Is there a way to even out my hair color as I grow in the gray?

April 27, 2023 5:15 PM

I'm letting my gray hair grow in. I've got about 4 inches of gray now. The rest is dyed brown with some gray streaks because I always dyed it myself -- poorly.

Here is the front of my hair and here is the back.

I called my hairdresser (hadn't gone to him since Covid 2020) and asked if he could put gray streaks in the brown part to make it look a little more "continuous," that is, that the natural gray is "continuing" down the hair (even though the "continuations" would be gray hair dye) and he was skeptical. He said that the bleaching that would be required to get the brown dye out and put in gray dye might traumatize my hair to the point that it would fall out.

I could go to another hairdresser for an opinion but, really, the hairdresser I went to has been an expert in dyeing hair for about 40 years and maybe I should just trust him?

And yet...I do think that people do what I want --- put some gray streaks OR maybe lowlights? or highlights? in the hair to lessen that severe demarcation ("Oh, she's growing out her gray hair").

Any thoughts about how I can deal with this growing-out process? I hate my hair now and it's going to be at least a year before I can cut off the brown.

OH --- just to state it --- I do NOT want to have very short hair now. I LIKE my shoulder length hair as in the photos. I might go a couple of inches shorter but that's it.

posted by DMelanogaster to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (18 answers total)

I’ve definitely heard of hairdressers doing this. I also had my own brown hair bleached and dyed silver when it was really trendy several years back (I will warn that it did take on a greenish hue eventually, but I also swam in chlorinated pools and didn’t use purple shampoo.) I’d ask other hairdressers for another opinion.
posted by vanitas at 5:25 PM on April 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

I recently had to find a new stylist and one of my requirements was that they be onboard with an eventual transition from colored hair to full grey. The person I went with was enthusiastic and had a lot of different ideas about how to do it. It’s definitely a thing lots of people are doing now. If you want to stick with your stylist, maybe have a follow up convo about what approaches he would recommend in lieu of the gray streaks you suggested. If he is still not helpful, then I would look for a new stylist who wants to help clients embrace the gray.
posted by tinymojo at 5:37 PM on April 27, 2023

A long shot but -- grey-dyed hair (of shoulder length or longer) seemed to be a trend among young women here about 5 years ago. Maybe call a hairdresser who caters to the under-30 crowd?
posted by heatherlogan at 5:41 PM on April 27, 2023

Could you put in a really temporary color, using something like Overtone? It's essentially a colored conditioner, which washes out in a few weeks and it's really kind to my hair. You'd probably want to do a strand test to see how it interacts with the color your have in already as well as the grey, but it is very likely to come out of both after a few weeks. For me, I've used the red for brown, purple for brown, and just brown and all of them did take in my grey streaks and actually looked better over time as it faded to pink/light purple/light brown as if I'd deliberately bleached out streaks to do that. A week after that, the grey was bone white again.

You could either do all brown, which would likely result in two-tone brown across the two colors, or if you are feeling adventurous, use a color-color on the lower half to make your hair look like a very deliberate dip-dyed style (which would be so fun if your life allows).
posted by past unusual at 5:43 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

I would ask if he has any suggestions, if your idea wouldn’t work?

When I was transitioning out of coloring my hair, I started getting balayage on the roots, which is like brushing the color on so it isn’t a harsh transition when it grows out (a very imprecise definition, but basically). I mostly was into it because i disliked both having harsh roots and going to the salon so frequently, it’s a much gentler growing out. I had been blonder and it transitioned pretty seamlessly even if it took a year or so, but eventually I just let it grow out without getting color anymore and it was one color at the top and one color at the bottom but with a very gradual transition, and then I just cut off the bottom at some point.

That’s all to say, you could maybe counterintuitively, get some color balayaged (is it a verb? I don’t know?) onto your roots to make the transition less harsh, and/or take the colored portion and make it maybe an ashier/cooler brown to make the transition make more color sense.

If you want to keep your length, this might just take a while. I’d honestly just ask the stylist what he recommends, and be okay with it being a longer process and not a one-visit solution. Hair grows slowly.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 6:08 PM on April 27, 2023 [7 favorites]

I’m doing this right now so it is absolutely an option. The first time I went I had about two inches of grey growth on colored dark brown hair and got a full head of highlights through both the grey and brown. Toning is a big part of what makes the highlights look grey and that does fade with washing but for the first month or so the highlights did look grey. But I was happy with the way it faded and it was a huge improvement over the stark line I had previously. I went through the same process about six months later. I’m very happy with how it looks now. I’ll probably go one more time and just do a partial highlight to blend the new growth a bit more. You can also get it toned without the highlight to take out the yellow in between appointments.

I think there are some newer coloring techniques that maybe a seasoned colorist might not be familiar with. It would be worthwhile to get a consult at a higher end salon that caters to a trendy and younger clientele and they can come up with a plan tailored for your hair.
posted by scantee at 6:36 PM on April 27, 2023

Root shadow might be a useful term - it's what my hairdresser did when I dyed my hair drastically lighter than my natural brown. Basically, she added some blended brown back in at the roots so that when it grew it wasn't, like, a straight line from brown to lime green but looked much more natural.
posted by augustimagination at 6:38 PM on April 27, 2023

You can have some brown streaks applied to reduce the line of demarcation. You could add temporary color, maybe a lighter brown. You could find a very good colorist and talk to them about removing some of the brown color.
posted by theora55 at 7:05 PM on April 27, 2023

I literally just had this conversation yesterday with my hairdresser. (I’m about a year into the grow out process). To start with we used a combination of lowlights and highlights to balayage the grey regrowth into the existing dye so there wasn’t that harsh demarcation line. But unfortunately for me, my hair throws a lot of warmth so all of those faded to the same shade of brassiness. Similar in colour to yours, except about three times as long and I have more pepper than salt.

So then I had brassiness with grey regrowth. Yesterday the hairdresser put an ash coloured toner on top of it all to blend it in with my salt and pepper ashy regrowth. Now this will wash out in about two months but I can keep getting it topped up for the next two years until my hair is all regrowth and no dye. Toner is also a lot less damaging to hair (so they tell me) than highlights etc. So maybe look into that.
posted by Jubey at 12:38 AM on April 28, 2023 [3 favorites]

Been here, did this, THRILLED with my silver locks!! Ask for “baby lights”. You will definitely need to bleach out your old color and baby lights are literally highlights that are only a few strands wide. They look very natural and when placed correctly , they can really help that demarcation line. Do a bunch of baby lights and then tone them down to a cool ash color. You might need to do them more than once as you transition, also, use cute headbands and hair wraps to help style so that the line isn’t so obvious. Going natural can be a slog but soooo worth it!
posted by pearlybob at 3:22 AM on April 28, 2023

Best answer: I'm only one person, but I think your hair looks great! The transition is not shocking, there is not a straight line around your head that sharply delineates brown/silver. It is gradual and gentle and the silver is gorgeous. Embrace it!
posted by lulu68 at 3:57 AM on April 28, 2023 [7 favorites]

Your first problem is that box color is notoriously difficult to remove from hair. From what I've seen, stylists that use color remover before bleaching get the best results, but it's still not perfect. And removing/ bleaching unevenly applied box color may result in banding no matter how skilled the stylist.

The second is that bleaching the box color will result in a very brassy yellow color. It is HARD to get to a silvery grey even on virgin hair. Toner can correct that, but toner does not last nearly as long as dye so you will have to go back frequently for re-application (or realize that over time it won't look like grey streaks anymore).

The third is that to do this right and not fry your hair, it will take a long time - both in terms of time in the chair and possibly repeated visits to slowly get the level of lift you need to match silvery grey hair. I've seen videos of a lot of these kinds of transformations and they can look wonderful but then at the end you read the caption and it turns out it took 8 HOURS in the chair. This means it will be EXPENSIVE to do it right.

The compromise is to get some babylights/lowlights with as cool a toner as they have and it will help with the grow out, but if you truly want to walk out of the salon with a head of gorgeous fully silver or salt and pepper hair, it will be time consuming and expensive and you'll need a very skilled stylist. I'd trust your guy at least to the extent that he's telling you he's not the guy to do it.
posted by misskaz at 4:37 AM on April 28, 2023

This might end up being a much longer term project than you'd prefer, but you might try using demipermanent hair color all over that's lighter in color than your current brown. The silver hair will be colored by this lighter shade, but it won't be noticeable in your brown hair. Demipermanent color fades over time, so it doesn't leave the sharp demarcation between colored and uncolored hair. Gradually use lighter shades when you reapply color. This is an approach I had discussed with my stylist back during Covid 2020 about going gray when it looked like this would have to be a DIY project. So it might be worth discussing with a colorist.

In my case I got to the point of looking like I had highlights in my dark brown hair, but changed my mind about going gray and started messing about with colors like bright blue. And I changed my mind again about that, too, so I'm starting over :)

(Helpful demipermanent color explanation from Allure magazine)
posted by needled at 5:51 AM on April 28, 2023

My hair is similar to yours. I was using box colour for years. I went to my hairdresser maybe six months back and started the process. I've had a couple of full sets of highlights and lowlights put in and the next appointment is a half set. Noe, the colour used is blond, not grey.

My hair looks quite lovely. A good friend told me my hair looks the best she's ever seen it, which is a good sign.
posted by TORunner at 6:11 AM on April 28, 2023

Response by poster: These are very helpful posts, thank you ALL! I think in my "front" picture the gray-to-brown demarcation line doesn't show as clearly as it does in real life.

So far the "baby lights" sounds like the best thing.

Now what I need is a great colorist in New York City! (Manhattan; I'm in the East Village but can travel!) If anyone has a recommendation I would be so appreciative! (I'm looking at Yelp etc. but nothing like a personal rec.)
posted by DMelanogaster at 6:40 AM on April 28, 2023

I agree that lowlights to soften the transition are going to be MUCH easier on your hair than highlights to remove box color, but they also walk back a little of your grow-out journey (since that will involve bringing the dark color up rather than vice versa). But a stylist will be better able to evaluate how much highlighting your hair can take. I know one stylist already said no but not everyone who's an expert in hair color feels confident doing color correction and I think it's worth getting a second opinion. I trust Kelly at The Wayward Hairdresser in Brooklyn implicitly, and she's meticulous enough (almost too meticulous! My color appointments with her took like twice as long as my appointments in Philly, but there's a cute backyard and sometimes a dog) that I think she'd be a good choice here.
posted by babelfish at 7:01 AM on April 28, 2023 [1 favorite]

Here’s an example of the videos I see that document a grey grow out coloring. (TikTok video). 10 hours and many many steps. Still a little warm and as the toner washes out it will get warmer. Impressive work, though!
posted by misskaz at 8:35 AM on April 28, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Yes, adding to lulu68, I think your hair looks good! I would be thrilled to have your hair.
posted by 8603 at 8:59 AM on April 28, 2023 [1 favorite]