How to deal with self-doubt/fear as a new freelancer
March 6, 2020 11:31 PM Subscribe
Struggling with crippling self-doubt and fear as I start to freelance. How much is normal, and how do I address it and cope with it better?
After losing my job at the end of September, I decided to start freelancing as my main source of work. I took a couple of months off to help care for a dying parent (for context, this was me.) My mother passed in November. After the initial shock of that, and preparing for the holidays, I spent January getting my remaining ducks in a row so I could tell my network that I was ready to take on freelance work in early February.
I met my self-imposed deadline and announced my plans about a month ago. My network has been very supportive which has been incredibly gratifying. I've been in touch with 7-8 potential clients (nearly all people I've worked with in the past). There's lots of interest, but nothing has fully solidified yet and that scares me. I know things move more slowly when working with an external person versus an internal one but I can't pay bills on 'I might have something for you someday'. I'm not in a precarious place financially yet , but I don't want to get into one either. I've looked into Upwork as an option for one-off jobs, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. There's a lot I don't understand about how it works, particularly for non-US freelancers, and there seems to be a lot of unrealistic expectations there.
I am currently seeing a therapist to help deal with the grief/aftermath of losing both my mom and my job. At our last session, she told me I was very hard on myself, which I agree is true. My close friends, spouse, and family have all said the same. Logically, I know things take time, but I'm still so scared I'm going to fail and put my family into financial ruin. I would never give anyone else the expectations I give myself. People tell me to be kind and go easy on myself and take my time, but eventually something has to get done.
When I start to feel doubt, I immediately go into a spiral of shame, fear, and anxiety and I turn into an emotional mess. I won't do things that I enjoy because I feel like I don't deserve them if I'm not working at building my business right at that moment. I'm not constantly terrified, but the feelings are hard to shake when they hit. Waves of grief are mixing in too which doesn't help.
What resources or tools should I be considering so I can manage through and control these spirals better? What am I not considering here? What should I be doing differently? Thank you.
After losing my job at the end of September, I decided to start freelancing as my main source of work. I took a couple of months off to help care for a dying parent (for context, this was me.) My mother passed in November. After the initial shock of that, and preparing for the holidays, I spent January getting my remaining ducks in a row so I could tell my network that I was ready to take on freelance work in early February.
I met my self-imposed deadline and announced my plans about a month ago. My network has been very supportive which has been incredibly gratifying. I've been in touch with 7-8 potential clients (nearly all people I've worked with in the past). There's lots of interest, but nothing has fully solidified yet and that scares me. I know things move more slowly when working with an external person versus an internal one but I can't pay bills on 'I might have something for you someday'. I'm not in a precarious place financially yet , but I don't want to get into one either. I've looked into Upwork as an option for one-off jobs, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. There's a lot I don't understand about how it works, particularly for non-US freelancers, and there seems to be a lot of unrealistic expectations there.
I am currently seeing a therapist to help deal with the grief/aftermath of losing both my mom and my job. At our last session, she told me I was very hard on myself, which I agree is true. My close friends, spouse, and family have all said the same. Logically, I know things take time, but I'm still so scared I'm going to fail and put my family into financial ruin. I would never give anyone else the expectations I give myself. People tell me to be kind and go easy on myself and take my time, but eventually something has to get done.
When I start to feel doubt, I immediately go into a spiral of shame, fear, and anxiety and I turn into an emotional mess. I won't do things that I enjoy because I feel like I don't deserve them if I'm not working at building my business right at that moment. I'm not constantly terrified, but the feelings are hard to shake when they hit. Waves of grief are mixing in too which doesn't help.
What resources or tools should I be considering so I can manage through and control these spirals better? What am I not considering here? What should I be doing differently? Thank you.
When I was building my business I was also suffering from tremendous personal loss. I was often immobilized by grief and self-doubt.
I am also a freelancer. I am also very hard on myself. For me, this has proved useful to the extent that the quality of my work is high, no matter how shitty I am feeling. That helped me in the long run though of course the personal price is high.
I am here to tell you it will get better. Success builds upon success. Be sure to reward yourself. Tell yourself what a good job you did on something, even if it's tiny, even if it's just getting out of bed, or getting dressed, or answering the phone, or composing an email.
There is no quick solution but I did find videos by Marie Forleo incredibly uplifting. She gives small practical things you can do to bolster your self-esteem and focus on positive productivity. ymmv but these were balm to my soul when I needed them.
posted by 6thsense at 6:12 AM on March 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
I am also a freelancer. I am also very hard on myself. For me, this has proved useful to the extent that the quality of my work is high, no matter how shitty I am feeling. That helped me in the long run though of course the personal price is high.
I am here to tell you it will get better. Success builds upon success. Be sure to reward yourself. Tell yourself what a good job you did on something, even if it's tiny, even if it's just getting out of bed, or getting dressed, or answering the phone, or composing an email.
There is no quick solution but I did find videos by Marie Forleo incredibly uplifting. She gives small practical things you can do to bolster your self-esteem and focus on positive productivity. ymmv but these were balm to my soul when I needed them.
posted by 6thsense at 6:12 AM on March 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
The midnight "Uh-oh! What if..."s are normal - especially at first, if you've been used to getting a regular paycheck. It helps majorly to not get your back against the wall ("but I can't pay bills on 'I might have something for you someday'"). So have enough living expenses saved for the amount of time you're comfortable having no income - and double it. Count not only your day-to-day expenses but your quarterly tax estimates (are you in the US?), unforeseen car, home, and reasonable medical expenses, too. You needn't assume everything might fail at once and in the most expensive possible way; just make some sensible guesses and have some possible backups in mind in case something does get out of hand. No one can cover every possible worst case, but plan to keep yourself Ok the best you can, and to know that you'd be able to at least cover, in some way, the next worst case. The goal of your plan should be "what do I need to do, have, and plan for, to be able to calm my middle of the night fears about everything going sideways?"
Then remember that when you're earning, you're earning for both now and for later, so don't eat your paycheck. It can come in fast when it's coming in, but it gets awfully quiet in those times between gigs. Be comfortable living off of your savings when you have to, because sometimes you will have to. Your savings is what smooths the all-or-nothing income stream.
posted by TruncatedTiller at 12:56 PM on March 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Then remember that when you're earning, you're earning for both now and for later, so don't eat your paycheck. It can come in fast when it's coming in, but it gets awfully quiet in those times between gigs. Be comfortable living off of your savings when you have to, because sometimes you will have to. Your savings is what smooths the all-or-nothing income stream.
posted by TruncatedTiller at 12:56 PM on March 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
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Assess how far you've gotten with these 7-8 potential clients. Have they discussed actual projects and they just need to get a contract in place to hire you, or are they highly speculative with no particular project in mind?
Some freelance businesses are at the mercy of their clients' schedules. In those cases, you just have to wait for clients to become ready. The wait can be stressful.
posted by cheesecake at 1:17 AM on March 7, 2020 [1 favorite]