I'm scared to be in my apartment, what do I do?
May 6, 2023 9:37 PM Subscribe
I'm still in shock. I called 911 on my neighbors because I could hear him beating her. She flipped out when pd got there and turned on me. I definitely don't feel safe. I need help processing.
I am staying on my sister's couch.
I've called 911 twice before for really loud, scary sounding fights from my neighbors.
Tonight I s getting ready for bed when I heard the typical yelling. Then I heard a bunch of loud crashes and her crying, him yelling. I heard her scream "stop it, stop it". More crashes "why are you hitting me? Stop hitting me"
I was off the phone with 911 and I heard him leave, then a woman crying and running right outside my door. I opened it up and she ran past me and I said " don't worry" and she ran inside. Why did I say this!!!!!
The police came and she denied everything. She said her boyfriend and his friend were fighting. They said they needed to check her apartment too make sure no one was hurt. Im no fucking fan of the pd but they were incredibly kind to her while still making it clear that they didn't believe her story.
She was on the phone with her mom and she said "the cops dragged me out of the apartment!" That didn't happen but ok. Then her mom says "why don't you believe her!" Then she turned around and saw me and I said "tell your mom the truth, you are being beaten by your boyfriend." And she said "you don't know what you're fucking talking about you nosy bitch". And I said "I could hear him hit you and I heard all of the banging? What was I supposed to do? Let him beat you?" She said"I have videos on my phone off your kid crying and banging at 9, 10 at night. I was actually going to call the cops on you"
This made me so mad and I said "he is going to kill you. He used to yell at you and now he's hitting your and throwing shit at you. What am I supposed to do for you? All I can do is call the police!" The cops asked me to go inside and shut my door so I did and I grabbed my keys, asked if I could go, and drove to my sister's.
In a weird coincidence I got the keys to my new apartment today, but I still have my old place till the end of the month but I was going to go slowly.
I absolutely think this woman and/or her boyfriend will retaliate against me. I have a shitty ground do loor apartment with windows.
I cant sleep there again. I have an almost 5 year old who I have half of the time. He can't ever go back. M scared to go back and get my stuff. I think I will have to have someone else there? Is that a good idea?
And more existentially I wish I hadn't called and that makes me feel sick with myself. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think she wouldnt know who it was. But what was I supposed to do?
What should I do differently?
I'm sorry this is a mess, I'm a mess, and feeling really mad at myself.
I am staying on my sister's couch.
I've called 911 twice before for really loud, scary sounding fights from my neighbors.
Tonight I s getting ready for bed when I heard the typical yelling. Then I heard a bunch of loud crashes and her crying, him yelling. I heard her scream "stop it, stop it". More crashes "why are you hitting me? Stop hitting me"
I was off the phone with 911 and I heard him leave, then a woman crying and running right outside my door. I opened it up and she ran past me and I said " don't worry" and she ran inside. Why did I say this!!!!!
The police came and she denied everything. She said her boyfriend and his friend were fighting. They said they needed to check her apartment too make sure no one was hurt. Im no fucking fan of the pd but they were incredibly kind to her while still making it clear that they didn't believe her story.
She was on the phone with her mom and she said "the cops dragged me out of the apartment!" That didn't happen but ok. Then her mom says "why don't you believe her!" Then she turned around and saw me and I said "tell your mom the truth, you are being beaten by your boyfriend." And she said "you don't know what you're fucking talking about you nosy bitch". And I said "I could hear him hit you and I heard all of the banging? What was I supposed to do? Let him beat you?" She said"I have videos on my phone off your kid crying and banging at 9, 10 at night. I was actually going to call the cops on you"
This made me so mad and I said "he is going to kill you. He used to yell at you and now he's hitting your and throwing shit at you. What am I supposed to do for you? All I can do is call the police!" The cops asked me to go inside and shut my door so I did and I grabbed my keys, asked if I could go, and drove to my sister's.
In a weird coincidence I got the keys to my new apartment today, but I still have my old place till the end of the month but I was going to go slowly.
I absolutely think this woman and/or her boyfriend will retaliate against me. I have a shitty ground do loor apartment with windows.
I cant sleep there again. I have an almost 5 year old who I have half of the time. He can't ever go back. M scared to go back and get my stuff. I think I will have to have someone else there? Is that a good idea?
And more existentially I wish I hadn't called and that makes me feel sick with myself. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think she wouldnt know who it was. But what was I supposed to do?
What should I do differently?
I'm sorry this is a mess, I'm a mess, and feeling really mad at myself.
I'm sorry I can't advise you, but just wanted to hug you and say you have nothing to reproach yourself for. If you were being beaten you'd want someone to call the police and have them intervene. You were treating your neighbor as you'd want to be treated and that is the right thing to do.
I'm sorry people are Like This.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:44 PM on May 6, 2023 [28 favorites]
I'm sorry people are Like This.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:44 PM on May 6, 2023 [28 favorites]
I seconding fingersandtoes' hug and agreeing that you absolutely did the right thing.
This is going to sound really weird, but consider playing Tetris. Right. Now. It reduces PTSD, and what you've been through certainly sounds traumatic.
More hugs.
posted by kate4914 at 9:59 PM on May 6, 2023 [32 favorites]
This is going to sound really weird, but consider playing Tetris. Right. Now. It reduces PTSD, and what you've been through certainly sounds traumatic.
More hugs.
posted by kate4914 at 9:59 PM on May 6, 2023 [32 favorites]
You did the right thing. There is truly no question about that. One day, this woman may, I hope, safely escape this relationship, look back on this night, and have much different feelings. This night may also be what propels her to leave, whether next month or in 5 years. If you had not called, the situation may have escalated to something worse. A disgusting number of women are murdered by their male partners every month in the US.
If you can, I’d start moving your stuff out more quickly than planned, and maybe start with your bed and a suitcase of things you need now and start sleeping at the new place. Do all your moving in daylight with someone with you, and also give your landlords a heads-up. Have your child stay with their other caretaker/parent until you are settled in your new place.
Lots of people messed up here—you were not one of them. I hope you can start being easier on yourself.
posted by namemeansgazelle at 10:02 PM on May 6, 2023 [18 favorites]
If you can, I’d start moving your stuff out more quickly than planned, and maybe start with your bed and a suitcase of things you need now and start sleeping at the new place. Do all your moving in daylight with someone with you, and also give your landlords a heads-up. Have your child stay with their other caretaker/parent until you are settled in your new place.
Lots of people messed up here—you were not one of them. I hope you can start being easier on yourself.
posted by namemeansgazelle at 10:02 PM on May 6, 2023 [18 favorites]
I'm so sorry this happened. Yes, have someone with you to move if that will make you feel safer. Can you afford movers? Maybe that will make things go quicker. Thank goodness you have your new place to go to. Honestly I think your neighbours will be happy to see you go so they won't have to worry about you calling the cops on them again. I could be wrong though.
posted by foxjacket at 10:10 PM on May 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by foxjacket at 10:10 PM on May 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
Ask your sister for help. Ask her to hug you, and keep you company. Drink something hot and sweet, like tea with honey, or hot chocolate. Related to the Tetris advice above, you could also do a jigsaw puzzle, crochet or knit or do other repetitious handicrafts, give someone a head full of braids, play a hidden object game, or anything else that engages the rhythmic pattern matching sorting part of your mind. Do that for tonight and don’t try to fix anything or make big decisions until you’ve had some sleep. If you can take tomorrow off from work, please do so.
It is wonderful that you already have a new place to move to! That is such a big thing. Tomorrow, make a list of your local friends and acquaintances. If you are part of any kind of club or organization, ask if anyone from those or among your friends would be able to keep you company while you’re in your old place packing your stuff. I would say definitely don’t be alone in your old apartment, and if I knew someone in your situation I would be more than happy to keep you company, even if I didn’t know you very well. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Probably your first priority is to set up things in the new place so your kid can be okay there. Make sure the other parent knows about the new address as soon as possible, set up mail forwarding and do the whole change of address form at the post office. That way anything official and anything pertaining to your kid doesn’t end up in your old place. What do you need to take care of your kid in the new apartment? A bed for you, a bed for them, their things, some limited kitchen stuff to make food for them, a couple days of clothes, toiletries, a table and a couple chairs. After that first sorta triage stage, you can be more methodical about packing alongside company and bringing things over, or hiring movers.
I’m sorry you were attacked for trying to help someone, and that you don’t feel safe at home right now. Please talk about things with people you trust, and treat yourself kindly.
posted by Mizu at 10:40 PM on May 6, 2023 [13 favorites]
It is wonderful that you already have a new place to move to! That is such a big thing. Tomorrow, make a list of your local friends and acquaintances. If you are part of any kind of club or organization, ask if anyone from those or among your friends would be able to keep you company while you’re in your old place packing your stuff. I would say definitely don’t be alone in your old apartment, and if I knew someone in your situation I would be more than happy to keep you company, even if I didn’t know you very well. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Probably your first priority is to set up things in the new place so your kid can be okay there. Make sure the other parent knows about the new address as soon as possible, set up mail forwarding and do the whole change of address form at the post office. That way anything official and anything pertaining to your kid doesn’t end up in your old place. What do you need to take care of your kid in the new apartment? A bed for you, a bed for them, their things, some limited kitchen stuff to make food for them, a couple days of clothes, toiletries, a table and a couple chairs. After that first sorta triage stage, you can be more methodical about packing alongside company and bringing things over, or hiring movers.
I’m sorry you were attacked for trying to help someone, and that you don’t feel safe at home right now. Please talk about things with people you trust, and treat yourself kindly.
posted by Mizu at 10:40 PM on May 6, 2023 [13 favorites]
I had the opposite in that I called the cops on my neighbour beating his kid and wife, and they rapidly sold their apartment and moved. I felt the same dilemma as you about my own family's safety but also - you did the right thing, you truly did.
I have a digital alarm and a big peephole and a dog that looks scary even though she is not, and I don't live alone. I was still pretty scared, and what you did - that was really brave and I am so proud of you for trying. As someone who grew up in an abusive household without any intervention and who was in an abusive marriage that took repeated interventions by a friend to help me leave - thank you.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 12:19 AM on May 7, 2023 [23 favorites]
I have a digital alarm and a big peephole and a dog that looks scary even though she is not, and I don't live alone. I was still pretty scared, and what you did - that was really brave and I am so proud of you for trying. As someone who grew up in an abusive household without any intervention and who was in an abusive marriage that took repeated interventions by a friend to help me leave - thank you.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 12:19 AM on May 7, 2023 [23 favorites]
I have intervened in a neighbours’ dispute, and they both resented me for it. That’s just the way it sometimes goes when other people make their business your business. Solidarity mate, it doesn’t make it any more pleasant but it is a common situation.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:59 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:59 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
Hire movers and be out ASAP. Just leave. Have the movers clean out the apartment and decide if it’s cheaper to forfeit your security deposit or hire a cleaner.
posted by Bottlecap at 2:00 AM on May 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Bottlecap at 2:00 AM on May 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
You did the right thing.
> I think I will have to have someone else there? Is that a good idea?
Agreeing regarding hiring movers.
In other circumstances, your locally available security guard services offices probably also provide bodyguard functions - here's an example from a random search:
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:59 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
> I think I will have to have someone else there? Is that a good idea?
Agreeing regarding hiring movers.
In other circumstances, your locally available security guard services offices probably also provide bodyguard functions - here's an example from a random search:
Special Event Security Guard (Minimum 7 Day Notice) CAD$29.95/hAs a plus, if the neighbors escalate, a guard could probably shut things down without getting arrested, whereas a given burly friend might not have the relevant skills or have the cops believe them.
and
Close Protection (Including Transporation)Minimum 7 Day Notice CAD$69.95/h
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:59 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
You did the right thing. Thank you for doing it, and I’m so sorry you now feel scared.
Yes, have someone go with you to pick up anything you need immediately. If you can afford it, hire movers to pack up and move the rest, and someone to do a move-out clean. If you can’t, ask some friends if they would come with you to make it a quick moving party, several people to get it done as quickly as possible. I always say I am done with my moving-friends days and it’s movers all the way for me now, but for a friend in your situation I would absolutely show up for an afternoon of getting you packed up quickly and making sure you are never left alone. Hell, I’d buy the pizza.
posted by Stacey at 6:14 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
Yes, have someone go with you to pick up anything you need immediately. If you can afford it, hire movers to pack up and move the rest, and someone to do a move-out clean. If you can’t, ask some friends if they would come with you to make it a quick moving party, several people to get it done as quickly as possible. I always say I am done with my moving-friends days and it’s movers all the way for me now, but for a friend in your situation I would absolutely show up for an afternoon of getting you packed up quickly and making sure you are never left alone. Hell, I’d buy the pizza.
posted by Stacey at 6:14 AM on May 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
Seconding all the above. Get a moving service, get your stuff out with no drama, and don't look back.
Make sure that anyone who has your new address knows not to give it out. Send someone else to pick up your mail or packages. Do not be drawn back in.
If you get any grief about the security deposit or cleaning the apartment, notify the manager that you have been threatened and suspect that there will be violence if you return.
This is "put on your own safety mask" time.
Keep yourself, your family and your possessions safe, and don't worry about bad neighbors. You can't fix stupid.
Getting a new apartment was your best move.
posted by TrishaU at 6:29 AM on May 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
Make sure that anyone who has your new address knows not to give it out. Send someone else to pick up your mail or packages. Do not be drawn back in.
If you get any grief about the security deposit or cleaning the apartment, notify the manager that you have been threatened and suspect that there will be violence if you return.
This is "put on your own safety mask" time.
Keep yourself, your family and your possessions safe, and don't worry about bad neighbors. You can't fix stupid.
Getting a new apartment was your best move.
posted by TrishaU at 6:29 AM on May 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
Tell the super what happened and emphasize that you think they will retaliate.
Any time you might encounter them- like if someone knocks on the door, or when you enter the building - start recording a voice memo on your phone so it's already recording if you encounter them. It doesn't take up much data or memory, so you can easily record an hour at a time, and if you don't encounter them just delete the audio file. But if you do encounter them, you're passively collecting evidence of the whole thing.
Move out with a whole bunch of friends present.
When you move out, videotape and photograph the apartment, including windows, doors, patio, etc., and send to the super so they know you left it in good condition. Or have the super do a walkthrough with you as you leave, so you're not on the hook for any damages they do.
Talk to another trusted neighbour about how to collect your mail - I wrote a letter to the new tenant asking them to keep my mail in their unit and I would come by once a month for the first couple of months to collect it, and an offer to bring them the treat of their choice - a dozen cookies, a bottle of wine, etc. Usually I would include my new address and some pre-stamped large envelopes so they could mail stuff to me, but in your case I'd keep your new address secret just in case.
You did the right thing. One day, she'll look back on what you did with gratitude.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:11 AM on May 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
Any time you might encounter them- like if someone knocks on the door, or when you enter the building - start recording a voice memo on your phone so it's already recording if you encounter them. It doesn't take up much data or memory, so you can easily record an hour at a time, and if you don't encounter them just delete the audio file. But if you do encounter them, you're passively collecting evidence of the whole thing.
Move out with a whole bunch of friends present.
When you move out, videotape and photograph the apartment, including windows, doors, patio, etc., and send to the super so they know you left it in good condition. Or have the super do a walkthrough with you as you leave, so you're not on the hook for any damages they do.
Talk to another trusted neighbour about how to collect your mail - I wrote a letter to the new tenant asking them to keep my mail in their unit and I would come by once a month for the first couple of months to collect it, and an offer to bring them the treat of their choice - a dozen cookies, a bottle of wine, etc. Usually I would include my new address and some pre-stamped large envelopes so they could mail stuff to me, but in your case I'd keep your new address secret just in case.
You did the right thing. One day, she'll look back on what you did with gratitude.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:11 AM on May 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
I guess I'll go against the grain here and say, while I'm sorry you're rattled and agree that you did a reasonable thing when you called the police, your major error was arguing with the victim and dictating to her what she ought to say to her mother. That's not your place, especially if you aren't friends with this woman. And then after she called you a "nosy bitch" you continued to badger her, a woman who was also probably in shock/distress in that moment. Clearly you were causing enough of a disturbance that the police asked you to leave her alone.
Anyway, if your sister or a friend is willing to be there with you as you move out, that sounds like a good idea.
posted by coffeecat at 7:26 AM on May 7, 2023 [36 favorites]
Anyway, if your sister or a friend is willing to be there with you as you move out, that sounds like a good idea.
posted by coffeecat at 7:26 AM on May 7, 2023 [36 favorites]
I'm so so sorry that you are scared after doing the right thing. Unfortunately, the reaction of blaming you is not uncommon: it's really shitty but it's her trauma speaking, not her logical mind. I'm glad you went to your sister's with your son. Her suggestion of calling the cops on YOU because your child was crying is beyond ridiculous but you know that. I wonder if she and her boyfriend were high at the time and will be more grounded later, although I agree it's best to avoid them. Chances are that they'll avoid you. It's possible they'll move too. I'm glad you have a new place to go to and support in moving. Domestic violence is beyond awful and super common, so tragic. If it's any consolation, if and when she can extract herself from the abusive relationship, she may eventually be grateful that someone did something. You may have even saved her life.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:55 AM on May 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by smorgasbord at 7:55 AM on May 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
I get why you called the police about the immediate problem. And you seem to have an expectation that this was a solution to the long-term problem and that therefore this woman should be jumping at this intrusion as a positive intervention.
It doesn't sound like you know these folks, so you have no way of knowing what they're up against. DV victims don't stay because they're too stupid to know they can leave; there are normally huge social, financial, and other barriers. Abusers often get worse after interventions, or after attempts to leave.
You're too worried about the situation to even go back to move or for them to find your new place. Don't you think she has similar fears?
Like I said, I get that it was an impossible situation. But the police are not a secret key that open up a new life for this person, and their presence may have stopped the immediate crisis but worsened the long-term problem. This woman doesn't owe you gratitude, and yelling at her solves nothing.
We like to think of "I intervened by calling in the State!" as noble and good, and it seems like some of your upset here is because you're running into the reality that that's not actually the case, most of the time, or at least it's way more complicated than that.
I saw this TikTok video and she talks about the same sorts of things more broadly, about how we don't like to feel helpless in the face of other people's shitty situations but sometimes that shitty situation is actually better than all other options.
posted by lapis at 8:22 AM on May 7, 2023 [13 favorites]
It doesn't sound like you know these folks, so you have no way of knowing what they're up against. DV victims don't stay because they're too stupid to know they can leave; there are normally huge social, financial, and other barriers. Abusers often get worse after interventions, or after attempts to leave.
You're too worried about the situation to even go back to move or for them to find your new place. Don't you think she has similar fears?
Like I said, I get that it was an impossible situation. But the police are not a secret key that open up a new life for this person, and their presence may have stopped the immediate crisis but worsened the long-term problem. This woman doesn't owe you gratitude, and yelling at her solves nothing.
We like to think of "I intervened by calling in the State!" as noble and good, and it seems like some of your upset here is because you're running into the reality that that's not actually the case, most of the time, or at least it's way more complicated than that.
I saw this TikTok video and she talks about the same sorts of things more broadly, about how we don't like to feel helpless in the face of other people's shitty situations but sometimes that shitty situation is actually better than all other options.
posted by lapis at 8:22 AM on May 7, 2023 [13 favorites]
In the future, if you have to call the authorities on someone, don't advertise that it was you who called.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:30 AM on May 7, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:30 AM on May 7, 2023 [15 favorites]
I just want to reiterate that you did the right thing and, although it wasn't best practice to argue about it afterward, I hope you don't think you were foolish for it. More importantly, I hope it won't dissuade you from making the call in the future. Doing the right thing doesn't turn on whether someone was glad or grateful about it or whether they "deserved" the help. I've read that it takes, on average, seven times for a woman to leave her abusive relationship. She's got a long way to go.
Definitely don't go back by yourself, and record your time there if you can.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:49 AM on May 7, 2023 [10 favorites]
Definitely don't go back by yourself, and record your time there if you can.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:49 AM on May 7, 2023 [10 favorites]
In the future, if you have to call the authorities on someone, don't advertise that it was you who called.
It's very easy to deduce if a neighbor called the police, even if OP didn't say it was her. I'm straight up afraid to voice complaints about neighbors for that reason, since they can very easily find you and express their own complaints.
I've had upstairs neighbors screaming their heads off to the point where I wondered if anything worse was going on, but couldn't tell for sure. I'm also a mandated reporter due to work and I honestly am afraid of what happens if someday I CAN tell for sure. This woman screaming "You're hitting me" made it absolutely 100% clear. Once that happened, well... she made it clear to everyone within earshot what was going on and made it hard to pretend and ignore. She shouldn't have been shocked, shocked that police were called and that they did not believe her.
I unfortunately have no better advice than "GTFO ASAP" like everyone else said.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:13 PM on May 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
It's very easy to deduce if a neighbor called the police, even if OP didn't say it was her. I'm straight up afraid to voice complaints about neighbors for that reason, since they can very easily find you and express their own complaints.
I've had upstairs neighbors screaming their heads off to the point where I wondered if anything worse was going on, but couldn't tell for sure. I'm also a mandated reporter due to work and I honestly am afraid of what happens if someday I CAN tell for sure. This woman screaming "You're hitting me" made it absolutely 100% clear. Once that happened, well... she made it clear to everyone within earshot what was going on and made it hard to pretend and ignore. She shouldn't have been shocked, shocked that police were called and that they did not believe her.
I unfortunately have no better advice than "GTFO ASAP" like everyone else said.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:13 PM on May 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
Once you're safe, it's fine to think through the details of the situation and how it could have gone better--I know from experience it's impossible not to--but please don't be hard on yourself for not acting perfectly in a situation that you (and she) never should have been in, and one that's not really possible to respond to perfectly. All the fault is with the abuser.
posted by lampoil at 1:20 PM on May 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by lampoil at 1:20 PM on May 7, 2023 [9 favorites]
You did the right thing calling--good for you! Always call.
You did the wrong thing getting personally involved--it was a learning experience, and now you know. Don't get personally involved.
Now take a deep breath and do what you need to do to stay safe and get moved. You got this. It's OK.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:03 PM on May 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
You did the wrong thing getting personally involved--it was a learning experience, and now you know. Don't get personally involved.
Now take a deep breath and do what you need to do to stay safe and get moved. You got this. It's OK.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:03 PM on May 7, 2023 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone. I have enough stuff out of the apt that I won't have to go back until the end of the month for a couple of hours too clean.
Ironically earlier that day I had attended a class for DV victims who need to coparent with their abusers and I had been thinking throughout the day about my own abuse. So this really hit a nerve.
I REALLY didn't want her to know it was me, but when I heard her running and crying I opened up my door because I thought she might be hurt.
Yes, it was the face to face interaction that was unsettling. . I expected to stay in my apt with lights turned off but then the police knocked on my door. I have a VERY hard time keeping my mouth shut and I made the split second decision "this is probably the only time I'm going to see this girl again because this is bad. Should I keep my mouth shut or do I speak plainly that she is in an unsafe situation?". I thought saying those things to her was not 100% right but I weighed it against keeping silent.
I absolutely saw myself in that girl and I think I took it too personally which is why I badgered her.
The situation was fucked as soon as she saw me but I think in the future I would still call. Thank you everyone.
posted by pintapicasso at 12:02 PM on May 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
Ironically earlier that day I had attended a class for DV victims who need to coparent with their abusers and I had been thinking throughout the day about my own abuse. So this really hit a nerve.
I REALLY didn't want her to know it was me, but when I heard her running and crying I opened up my door because I thought she might be hurt.
Yes, it was the face to face interaction that was unsettling. . I expected to stay in my apt with lights turned off but then the police knocked on my door. I have a VERY hard time keeping my mouth shut and I made the split second decision "this is probably the only time I'm going to see this girl again because this is bad. Should I keep my mouth shut or do I speak plainly that she is in an unsafe situation?". I thought saying those things to her was not 100% right but I weighed it against keeping silent.
I absolutely saw myself in that girl and I think I took it too personally which is why I badgered her.
The situation was fucked as soon as she saw me but I think in the future I would still call. Thank you everyone.
posted by pintapicasso at 12:02 PM on May 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
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Definitely don't stay there, especially with your kid. And yes, if you have to go there and you're not sure of their schedules, make sure someone else is with you.
posted by queensissy at 9:43 PM on May 6, 2023 [39 favorites]