Looking for (non-romantic) songs about shame, grief and betrayal

August 16, 2022 6:45 AM

Asking for a friend who's having a really tough time at work. If you know about institutional betrayal, that's what she's going through. She is seeking music to help her through this. Songs from artists with marginalized identities (women, racialized people, 2SLGBTQIA+) would be especially welcome.

She is not really looking for go-girl type positive-message anthems. Those are easy to find and she has them. She is looking more for stuff that speaks to her internal experience right now, which is feelings of shame, self-blame, fear, grief, and betrayal. Any ideas you might have -- especially anything that helped you personally through a tough time -- would be very welcome. Doesn't need to be literally/explicitly on those exact themes; stuff that is evocative of them, or ambiguous/suggestive, would be awesome too. Thank you for your help :)

posted by Susan PG to Media & Arts (20 answers total)

Beyonce's Lemonade really helped me out in a time like this. YMMV, but helped me get past some of those negative/sad feelings and get into rage mode, which was better. Specifically Formation might be a good place to start. The Visual Album is 100% worth a watch if you like spectacular music videos.
posted by wowenthusiast at 7:16 AM on August 16, 2022 [1 favorite]

Yeah, Lemonade has a reputation as a relationship album, and it's true the first half of it isn't about institutions, but the second half really, really is.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:19 AM on August 16, 2022

No Doubt - Just a Girl
posted by cali59 at 7:38 AM on August 16, 2022

Two songs by Lara Fabian: Je Suis Malade (French with English subtitles); and Broken Vow.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:40 AM on August 16, 2022

Maybe Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young's Ohio, about protesters shot and killed by their own government. I may be way off with this suggestion, but it definitely has the feelings of grief and betrayal.
posted by FencingGal at 7:58 AM on August 16, 2022 [1 favorite]

I haven’t seen the broadway show A Strange Loop but I think you would appreciate the songs from it, especially Periodically and Memory Song. Here is the NPR Tiny Desk concert.
posted by cali59 at 7:59 AM on August 16, 2022 [1 favorite]

Maybe Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee?
posted by deadtrouble at 8:09 AM on August 16, 2022

Heather McEntire's When You Come for Me comes to mind.
posted by 10ch at 8:58 AM on August 16, 2022

Singing for the Moon - Robb Johnson
posted by Morfil Ffyrnig at 10:08 AM on August 16, 2022

Some of the old Wobbly (Industrial Workers of the World) songs might fit the bill. "Hallelujah, I'm a Bum!" always gives me a rueful smile.
posted by missrachael at 11:27 AM on August 16, 2022

Or, for interpersonal betrayal, Cornflake Girl or Precious Things, both by Tori Amos.
posted by missrachael at 11:30 AM on August 16, 2022

Ezra Furman and the Harpoons - Take Off Your Sunglasses - where the narrator is unable to do anything for their 'baby' - who are at a distance it involves glasses and shoelaces and anger about working vs vacationing. The singer is transgender.

Let it Goand for the First Time in Forever - Frozen soundtrack

Joy Division - Heart and Soul
Rage Against the Machine - Sleep Now in the Fire
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:36 AM on August 16, 2022

Probably a relationship song, but any time I've felt betrayed, "Well Fuck You Then" by Dark Meat really hits the spot
posted by SystematicAbuse at 11:50 AM on August 16, 2022

Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows" is great for this. Concrete Blonde's cover is even better

Bikini Kill's Feels Blind is SO SATISFYING.

The entirety of The Distiller's Coral Fang, though this song is the most cathartic in my opinion. Blare this at the gym and you will work some real stuff out, I promise you.

Mary J Blige's No More Drama has gotten me through some TIMES.

Penetration's Don't Dictate definitely hits the spot.

Also love The Living End for this. My faves are: We Want More, Prisoner of Society, Long Live The Weekend and White Noise.

I know you're not looking for uplifting stuff, but these songs have a defiant attitude that I still feel fits the bill:

Tupac's Keep Ya Head Up
Madame Ghandi crushes the positive but frustrated vibe.
So does Lizzo. Water Me gets me every time.
And of course, there is the master of positive defiance in top form.
posted by pazazygeek at 11:53 AM on August 16, 2022 [2 favorites]

Maybe Living Colour's Cult of Personality? While it's often specifically about politics (like Kennedy, Stalin, and others are name-dropped) and betrayals by famous leaders, it has a really nice ragey-ness to it and feels cathartic, and Living Colour were a very rare hard rock band composed of all Black men.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 2:41 PM on August 16, 2022

You Keep Doing What You Do/Jerks on the Loose by the Roaches.
posted by brachiopod at 7:53 PM on August 16, 2022

You might try some Jean Grae - I've always liked Don't Rush Me, but she tells a lot of stories. I feel like she confronts a lot of the kinds of feelings you named, often with anger and violence and at best dark humor instead of go-girl positivity.
posted by sigmagalator at 9:25 PM on August 16, 2022

I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders might hit the spot.
posted by ambulatorybird at 11:01 PM on August 16, 2022

Also:
How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
posted by ambulatorybird at 11:46 PM on August 16, 2022

First, please permit me to bang on about the queer joy and melancholy and emotional insight of MUNA. These aren’t exclusively non-romantic, but there’s a useful message in each.

Anything But Me
Loudspeaker
Kind of Girl
Number One Fan
Good News (Ya-Ya Song)
I Know A Place

Ani DiFranco's whole album Dilate was this for me when it was released, but in particular I think your friend should hear Outta Me, Onto You.

When I experienced something like this some time ago, these were some of the items on my coping playlist:

The Finn Brothers
Nothing Wrong with You
Won’t Give In

Elvis Costello et al:
Hand In Hand
Button My Lip
Either Side Of The Same Town

Josh Ritter:

Girl in the War
Here at the Right Time

Ani DiFranco Born a Lion
Josh Fix Burn It Down
Roseanne Cash Burn Down This Town
The Doubtful Guest What I’ve Done Wrong
posted by jocelmeow at 12:23 PM on August 18, 2022