Advice on tuning out of compulsive behaviors?
March 27, 2020 7:18 AM
So, there are some behaviors in my life that I just don't feel very good about. I think they damage me, they bring out the worst in me, they make me anxious and they stress me out.
Anyway so these aren't that bad, but they're still challenging to me. For starters, the media I watch too much news and it makes me feel weary, it stresses me out. I think there's far too much negativity and too many alarmist headlines. I actually stopped watching the news for a long while but then all of this craziness happened. I want to tune out, I know things are bad but there's little I can do besides staying home and waiting out.
Second, Reddit. I like that place, but it's a mixed bag at times. There is very good information there but in some places reddit is just a mess. At times it feels like it is a breeding ground for hate, negativity and all sorts of extremism. I get in far too many arguments that just bring out the worst in me when I go to some of the parts on that website.
Finally, porn. I will be honest I'm fine with masturbation, but I'm not so sure about porn. I get the feeling it isn't all that healthy to be watching that stuff. I don't watch it all day long or something like that but sometimes I stay up too late for my own liking because I ended up watching porn at night.
Anyway, I don't know if anyone had any advice. I don't think these things are great detractors in my life, but I don't feel very good about myself when I do them.
Anyway so these aren't that bad, but they're still challenging to me. For starters, the media I watch too much news and it makes me feel weary, it stresses me out. I think there's far too much negativity and too many alarmist headlines. I actually stopped watching the news for a long while but then all of this craziness happened. I want to tune out, I know things are bad but there's little I can do besides staying home and waiting out.
Second, Reddit. I like that place, but it's a mixed bag at times. There is very good information there but in some places reddit is just a mess. At times it feels like it is a breeding ground for hate, negativity and all sorts of extremism. I get in far too many arguments that just bring out the worst in me when I go to some of the parts on that website.
Finally, porn. I will be honest I'm fine with masturbation, but I'm not so sure about porn. I get the feeling it isn't all that healthy to be watching that stuff. I don't watch it all day long or something like that but sometimes I stay up too late for my own liking because I ended up watching porn at night.
Anyway, I don't know if anyone had any advice. I don't think these things are great detractors in my life, but I don't feel very good about myself when I do them.
I really liked Cal Newport's book Digital Minimalism. I listened to it as an audio book through my library app. My two big takeaways that might help you:
1. Setting time limits on media usage doesn't really address the problem. Instead, figure out how each piece of media (like an app) supports your values. Then, tailor its use to that value. For example, you say there is "very good information" on Reddit. Let's say your value was staying informed. Then, you would tailor use of Reddit to ONLY staying informed - maybe reducing what you look at (curated lists like the last commenter mentioned), and not commenting.
2. High quality non-digital leisure activities are what make it easier to get rid of these bad digital digital habits. I've found this to be true in my life too. You can't just remove these bad habits, it creates a vacuum. Make sure you have enough non-digital activities that have tangible results and sharpen your skills.
posted by beyond_pink at 7:38 AM on March 27, 2020
1. Setting time limits on media usage doesn't really address the problem. Instead, figure out how each piece of media (like an app) supports your values. Then, tailor its use to that value. For example, you say there is "very good information" on Reddit. Let's say your value was staying informed. Then, you would tailor use of Reddit to ONLY staying informed - maybe reducing what you look at (curated lists like the last commenter mentioned), and not commenting.
2. High quality non-digital leisure activities are what make it easier to get rid of these bad digital digital habits. I've found this to be true in my life too. You can't just remove these bad habits, it creates a vacuum. Make sure you have enough non-digital activities that have tangible results and sharpen your skills.
posted by beyond_pink at 7:38 AM on March 27, 2020
I recently used App Block to stop myself from accessing the twitter app or twitter through my browser. Try doing the same with Reddit and news sites.
If you want to stay up with current events but not be drowned in it, there are plenty of daily digest podcasts or newsletters from reputable sources that give you a quick rundown. Find one you like and limit yourself to that.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 8:16 AM on March 27, 2020
If you want to stay up with current events but not be drowned in it, there are plenty of daily digest podcasts or newsletters from reputable sources that give you a quick rundown. Find one you like and limit yourself to that.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 8:16 AM on March 27, 2020
For myself, it is impossible to have a one lasting rule about how much time I spend online reading MetaFilter or the news or whatever. Lately I have not been spending as much time on MF and have cut way down on my news consumption and I feel better as a result. Other times, I have needed to spend a lot more time on MF because I needed much more sense of community.
When I am spending too much time on any given site, the Self-Control app for Macs been helpful. I can lock myself out of various sites for up to 24 hours. And I find it after the 24 hours I have it has been broken so I don’t automatically go back until I actually am ready. I deleted my Apple news app more than a year ago and it helped a lot in terms of my mood. I could no longer obsessively refresh the bad news, which was much healthier for me.
However you decide to proceed, experts say to pick one problem to tackle at a time. Do you have a porn problem or a getting to bed on time problem? Lots of us have difficulties getting to bed on time, especially people with ADHD or who are a typical in other ways. There’s tons of stuff to read about sleep hygiene. It’s an ongoing struggle for me but the value of getting enough sleep is huge. It makes an enormous contribution to one’s health. So if you’re staying up late for any reason, consider tackling that problem first. (I fall asleep while listening to podcasts, sometimes in a foreign language, because it makes it easier for me not to get stuck on the words.) Getting enough sleep on a regular basis will make it easier for you to develop other healthier habits. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 8:42 AM on March 27, 2020
When I am spending too much time on any given site, the Self-Control app for Macs been helpful. I can lock myself out of various sites for up to 24 hours. And I find it after the 24 hours I have it has been broken so I don’t automatically go back until I actually am ready. I deleted my Apple news app more than a year ago and it helped a lot in terms of my mood. I could no longer obsessively refresh the bad news, which was much healthier for me.
However you decide to proceed, experts say to pick one problem to tackle at a time. Do you have a porn problem or a getting to bed on time problem? Lots of us have difficulties getting to bed on time, especially people with ADHD or who are a typical in other ways. There’s tons of stuff to read about sleep hygiene. It’s an ongoing struggle for me but the value of getting enough sleep is huge. It makes an enormous contribution to one’s health. So if you’re staying up late for any reason, consider tackling that problem first. (I fall asleep while listening to podcasts, sometimes in a foreign language, because it makes it easier for me not to get stuck on the words.) Getting enough sleep on a regular basis will make it easier for you to develop other healthier habits. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 8:42 AM on March 27, 2020
I like to use a physical notebook for this, but there's no reason it wouldn't work to use a computer if that's more your jam.
Pick one of the habits you want to change your relationship to, write it down.
Begin trying to pay attention to the moments when you find yourself doing the thing. Each day, in the late morning and then late in the day (or adjust to whatever timing suits you), take a moment to jot a couple of observations about what you noticed in those moments.
The first day or two, you might not even remember to pay attention, and if that's the case, you can just write that down and move on to your next thing. Later, you might notice things like what you were doing that made you switch to the thing, or what you were feeling, or how it felt to stop or not to stop, etc. The more detailed your understanding of the things that drive you to do the thing, the more choice you'll find you have about following that urge.
I use a reminder app on my phone to help me remember to do the journaling.
Continue this process until you're feeling satisfied with your progress and ready to move to a different habit.
posted by spindrifter at 12:43 PM on March 27, 2020
Pick one of the habits you want to change your relationship to, write it down.
Begin trying to pay attention to the moments when you find yourself doing the thing. Each day, in the late morning and then late in the day (or adjust to whatever timing suits you), take a moment to jot a couple of observations about what you noticed in those moments.
The first day or two, you might not even remember to pay attention, and if that's the case, you can just write that down and move on to your next thing. Later, you might notice things like what you were doing that made you switch to the thing, or what you were feeling, or how it felt to stop or not to stop, etc. The more detailed your understanding of the things that drive you to do the thing, the more choice you'll find you have about following that urge.
I use a reminder app on my phone to help me remember to do the journaling.
Continue this process until you're feeling satisfied with your progress and ready to move to a different habit.
posted by spindrifter at 12:43 PM on March 27, 2020
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Regarding reddit: I am in the process of creating a curated list - you can set up groups of sub-reddits and just view those. That will eliminate all of the garbage I don't want to see.
Those are the two I can help with.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 7:30 AM on March 27, 2020