"Prurient", but without the sex connotations
June 13, 2021 4:21 AM Subscribe
I've recently realised that I've been subtly misunderstanding the meaning of "prurient" my entire life. Based on contextual usage, I'd taken it to mean "overly interested in another person's business, potentially in a way that comes across as intrusive", rather than the dictionary meaning of "overly interested in another person's sexual business". Is there another word in English that captures the idea of being overly interested in someone else, possibly to the point of the behaviour seeming intrusive, but without the interest being explicitly about sexual behaviour?
My experience has been that people do this type of overly-interested-in-other-people's-business behaviour (the kind that "prurient" covers in the context of fascination about someone's sex life) about a wide range of other non-sexual things - weird, intrusive fascination with, as examples, people's queerness, transness, race, fat and disabled bodies, even innocuous personal preferences or lifestyle stuff. The way a person's eyes sometimes light up when they realise there's something about you that they find fascinating in almost a dehumanising way, and the defensive rabbit-in-headlights reaction that being seen that way can evoke in the person on the receiving end of the interaction.
It's a concept I think about a lot and often end up incorporating into my writing. Until about ten minutes ago, I was satisfied enough that "prurient" captured this meaning and was doing the heavy lifting on the "intense interest, possibly to the point of intrusiveness" side, but the explicit link with interest in sexual behaviour according to every dictionary definition I've found changes the way that the word lands for me enough that I'm looking for an alternative. I'm most interested in this type of behaviour when the intense, intrusive interest is focused on aspects of human existence that explicitly aren't sexual, but might still be things that people tend to consider private, personal and/or shameful (similar to the way that sex stuff tends to be coded in society, just not about sex).
Searching for synonyms for "prurient" comes up with words like "erotic" and "salacious", which reinforce the sex connection and totally miss the part I'm interested in naming and describing, the actual interest itself and the extent to which it's perceived as intrusive by the person it's directed towards. I think part of my misunderstanding came from assuming that to be prurient was to be rude because of the potential intrusiveness of the behaviour, rather than prurience being rude because it's about sex and western society tends to believe that it's rude to be interested in other people's sex business (I'm not saying I disagree that the latter can be rude, depending on the situation, but as a writer I'm way more interested in the social dynamics of the first kind of rudeness compared to the second).
I don't mind how technical the terminology is, if any exists; if this is a phenomenon that's been described in an academic discipline that I'm not familiar with, I'm very open to hearing about it. If there are words that describe this concept in other languages, I'd also like to learn about them. And I'd be equally interested to know that a word for this concept doesn't currently exist. The more precise, the better - some of what I'm describing would fit as a subset of "microaggressions", for instance, but the superset "microaggressions" isn't specific enough because it also covers a lot of different behaviours that don't conform to the specific pattern I'm interested in.
My experience has been that people do this type of overly-interested-in-other-people's-business behaviour (the kind that "prurient" covers in the context of fascination about someone's sex life) about a wide range of other non-sexual things - weird, intrusive fascination with, as examples, people's queerness, transness, race, fat and disabled bodies, even innocuous personal preferences or lifestyle stuff. The way a person's eyes sometimes light up when they realise there's something about you that they find fascinating in almost a dehumanising way, and the defensive rabbit-in-headlights reaction that being seen that way can evoke in the person on the receiving end of the interaction.
It's a concept I think about a lot and often end up incorporating into my writing. Until about ten minutes ago, I was satisfied enough that "prurient" captured this meaning and was doing the heavy lifting on the "intense interest, possibly to the point of intrusiveness" side, but the explicit link with interest in sexual behaviour according to every dictionary definition I've found changes the way that the word lands for me enough that I'm looking for an alternative. I'm most interested in this type of behaviour when the intense, intrusive interest is focused on aspects of human existence that explicitly aren't sexual, but might still be things that people tend to consider private, personal and/or shameful (similar to the way that sex stuff tends to be coded in society, just not about sex).
Searching for synonyms for "prurient" comes up with words like "erotic" and "salacious", which reinforce the sex connection and totally miss the part I'm interested in naming and describing, the actual interest itself and the extent to which it's perceived as intrusive by the person it's directed towards. I think part of my misunderstanding came from assuming that to be prurient was to be rude because of the potential intrusiveness of the behaviour, rather than prurience being rude because it's about sex and western society tends to believe that it's rude to be interested in other people's sex business (I'm not saying I disagree that the latter can be rude, depending on the situation, but as a writer I'm way more interested in the social dynamics of the first kind of rudeness compared to the second).
I don't mind how technical the terminology is, if any exists; if this is a phenomenon that's been described in an academic discipline that I'm not familiar with, I'm very open to hearing about it. If there are words that describe this concept in other languages, I'd also like to learn about them. And I'd be equally interested to know that a word for this concept doesn't currently exist. The more precise, the better - some of what I'm describing would fit as a subset of "microaggressions", for instance, but the superset "microaggressions" isn't specific enough because it also covers a lot of different behaviours that don't conform to the specific pattern I'm interested in.
Obsessed.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:32 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 4:32 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
Intrusive or prying
posted by sir jective at 4:35 AM on June 13, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by sir jective at 4:35 AM on June 13, 2021 [10 favorites]
Maybe try for a two word concept - malicious curiosity, malign interest, intrusive disgust...?
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:36 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:36 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
You use forms of 'fascinate' three times while asking, and 'intrusive' nine.
I don't think there's a word so specific, technical or otherwise. So use two; ink is cheap. "Intrusive fascinations"
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:18 AM on June 13, 2021 [5 favorites]
I don't think there's a word so specific, technical or otherwise. So use two; ink is cheap. "Intrusive fascinations"
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:18 AM on June 13, 2021 [5 favorites]
Busybody
posted by akk2014 at 5:31 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by akk2014 at 5:31 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
meddlesome (for active nosy busybodies)
posted by meijusa at 5:49 AM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by meijusa at 5:49 AM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
Voyeuristic (see definition 2 of voyeur and further discussion below that).
posted by bluebird at 5:50 AM on June 13, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by bluebird at 5:50 AM on June 13, 2021 [8 favorites]
Invasive.
posted by nightrecordings at 6:53 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by nightrecordings at 6:53 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
Depending on the specific way this interest is expressed, "curtain-twitching" might be relevant.
posted by trig at 6:59 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by trig at 6:59 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
My 'mind' tangles prurient [sex] with purulent [having a discharge containing pus]: both begin with P and rhyme with squelchy. The Google says that, in South American slang, "metiche" is the word required here. If English can borrow macho, patio and ranch from Spanish, why not metiche?
posted by BobTheScientist at 7:01 AM on June 13, 2021
posted by BobTheScientist at 7:01 AM on June 13, 2021
The best I could come up with is 'inquisitorial', but that sounds a bit more judgey than sincerely interested.
I just tried to find adjacent words by looking through an online thesaurus or two; unfortunately they are stuck on salacious words. I would encourage you to find a paper copy of a Roget's thesaurus, which is a great way to browse words that are near each other in meaning and gives you more discretion in which direction, how far to wander, and how great a chance you give to serendipity.
posted by amtho at 7:02 AM on June 13, 2021
I just tried to find adjacent words by looking through an online thesaurus or two; unfortunately they are stuck on salacious words. I would encourage you to find a paper copy of a Roget's thesaurus, which is a great way to browse words that are near each other in meaning and gives you more discretion in which direction, how far to wander, and how great a chance you give to serendipity.
posted by amtho at 7:02 AM on June 13, 2021
while I agree that "prurient" has a sexual connotation, I don't think it needs to be literally sexual. I have seen "prurient" used in situations where it doesn't mean literally sexual, but is meant to convey that the interest is boundary-crossing, and gratifying the curious person in a way they're being dishonest about. It indicates the curious person is really enjoying whatever it is they're inquiring about, in a situation where they haven't admitted that's what they're doing.
As an example: "in my high school speech and debate class, for an assignment on personal narrative, the teacher was encouraging students to use the most traumatic incident from their own life. His interest in the students' pain struck me as sadistic and prurient."
What I'm saying is I think you can just use "prurient" for what you want. It's much stronger than "self-serving", which might be the runner-up.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:59 AM on June 13, 2021 [15 favorites]
As an example: "in my high school speech and debate class, for an assignment on personal narrative, the teacher was encouraging students to use the most traumatic incident from their own life. His interest in the students' pain struck me as sadistic and prurient."
What I'm saying is I think you can just use "prurient" for what you want. It's much stronger than "self-serving", which might be the runner-up.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:59 AM on June 13, 2021 [15 favorites]
nosy seems the best so far but it lacks in subtlety for me.
Congratulations. It feels to me like you've identified a void in our language (English, that is).
If English can borrow macho, patio and ranch from Spanish, why not metiche?
Maybe ... but how to actually make it so? Whatever it ends up being, I wouldn't be surprised to see the Urban Dictionary leading the way. Speaking of which:
All up in the kool-aid
posted by philip-random at 8:02 AM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
Congratulations. It feels to me like you've identified a void in our language (English, that is).
If English can borrow macho, patio and ranch from Spanish, why not metiche?
Maybe ... but how to actually make it so? Whatever it ends up being, I wouldn't be surprised to see the Urban Dictionary leading the way. Speaking of which:
All up in the kool-aid
posted by philip-random at 8:02 AM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
"invasive" is another allotrope of this. Combined with "self-serving" it might be what you want.
"Voyeuristic" as mentioned above is good. Has the same sexual connotation, and conveys that the interest is self-gratifying.
I disagree about "nosy." A nosy neighbor is typically just someone who's generally interested in other people's business, whatever it is; and that can be harmless. What I think you're talking about has to do with simultaneously objectifying another person, enjoying it, and being dishonest about the motivation.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:09 AM on June 13, 2021 [4 favorites]
"Voyeuristic" as mentioned above is good. Has the same sexual connotation, and conveys that the interest is self-gratifying.
I disagree about "nosy." A nosy neighbor is typically just someone who's generally interested in other people's business, whatever it is; and that can be harmless. What I think you're talking about has to do with simultaneously objectifying another person, enjoying it, and being dishonest about the motivation.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:09 AM on June 13, 2021 [4 favorites]
not a pure word but I think captures the meaning well: stalkerish
posted by glonous keming at 8:13 AM on June 13, 2021
posted by glonous keming at 8:13 AM on June 13, 2021
Hyperscrutiny? Hostile surveillance? Morbid curiosity would be the phrase I would use to describe excessive interest in the life of another without in any way liking or wishing that person well.
posted by Wavelet at 9:07 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Wavelet at 9:07 AM on June 13, 2021 [2 favorites]
while I agree that "prurient" has a sexual connotation, I don't think it needs to be literally sexual
Actually that's true. The OED even lists the following as its first definition:
posted by trig at 9:07 AM on June 13, 2021 [4 favorites]
Actually that's true. The OED even lists the following as its first definition:
Exhibiting or characterized by excessive or inappropriate desire or interest; overly curious.though it does add "Frequently with overtones of sense A. 2." (the one related to sex)
posted by trig at 9:07 AM on June 13, 2021 [4 favorites]
Possibly any word English has for this behavior will eventually be dominated by the sexual-prurience sense, the way words for women historically change the same way?
posted by clew at 9:35 AM on June 13, 2021
posted by clew at 9:35 AM on June 13, 2021
FWIW I (American English speaker) have the exact same understanding of "prurient" that you do. I find I see "prurient" used almost exclusively in the noun phrase "prurient interest" and the emphasis is less on sex per se and more on intrusive or malicious curiosity about behaviors or characteristics people may consider private or shameful (including but not limited to sex). If I saw "prurient" used as a direct synonym for erotic, salacious, etc. I would flag it as odd.
posted by 4rtemis at 10:43 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by 4rtemis at 10:43 AM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
if you've been phrasing it as "prurient interest" in something, you've been using the correct word the whole time. the sexual aspect does not make it an exact or even a close synonym for "erotic". you can absolutely say someone seems to be taking a prurient interest in private details of someone's life or identity in the same way that you can say someone is "getting off" on invading your personal space or is writing a "masturbatory" personal essay or the way people like to talk about "misery porn". none of these accusations are necessarily literal (and if they were meant to be, you would probably have to add "literal" in to make that clear.) it's the right word, as long as you want to express insulting condemnation in response to an offense. that kind of usage is both clear and common.
or you can say someone's questions or interest strikes you as invasive, insistent, unwholesome, objectifying, or self-gratifying. how much you soften the adjective probably depends on whether you need to engage with the person directly or just describe them.
voyeuristic may be a better choice in some contexts, but it also has a strongly sexual connotation. again, the semi-figurative usage is common and understood.
the basic thing you are saying about someone when you describe their interest in a nonsexual private detail as "prurient" is that their motivation for wanting to know is their own illegitimate pleasure. the accusation of enjoyment is the main thing; the nature of that enjoyment is implied but absolutely does not have to be meant literally.
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2021 [13 favorites]
or you can say someone's questions or interest strikes you as invasive, insistent, unwholesome, objectifying, or self-gratifying. how much you soften the adjective probably depends on whether you need to engage with the person directly or just describe them.
voyeuristic may be a better choice in some contexts, but it also has a strongly sexual connotation. again, the semi-figurative usage is common and understood.
the basic thing you are saying about someone when you describe their interest in a nonsexual private detail as "prurient" is that their motivation for wanting to know is their own illegitimate pleasure. the accusation of enjoyment is the main thing; the nature of that enjoyment is implied but absolutely does not have to be meant literally.
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2021 [13 favorites]
Morbid curiosity?
posted by Thorzdad at 12:42 PM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 12:42 PM on June 13, 2021 [3 favorites]
It's a kind of exoticization of the perceived other, perhaps? I also think intrusive and poor boundaries could work here.
Also, before I saw trig's comment, I also checked the OED.
A. 1. Exhibiting or characterized by excessive or inappropriate desire or interest; overly curious.
Frequently with overtones of sense A. 2.
A. 2. Lascivious, lewd; exhibiting or characterized by an excessive or inappropriate concern with sexual matters; encouraging such a concern.
Notably, their most recent example for A. 1. is not related to sex:
1994 Newsday (Nexis) 21 Aug. 38 The documentary triggers in the reader a mixed feeling of disgust for and prurient fascination with the lifestyle of the rich and famous.
So I think your use has been correct.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:26 PM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also, before I saw trig's comment, I also checked the OED.
A. 1. Exhibiting or characterized by excessive or inappropriate desire or interest; overly curious.
Frequently with overtones of sense A. 2.
A. 2. Lascivious, lewd; exhibiting or characterized by an excessive or inappropriate concern with sexual matters; encouraging such a concern.
Notably, their most recent example for A. 1. is not related to sex:
1994 Newsday (Nexis) 21 Aug. 38 The documentary triggers in the reader a mixed feeling of disgust for and prurient fascination with the lifestyle of the rich and famous.
So I think your use has been correct.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:26 PM on June 13, 2021 [1 favorite]
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