I want to exit the sex industry but feel trapped due to money issues
July 21, 2023 1:10 AM Subscribe
I'm looking for suggestions for other ways to support myself based on my skills/education/interests. Difficulty level: my disabilities mean I can only work about 15-20 hours a week. I need some hope that I can change my life.
I started doing sex work to pay medical bills 10 years ago when I got sick (if this sounds bleak and very American, it is! I serviced clients wearing my wig in between chemo sessions). The social stigma and legal risks and living a secret life are taking a toll on me. I cry every day and really want a way out.
But my illness/treatment left me with several chronic disabilities, and I can't think of another job where I can earn close to a sustainable income (about $50-60k/year) while only working when I'm well enough, usually 15-20 hours a week depending on my health, sometimes closer to 10-12.
Before I got sick, I got an MA in journalism and a PhD in American Studies. At that time I wanted to be a writer or a professor. These days neither are viable because both industries collapsed and the jobs don't exist anymore. But those are my skillsets, experience, and interests: teaching adults and doing (non technical, non medical) writing/editing. I would probably enjoy and be qualified for some work in the broader areas of communications and (humanities or soc sci) research as well.
What are my options for stable, decently paid, part-time work? I've been a private tutor, an adjunct professor, and a freelance editor before, but the hours and money weren't consistent enough. I'm not entirely opposed to getting another degree/training in something new, but only if it was a relatively short program (1-2 years) and the resulting job would accommodate my limitations re hours.
In your answers, please note:
*I have already cut my expenses and am not looking for budgeting tips
*I am not able to relocate overseas
*disability aid in the U.S. is extremely low and won't cover a fraction of my need
*I cannot drive a car but am otherwise physically capable of most tasks
I started doing sex work to pay medical bills 10 years ago when I got sick (if this sounds bleak and very American, it is! I serviced clients wearing my wig in between chemo sessions). The social stigma and legal risks and living a secret life are taking a toll on me. I cry every day and really want a way out.
But my illness/treatment left me with several chronic disabilities, and I can't think of another job where I can earn close to a sustainable income (about $50-60k/year) while only working when I'm well enough, usually 15-20 hours a week depending on my health, sometimes closer to 10-12.
Before I got sick, I got an MA in journalism and a PhD in American Studies. At that time I wanted to be a writer or a professor. These days neither are viable because both industries collapsed and the jobs don't exist anymore. But those are my skillsets, experience, and interests: teaching adults and doing (non technical, non medical) writing/editing. I would probably enjoy and be qualified for some work in the broader areas of communications and (humanities or soc sci) research as well.
What are my options for stable, decently paid, part-time work? I've been a private tutor, an adjunct professor, and a freelance editor before, but the hours and money weren't consistent enough. I'm not entirely opposed to getting another degree/training in something new, but only if it was a relatively short program (1-2 years) and the resulting job would accommodate my limitations re hours.
In your answers, please note:
*I have already cut my expenses and am not looking for budgeting tips
*I am not able to relocate overseas
*disability aid in the U.S. is extremely low and won't cover a fraction of my need
*I cannot drive a car but am otherwise physically capable of most tasks
I know you said that you tried freelance editing and the money wasn't good enough. However, the self-publishing market is really flourishing -- loads of people looking for structural edits, copyeditors, line editors, virtual assistants to do their marketing and social media campaigns for them. It may not be the work you have imagined for yourself, but it's remote and decently paid. You would have to hustle by posting in self-publishing groups, but the good freelancers have a consistent roster of existing clients.
posted by moiraine at 2:08 AM on July 21, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by moiraine at 2:08 AM on July 21, 2023 [8 favorites]
Do you have to exit in one go, or can you cut down your hours/clients slowly by raising your prices so that you free up time and energy for your next career as you bring that on? Then you have some income while you're changing careers.
I would encourage you to explore technical writing in tech. A lot is remote and freelance/contract now, and you can do it part-time. Depending on your clients and how good you are, your goals in the US are possible. It'll take a while to work up to there - it's referrals and you'd have to build a portfolio and contacts first. It's a lot of editing/writing and being able to interview/ask tech people and business people enough questions to get the info you need which is a big part of teaching skills.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 2:32 AM on July 21, 2023 [15 favorites]
I would encourage you to explore technical writing in tech. A lot is remote and freelance/contract now, and you can do it part-time. Depending on your clients and how good you are, your goals in the US are possible. It'll take a while to work up to there - it's referrals and you'd have to build a portfolio and contacts first. It's a lot of editing/writing and being able to interview/ask tech people and business people enough questions to get the info you need which is a big part of teaching skills.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 2:32 AM on July 21, 2023 [15 favorites]
Caveat to everything I am about to write: I have very little need for discretion and functionally zero sense of privacy. I know that is not most people.
1/ Parlay your sex work into a tenure track position in American Studies. Write a book about sex work in America to add currency and credibility and profile to your PhD. Write a proposal and find an agent. Be the American Brooke Magnanti!
2/ Spicy accountant. I suggested this to someone on Ask previously, but if you re-trained as an accountant, there is a deep niche for sex workers in need of accountants.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:44 AM on July 21, 2023 [37 favorites]
1/ Parlay your sex work into a tenure track position in American Studies. Write a book about sex work in America to add currency and credibility and profile to your PhD. Write a proposal and find an agent. Be the American Brooke Magnanti!
2/ Spicy accountant. I suggested this to someone on Ask previously, but if you re-trained as an accountant, there is a deep niche for sex workers in need of accountants.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:44 AM on July 21, 2023 [37 favorites]
Where I live, people who give non-sexual massages and acupuncture (plus cupping and other body work) charge $100+ per session. Back of the envelope, I think this would fit your income needs.
posted by Toddles at 3:04 AM on July 21, 2023
posted by Toddles at 3:04 AM on July 21, 2023
I was thinking bookkeeping / accountancy / financial planner or something similar. I think you need something that's freelance, and that has consistent demand for professional-level fees. Finance/numbers jobs sprang to mind as paying better and having a more stable demand compared to teaching and writing.
posted by plonkee at 3:46 AM on July 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by plonkee at 3:46 AM on July 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
HOA manager - there is an ever-increasing number of HOA's and they all end up contracting with a professional manager. The companies that offer this service range in size.
Prerequisites: be detail-oriented and well-organized, and have a thick skin. The hiring company will get you the pro forma certification. Other than occasional quarterly meetings, most work is online.
posted by dum spiro spero at 5:17 AM on July 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
Prerequisites: be detail-oriented and well-organized, and have a thick skin. The hiring company will get you the pro forma certification. Other than occasional quarterly meetings, most work is online.
posted by dum spiro spero at 5:17 AM on July 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
I don't think that academia is a realistic goal. Any adjunct arrangement that is 10-20 hours a week will not pay a living wage; any full-time tenure-track job or renewable lectureship will be way more than 20 hours a week.
The line of thought "what is a thing where I can charge a professional hourly rate, and then get a client load consistent with my energy budget" seems much more promising. That's what you're doing now, and you want a new version that isn't so hard on you in other ways.
So far folks have suggested tech writing, writing/editing for self-publishing, accountant/bookkeeping, non-sexual massage/acupuncture, and HOA manager. Adding to those I wonder about therapist/counselor/social worker, though there too perhaps 20 hours a week wouldn't be remunerative enough.
This is very left field, but does your all-too-extensive knowledge of the American medical system have possibilities? Something like a patient advocate or billing consultant?
One final thought, though this gets away from the billing for professional services model, is non-profits/NGOs/advocacy orgs/community organizing in areas relevant to your life experiences.
posted by sy at 5:46 AM on July 21, 2023 [23 favorites]
The line of thought "what is a thing where I can charge a professional hourly rate, and then get a client load consistent with my energy budget" seems much more promising. That's what you're doing now, and you want a new version that isn't so hard on you in other ways.
So far folks have suggested tech writing, writing/editing for self-publishing, accountant/bookkeeping, non-sexual massage/acupuncture, and HOA manager. Adding to those I wonder about therapist/counselor/social worker, though there too perhaps 20 hours a week wouldn't be remunerative enough.
This is very left field, but does your all-too-extensive knowledge of the American medical system have possibilities? Something like a patient advocate or billing consultant?
One final thought, though this gets away from the billing for professional services model, is non-profits/NGOs/advocacy orgs/community organizing in areas relevant to your life experiences.
posted by sy at 5:46 AM on July 21, 2023 [23 favorites]
Best answer: Have you considered college prep consulting? This includes test prep, and also working with teenagers who are writing college essays. Your PhD makes you very well qualified. The work is often done over Zoom, with flexible hours. Experienced instructors make well upwards of $100/hour. It's not unusual to see rates of $250/hour or higher.
You have strong writing skills and strong people skills. With a PhD you look very good on paper. The work is often enjoyable.
I would suggest looking for boutique shops that specialize in this work. They will charge higher rates than places like Princeton Review. (I will MeMail you with an example.) You could also go the Princeton Review / Stanley Kaplan route to get started. I believe that you need to show them near-perfect test scores to qualify as a test instructor. I don't know how they vet essay coaches.
Good luck with your transition!
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:43 AM on July 21, 2023 [33 favorites]
You have strong writing skills and strong people skills. With a PhD you look very good on paper. The work is often enjoyable.
I would suggest looking for boutique shops that specialize in this work. They will charge higher rates than places like Princeton Review. (I will MeMail you with an example.) You could also go the Princeton Review / Stanley Kaplan route to get started. I believe that you need to show them near-perfect test scores to qualify as a test instructor. I don't know how they vet essay coaches.
Good luck with your transition!
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:43 AM on July 21, 2023 [33 favorites]
Look into book indexing (creating indexes for books). It's a reasonably small market and involves some very close reading of manuscripts, then using software to properly enter in headings and subheadings. The few people who do it tend to offer it as a differentiator or enhancement to more general proofreading/editing.
posted by fortitude25 at 7:00 AM on July 21, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by fortitude25 at 7:00 AM on July 21, 2023 [6 favorites]
I know a number of unemployed PhDs, who can work 40hrs+ a week, who are struggling/failing to make ends meet doing freelance editing, book indexing, etc. Maybe they are "doing it wrong" but my sense is that these markets are somewhat saturated, or at the very least, will be hard to break into for someone who can only work 10-20hrs per week.
Taking the OP's lowest suitable salary (50k) and assuming they can average 15hrs per week, they need a job that pays $64 an hour - you'd have to be really, really, fast at book indexing to make that kind of money. It also seems like the sort of job that will soon be taken over my AI.
Anyway, to the OP - have you considered tutoring for the SATs? It's been awhile since I looked into it, but when I did, it was well compensated and if you did through a company, offered stable hours but could be part-time.
Another idea: freelance photography. This would take time and financial investment - you'd first have to learn some basic photo skills and purchase an entry level professional camera. But given your background, if you're in a city perhaps you could specialize in boudoir photography, basic headshots/portraits. You can have an in-home studio to start. It's not an easy job to get into, but once you have found your niche and have a lot of happy former clients recommending you to others, it's doable. And you can charge $100+ an hour easily (obviously equipment costs eat into that a bit, but still well-paid per hour).
posted by coffeecat at 7:45 AM on July 21, 2023 [7 favorites]
Taking the OP's lowest suitable salary (50k) and assuming they can average 15hrs per week, they need a job that pays $64 an hour - you'd have to be really, really, fast at book indexing to make that kind of money. It also seems like the sort of job that will soon be taken over my AI.
Anyway, to the OP - have you considered tutoring for the SATs? It's been awhile since I looked into it, but when I did, it was well compensated and if you did through a company, offered stable hours but could be part-time.
Another idea: freelance photography. This would take time and financial investment - you'd first have to learn some basic photo skills and purchase an entry level professional camera. But given your background, if you're in a city perhaps you could specialize in boudoir photography, basic headshots/portraits. You can have an in-home studio to start. It's not an easy job to get into, but once you have found your niche and have a lot of happy former clients recommending you to others, it's doable. And you can charge $100+ an hour easily (obviously equipment costs eat into that a bit, but still well-paid per hour).
posted by coffeecat at 7:45 AM on July 21, 2023 [7 favorites]
I also wanted to ask if you have looked into supported housing options available for people leaving sex work? A lot seem Christian based but being trapped in a patriarchal economic abusive system that uses your body when you are disabled seems like it might warrant a really big change where you might need to be in subsidized housing with counseling while you are retrained with support to be independent of that system. The us probably isn’t great for that I know and you said you can’t move so feel free to ignore me you just sound really depressed and it sounds like you need people to actually help you get out of this.
posted by flink at 8:06 AM on July 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by flink at 8:06 AM on July 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Get an MA in counseling or social work and become a licensed therapist. If you forego taking insurance, you can charge $150-200/hour.
posted by rglass at 9:11 AM on July 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by rglass at 9:11 AM on July 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
Grant writing! Your academic experience sounds like it would easily transfer to grant writing roles, which are critical to nonprofits, educational institutions, community organizations, etc.
posted by erst at 10:59 AM on July 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by erst at 10:59 AM on July 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
I feel like being a history or journalism teacher in a high school is not really that close to a good answer here because it doesn’t match your hours and salary requirements, and because teacher certification can be a real barrier to career changers. And yet, your state may have an accelerated pathway for certification given your qualifications and experience, and just having that in your back pocket may help you open doors with employers like county/city boards of education or state curriculum development bodies.
Beyond an institutional employer, though, I wonder if looking for a new audience for your skills might help frame your thinking here. For example, New Americans might see as extremely valuable your deep, documented experience with English-language writing, critical reading strategies and US history knowledge if they have high-school-age children who need help with these subjects that they themselves cannot provide. One-off tutoring experiences would be unstable, as you say, but would the same be true of starting a business that offered a bespoke tutoring service to a handful of well-off families in a well-off part of town, for example? At $100 an hour, you could make $6000 a month if you tutored 3 hours a day for 15 hours a week, and across a 36-week school year this comes to $54,000. You could probably get at least some custom in the summers, too, from parents seeking catch-up assistance for their high school kids.
There would be at least some start-up costs and not-insignificant risks given the fact that you’d be working with kids, and the transportation, financial, insurance or legal barriers to you having a business like this may make this a non-starter. But it’s hard to think of a part of the US, especially in wealthier areas. where there are not at least some well-off parents who would happily pay a lot for someone with your background and experience to help their kid thrive.
How do you reach those parents? Where are they and what do they want to hear or see from you to get them to pay what you’d need to charge? I don’t know — but talking to the folks in your community and in local institutions like credit unions or chambers of commerce who help others conceive of and plan businesses like this might be a place to start.
Good luck!
posted by mdonley at 11:36 AM on July 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Beyond an institutional employer, though, I wonder if looking for a new audience for your skills might help frame your thinking here. For example, New Americans might see as extremely valuable your deep, documented experience with English-language writing, critical reading strategies and US history knowledge if they have high-school-age children who need help with these subjects that they themselves cannot provide. One-off tutoring experiences would be unstable, as you say, but would the same be true of starting a business that offered a bespoke tutoring service to a handful of well-off families in a well-off part of town, for example? At $100 an hour, you could make $6000 a month if you tutored 3 hours a day for 15 hours a week, and across a 36-week school year this comes to $54,000. You could probably get at least some custom in the summers, too, from parents seeking catch-up assistance for their high school kids.
There would be at least some start-up costs and not-insignificant risks given the fact that you’d be working with kids, and the transportation, financial, insurance or legal barriers to you having a business like this may make this a non-starter. But it’s hard to think of a part of the US, especially in wealthier areas. where there are not at least some well-off parents who would happily pay a lot for someone with your background and experience to help their kid thrive.
How do you reach those parents? Where are they and what do they want to hear or see from you to get them to pay what you’d need to charge? I don’t know — but talking to the folks in your community and in local institutions like credit unions or chambers of commerce who help others conceive of and plan businesses like this might be a place to start.
Good luck!
posted by mdonley at 11:36 AM on July 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks so much to everyone who shared their ideas. Anything involving numbers (like an accountant) won't work for me as I don't have the aptitude or interest. But I love the creative ideas about writing a book (am already working on it) and perhaps learning boudoir photography (although I have no training in it and the talent may not be there)
I think college prep tutor would be the best fit (unless this is something that will be slowly taken over by AI?)
The other two ideas that stand out as practical are grant writing (Erst, are you able to share more about how to break into this area?) and non-profit work (although, sy, I always assumed NGO work was quite low wage?)
posted by cboggs at 12:41 PM on July 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
I think college prep tutor would be the best fit (unless this is something that will be slowly taken over by AI?)
The other two ideas that stand out as practical are grant writing (Erst, are you able to share more about how to break into this area?) and non-profit work (although, sy, I always assumed NGO work was quite low wage?)
posted by cboggs at 12:41 PM on July 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
Along the lines of the suggestion to do "spicy accounting" (heh) -- I have no idea if this market is already covered, but what about something like website development and content creation for sex workers? Or are there any other services that sex workers and sex-work-adjacent folks would like to be able to outsource, but can't easily, because of the nature of the work?
posted by librarina at 3:31 PM on July 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by librarina at 3:31 PM on July 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Agreed that college test prep tutoring/admissions consultants is a very good avenue to pursue. You can set a pretty high hourly rate if you have the right audience, especially with your qualifications. I did tutoring for years (combined with other part time jobs) b/c it was the highest hourly rate job I could get. (Also I enjoyed it - sounds like you would enjoy it too.)
Plus, you could do a slower transition - start by cutting back on the hours you spend in the sex work industry, as you start to build up a client base for tutoring.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:18 PM on July 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
Plus, you could do a slower transition - start by cutting back on the hours you spend in the sex work industry, as you start to build up a client base for tutoring.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:18 PM on July 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
You have the chops to be a badass sex coach!
posted by spindrifter at 3:41 AM on July 22, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by spindrifter at 3:41 AM on July 22, 2023 [4 favorites]
I've had online classes where it was pretty obvious that the professor had prepped the course once, recorded all the lectures, set up computer-graded assignments, etc. in advance and then was just "teaching" it over and over with very little ongoing time investment beyond answering emailed questions.
If you did something like that and then got hired for multiple part-time online adjunct positions then you might be able to make enough within your time constraints even though each individual adjunct job wouldn't pay enough on its own.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:22 AM on July 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you did something like that and then got hired for multiple part-time online adjunct positions then you might be able to make enough within your time constraints even though each individual adjunct job wouldn't pay enough on its own.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:22 AM on July 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am paid (and benefited) well as an RN in California and there are many options for working part time. BUT there is a significant investment in training and in non-union states the pay is not as good.
posted by latkes at 12:26 PM on July 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by latkes at 12:26 PM on July 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
I acknowledge all the people recommending tutoring, but I just wanna note - cboggs is in America, land of the 'entirely qualified and extremely competent teacher got entirely legally insta-fired for [having had an OnlyFans account that is no longer even active][being seen in a bar with one (1) glass of wine]'. How dangerous is it going to be if the kids, or worse the parents of the kids, figure out what your previous work was?
posted by ngaiotonga at 1:30 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by ngaiotonga at 1:30 PM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Yeah that's why a tenure track academic position in American studies, which you already have the degrees for, would be good to try to pursue (just see what's out there). If you have an MA, community colleges are the way to go. Plus with cc, most focus on teaching not research and publishing, which can be a slog. If the institution has a strong faculty union, you have academic freedom and protections from when you need to take days off for illness or disability or critical illness leave. Also summers and longer breaks. The interview process is like a full time job, but if you are really limited in hours and things, you really want to be somewhere with lots of protections. Teaching isn't easy, but it sounds like something you can do.
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 4:21 PM on July 23, 2023
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 4:21 PM on July 23, 2023
Response by poster: Want to hop on here again to address on the latest comments!
To spindrifter, being a sex coach does potentially interest me, but I'm curious what this looks like without a degree in therapy/counseling?
Librarina, typically in the SW community it's seen as bad form to charge other workers for services/profit from them; in the spirit of mutual aid and solidarity.
AnyUsernameWillDo, I would absolutely do this (when I got my degree, I specifically wanted to teach at a community college) but there hasn't been a single listing for a job in my specialty since before the pandemic. Many colleges where I used to adjunct have even dissolved their AMST departments!
Ngaiotonga, this is very true! Luckily I don't do online work like OF, or post ads with my face photos, so it's pretty unlikely. I've been very protective of my identity and privacy (I changed some key details about myself for the purposes of this question, too). Although if I published a memoir like one of the comments above suggested, that would complicate things so it's something I go back and forth on a lot.
posted by cboggs at 10:25 PM on July 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
To spindrifter, being a sex coach does potentially interest me, but I'm curious what this looks like without a degree in therapy/counseling?
Librarina, typically in the SW community it's seen as bad form to charge other workers for services/profit from them; in the spirit of mutual aid and solidarity.
AnyUsernameWillDo, I would absolutely do this (when I got my degree, I specifically wanted to teach at a community college) but there hasn't been a single listing for a job in my specialty since before the pandemic. Many colleges where I used to adjunct have even dissolved their AMST departments!
Ngaiotonga, this is very true! Luckily I don't do online work like OF, or post ads with my face photos, so it's pretty unlikely. I've been very protective of my identity and privacy (I changed some key details about myself for the purposes of this question, too). Although if I published a memoir like one of the comments above suggested, that would complicate things so it's something I go back and forth on a lot.
posted by cboggs at 10:25 PM on July 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm not sure if this is really what you're asking but it seems to me, a part time job that pays that well is usually gotten through connections. Could you mention to any of your clients that you're looking for non-sex work and see if they're willing to do you a favor or know someone they could refer you to. There might be some WFH jobs that you could do on your own time line.
posted by stray thoughts at 12:41 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by stray thoughts at 12:41 PM on July 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Came on this question very late but wanted to suggest something with caring professions.
Not direct care worker (so hard! So much lifting!), but I'm thinking more along the lines of a counselor or coach for big or specialized life transitions. I'm thinking grief or hospice-related, but I'll be honest I'm not sure if that'd wear on you better than tutoring or something else. I mention it because that's a very intimate kind of work and involves listening and rapidly building rapport, which seem like crossover skills.
And bonus if you can write a book about that experience with fewer privacy issues.
My best to you - hoping you're finding a path that will work for you.
posted by esoteric things at 12:20 AM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Not direct care worker (so hard! So much lifting!), but I'm thinking more along the lines of a counselor or coach for big or specialized life transitions. I'm thinking grief or hospice-related, but I'll be honest I'm not sure if that'd wear on you better than tutoring or something else. I mention it because that's a very intimate kind of work and involves listening and rapidly building rapport, which seem like crossover skills.
And bonus if you can write a book about that experience with fewer privacy issues.
My best to you - hoping you're finding a path that will work for you.
posted by esoteric things at 12:20 AM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
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Yes, these jobs are few and far between, but if you can keep your eyes open for just one opening local to you, you never know, you might get the job!
You're qualified for these positions, so I wouldn't rule them out. Good luck!
posted by AnyUsernameWillDo at 1:24 AM on July 21, 2023 [8 favorites]