if I tell you about it, I won't feel the same about it

December 16, 2021 10:13 AM

Help me understand and explain the phenomenon where the energy behind a creative endeavor depends on not talking about it.

Say you're in the middle of a creative project and you talk about it to someone who's not involved in it - in this scenario, the urge to complete it suddenly dissipates.

This is something I experience and I know it's relatively common among creative types. But sometimes it feels like it's unfair to the people around me, so I'd like to see what other people have said about it and perhaps share links or passages with my loved ones.

Right now I'm renovating a house and it's become a very personal, creative project that has me learning new things and processing life stuff etc. It feels like writing, which I do for a living and creatively, or painting, which I do badly - it's where I enter a state of flow and come out restored. I live alone so it's like living in a studio, and I fear that letting someone in (literally in this case) will take the magic out of it. However, it's a big part of me and keeping my people out of my house is less than ideal long term.

If this is familiar to you and you know of any explanations, theories, essays, or stories in which it happens to a character, please share them - thank you!

posted by headnsouth to Media & Arts (12 answers total)

Two things for me:

If I tell someone how the story ends - if I even write down an outline that shows the ending I feel like I have already done it, it is complete and actually writing it or filling in the outline is just writing it over again, as when the saved file gets corrupted. It's not the same story and there is no pleasure, no sense of discovery and delight as the words find themselves. Instead I am wearily lining up someone else's words and getting it wrong.

The second one is self consciousness and second guessing. Instead of focusing on the story or the task I wonder how other people will think about the work I am doing, and if I am any good at it, and all the other work that needs to be done, that is maybe more important than this... If the focus isn't on the work then it is hard to get flow. I don't want to add interpersonal judgment, I just want to get into a rhythm and concentrated on the mechanics, lining up nails for maximum efficiency, figuring out the right place to cut the tar paper and how to measure it. Self consciousness or an awareness of the implications of my work gets in the way and there is no flow, no ability to attune to the details.
posted by Jane the Brown at 10:35 AM on December 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

"Why Sharing Your Goals Makes Them Less Achievable" - it's a Psychology Today article, but references some psychology studies.

Or here's a TED talk referencing some of the same studies.
posted by needled at 10:49 AM on December 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

For me, telling someone adds an expectation that I finish it, which can turn into feeling like it’s an obligation, which makes me want to rebel against it. It can turn something I want to do into something I feel pressured to do. I know that it’s an imaginary obligation but it feels real enough to remove the intrinsic motivation.
posted by meijusa at 12:46 PM on December 16, 2021 [10 favorites]

the very act of explaining it takes up the creative energy that it takes to make it. It's like a dammed up lake vs a stream that's flowing. If it's not dammed, there's none of the explosive energy that it takes to get it onto the page.
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:33 PM on December 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

To me it's always felt like an idea is a little fetus encased in unconscious dream logic that fills in the blanks and lets you brush past the unknowns until you can go in there and solidify everything yourself piece by piece. Outside of that context, in the cruel light of day, being forced into the specifics of language that can't fully describe it yet but without dream logic to hold it up, it collapses, and sometimes you can't get it back.
posted by bleep at 1:54 PM on December 16, 2021 [6 favorites]

I don't really experience this; I find that talking about stuff helps me work out my ideas. But I have a friend who does experience this and he talks about it in terms of "creative gas," like you only have so much fuel in the tank and if you expend it on talking about a project you'll have nothing left to do the work. I also remember an interview with Iggy Pop where he talked about how, when he wants to work with somebody, he just wants to skip all the prep and start actually making music with them immediately. He said something like, "Anything else is just talking, not doing."
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:35 PM on December 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

I feel like it’s often the last 10 per cent of polishing and perfecting that makes something really good, reveals its potential, shows people what you were dreaming of. If you try and share specifics before that, it’s very often going to seem mundane and devoid of magic. It’s like you have to keep it in the hothouse until it’s finished growing. If you open the door too soon to show someone, the cold breeze will kill it off and they’ll wonder why you invited them over to take a look at your dead seedling.

I think the Helsinki Bus Station theory is related. I’m on my phone so won’t try and link but it’s easy to google. You have to stay on the bus long enough to find your own route. If you stand at the bus station telling everyone where you’re going, you’ll never get on the bus, let alone reach your destination.

Also: It’s a thing in meditation too. There’s a line Jon Kabat-Zinn says sometimes, along the lines of “We always say, for the first ten years, if you have an urge to tell someone all about your meditation practice, shut your mouth and get on the cushion.” I guess in that instance it’s about the fact that the practice is what matters, not the showing off, or the opinion of others.

I guess they’re all tied to the idea that the purity of the work and the focus on the act of doing it, is what matters. Telling others dilutes it or pollutes it - you only do that when the idea is good and strong.

I’m not sure that actually answers your question, sorry! But it’s an interesting one.
posted by penguin pie at 3:45 PM on December 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Imo making something new is an act of exploration. Eploration continues until it's finished. Talking about it to someone outside the process solidifies it too soon, you've cut yourself off from where you were going to go. I think lots of creative people have the experience of, for instance, a character taking on it's own life and saying and doing things the author hadn't anticipated. You don't want to constrain these intangible beings too soon or they may lose the ability to surprise you.

Since I'm familiar with a context where artists and projects are publicly funded one of the most uncomfortable aspects of applying for arts grants which deal with artists rather than with admin support, is where you have to tell the funders what you're going to do with the money, where the activity is going to take place, predicted venues, fine budget details etc. It's quite a hurdle for creatives, rather than organisations, since the creative may be struggling to protect their process by saying little about it. The best residencies for instance, are those that while they do evaluate and require accountability, leave the brief open enough for artist to go where the work takes them.
posted by glasseyes at 1:59 AM on December 17, 2021 [1 favorite]

Nice question, and nice answers. I like the idea of "creative gas" above, that's close to what I feel.
posted by glasseyes at 2:04 AM on December 17, 2021

Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus (c. 50 - c. 135 CE) has this to say about the topic:

Never call yourself a philosopher, nor talk a great deal among the unlearned about theorems, but act conformably to them. Thus, at an entertainment, don't talk how persons ought to eat, but eat as you ought. For remember that in this manner Socrates also universally avoided all ostentation. And when persons came to him and desired to be recommended by him to philosophers, he took and recommended them, so well did he bear being overlooked. So that if ever any talk should happen among the unlearned concerning philosophic theorems, be you, for the most part, silent. For there is great danger in immediately throwing out what you have not digested. And, if anyone tells you that you know nothing, and you are not nettled at it, then you may be sure that you have begun your business. For sheep don't throw up the grass to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested.

posted by heatherlogan at 5:17 AM on December 17, 2021 [7 favorites]

When you are the only one who knows, everything is possible, anything can be changed. When someone else knows, options are foreclosed.
posted by SemiSalt at 5:25 AM on December 17, 2021 [6 favorites]

Sometimes sharing too soon means you're inviting people into the brainstorming process, which then has an immediate effect on the scope of the project. "The patterned wallpaper sounds great, but it would really sing if the wood floor was stained a bit darker." — a solid idea you now feel like you can't say "no" to? People love to share ideas but often I come away from it feeling overwhelmed, like "well now I have four new things to do, THANKS." I have to remind myself it's okay to have boundaries even when that means I'm admitting my work could be better — I have limited time/energy, I'm really excited about this wallpaper, and great idea about the floor but maybe I'll get to that another time.
posted by saramour at 11:16 AM on December 17, 2021