Reading and thinking about adult friendships

September 12, 2019 6:49 PM

So I'm finding that many of my adult friendships are somewhat asymmetrical--I'm contacting that person more than they are contacting me. I'm looking for a good book or thoughtful, longer article about adult friendships, as I've never had great social skills and I need to think about them in a thoughtful, deliberate manner. Thanks for your recommendations.

I am in my early fifties, and married. Some of these friends are couples, and some are old college friends.

posted by mecran01 to Human Relations (7 answers total)

Response by poster: One roadblock I'm hitting is that the word "friendship" seems to be aligned with a specific, U.S. Christian ideology, or at least that's what I'm seeing when I peruse Amazon.

I'll start adding potentially useful articles to this thread while we wait for the Friend Experts to weigh in. What I'm sensing is that nobody really knows what they are doing when it comes to adult friendships, and that we are all going to die alone.
posted by mecran01 at 8:06 AM on September 13, 2019

I really liked and still often think about 10 Types of Odd Friendships You’re Probably Part Of, which is humorous but also has some solid and thoughtful recommendations toward the bottom of the article.
posted by anderjen at 8:30 AM on September 13, 2019 [3 favorites]

You might want to check out this current AskMeFi thread on the topic of friendship asymmetry and the feeling that you're contacting the other person more than they're contacting you: https://ask.metafilter.com/337534/Asymmetrical-friendship-what-to-do, esp jenfullmoon's comment.
posted by mmw at 8:39 AM on September 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

You might like Urban Tribes, though reviews of it look mixed.
posted by orangejenny at 10:38 AM on September 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

The book Vital Friends by Tom Rath
posted by SyraCarol at 8:42 PM on September 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: The Tim Urban piece above is pretty good. He describes the friendships and sorta friendships that develop, and says to put most energy into the highest quality relationships. So there's sort of an economic metaphor driving that.

Here is a link to the Tom Rath book at Goodreads.
posted by mecran01 at 3:48 PM on September 17, 2019

Response by poster: Five Myths about Adult Friendships
posted by mecran01 at 5:14 PM on September 17, 2019