Help me tame and style my increasingly gray hair

January 3, 2023 5:27 PM

Been going gray for the past few years, and while I don't mind the color, it's been increasingly hard to style. Looking for tips and product suggestions.

I have naturally curly hair that has always gotten frizzy no matter what I've tried. I tried leaning into the curls, but it just doesn’t suit me. So, I always did a straightening blowout that would usually keep for two or three days. But in the last few years I’ve gone pretty gray and I can’t deal with the wiriness—even after a blowout it starts to frizz, and it’s awful the next day. The moist climate I'm in doesn’t help.

I’m using a purple heavy moisturizing shampoo already. I've tried argan and some other oils, mousse, creme, straightening products and no luck so far. I know you're not supposed to apply heat from a blow dryer or straightening iron, but I just can't do the curls. Looking for any styling tips or recommendations for products. What worked for you?

FWIW, Naturally curly says I'm a wavy 2C with medium porosity, low density, and fine width.

Thank you!

posted by 0xABADBABE to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (14 answers total)

Best answer: Have you tried Olaplex? People seem to really like the hair perfector (#3), but I only use the shampoo (#4) and conditioner (#5) and it literally made me cry because it made my hair shiny and soft again, which I'd kind of given up on. It's a lot easier to manage.

I'm a 1b, graying, fine, recovering from some significant thinning due to medical stuff so it's all growing back in a million different lengths, each one frizzier than the last. I use a blowdryer sometimes, sometimes a little argan oil too depending on the humidity.
posted by mochapickle at 5:53 PM on January 3, 2023

Get a travel size of the Bumble and Bumble Hairdresser's Invisible Oil Primer - the small size sometimes goes on sale at Ulta, but it's really very very good and I think if you use that to help protect your hair, it will behave better.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:21 PM on January 3, 2023

Best answer: I have hair like yours and heat style to straighten. All of these are expensive, I am sorry:

- Oribe Supershine Moisturizing Cream
- Bumble and Bumble Hairdresser's Invisible Oil Primer
- Davines Oi Oil

If I could pick just one of the above, it would be the Oribe Supershine Moisturizing Cream. I put it in before blow drying, and then continue to use it on dry hair to smooth everything out and daily upkeep. A little goes a long way so it does end up being cost effective.

The Bumble and Bumble Invisible Oil Primer is good on damp hair before blow drying. The con is that it is pretty watery and you need a lot so a bottle goes fast.

The Oi Oil is good for next day smoothing. It has a strong smell that some people don't care for.

I am in the process of growing out my hair colour, I have a lot of gray. Once I do, I may try a brazilian blowout.
posted by nanook at 6:30 PM on January 3, 2023 [2 favorites]

Have you tried styling your natural hair in a more pinned up way, like a French twist or a big bun? Use something with hold to get the hair around your face to be a shape you like and then pin back the rest. A lot of styles like this start with curling and adding a bunch of volume and body and then using that to make the buns and twists and braids look much fuller and defined, so you’d basically be starting a few steps ahead. Depending on the length of your hair you might have better success with different styles, but a twist is a great way to hide away a bunch of hair with texture you don’t care for, and once you get used to them they are fast to do. My big hair suits me but I have a few of these styles in my arsenal for days when I need to put the hair away for whatever reason. It would be good to have some protective styles for yourself when you need to give your hair a break.
posted by Mizu at 7:00 PM on January 3, 2023

I tame mine with a pair of clippers every few months or so. Works great!
posted by aniola at 7:13 PM on January 3, 2023

Best answer: I am taking notes on some of these suggestions. I am somewhere between 2B and 2C and am also graying and getting coarser/frizzier. I have found the best luck with a shoulder-length layered cut (long enough to weigh it down a bit, not so long to be a bushy mane). I get the frizzy halo effect with high humidity almost no matter what, but I have some mitigations. I alternate between amping up the curl (scrunching with mousse or curl enhancer under a low blow dryer setting) and blowing it out straight. There is no acceptable in-between. I've had pretty good results using a straightening brush to tame frizzles, and I use the straightening brush to restore my blow-out on day 2 and 3. Note that regular straighteners are huge pain because my hair is so thick, but the brush works great.

For products, I've tried lots. I think some kind of oil and/or smoothing serum is the way to go. My stylist tells me to apply the serum to wet hair before styling, and then apply a bit more again to dry hair after styling. Leave-in conditioners work for the curl-enhancing style, but make my straightened hair sticky and gluggy. Not all smoothing serums are alike, so it pays to try out different ones. I haven't tried the Olaplex, but I will look for that. I like Aveda's Dry Remedy and Brilliant products, and Keune's Style Brilliant Gloss Spray.
posted by amusebuche at 8:35 PM on January 3, 2023

Also, as per Mizu, I sometimes pin my wet/damp hair up into a French twist, and that works pretty well. It only works with wet hair, as my dry hair is too thick and wild for pins and it immediately falls apart. I need heavy-duty bobby pins and a gel or pomade to set the sides. It does take some practice, but it can be a quick and easy style if you don't mind a damp head for the rest of the day.
posted by amusebuche at 8:43 PM on January 3, 2023

Amusebuche, have you tried spin pins? They were a definite game changer for my hair. Those combined with the extra wide grippy double bobby pins from scunci seem to wrangle my hair pretty well and stand up to its weight and stubbornness. For me, the weight of wet hair makes it way harder to put it into the style I want, but damp or dry works well. We probably have fairly different hair types.
posted by Mizu at 9:01 PM on January 3, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Have you tried a dyson hairdryer? For years, I felt
Like I was searching for some magic combination of shampoo, conditioner, and product to make my hair less frizzy but still have body. Turns out, the hairdryer was the key. I feel like I have recouped my hair dryer costs with what I am saving with other products. I’ve been blow drying my hair 4-6 times a week for about a year and every time it looks spectacular. I quit buying expensive products . I’m now using pump sized bottles of suave shampoo and basic conditioner and occasionally a drop of hemp oil on the ends.

I have waist length 2b/2c hair that used to be frizzy, tangly, and course. Even just running the flyaway attachment over my hair makes it look shiny, healthy, and styled. And it’s fast. I go from shower to fully done hair in about 15 minutes.
posted by August Fury at 3:51 AM on January 4, 2023

Best answer: I switched to co-washing with Hairstory's New Wash thanks to stellaluna's recommendation and it was a game changer for my totally grey 2b/2c hair. The longer I've used it the better my hair behaves. I wash with actual shampoo and conditioner every couple weeks but otherwise stick with the Hairstory. I use a tiny bit of their styling paste sometimes. I have a long pixie at this point but it's fair less frizzy/bushy with this routine./'"""""""
posted by leslies at 6:16 AM on January 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Seconding mochapickle, I find Olaplex shampoo & conditioner life changing, especially for maintaining a straight blowout. Sephora has a trial size set which includes the #3 as well (I have never tried #0)
A small bottle of conditioner usually lasts me a yearish, you need very, very little of it (I have a little past shoulder length hair, wash it 2-3 days a week)
I also like a VERY small amout of the OUAI hair oil before I blowdry, and it comes in a mini size

I will say there are people who are meh about the Olaplex, and seem to find K8 brand much better. I have never tried it cause I like my routine, but that might be an additional brand to look at.
posted by zara at 6:59 AM on January 4, 2023

Response by poster: thanks everyone! sadly my hair is too short for twists, but i’ll give that a shot when it grows out.

for the folks who recommended b&b’s hairdresser’s oil, i have that and have been using it, but only a couple squirts… how much should i be using?
posted by 0xABADBABE at 4:50 PM on January 4, 2023

I am completely gray and frizzy and love Biolage All-In-One Coconut Infusion Multi-Benefit Treatment Spray. It tames frizz with no weigh-down. I buy the big bottle I love it so much.
posted by loveandhappiness at 7:02 AM on January 5, 2023

Regarding the B&B Primer -- My hair is fairly long now and I use like . . .five to six sprays.
posted by Medieval Maven at 3:19 PM on January 5, 2023