to be a hard worker in the time I've worked there. I did not hear anything from my manager about them, they didn't gossip. The employee did not last long and we've hired someone new. I suspect the other person was fired. Since my manager was willing to deal with the problem head on, we have an amazing team who all work hard and help each other as much as possible. I feel like in the past I've seen the opposite too often, the manager complains to other people about the employee and doesn't care to (or maybe has no power to) put them on a PIP/fire them if things don't get better.
I guess the common theme here is that honesty/directness is actually kinder than ignoring the problems and hoping they go away on their own.
If you haven't already read the askamanager website, there's some really good advice for bosses there too.
*Just thought of another one: recognizes her employee's strengths and gives them more influence/credit in those areas. I have a coworker who is the literal best at explaining things and that's pretty much her job now. She's getting promoted to a management role under my manager. I have had managers in the past that may have been so envious of those skills that they take it personally that others go to the explainer for advice rather than seeing the good that formalizing it could do for the team. We're all regularly offered new tasks and rewarded with promotions and raises as we go. My manager is pretty good at communicating her anticipated timeline for promotions and follows through.
posted by Eyelash at 4:28 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]
A good manager hires good people and then gets out of their way.
They lean on their staff for the staff's expertise.
They remove barriers and bureaucracy.
They help identify the next milestone, and identify when somebody else needs to be involved.
They protect their team.
posted by entropone at 4:55 AM on February 29 [8 favorites]
They lean on their staff for the staff's expertise.
They remove barriers and bureaucracy.
They help identify the next milestone, and identify when somebody else needs to be involved.
They protect their team.
posted by entropone at 4:55 AM on February 29 [8 favorites]
Ask a manager is a highly recommended resource for a reason.
If you have a good relationship with your own boss and they are good at managing then ask them for support. If you don't want to do that, then find someone else who is a more experienced manager than you can ask for support/advice.
There are lots of ways of managing effectively. If your team trust you, and you are clear about what you want them to do, that will go a really long way. Conflict avoidance is hard to get over, but you can. I find it helpful to remember that doing something a bit difficult is easier in the long run than allowing a problem to fester.
If you get it wrong, apologise but don't let past imperfections stop you from putting things right. It's common to feel like you can't do something about a situation because you contributed to its present state. That's not true. You can, in the same conversation, apologise for not having tackled it in the past (or having tackled it badly) and insist that it changes.
posted by plonkee at 4:55 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]
If you have a good relationship with your own boss and they are good at managing then ask them for support. If you don't want to do that, then find someone else who is a more experienced manager than you can ask for support/advice.
There are lots of ways of managing effectively. If your team trust you, and you are clear about what you want them to do, that will go a really long way. Conflict avoidance is hard to get over, but you can. I find it helpful to remember that doing something a bit difficult is easier in the long run than allowing a problem to fester.
If you get it wrong, apologise but don't let past imperfections stop you from putting things right. It's common to feel like you can't do something about a situation because you contributed to its present state. That's not true. You can, in the same conversation, apologise for not having tackled it in the past (or having tackled it badly) and insist that it changes.
posted by plonkee at 4:55 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]
One thing I had to learn is the ways in which I am my own worst enemy/slow down the team/processes/create bottlenecks. The answer is nearly always to delegate more and be ready to support and protect the people taking on the tasks you delegate.
You're never going to make all people happy all the time. It is ok to define clear expectations, give timely, actionable feedback and it is ok to say 'no' - people may not always like to hear these things but that's ok.
Not being clear also opens the door for conflict - not all people do well with subtext/reading between the lines. Some people use any ambiguity to their advantage. It can also cause differences between different team members. So avoid ambiguity.
That also goes for managing upwards/externally. You need to be clear, give the team all the credit, take all the blame and you need to know when you yourself need help/are stretched too thin and ask for help.
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:08 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]
You're never going to make all people happy all the time. It is ok to define clear expectations, give timely, actionable feedback and it is ok to say 'no' - people may not always like to hear these things but that's ok.
Not being clear also opens the door for conflict - not all people do well with subtext/reading between the lines. Some people use any ambiguity to their advantage. It can also cause differences between different team members. So avoid ambiguity.
That also goes for managing upwards/externally. You need to be clear, give the team all the credit, take all the blame and you need to know when you yourself need help/are stretched too thin and ask for help.
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:08 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]
My boss showed me this 10-min youtube Ted Talk. and said "this is how I'm going to run the team". He was as good as his word and it absolutely works. The team are happy. He's the least micro-manager I have ever worked for and also seems the least stressed. Recommended.
posted by el_presidente at 5:11 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]
posted by el_presidente at 5:11 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]
Schedule a 1:1 with each member of your team every week. Do not ever skip this, do not show up late to this, even if you feel like you have nothing to discuss. That weekly baseline check-in is hugely important to creating an environment where you and your team are comfortable talking to each other.
When things are slow, you get to know a little about each other personally. When things are busy, you're better primed to see if they're struggling and discuss ways to prioritize. If something serious needs to be discussed, you're already talking every few days so it's less scary. When your employee has a success, no matter how small or big, you are there to see it and recognize it when it happens. When there is work to delegate and projects to assign, you'll have a pretty good idea from this regular contact what would be easy, stretch, fun, or hated for each person on your team and can spread the work out accordingly.
posted by phunniemee at 5:12 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]
When things are slow, you get to know a little about each other personally. When things are busy, you're better primed to see if they're struggling and discuss ways to prioritize. If something serious needs to be discussed, you're already talking every few days so it's less scary. When your employee has a success, no matter how small or big, you are there to see it and recognize it when it happens. When there is work to delegate and projects to assign, you'll have a pretty good idea from this regular contact what would be easy, stretch, fun, or hated for each person on your team and can spread the work out accordingly.
posted by phunniemee at 5:12 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]
I am a huge fan of Radical Candor. It's gotten a bad rap because a lot of folks have hijacked its name to use as a shield for being an asshole - "I'm just being honest!" - but the original title of the book was Radical Kindness and that shines through. It digs in deep into how being too "nice" is in fact doing people a disservice, and is really up-front and practical about things like how challenging conflict and giving tough feedback can be. I'm increasingly moving toward management myself, and this book has been my north star.
posted by Tomorrowful at 6:55 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]
posted by Tomorrowful at 6:55 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]
So I've managed teams in both white collar and non-white collar environments.
I'll share what I wish I had known, with one sort of caveat about asking here on AskMe: People here always lean towards "the best managers stay out of my way" -and for some teams that's awesomely true, especially teams of self-directed learners and professionals, which describes a lot of the people who answer questions here. But it doesn't go for all staff.
So here's what I've learned that goes across both areas:
1. The job of a manager is to meet organizational goals, through leading their team. If you find yourself spending your time protecting the team from unethical stuff, get out.
2. Seek to be collegial, but do not try to be friends with people you supervise.
3. I learned in managing 17-24 year olds that you cannot be too clear (as well as succinct.) This actually holds true for everyone. Surface assumptions. Note on email comms: Read up on scannable web content and apply those practices. Put the lede up front and bold dates and responsibilities.
4. When something goes wrong, or someone is not performing, get curious. Be clear why you're asking: John, I've heard from a couple of people that you haven't been responding to email in a timely way - about 2 business days is our standard. I wanted to ask you about that. Can you help me understand what's going on?
Corollary is: for most people, whatever is the probem is usually some kind of conflict between their challenges and the system they are in. Most people want to do a good job. However, that does not describe everyone and if you ask enough questions, you will soon learn which is which.
5. Practice not answering questions if you don't know the answer, and asking people to solve problems themselves first where reasonable. This is both for the monkey on the back thing, but also because it means you won't give dumb answers to people-please that you have to walk back. But if you say you will get back to them, get back to them.
6. Celebrate success. Making your team look good makes you look good. Positioning them as experts, makes you the expert.
7. Check in with everyone regularly. That doesn't have to look the same for everyone. But not all people will not self-identify as having issues, so you can't wait for them to come to you. Keep a shared agenda so that during the week or the two weeks between 1:1s both you and that person can add to it, and keep follow up items on there too. Spend 75% of the meeting listening. But get specific. "When should I look for this from you?" etc.
8. Do not punish the team for one or two people's failings. If 2/10 people are not doing XYZ or are doing XYZ, please talk to them - don't send endless memos or hold training for everyone.
9. If you have to have a performance discussion make it clear - "In order for you to succeed in this role, I need you to..."
10. Delegate delegate delegate - I suck at this so hoping for some tips.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:55 AM on February 29 [7 favorites]
I'll share what I wish I had known, with one sort of caveat about asking here on AskMe: People here always lean towards "the best managers stay out of my way" -and for some teams that's awesomely true, especially teams of self-directed learners and professionals, which describes a lot of the people who answer questions here. But it doesn't go for all staff.
So here's what I've learned that goes across both areas:
1. The job of a manager is to meet organizational goals, through leading their team. If you find yourself spending your time protecting the team from unethical stuff, get out.
2. Seek to be collegial, but do not try to be friends with people you supervise.
3. I learned in managing 17-24 year olds that you cannot be too clear (as well as succinct.) This actually holds true for everyone. Surface assumptions. Note on email comms: Read up on scannable web content and apply those practices. Put the lede up front and bold dates and responsibilities.
4. When something goes wrong, or someone is not performing, get curious. Be clear why you're asking: John, I've heard from a couple of people that you haven't been responding to email in a timely way - about 2 business days is our standard. I wanted to ask you about that. Can you help me understand what's going on?
Corollary is: for most people, whatever is the probem is usually some kind of conflict between their challenges and the system they are in. Most people want to do a good job. However, that does not describe everyone and if you ask enough questions, you will soon learn which is which.
5. Practice not answering questions if you don't know the answer, and asking people to solve problems themselves first where reasonable. This is both for the monkey on the back thing, but also because it means you won't give dumb answers to people-please that you have to walk back. But if you say you will get back to them, get back to them.
6. Celebrate success. Making your team look good makes you look good. Positioning them as experts, makes you the expert.
7. Check in with everyone regularly. That doesn't have to look the same for everyone. But not all people will not self-identify as having issues, so you can't wait for them to come to you. Keep a shared agenda so that during the week or the two weeks between 1:1s both you and that person can add to it, and keep follow up items on there too. Spend 75% of the meeting listening. But get specific. "When should I look for this from you?" etc.
8. Do not punish the team for one or two people's failings. If 2/10 people are not doing XYZ or are doing XYZ, please talk to them - don't send endless memos or hold training for everyone.
9. If you have to have a performance discussion make it clear - "In order for you to succeed in this role, I need you to..."
10. Delegate delegate delegate - I suck at this so hoping for some tips.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:55 AM on February 29 [7 favorites]
When I knew I was going to be a manager, I met with a colleague who taught management at university level. His top advice was that your direct reports are like teenagers - you need to communicate clearly, support them, and expect things to go wrong sometimes, and to get more insight into their lives and issues. Great advice above RE staying curious - "why were you not able to respond to x in a timely manner?" "what support do you need to be able to get on with [teapot] project as per deadlines?"
You don't need to be friends with them, you need mutual respect. I'm a big fan of not asking them to do something you wouldn't do. Don't always let the most junior member take all the dogsbody tasks. Don't play favourites.
Building a team takes time, and that time is in your 1:1s and your team meetings. Make sure these meetings have a point, and make sure they end early if there's nothing more to say! If you have a difficult thing to say, it's ok to be frightened but take a deep breath and face it first up, without apology. "first of all I'd like to address [your lateness]. could you tell me a bit more about the issue?" And don't keep belabouring the point, even if they don't really respond (people respond in a huge range of ways to conflict), just say what you expect and how they can be accountable for that (deadline, check-ins etc), as well as any escalation you might need to do "and if [this] isn't [done/better etc] by [date] then I will have to start the [formal process]. Then move on in the same even-handed way. "ok, now on to your [deliverable for Friday]...."
posted by london explorer girl at 7:14 AM on February 29
You don't need to be friends with them, you need mutual respect. I'm a big fan of not asking them to do something you wouldn't do. Don't always let the most junior member take all the dogsbody tasks. Don't play favourites.
Building a team takes time, and that time is in your 1:1s and your team meetings. Make sure these meetings have a point, and make sure they end early if there's nothing more to say! If you have a difficult thing to say, it's ok to be frightened but take a deep breath and face it first up, without apology. "first of all I'd like to address [your lateness]. could you tell me a bit more about the issue?" And don't keep belabouring the point, even if they don't really respond (people respond in a huge range of ways to conflict), just say what you expect and how they can be accountable for that (deadline, check-ins etc), as well as any escalation you might need to do "and if [this] isn't [done/better etc] by [date] then I will have to start the [formal process]. Then move on in the same even-handed way. "ok, now on to your [deliverable for Friday]...."
posted by london explorer girl at 7:14 AM on February 29
Lots of great stuff here. ditto regular 1-on-1 meetings that you don't skip.
When I'm running a team, I try to look out for development opportunities for my folks -- stuff they can do that will demonstrate that they're ready for the next level. Getting the right people promoted is probably the most satisfying part of my management experience.
posted by Sauce Trough at 9:13 AM on February 29
When I'm running a team, I try to look out for development opportunities for my folks -- stuff they can do that will demonstrate that they're ready for the next level. Getting the right people promoted is probably the most satisfying part of my management experience.
posted by Sauce Trough at 9:13 AM on February 29
Things I wish someone had sat me down and told me before I even considered a people management role:
-You will have to make decisions for the good of the business or the overall team, and not everyone will agree with or like the decisions. This may feel like they don’t like you—hell, some of them may not like you because you’re the boss—and you have to learn how to be okay with that.
-You will have to say no to things you personally would like to say yes to (e.g., requests for raises or promotions.) You will be tempted to say you would love to say yes but your hands are tied. Don’t say that because you’ll look weak and it’ll send a mixed message—you’ll think you’re making them feel better but it’s really for you. And worse, they’ll be thinking, so am I qualified for the promo or not? If my boss really loves me that much why are they willing to lose me? Why doesn’t my boss have any decision-making power or sway with the execs?
-Be clear and brief. Write scripts for yourself if you tend to ramble or equivocate. If it’s a difficult conversation, read through some of the many examples of scripts online. Literally practice the words that need to come out of your mouth, including the pauses for listening!
-Be kind, not “nice.” It may not feel nice to tell someone they’re not performing the expectations of their role but it’s a kindness to give them a chance to address it head on.
-If someone has a reasonable request and you have the power to accommodate it, just do it. Switching a day off, remote work when they have an appointment, etc. Do this for everyone equally regardless of how you feel about them or even how they’re performing.
-Normalize feedback. People need to know how they’re doing and it doesn’t need to be a big deal. Easier to make tiny adjustments as issues arise than to wait for an annual review and pile on complaints. Praise publicly, criticize privately.
-You will manage underperformers and overperformers and they’re both extremely challenging to manage, so have a plan. Everyone else on the team will be watching and will either resent you for not addressing problems, or they will see that they can get away with low performance/that high performance is not rewarded, so they will act accordingly. People have strong senses of justice in the workplace and if they see you turn a blind eye to issues they will feel wronged.
-Set clear expectations for the what, not the how. If someone is getting their work done well, don’t be a dictator about hours or location (to the extent you’re allowed to be flexible, of course.)
-Don’t step in to problem solve everything—coach them to solve their own issues with your support. Save your direct intervention for truly serious matters.
-Shore up your personal support system, have people outside the workplace you can trust, take vacations, get sleep, address your health including mental health. People management is draining, particularly if you are empathetic or conflict-averse.
posted by kapers at 9:22 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]
-You will have to make decisions for the good of the business or the overall team, and not everyone will agree with or like the decisions. This may feel like they don’t like you—hell, some of them may not like you because you’re the boss—and you have to learn how to be okay with that.
-You will have to say no to things you personally would like to say yes to (e.g., requests for raises or promotions.) You will be tempted to say you would love to say yes but your hands are tied. Don’t say that because you’ll look weak and it’ll send a mixed message—you’ll think you’re making them feel better but it’s really for you. And worse, they’ll be thinking, so am I qualified for the promo or not? If my boss really loves me that much why are they willing to lose me? Why doesn’t my boss have any decision-making power or sway with the execs?
-Be clear and brief. Write scripts for yourself if you tend to ramble or equivocate. If it’s a difficult conversation, read through some of the many examples of scripts online. Literally practice the words that need to come out of your mouth, including the pauses for listening!
-Be kind, not “nice.” It may not feel nice to tell someone they’re not performing the expectations of their role but it’s a kindness to give them a chance to address it head on.
-If someone has a reasonable request and you have the power to accommodate it, just do it. Switching a day off, remote work when they have an appointment, etc. Do this for everyone equally regardless of how you feel about them or even how they’re performing.
-Normalize feedback. People need to know how they’re doing and it doesn’t need to be a big deal. Easier to make tiny adjustments as issues arise than to wait for an annual review and pile on complaints. Praise publicly, criticize privately.
-You will manage underperformers and overperformers and they’re both extremely challenging to manage, so have a plan. Everyone else on the team will be watching and will either resent you for not addressing problems, or they will see that they can get away with low performance/that high performance is not rewarded, so they will act accordingly. People have strong senses of justice in the workplace and if they see you turn a blind eye to issues they will feel wronged.
-Set clear expectations for the what, not the how. If someone is getting their work done well, don’t be a dictator about hours or location (to the extent you’re allowed to be flexible, of course.)
-Don’t step in to problem solve everything—coach them to solve their own issues with your support. Save your direct intervention for truly serious matters.
-Shore up your personal support system, have people outside the workplace you can trust, take vacations, get sleep, address your health including mental health. People management is draining, particularly if you are empathetic or conflict-averse.
posted by kapers at 9:22 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]
You'll improve by doing the job, screwing up, paying attention to how you screwed up and learning from that. Theory and books and training and articles can only go so far. I'd recommend finding a more experienced manager at work that you respect to ask questions in real time, and possibly also developing a cohort of peer managers as a support group (inside or outside of your company). But seriously no one is going to teach you how to be a good manager using words, you'll get good by showing up and doing the job over the course of years. Good luck!
posted by ch1x0r at 11:34 AM on February 29
posted by ch1x0r at 11:34 AM on February 29
Do NOT be “always available”. As a manager, you need to *set and enforce boundaries*, both for yourself and as an example to your team. Help them learn to prioritize and problem-solve on their own by delineating when and for what you will be available, with clear processes for how to address urgent concerns.
What I have seen with “always available” management is similar to “one big happy family” dysfunction: no boundaries, management time consumed by staff who cannot make decisions on their own and come running to you for help at every turn, or for emotional support, or to deal with minor issues that they really should be able to handle on their own. All of this comes at the expense of managers being able to support other team members who are competent and capable, or managing strategically for longer-term goals. Setting routine 1:1s and *structured, functional team meetings* (NOT readouts or task updates or specious discussions that have no practical bearing on team goals) helps you make sure that you hear and attend to squeaky wheels on your team, without allowing them to drive the bus.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:14 PM on February 29 [3 favorites]
What I have seen with “always available” management is similar to “one big happy family” dysfunction: no boundaries, management time consumed by staff who cannot make decisions on their own and come running to you for help at every turn, or for emotional support, or to deal with minor issues that they really should be able to handle on their own. All of this comes at the expense of managers being able to support other team members who are competent and capable, or managing strategically for longer-term goals. Setting routine 1:1s and *structured, functional team meetings* (NOT readouts or task updates or specious discussions that have no practical bearing on team goals) helps you make sure that you hear and attend to squeaky wheels on your team, without allowing them to drive the bus.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 12:14 PM on February 29 [3 favorites]
nth-ing Radical Candour to overcome wooly avoidance of conflict. There will be a disagreement and you can still be compassionate about the person not doing what you deem the best path forward. Think of it as a puzzle you can solve together -- but you've got higher stakes as the manager.
(Edit to add: thanks for all the other posters' wise words, I'll bookmark this for reference.)
posted by k3ninho at 10:38 AM on March 1
(Edit to add: thanks for all the other posters' wise words, I'll bookmark this for reference.)
posted by k3ninho at 10:38 AM on March 1
When things are going well management is not too difficult, but when things aren't going well it can be very difficult. So it's a good idea to try to proactively spot any issues early and address them before they come to a head.
For example, maybe you have a high performing team member who is happy. Are they going to be unhappy if they don't manage to secure a promotion in a year's time? They may not even know themselves. Better to have the conversations to find out now and start planning.
Or maybe you have a team member who is good at the work but occasionally has an overly blunt style of communication - but everyone's used to it. That may work fine for ages and then suddenly a new team member gets offended by something, a line is crossed, HR needs to get involved, and you have a lot of patching up to do. Or perhaps everyone on the team was silently annoyed by it for years. Better to understand now what effect it is having on team members and have the conversations to give any necessary feedback in a delicate way.
Maybe some organisation wide change is coming, but you ignore it and carry on as normal and six months later your team is not well positioned to be as useful to the company. That in turn makes it harder for people to develop their careers, morale goes down, and they leave. Better to understand what's coming up and decide how to position your team. Maybe they need to start developing new skills.
Unfortunately there is not a checklist for these things and a lot of managers only learn them through painful experience. If you have the opportunity to chat to experienced managers about that side of the job, it can be useful. You can't always avoid these things but spotting them coming helps - sooner or later you'll probably have to deal with something like that.
If you are going into a conversation which you know might be difficult, prepare beforehand so as to be very careful to make sure you will clearly deliver any key information and not waffle, and also be careful about how you say anything that can be taken negatively. Different people will interpret the same words differently and some people will focus a lot on a tiny criticism.
You need your team to trust you, and you need to genuinely have their backs, in order to be able to do all the above. Try to role model the behaviours that you want in the team. If the team does well, it will reflect well on you. If problems occur, they can grow quickly and they become your problems.
posted by d11 at 12:55 AM on March 4
For example, maybe you have a high performing team member who is happy. Are they going to be unhappy if they don't manage to secure a promotion in a year's time? They may not even know themselves. Better to have the conversations to find out now and start planning.
Or maybe you have a team member who is good at the work but occasionally has an overly blunt style of communication - but everyone's used to it. That may work fine for ages and then suddenly a new team member gets offended by something, a line is crossed, HR needs to get involved, and you have a lot of patching up to do. Or perhaps everyone on the team was silently annoyed by it for years. Better to understand now what effect it is having on team members and have the conversations to give any necessary feedback in a delicate way.
Maybe some organisation wide change is coming, but you ignore it and carry on as normal and six months later your team is not well positioned to be as useful to the company. That in turn makes it harder for people to develop their careers, morale goes down, and they leave. Better to understand what's coming up and decide how to position your team. Maybe they need to start developing new skills.
Unfortunately there is not a checklist for these things and a lot of managers only learn them through painful experience. If you have the opportunity to chat to experienced managers about that side of the job, it can be useful. You can't always avoid these things but spotting them coming helps - sooner or later you'll probably have to deal with something like that.
If you are going into a conversation which you know might be difficult, prepare beforehand so as to be very careful to make sure you will clearly deliver any key information and not waffle, and also be careful about how you say anything that can be taken negatively. Different people will interpret the same words differently and some people will focus a lot on a tiny criticism.
You need your team to trust you, and you need to genuinely have their backs, in order to be able to do all the above. Try to role model the behaviours that you want in the team. If the team does well, it will reflect well on you. If problems occur, they can grow quickly and they become your problems.
posted by d11 at 12:55 AM on March 4
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I'm skeptical of a lot of manager training as I think it often serves the ideology of HR more than anything else. I think Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards is a really good book about intrinsic motivation.
posted by Rhedyn at 4:03 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]