Is my trainer leading me towards success or a nervous breakdown?
June 16, 2023 6:51 AM Subscribe
I have been working with a personal trainer for a couple months. I thought I was doing well but all of a sudden he said I’m not progressing fast enough and wants to completely switch up my workout. I am really feeling frustrated and blindsided over this. Am I being unreasonable to be upset about this? Or is he actually giving me good counsel?
I’ve always been an all legs/cardio girl at the gym (bikes, treadmill, etc) so my arms are pretty weak. I met with the personal trainer at my gym a few months ago and told him I want to increase core and arm strength, and most of all, I want to be able to do pushups. He started me on a schedule where I come to the gym 3 days a week and use a mix of dumbbells and machines to build up my arms and core. I’ve been doing it faithfully for the past 8 weeks. On an A week, I meet with him and we do the routine, and on a B week, I am on my own.
I have an incredibly demanding, time consuming job plus a lot of other personal obligations. Finding those 3 days a week to go to the gym are difficult. The trainer can only meet during work hours, so that REALLY screws up my work day, causes me to miss meetings, etc. But I was determined to stick with this, so I find the time. I was really pleased with my progress, especially in the past couple weeks. BUT…. This past Monday it all went to hell. My arms were really hurting since the previous session. I intended to tell my trainer that I pushed myself too hard the previous week and maybe I should slow down a little. But before I could even say that, he tells me that I’m “stagnating” and that I’m not pushing myself ENOUGH and when he’s with me, he increases my weights and reps, but when I’m on my own, I stay at the same levels. He basically believes if you can do the exercise without wanting to die, that means its not hard enough.
SO then I told him I was in pain from the previous week so instead of working out, we did an hour of stretches. He said I should incorporate those stretches into my weekly exercises. In other words, make my workouts even LONGER. At this point, I got really emotional and started to tear up. I was just so frustrated that he thought I was doing badly when I was so proud of myself and my progress. Plus the thought of LONGER workouts when the hour long ones were already so difficult to fit in, was horrifying.
Fast forward to TODAY and when I walked in, he says oh we’re going to change up your routine. Instead of doing what I’ve done for the past 8 weeks, now he wants me to do calisthenics because he said “its not about building muscle – it’s more about SLIMMING DOWN AND TONING yourself.” Ok… WHAT the HELL. I never ever said one word about losing weight or anything like that! I just said I wanted stronger arms. And then… Ive worked so hard to learn these exercises and machines and now just… none of that matters? Lets just start from scratch?
So we do an hour of these new exercises, all which hurt like hell. My elbow feels like someone took a baseball bat to it right now. I cant even imagine how much pain I’m going to be in tomorrow. As I was leaving, I asked him if he was going to do this switchup anyway or if its because I got emotional the other day. He said its because of the other day and he thinks this will be a better fit.
I am so mad. I thought I was doing great. I was so happy with my progress. Now because I had one emotional moment, everything is ruined? Now I have to start over with some painful routine for results I don’t even care about?
SO my question is, am I being unreasonable? Is he actually giving me good advice, and just sucks at the delivery? Or should I get rid of him and just make my own routine with a hybrid of cardio and weight training stuff? I’m so mad and frustrated. He’s the only trainer at my gym and he’s always there, so if I stop with him, that means no trainer at all plus potential awkwardness every time I go.
I’ve always been an all legs/cardio girl at the gym (bikes, treadmill, etc) so my arms are pretty weak. I met with the personal trainer at my gym a few months ago and told him I want to increase core and arm strength, and most of all, I want to be able to do pushups. He started me on a schedule where I come to the gym 3 days a week and use a mix of dumbbells and machines to build up my arms and core. I’ve been doing it faithfully for the past 8 weeks. On an A week, I meet with him and we do the routine, and on a B week, I am on my own.
I have an incredibly demanding, time consuming job plus a lot of other personal obligations. Finding those 3 days a week to go to the gym are difficult. The trainer can only meet during work hours, so that REALLY screws up my work day, causes me to miss meetings, etc. But I was determined to stick with this, so I find the time. I was really pleased with my progress, especially in the past couple weeks. BUT…. This past Monday it all went to hell. My arms were really hurting since the previous session. I intended to tell my trainer that I pushed myself too hard the previous week and maybe I should slow down a little. But before I could even say that, he tells me that I’m “stagnating” and that I’m not pushing myself ENOUGH and when he’s with me, he increases my weights and reps, but when I’m on my own, I stay at the same levels. He basically believes if you can do the exercise without wanting to die, that means its not hard enough.
SO then I told him I was in pain from the previous week so instead of working out, we did an hour of stretches. He said I should incorporate those stretches into my weekly exercises. In other words, make my workouts even LONGER. At this point, I got really emotional and started to tear up. I was just so frustrated that he thought I was doing badly when I was so proud of myself and my progress. Plus the thought of LONGER workouts when the hour long ones were already so difficult to fit in, was horrifying.
Fast forward to TODAY and when I walked in, he says oh we’re going to change up your routine. Instead of doing what I’ve done for the past 8 weeks, now he wants me to do calisthenics because he said “its not about building muscle – it’s more about SLIMMING DOWN AND TONING yourself.” Ok… WHAT the HELL. I never ever said one word about losing weight or anything like that! I just said I wanted stronger arms. And then… Ive worked so hard to learn these exercises and machines and now just… none of that matters? Lets just start from scratch?
So we do an hour of these new exercises, all which hurt like hell. My elbow feels like someone took a baseball bat to it right now. I cant even imagine how much pain I’m going to be in tomorrow. As I was leaving, I asked him if he was going to do this switchup anyway or if its because I got emotional the other day. He said its because of the other day and he thinks this will be a better fit.
I am so mad. I thought I was doing great. I was so happy with my progress. Now because I had one emotional moment, everything is ruined? Now I have to start over with some painful routine for results I don’t even care about?
SO my question is, am I being unreasonable? Is he actually giving me good advice, and just sucks at the delivery? Or should I get rid of him and just make my own routine with a hybrid of cardio and weight training stuff? I’m so mad and frustrated. He’s the only trainer at my gym and he’s always there, so if I stop with him, that means no trainer at all plus potential awkwardness every time I go.
Yeah, if it were only one of the things babelfish mentions, I'd say maybe sit down with this guy and have a clear discussion with him about your goals and how much time you have available to devote to the project and see how it goes from there. But all of this together looks like a big nope to me.
posted by mskyle at 7:02 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by mskyle at 7:02 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
A trainer should be helping you achieve YOUR goals at YOUR pace. And they should absolutely be listening to your feedback about how your body feels.
I would not only walk away from this trainer, I would report him to the gym.
Ugh! I'm mad just thinking about how he is treating you.
posted by mcduff at 7:02 AM on June 16, 2023 [35 favorites]
I would not only walk away from this trainer, I would report him to the gym.
Ugh! I'm mad just thinking about how he is treating you.
posted by mcduff at 7:02 AM on June 16, 2023 [35 favorites]
Honestly, the thing that will get you able to do pushups is trying to do pushups. Dumbbells are great and all but a fuller, less isolated movement like pushups, pullups, and the power lifts engages the body in a way where it all works together - training individual muscles in isolation won't get you there.
Yoga poses like half cobra, etc will also help towards that goal.
Find a new trainer.
posted by Ardnamurchan at 7:03 AM on June 16, 2023 [11 favorites]
Yoga poses like half cobra, etc will also help towards that goal.
Find a new trainer.
posted by Ardnamurchan at 7:03 AM on June 16, 2023 [11 favorites]
It worries me that you even feel like you had to ask the question. (And how abusive is this guy that you felt like you had to go through a whole workout you didn't want to do, without objecting?) I'd throw the whole gym out, tbh. If you keep working with this trainer, you're going to get injured more than you have already, and you'll think it's your fault! (It's not!)
posted by shadygrove at 7:04 AM on June 16, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by shadygrove at 7:04 AM on June 16, 2023 [12 favorites]
This is very much Not Ok. I’ve worked with several trainers over several years and not one of them has behaved like this.
If he thinks you are not reaching your stated goals, he can ask how you feel you are doing and have a discussion within that context. But he shouldn’t just tell you you’re doing badly, let alone change the goals on you to something you’ve never even discussed or asked for. And yes, you should push yourself to some degree, but it’s absolutely not the case that the bar for successful exercise is “wanting to die.”
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 7:05 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
If he thinks you are not reaching your stated goals, he can ask how you feel you are doing and have a discussion within that context. But he shouldn’t just tell you you’re doing badly, let alone change the goals on you to something you’ve never even discussed or asked for. And yes, you should push yourself to some degree, but it’s absolutely not the case that the bar for successful exercise is “wanting to die.”
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 7:05 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Don't buy anxiety.
posted by mhoye at 7:08 AM on June 16, 2023 [25 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 7:08 AM on June 16, 2023 [25 favorites]
Ewf. Yeah, ditch him. There's a breed of people in the fitness industry - not only men, interestingly - who have always been fit and strong and simply cannot conceptualise what it is to be starting at the beginning of a process (like building upper body strength from a low base), or to want to take things steadily and enjoyably. Their experience has all been: "Push as hard as you can, anything else is weakness and must not be tolerated; if you push hard you will always succeed."
The first half of your experience sounds like you've stumbled into one of those. The second half sounds like he attempted to compensate but doesn't have the skills to create a strength-building programme that puts those bottom rungs on the ladder so that you can start to climb it safely from where you are. So he's just lighted on some random calisthenics thing that he possibly thinks is the only alternative for people who are not yet strong enough to complete his entry-level programme, some weird "girls like toning" routine.
There are people out there who will meet you where you're at, listen to your goals and your current level and your developing abilities as you progress, and train you accordingly.
posted by penguin pie at 7:15 AM on June 16, 2023 [9 favorites]
The first half of your experience sounds like you've stumbled into one of those. The second half sounds like he attempted to compensate but doesn't have the skills to create a strength-building programme that puts those bottom rungs on the ladder so that you can start to climb it safely from where you are. So he's just lighted on some random calisthenics thing that he possibly thinks is the only alternative for people who are not yet strong enough to complete his entry-level programme, some weird "girls like toning" routine.
There are people out there who will meet you where you're at, listen to your goals and your current level and your developing abilities as you progress, and train you accordingly.
posted by penguin pie at 7:15 AM on June 16, 2023 [9 favorites]
Fire this trainer. Not only is he telling you to slim down without that being one of your explicit goals, but he also doesn't appear to know how to train you to get closer to doing pushups. The best way to get to doing pushups is to start doing modified pushups. This youtube video demonstrates a ton of variations you could use in a progression of modifications to achieving pushups. Examples: doing pushups against the wall, on the edge of your kitchen counter, on a chair seat, on a bench, on a squat rack bar, on your knees on the floor, and then eventually on your toes and hands on the floor doing a regular pushup.
If you do ditch him and decide against another trainer, I recommend a great book to teach yourself about strength training called the New Rules of Lifting for Women. You can easily ignore the part about nutrition if you like, because it's mostly segmented in separate chapters.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 7:21 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
If you do ditch him and decide against another trainer, I recommend a great book to teach yourself about strength training called the New Rules of Lifting for Women. You can easily ignore the part about nutrition if you like, because it's mostly segmented in separate chapters.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 7:21 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
This set-up sounds dumb, frankly. My feeling is that a trainer should be making things really, obviously better than if you just came up with a fairly good routine on your own and stuck to it, and he's clearly not.
At this point, if you wanted, you could just do the original core stuff plus some modified pushups with no input from him and you would be improving.
If you have some kind of nagging semi-conscious "be all that you can be" mentality here that is making you feel like you need to do more than just reasonably improve your strength and become able to do pushups, work on jettisoning that - you have a demanding life, you get plenty of exercise, making reasonable core and strength gains is great. If you're making reasonable gains, you are succeeding.
I think it's easy to get into a "lifting" mentality where you have sort of infinite goals or a sense that you should have infinite goals as if you were a serious weightlifter. Weightlifting has become extremely moralized and symbolic in the US in the last decade or so, but really truly doing serious weightlifting is a time-consuming, commitment-intense hobby (that can mess you up! sometimes even if you do it correctly!), and unless you want to do it that way, just making basic strength gains is in fact great.
posted by Frowner at 7:30 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
At this point, if you wanted, you could just do the original core stuff plus some modified pushups with no input from him and you would be improving.
If you have some kind of nagging semi-conscious "be all that you can be" mentality here that is making you feel like you need to do more than just reasonably improve your strength and become able to do pushups, work on jettisoning that - you have a demanding life, you get plenty of exercise, making reasonable core and strength gains is great. If you're making reasonable gains, you are succeeding.
I think it's easy to get into a "lifting" mentality where you have sort of infinite goals or a sense that you should have infinite goals as if you were a serious weightlifter. Weightlifting has become extremely moralized and symbolic in the US in the last decade or so, but really truly doing serious weightlifting is a time-consuming, commitment-intense hobby (that can mess you up! sometimes even if you do it correctly!), and unless you want to do it that way, just making basic strength gains is in fact great.
posted by Frowner at 7:30 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've had a good experience with an online trainer at Co-Pilot. She's been great at listening to me about my goals, feedback and preferred pacing. For example, I specifically told her that I don't want to ever talk about food or the way my body looks and that my goal is to start back running slowly enough that I enjoy the process and never feel stressed about it. She has respected all of that.
You can use the workouts created by the trainer anywhere.
posted by mcduff at 7:33 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
You can use the workouts created by the trainer anywhere.
posted by mcduff at 7:33 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Yeah, fire this guy.
I've always hired trainers specifically to help me get fit while not injuring myself. I prefers trainers with kinesiology education because I have specific physical limitations in one ankle, and wear a prosthetic-orthotic device on that side, and I don't want a trainer who's intimidated by my situation.
You may or may not need that. But in this case this guy is a dangerous idiot. He's so far off base, I'm worried you're going to get injured, and that can have lasting consequences. Pushing hard until you feel like "someone took a baseball bat to your elbow" is an injury, or a path to injury. Injury keeps you from working out. The correct way to get strong is to build a good foundation first, not to go all out and damage your joints, jesus.
On top of that, he's pushing weight-loss weirdness you didn't ask for, which is gross.
Is there another trainer in your *town*? Is there another gym? Even a good video trainer, if you can make that work somehow? It also looks like folks above have recommended some books as well.
The gyms I've gone to who really cared about me have never had contracts. They keep clients by being amazing, inclusive communities where folks *want* to work out. I'm wondering if you're staying at this gym because they've got you locked into a contract? Is reporting this trainer to the gym an option?
posted by cnidaria at 7:34 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've always hired trainers specifically to help me get fit while not injuring myself. I prefers trainers with kinesiology education because I have specific physical limitations in one ankle, and wear a prosthetic-orthotic device on that side, and I don't want a trainer who's intimidated by my situation.
You may or may not need that. But in this case this guy is a dangerous idiot. He's so far off base, I'm worried you're going to get injured, and that can have lasting consequences. Pushing hard until you feel like "someone took a baseball bat to your elbow" is an injury, or a path to injury. Injury keeps you from working out. The correct way to get strong is to build a good foundation first, not to go all out and damage your joints, jesus.
On top of that, he's pushing weight-loss weirdness you didn't ask for, which is gross.
Is there another trainer in your *town*? Is there another gym? Even a good video trainer, if you can make that work somehow? It also looks like folks above have recommended some books as well.
The gyms I've gone to who really cared about me have never had contracts. They keep clients by being amazing, inclusive communities where folks *want* to work out. I'm wondering if you're staying at this gym because they've got you locked into a contract? Is reporting this trainer to the gym an option?
posted by cnidaria at 7:34 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
There seems to be some confusion about the boss/employee relationship here. He is a consultant, no less and no more.
My response in this situation would be "Progress was slow but it was still progress and I liked doing things that way. Let’s continue."
However, the guy has terrible people skills and in general seems like no fun to work with. I would find a different trainer at a different gym.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:45 AM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
My response in this situation would be "Progress was slow but it was still progress and I liked doing things that way. Let’s continue."
However, the guy has terrible people skills and in general seems like no fun to work with. I would find a different trainer at a different gym.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:45 AM on June 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
If ditching this trainer also means ditching the gym (and you have some interest or tolerance for workout videos you can do from the convenience of home and whenever the heck works for your schedule), I'd like to recommend FitnessBlender.com. They have a really moderate approach towards building health and fitness, and lots of programs to provide some structure. All you need for most workouts is an exercise mat and some dumbbells.
But, yeah, ditch this trainer at the very least.
posted by sk932 at 7:51 AM on June 16, 2023
But, yeah, ditch this trainer at the very least.
posted by sk932 at 7:51 AM on June 16, 2023
Yes, find a different trainer who is better suited to your needs! You’re the client, you’re paying for the service, you are allowed to shop around for a service that works best for your schedule, goals, lifestyle, etc. If you walked into a shop looking to buy a shirt and the salesperson tried to sell you a couch, you wouldn’t pay for the couch. So there’s no need to work with a trainer who won’t put together a plan that fits your goals.
Setting a goal of learning to do push-ups and strengthening your core is awesome. If you only have one or two days a week to devote to working out, and you don’t want to work out at max intensity every time (I don’t either!!) that is PERFECTLY OK. But it might mean you’ll reach your goal more slowly. Which is also PERFECTLY OK! You’re (probably) not training to be the lead in a Marvel movie, you don’t need to be in a rush.
A good trainer will temper your expectations of what you can achieve given the (natural, normal) constraints of your life, rather than push you change your life around to reach your fitness goals. Your current trainer is not a good trainer!
posted by rodneyaug at 7:54 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Setting a goal of learning to do push-ups and strengthening your core is awesome. If you only have one or two days a week to devote to working out, and you don’t want to work out at max intensity every time (I don’t either!!) that is PERFECTLY OK. But it might mean you’ll reach your goal more slowly. Which is also PERFECTLY OK! You’re (probably) not training to be the lead in a Marvel movie, you don’t need to be in a rush.
A good trainer will temper your expectations of what you can achieve given the (natural, normal) constraints of your life, rather than push you change your life around to reach your fitness goals. Your current trainer is not a good trainer!
posted by rodneyaug at 7:54 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
I come from a family with a competitive athlete ( like sponsored by major brand competitive but not famous competitive) and it took me a massively long time to unlearn the suffering is the only kind of progress mindset. I'm not ever going to be anything but slightly above couch potato in terms of strength and skills and that's absolutely fine!
This person and your goals aren't compatible. No more. Stop immediately, ghost if you must.
It's okay to approach excersize from a this is a bit tiring approach. There are personal trainers who work outside buisness work hours. There are trainers who will give you reasonable routines and support. And most importantly be kind and listen to you and your body.
Your goals aren't unreasonable and don't require tears or sacrifice or pain to reach. Just consistency, time and more movement. You can do this in your time and your way.
Take gentle care
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:05 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
This person and your goals aren't compatible. No more. Stop immediately, ghost if you must.
It's okay to approach excersize from a this is a bit tiring approach. There are personal trainers who work outside buisness work hours. There are trainers who will give you reasonable routines and support. And most importantly be kind and listen to you and your body.
Your goals aren't unreasonable and don't require tears or sacrifice or pain to reach. Just consistency, time and more movement. You can do this in your time and your way.
Take gentle care
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:05 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
You're in the gym to improve your strength, not feed this guy's ego. Ditch him, ditch that gym, even Youtube alone is better than that. It sounds like he has only a couple set workouts and decided that since you complained about the "strength" one, he'll switch you to the "weightloss" one. The best trainers I've worked with had a PT bend, with good ideas on how to rehabilitate injuries and adjust workouts to people's individual limitations - that might be something to ask about when interviewing a new trainer, should weed out the "no pain no gain" single-focus automatons.
This guy models a positive training approach to how to learn pushups. Start by looking for someone who talks to you like that.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 8:19 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
This guy models a positive training approach to how to learn pushups. Start by looking for someone who talks to you like that.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 8:19 AM on June 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
They’re your goals, not his, and to echo Tell Me No Lies, he’s your employee. He’s not doing what you’re asking him to do. That’s grounds for firing in any job. Add on what seems to be misogynistic bs with the weight loss thing… and ugh. Definitely report him.
The best exercise is the exercise you can continue to do. Rest and take care of that elbow. And good luck!
posted by SaneCatLady at 8:29 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
The best exercise is the exercise you can continue to do. Rest and take care of that elbow. And good luck!
posted by SaneCatLady at 8:29 AM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I just want to add my voice to the chorus of people telling you to dump this trainer. DUMP THIS TRAINER. Apart from the misogynistic weight loss stuff, which is DTMFA-worthy in and of itself, the fact is this guy is not listening to you, ignoring your stated goals and causing you lots of stress and physical pain. Not all trainers are like this! You can achieve your goals while taking gentle care. You deserve it! Edit: You should report the guy.
posted by unicorn chaser at 8:46 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by unicorn chaser at 8:46 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
He is definitely not the right person for you, he's making you miserable and the logistics aren't panning out.
I think you might be able to get a lot of mileage out of Body By You. I've recced it before and people have appreciated it. The reasons I think it's a good fit for you:
* Bodyweight exercises means all you need is a bit of space at home and a belt for doing pulls.
* It's SO time efficient, we're talking 30 minutes three times a week, and since you don't have to go to the gym and back that's time you gain, and you can do it when convenient.
* It tells you exactly what exercises to do, how to evaluate where to start and when to increase the difficulty. And the difficulties go way beyond your goal
* It will definitely work you up to push ups. Maybe not as efficiently as a trainer would, but it would slot into your life so much more easily.
You can skip the first bit that's trying to convince you that it's good to exercise and that just focusing on the amount of calories you're burning with cardio is suboptimal and you can't just reshape your problem areas and no strength training won't immediately bulk you up into bodybuilder territory etc etc etc, basically all things aimed at convincing some women out of myths they've heard--Part II is all you need, which are the exercises and plan. If you want you can DM for printable HTML pages I've made of the progress charts.
If you need the oomph of body doubling to make you do your sessions, subscribe to Focusmate ($5ish a month, hey you're not paying for a trainer anymore) and schedule sessions for when you want to do them.
posted by foxfirefey at 8:47 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I think you might be able to get a lot of mileage out of Body By You. I've recced it before and people have appreciated it. The reasons I think it's a good fit for you:
* Bodyweight exercises means all you need is a bit of space at home and a belt for doing pulls.
* It's SO time efficient, we're talking 30 minutes three times a week, and since you don't have to go to the gym and back that's time you gain, and you can do it when convenient.
* It tells you exactly what exercises to do, how to evaluate where to start and when to increase the difficulty. And the difficulties go way beyond your goal
* It will definitely work you up to push ups. Maybe not as efficiently as a trainer would, but it would slot into your life so much more easily.
You can skip the first bit that's trying to convince you that it's good to exercise and that just focusing on the amount of calories you're burning with cardio is suboptimal and you can't just reshape your problem areas and no strength training won't immediately bulk you up into bodybuilder territory etc etc etc, basically all things aimed at convincing some women out of myths they've heard--Part II is all you need, which are the exercises and plan. If you want you can DM for printable HTML pages I've made of the progress charts.
If you need the oomph of body doubling to make you do your sessions, subscribe to Focusmate ($5ish a month, hey you're not paying for a trainer anymore) and schedule sessions for when you want to do them.
posted by foxfirefey at 8:47 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
This sounds real unpleasant. If this trainer were otherwise amazing, the bad hours and long sessions might be worth it... But he's not keeping you from getting injured (#1 trainer job IMHO) and also not working towards your goals.
If you do look for another gym, you may be able to find one just for personal training and otherwise continue at your normal place? I'm currently doing half-hour sessions at a weightlifting gym, and like it pretty well.
posted by mersen at 8:48 AM on June 16, 2023
If you do look for another gym, you may be able to find one just for personal training and otherwise continue at your normal place? I'm currently doing half-hour sessions at a weightlifting gym, and like it pretty well.
posted by mersen at 8:48 AM on June 16, 2023
Don't buy anxiety
Are sessions with this personal trainer part of your gym membership?
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:50 AM on June 16, 2023
Are sessions with this personal trainer part of your gym membership?
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:50 AM on June 16, 2023
Response by poster: This trainer is part of my membership, so no extra payment. I dont think I could afford switching gyms but I will look into some of the online trainers and books mentioned here.
Thank you everyone! I feel better knowing I didnt overreact. I dont think this trainer is a horrible monster... just not right for me and my goals.
posted by silverstatue at 9:54 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Thank you everyone! I feel better knowing I didnt overreact. I dont think this trainer is a horrible monster... just not right for me and my goals.
posted by silverstatue at 9:54 AM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Does this guy have any modern exercise science training? Because it doesn't sound like it.
posted by amtho at 10:05 AM on June 16, 2023
posted by amtho at 10:05 AM on June 16, 2023
If the trainer is part of your gym membership, can you keep the membership but switch to a different trainer?
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:25 AM on June 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:25 AM on June 16, 2023 [8 favorites]
This is the sort of trainer who will push you into injury. Absolutely fire him.
I strongly recommend following Casey Johnston. Even if you don't want to follow her workout program (which is great), she has a really frank and healthy approach to exercise and getting stronger.
posted by Mavri at 10:49 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I strongly recommend following Casey Johnston. Even if you don't want to follow her workout program (which is great), she has a really frank and healthy approach to exercise and getting stronger.
posted by Mavri at 10:49 AM on June 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
ditching the trainer was already covered, so I'll just add that if you can't do one push-up, start with knee push ups (same thing but with your knees instead of your toes on the ground.) Do however many of those you can; build to doing a couple sets of them; then transition to the regular push ups eventually when you feel like the knee ones have gotten too easy.
If you need help with the core strength part of push-ups, planks (elbow and toes on ground) will help a lot.
(The trainer sounds nuts. First rule is to build a routine that a person will actually stick with. What's he doing?!)
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:09 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you need help with the core strength part of push-ups, planks (elbow and toes on ground) will help a lot.
(The trainer sounds nuts. First rule is to build a routine that a person will actually stick with. What's he doing?!)
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:09 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
You're definitely not being unreasonable. He's not the trainer you want.
Another gentle way to work toward your goal is with vertical "push-ups:" walls, doors; advanced corner technique; exercise band variant.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:29 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Another gentle way to work toward your goal is with vertical "push-ups:" walls, doors; advanced corner technique; exercise band variant.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:29 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
This sounds really frustrating and disheartening. I’m sorry that this has been your experience with personal training so far. I do personal training twice a week and can't imagine my trainer behaving like this. I agree with others above that the goal of training should be to help you work toward your own personal fitness goals and not your trainer’s agenda. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, and I would totally recommend dropping this person.
I hope that you find a routine that works well for you. Take care of yourself and keep going when you feel up for it!
posted by yeahyeahrealcute at 9:40 PM on June 16, 2023
I hope that you find a routine that works well for you. Take care of yourself and keep going when you feel up for it!
posted by yeahyeahrealcute at 9:40 PM on June 16, 2023
He’s an ass.
You only need two days of full-body strength training for health. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Here is the American College of Sports Medicine on what to do:
https://www.acsm.org/blog-detail/acsm-certified-blog/2019/07/31/acsm-guidelines-for-strength-training-featured-download
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:12 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
You only need two days of full-body strength training for health. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Here is the American College of Sports Medicine on what to do:
https://www.acsm.org/blog-detail/acsm-certified-blog/2019/07/31/acsm-guidelines-for-strength-training-featured-download
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:12 PM on June 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
This is awful.
YOU are the one paying him. You are the one who decides whether your progress is satisfactory.
Also, toning is bullshit. Find another trainer. Ask around for someone who won’t blindly assume that you want to lose weight. Someone who will ask you what your goals are and listen. And someone who will accommodate your schedule.
If you are near a Y, Iron Girls is a good program.
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on June 17, 2023
YOU are the one paying him. You are the one who decides whether your progress is satisfactory.
Also, toning is bullshit. Find another trainer. Ask around for someone who won’t blindly assume that you want to lose weight. Someone who will ask you what your goals are and listen. And someone who will accommodate your schedule.
If you are near a Y, Iron Girls is a good program.
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on June 17, 2023
I just saw that the trainer comes with your membership. They should have more than one trainer available, and should be able to switch you to someone else.
You could say that you want to change to someone who has availability after work due to your schedule. But you might be doing them - and future clients - a favor by letting them know more about why.
posted by bunderful at 6:08 AM on June 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
You could say that you want to change to someone who has availability after work due to your schedule. But you might be doing them - and future clients - a favor by letting them know more about why.
posted by bunderful at 6:08 AM on June 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
If you stick with the gym, I nth the advice to can the trainer and find another one. A trainer should listen to what you want and design a routine that meets your needs.
As someone with a demanding job, I find the time savings of working out at home to be worth the limitations of having less equipment. If you have somewhere in your dwelling where you can hang a pullup bar (a temporary door-frame one might work, but check the required specs for your door frame), and you can get some dumbbells, you could try something like this minimalist strength training workout. Mark Lauren's books (recommended above) are useful too.
posted by brianogilvie at 7:29 AM on June 17, 2023
As someone with a demanding job, I find the time savings of working out at home to be worth the limitations of having less equipment. If you have somewhere in your dwelling where you can hang a pullup bar (a temporary door-frame one might work, but check the required specs for your door frame), and you can get some dumbbells, you could try something like this minimalist strength training workout. Mark Lauren's books (recommended above) are useful too.
posted by brianogilvie at 7:29 AM on June 17, 2023
> But you might be doing them - and future clients - a favor by letting them know more about why
Yes, I work at a gym and if one of our trainers was acting like this the director would definitely want to know. Toning is a bullshit, telling people to lose weight when they haven't asked about it is bullshit, stretching for an hour is bullshit, don't work with him a minute longer.
I would recommend trying another trainer at the gym, but if they're all like this then just do what you want on your own. I second the recommendation of Casey Johnson. Her Discord (subscriber only) is an amazing, positive place where you can learn so much from the very beginner to the holy moly level.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:58 PM on June 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
Yes, I work at a gym and if one of our trainers was acting like this the director would definitely want to know. Toning is a bullshit, telling people to lose weight when they haven't asked about it is bullshit, stretching for an hour is bullshit, don't work with him a minute longer.
I would recommend trying another trainer at the gym, but if they're all like this then just do what you want on your own. I second the recommendation of Casey Johnson. Her Discord (subscriber only) is an amazing, positive place where you can learn so much from the very beginner to the holy moly level.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:58 PM on June 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
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BTW everything I know about this comes from this book which may offer useful advice about trusting yourself and resisting the fitness industrial complex; it sounds like you aren't lacking for motivation and drive, which is a lot of its raison d'etre, but even people with motivation and drive sometimes need to be told that they have permission to be the experts on their own bodies and goals!
posted by babelfish at 7:00 AM on June 16, 2023 [24 favorites]