Please explain these jokes in an old X-Files video game!
November 15, 2019 4:59 PM Subscribe
The 1998 X-Files video game is pretty fun, but it has some jokey banter in it that's caused me such lasting bafflement that I feel compelled to blow an Ask on it 21 freaking years later. The "jokes" are below the cut...
So, our stalwart hero Agent Wilmore (Duchovny and Anderson only show up for cameos) has kind of a joshing friendship with a local forensic analyst, John Amis. They're always trading quips, but a lot of the quips make no sense to me at all.
Here's one exchange, courtesy of the quotes page on IMDB.com:
Craig Willmore : Hey don't you owe me a dollar?
John Amis : Did you know I grew up in Cleveland?
Craig Willmore : Oh? Cleveland? Really?
John Amis : You know how cold it is in Cleveland?
Craig Willmore : Cold. It is very cold in Cleveland today.
John Amis : But not cold enough!
They play it like it's supposed to be funny, but to me it reads more like one of those coded nonsense exchanges people do in spy movies before they exchange microfilm. I'm guessing it's some kind of twist on the "cold day in hell" trope, like maybe Amis is saying it'll be a cold day in Cleveland before he pays back that dollar. But that's... weird, and not funny at all?
Then there's this bit, when they're looking over some weapons from a locker IIRC:
Craig Willmore : Is there any reason why this would be treated as contraband?
John Amis : [In Sean Connery voice] Nope. It's neither illegal... nor sexy.
Amis' line there rings some kind of bell, like it's referencing an old SNL bit or something. But I've never found that bit and I'm not sure it exists. What the devil are they going on about? In general the game's dialogue is OK, but then every time Willmore meets Amis it gets wonky like it's gone through Google translate a few times. Please, somebody explain this stuff so I can stop wondering about it!
So, our stalwart hero Agent Wilmore (Duchovny and Anderson only show up for cameos) has kind of a joshing friendship with a local forensic analyst, John Amis. They're always trading quips, but a lot of the quips make no sense to me at all.
Here's one exchange, courtesy of the quotes page on IMDB.com:
Craig Willmore : Hey don't you owe me a dollar?
John Amis : Did you know I grew up in Cleveland?
Craig Willmore : Oh? Cleveland? Really?
John Amis : You know how cold it is in Cleveland?
Craig Willmore : Cold. It is very cold in Cleveland today.
John Amis : But not cold enough!
They play it like it's supposed to be funny, but to me it reads more like one of those coded nonsense exchanges people do in spy movies before they exchange microfilm. I'm guessing it's some kind of twist on the "cold day in hell" trope, like maybe Amis is saying it'll be a cold day in Cleveland before he pays back that dollar. But that's... weird, and not funny at all?
Then there's this bit, when they're looking over some weapons from a locker IIRC:
Craig Willmore : Is there any reason why this would be treated as contraband?
John Amis : [In Sean Connery voice] Nope. It's neither illegal... nor sexy.
Amis' line there rings some kind of bell, like it's referencing an old SNL bit or something. But I've never found that bit and I'm not sure it exists. What the devil are they going on about? In general the game's dialogue is OK, but then every time Willmore meets Amis it gets wonky like it's gone through Google translate a few times. Please, somebody explain this stuff so I can stop wondering about it!
Which I didn't quite realize you were rejecting — but nevertheless!
posted by jamjam at 5:20 PM on November 15, 2019
posted by jamjam at 5:20 PM on November 15, 2019
Response by poster: I'm not rejecting it, I just didn't think it worked as a joke. Like, I thought it HAD to be something more sensible and funny. But maybe it's not. Why the hell is Amis being so stingy about repaying one dollar anyhow?
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:26 PM on November 15, 2019
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:26 PM on November 15, 2019
I remember that game being hokey when I played it in 1998
Gosh I can hear the voices in my head - thanks for the cheesey memories!! Haha
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:30 PM on November 15, 2019
Gosh I can hear the voices in my head - thanks for the cheesey memories!! Haha
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:30 PM on November 15, 2019
There is a thing called a joke-shaped object, which is a bad writer’s go-to when they need a joke. Sounds like they couldn’t really afford a top-drawer writer for this property.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 5:57 PM on November 15, 2019 [29 favorites]
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 5:57 PM on November 15, 2019 [29 favorites]
I'm also leaning towards joke-shaped object. As Perd Hapley (Parks and Rec) once said, "I don't know what you mean but it had the cadence of a joke."
posted by acidnova at 6:13 PM on November 15, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by acidnova at 6:13 PM on November 15, 2019 [15 favorites]
I've worked on quite a few games, and often the writing is what might charitably be called utter garbage. Especially 20 odd years ago, it's likely to have been done by the level designer or a very poorly paid writer. Even today writers are chronically undervalued. It's astonishing to me that studios will spend countless hours tweaking the models and lighting and code and level designs, but bash out the dialog in what appears to be a few afternoon jam sessions.
I concur with the joke-shaped-object analysis.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:27 PM on November 15, 2019 [3 favorites]
I concur with the joke-shaped-object analysis.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:27 PM on November 15, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Not to threadsit, but the weird thing about this game is that the plotting and dialogue are generally up to par with The X-Files other than the scenes of "comic relief" with Amis, which are like something transcribed from a weird dream. That was why these scenes really stood out, and stuck with me for all this time. They don't fit. I wonder if they let the actors improv to fill out the running time, or if it was some really inside joke stuff that somehow made it into the final game. I was hoping somebody could explain the Sean Connery bit or tell me what Cleveland being cold today has to do with why Amis won't pay up a goddamn dollar, but sadly it appears it's not to be.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 9:01 PM on November 15, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Ursula Hitler at 9:01 PM on November 15, 2019 [1 favorite]
On the TVtropes page, it says there is a dialog option to say you thought X would be more Sean Conneryish, so maybe it's a running gag?
posted by BeeDo at 9:53 PM on November 15, 2019
posted by BeeDo at 9:53 PM on November 15, 2019
Why not ask the actor directly? I think Reginald Andre Jackson is your man. If you're feeling shy about taking this final step, I'd be happy to hype you up further and/or reach out to his talent agent "Tim" directly, because this insanely specific line of enquiry has really hooked me.
posted by cranberrymonger at 10:12 PM on November 15, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by cranberrymonger at 10:12 PM on November 15, 2019 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Cranberrymonger, if you felt like you could actually reach the guy I'd say please go ahead. But that page you linked to only has contact info for his agent, and I don't even know if that info's still current. I have a feeling that if I contacted the agent, it'd never reach Jackson.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:37 AM on November 16, 2019
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:37 AM on November 16, 2019
The second one feels like a "Trainspotting" reference. Renton (MacGregor) and Sickboy (Miller) get up to some nonsense in which the both do their Connery impression, such as this scene queued up in the trailer. It doesn't directly show up in that scene, but between the Connery impression and the word "contraband," it feels like it's from that movie.
Trainspotting was in '96, so it came out while that game was in development.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:09 AM on November 16, 2019
Trainspotting was in '96, so it came out while that game was in development.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:09 AM on November 16, 2019
I'm going to guess the contraband thing is a reference to Austin Powers, which came out in 1997 and featured a scene in which Austin is having his luggage searched, and a penis pump was found. The Sean Connery accent is the writer or actor conflating Mike Myers' Austin Powers character with the Scottish "Fat Bastard" character.
posted by subocoyne at 5:55 PM on November 16, 2019
posted by subocoyne at 5:55 PM on November 16, 2019
> Craig Willmore : Is there any reason why this would be treated as contraband?
> John Amis : [In Sean Connery voice] Nope. It's neither illegal... nor sexy.
Per TVTropes this falls under the category of Bad Impressionists.
It doesn't say much about it, just: 'Bad Impressionists: John Amis and his Sean Connery impersonation. "It's neither illegal nor sexy."'
More on what they mean by the "Bad Impressionists" trope on the Bad Impressionists page.
posted by flug at 10:12 PM on November 17, 2019
> John Amis : [In Sean Connery voice] Nope. It's neither illegal... nor sexy.
Per TVTropes this falls under the category of Bad Impressionists.
It doesn't say much about it, just: 'Bad Impressionists: John Amis and his Sean Connery impersonation. "It's neither illegal nor sexy."'
More on what they mean by the "Bad Impressionists" trope on the Bad Impressionists page.
posted by flug at 10:12 PM on November 17, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
So pointing out in that situation with a clear implication that the debt is not likely to be paid since Cleveland isn't cold enough equates it to Hell.
posted by jamjam at 5:17 PM on November 15, 2019 [2 favorites]