Job searching when depressed and burnt out
April 8, 2022 9:30 AM Subscribe
I’m depressed and burnt out. I took this week off to try to recover but now it’s almost over and I’m dreading getting back to work on Monday. I need to find a new job pronto but I’m out of ideas and have very little energy or motivation. Please help me.
Apologies in advance that this is all over the place, my brain feels broken.
I work in a very small, niche industry—editor at a book publisher—and I’m expected to work all the time (my boss actually said I should be working on the toilet), which is just not sustainable for me, especially now, during the worst bout of depression I’ve had in a while. I’ve tried to get a job at another publisher for many years but it’s so competitive and I’m a bad interviewer. On top of which cover letters take me forever to write, even with a template, and I get so anxious applying—just reading a job description makes me feel totally incompetent. I do a lot at my job—even more since my assistant quit a few months ago (my boss hasn’t replaced him, and I haven’t pushed it because frankly I don’t have the time/wherewithal to train someone new). I am overwhelmed, always letting people down, expected to do things that are not within my purview (a lot of personal admin stuff for my boss, and stuff that should really fall to other departments). Yes I’ve tried talking to him about it many times. He always promises things will change soon, they never do. I’ve worked there for almost a decade. He is also a pretty mean person—sexist, always makes these little digs about my intelligence, jokingly threatens to hurt me when I mess up, treats me like all I’m good at is being a secretary. My own work projects suffer because I don’t have the time/energy for them. Nor do I have the time to really focus on building that part of my career, the part that might make me attractive to other employers. I let my authors down, I am constantly getting angry emails from people I work with, somehow it has become my problem when someone doesn’t get paid even though I have nothing to do with that—but I’m the one who gets emailed by angry people threatening to kill themselves if we don’t pay them soon. It all has really taken a toll on me and I feel terrible and guilty and stupid all the time.
I’ve applied for jobs outside publishing but they always want people with experience in whatever that field is. Apparently I do not have transferable skills. I could afford to take a couple months off except then I wouldn’t have health insurance to pay for my depression meds/therapy that are keeping me alive. I can’t figure out medicare and I don’t think I could afford cobra or a marketplace plan.
I’m also trying to support a depressed unemployed partner going through a similar thing. I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know how to keep going. I just want to recuse myself from life and hide under the covers for a year. Please help me find my way through this.
Apologies in advance that this is all over the place, my brain feels broken.
I work in a very small, niche industry—editor at a book publisher—and I’m expected to work all the time (my boss actually said I should be working on the toilet), which is just not sustainable for me, especially now, during the worst bout of depression I’ve had in a while. I’ve tried to get a job at another publisher for many years but it’s so competitive and I’m a bad interviewer. On top of which cover letters take me forever to write, even with a template, and I get so anxious applying—just reading a job description makes me feel totally incompetent. I do a lot at my job—even more since my assistant quit a few months ago (my boss hasn’t replaced him, and I haven’t pushed it because frankly I don’t have the time/wherewithal to train someone new). I am overwhelmed, always letting people down, expected to do things that are not within my purview (a lot of personal admin stuff for my boss, and stuff that should really fall to other departments). Yes I’ve tried talking to him about it many times. He always promises things will change soon, they never do. I’ve worked there for almost a decade. He is also a pretty mean person—sexist, always makes these little digs about my intelligence, jokingly threatens to hurt me when I mess up, treats me like all I’m good at is being a secretary. My own work projects suffer because I don’t have the time/energy for them. Nor do I have the time to really focus on building that part of my career, the part that might make me attractive to other employers. I let my authors down, I am constantly getting angry emails from people I work with, somehow it has become my problem when someone doesn’t get paid even though I have nothing to do with that—but I’m the one who gets emailed by angry people threatening to kill themselves if we don’t pay them soon. It all has really taken a toll on me and I feel terrible and guilty and stupid all the time.
I’ve applied for jobs outside publishing but they always want people with experience in whatever that field is. Apparently I do not have transferable skills. I could afford to take a couple months off except then I wouldn’t have health insurance to pay for my depression meds/therapy that are keeping me alive. I can’t figure out medicare and I don’t think I could afford cobra or a marketplace plan.
I’m also trying to support a depressed unemployed partner going through a similar thing. I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know how to keep going. I just want to recuse myself from life and hide under the covers for a year. Please help me find my way through this.
If you have savings and can afford it (and if FMLA isn't an option), I think it might be worth quitting. After a month, you should be in a better place to start applying for new jobs.
posted by pinochiette at 10:19 AM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 10:19 AM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
In the immediate:
Take more time off. INSIST your boss replace that assistant! I know training is a time and energy suck (especially if you don’t actually like your job at the moment,) but if the assistant can do 1 thing on your list of 100 that’s a net benefit. Hire someone who’s hungry (they all are) and who will be on your side. And refuse to do things that aren’t in your purview. You’re quitting anyway, right, so in a way you have nothing to fear. And your boss is already mean, so it’s not like a negative reaction will be a huge shock to you.
Job search:
Consider applying to non-editorial roles in publishing, and screen for departments that are APPROPRIATELY STAFFED for the load. Non-negotiable! They’re out there and because you know what it looks like, you will know what to ask for. The old model of being your editor/publisher’s personal monkey is out of fashion (try a female boss in children’s publishing, they’re so reasonable and nice you’ll cry with relief.)
Empathy:
I’m in publishing and I’m sure it’s this way everywhere, but everyone has lost their goddamn MINDS. Everyone is angry and pushy and unreasonable and NOBODY cares that you’re dealing with an unrealistic workload. They were nice for like the first 4 months of the pandemic, and they no longer extend any grace. Yet nobody replies or helps when they’re on the receiving end. It’s a pervasive culture issue imo.
posted by kapers at 10:40 AM on April 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Take more time off. INSIST your boss replace that assistant! I know training is a time and energy suck (especially if you don’t actually like your job at the moment,) but if the assistant can do 1 thing on your list of 100 that’s a net benefit. Hire someone who’s hungry (they all are) and who will be on your side. And refuse to do things that aren’t in your purview. You’re quitting anyway, right, so in a way you have nothing to fear. And your boss is already mean, so it’s not like a negative reaction will be a huge shock to you.
Job search:
Consider applying to non-editorial roles in publishing, and screen for departments that are APPROPRIATELY STAFFED for the load. Non-negotiable! They’re out there and because you know what it looks like, you will know what to ask for. The old model of being your editor/publisher’s personal monkey is out of fashion (try a female boss in children’s publishing, they’re so reasonable and nice you’ll cry with relief.)
Empathy:
I’m in publishing and I’m sure it’s this way everywhere, but everyone has lost their goddamn MINDS. Everyone is angry and pushy and unreasonable and NOBODY cares that you’re dealing with an unrealistic workload. They were nice for like the first 4 months of the pandemic, and they no longer extend any grace. Yet nobody replies or helps when they’re on the receiving end. It’s a pervasive culture issue imo.
posted by kapers at 10:40 AM on April 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Could you consider quitting and finding a lower-stakes job to cover the bills and insurance while you give yourself time to reset? I have a friend with a similar situation (burnt out, dealing with chronic health issues, abusive never-ending work situation) who looked into getting a job somewhere like Trader Joes for a little while. Maybe look into similar retail situations that have good benefits? Apparently Wegmans and REI aren't bad either. A job where you just do the shift and go home and not 'take your work with you' may be an ok step, especially if you have some savings to make up for the potential loss of income in moving to minimum-ish wage.
posted by greta simone at 11:09 AM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by greta simone at 11:09 AM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
I'd consider drawing hard boundaries around how much you'll sink in to this job while you look for something else. Adopting a "this is all I can do, end of discussion" attitude and keeping to a reasonable 40 hours a week may buy you the space to dedicate to finding something else, and if it leads to getting fired, that's ok, get unemployment if available where you are/in your situation. It takes a lot more than most think to deny these claims if you are let go. Don't let them win by quitting unless you have something else lined up.
Also, if you can find academic presses to work with, you may find a place with a direct experience match up and reasonable workloads.
posted by advicepig at 11:15 AM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also, if you can find academic presses to work with, you may find a place with a direct experience match up and reasonable workloads.
posted by advicepig at 11:15 AM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
If I can get into publishing, you can get out. Publishing is wildly hierarchical and requires you to ~pay your dues~ and the right place (my press is like the only place that's not horrible right now) still recognized that editorial experience is editorial experience and, in fact, editorial experience from outside publishing can be a boon. Please keep applying outside the industry and don't get discouraged. Editing skills are transferable, and while the most obvious place to transfer them (media) isn't a good bet, they also transfer to universities, nonprofits, private companies, even jobs that don't have "editor" in the name (try "content strategist" maybe?) You might be able to find an old Ask with an editor trying to diversify; there are lots of us here.
However, thinking outside the route that's obvious to you (from experience and expectation) requires creativity, and I agree with everyone above that you'll have a lot more energy to be creative—and enthusiastic about selling the experience you do have and explaining why it's relevant—if you don't have this job eating away at you. It's VERY hard to take significant time off in publishing without making everything you describe substantially worse, but if you can swing it at all I really would encourage you to either take that time or quit. You should be able to afford a basic marketplace plan if you don't have an income, because it would be subsidized, and that research is something concrete you can ask a friend to do for you. Pick one of the many people who are going to be very very happy and relieved to hear that you're quitting.
posted by babelfish at 11:20 AM on April 8, 2022 [4 favorites]
However, thinking outside the route that's obvious to you (from experience and expectation) requires creativity, and I agree with everyone above that you'll have a lot more energy to be creative—and enthusiastic about selling the experience you do have and explaining why it's relevant—if you don't have this job eating away at you. It's VERY hard to take significant time off in publishing without making everything you describe substantially worse, but if you can swing it at all I really would encourage you to either take that time or quit. You should be able to afford a basic marketplace plan if you don't have an income, because it would be subsidized, and that research is something concrete you can ask a friend to do for you. Pick one of the many people who are going to be very very happy and relieved to hear that you're quitting.
posted by babelfish at 11:20 AM on April 8, 2022 [4 favorites]
I've been in this situation, as have many of my friends. I think once you get into this place, you have two options: 1. quit, take some time to heal and recover from the burnout, and then start looking for another job, or 2. start drawing some very firm boundaries around your work (ie, I will not answer work messages after hours, I will not work more than 40 hours a week, I will not engage with people who yell at me) and refuse to budge from them.
I think it's usually good to start with 2, because it can be very empowering and it buys you time. And the worst case scenario usually is that they fire you, in which case you go with 1 and you can probably collect unemployment too. However, it sounds like your work situation is abusive and I worry this could make things even worse for you.
It sounds like your barriers to quitting right now are somewhat logistical. I don't know what state you are in, but in most states, if you are not working at all, you should qualify for medicaid. It's definitely daunting to navigate but maybe you could enlist your partner or a friend to help you figure it out? And the same with the marketplace. If for some reason you don't qualify for medicaid, you should be able to get a heavily subsidized plan on the marketplace.
I would also talk to the doctor who prescribes your meds - they might be able to help you find a bridge program that can keep your meds coming while you figure out the insurance bit. There's also GoodRx, which negotiates prescription costs as a group, somewhat similar to insurance. It's an app you download on your phone and you could check your meds right now to see how much they would cost. Very common meds are often pretty affordable there.
All of the friends I've known who have taken time off to deal with burnout like this have been very happy they did. Not all of them are working in the same field, but they all needed the time, took it, and went back to work feeling much more balanced and energetic. Good luck.
posted by lunasol at 11:37 AM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think it's usually good to start with 2, because it can be very empowering and it buys you time. And the worst case scenario usually is that they fire you, in which case you go with 1 and you can probably collect unemployment too. However, it sounds like your work situation is abusive and I worry this could make things even worse for you.
It sounds like your barriers to quitting right now are somewhat logistical. I don't know what state you are in, but in most states, if you are not working at all, you should qualify for medicaid. It's definitely daunting to navigate but maybe you could enlist your partner or a friend to help you figure it out? And the same with the marketplace. If for some reason you don't qualify for medicaid, you should be able to get a heavily subsidized plan on the marketplace.
I would also talk to the doctor who prescribes your meds - they might be able to help you find a bridge program that can keep your meds coming while you figure out the insurance bit. There's also GoodRx, which negotiates prescription costs as a group, somewhat similar to insurance. It's an app you download on your phone and you could check your meds right now to see how much they would cost. Very common meds are often pretty affordable there.
All of the friends I've known who have taken time off to deal with burnout like this have been very happy they did. Not all of them are working in the same field, but they all needed the time, took it, and went back to work feeling much more balanced and energetic. Good luck.
posted by lunasol at 11:37 AM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
Concrete steps to follow, in order:
PHASE ONE: PREGAME YOUR JOB SEARCH
1. Find a therapist you like who is fluent in job-related stress
2. Find a job coach you like and CHECK THEIR REFERENCES
3. Talk to the therapist once a week
4. Talk to the job coach once a week
5. Make a plan with the support of these two people, with dates and accountability
PHASE TWO: DO THE THING!
6. Take FML for at least two weeks, preferably four
7. Drop the therapist, talk to the job coach twice a week
8. Apply to everything you and your coach identified as targets
9. Streamline the process through practice and with coaching and prepare to continue it after you've returned to your current job
And remember when you return to work that you have been doing the most and you need to switch to doing the least. Your boss needs to hire an assistant for you and that is your outward reason for inwardly stepping back so you have capacity to apply for jobs, which is your NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
Good luck!
posted by DarlingBri at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
PHASE ONE: PREGAME YOUR JOB SEARCH
1. Find a therapist you like who is fluent in job-related stress
2. Find a job coach you like and CHECK THEIR REFERENCES
3. Talk to the therapist once a week
4. Talk to the job coach once a week
5. Make a plan with the support of these two people, with dates and accountability
PHASE TWO: DO THE THING!
6. Take FML for at least two weeks, preferably four
7. Drop the therapist, talk to the job coach twice a week
8. Apply to everything you and your coach identified as targets
9. Streamline the process through practice and with coaching and prepare to continue it after you've returned to your current job
And remember when you return to work that you have been doing the most and you need to switch to doing the least. Your boss needs to hire an assistant for you and that is your outward reason for inwardly stepping back so you have capacity to apply for jobs, which is your NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
Good luck!
posted by DarlingBri at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
A recent seemingly-unrelated Ask had some really lovely resources from folks about freelance editing work - maybe some ideas there?
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 2:12 PM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 2:12 PM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
FYI - if you have an actual diagnosis and are getting treatment, depression is considered something that is covered under ADA and you may have legal grounds to request accommodations and/or collect unemployment if you have to quit because of this disability.
posted by brookeb at 5:49 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by brookeb at 5:49 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
chiming in mostly say: i hear you, and i see you. you are exhausted and burnt out from a job situation that is sapping you. i’m so sorry for this effed up time in your life.
+1 to @lunasol’s advice to try pushing back with boundaries. the worst that can happen is they fire you (which is bad), but the positive risk is you might claw back some breathing room, or feel better for asserting yourself. divest by leaving, or divest by drawing back and setting boundaries. this is a really difficult situation, and it’s in no way a failure to be burntout.
if you have the resources for a coach, therapist, or any sort of support— then +1 to that advice from @DarlingBri as well. finding an oasis of support is also a way through, to someplace new.
i hope this situation changes for you soon.
posted by tamarack at 9:19 PM on April 8, 2022
+1 to @lunasol’s advice to try pushing back with boundaries. the worst that can happen is they fire you (which is bad), but the positive risk is you might claw back some breathing room, or feel better for asserting yourself. divest by leaving, or divest by drawing back and setting boundaries. this is a really difficult situation, and it’s in no way a failure to be burntout.
if you have the resources for a coach, therapist, or any sort of support— then +1 to that advice from @DarlingBri as well. finding an oasis of support is also a way through, to someplace new.
i hope this situation changes for you soon.
posted by tamarack at 9:19 PM on April 8, 2022
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