Suddenly Better Sex - What's Going On?
August 22, 2019 1:31 AM Subscribe
I've been happily married for quite a long time. Our sex life was fine until recently, when my libido and enjoyment of sex went up a lot, apparently for no reason at all. Is this a perimenopause thing? Isn't the opposite supposed to happen?
It's been nearly 3 months. First I noticed my nipples were more sensitive and then that my vagina was FAR more sensitive. I didn't think there was anything wrong before - I'd often read that there aren't many nerve endings in the vagina, and penetrative sex with my husband was mildly to moderately pleasant for over 20 years, like a hug. Then abruptly it became exciting and intensely pleasurable, every time, in all positions. I don't understand it. There's no difference in technique - the change was all in me - and I still don't have orgasms (a pity, but I know that's totally normal) but the feeling is so wonderful we've gone to having sex every day from what had dwindled down to only 2 or 3 times a month, and I've been worrying about making my husband feel pressured (he says he's delighted).
Searching on the internet hasn't come up with any real information about why this happened or whether it will stop. My only idea is that I've had some kind of hormone surge due to the approach of menopause - I'm the right age but haven't had any (other?) menopause symptoms so far. I do know that a sudden increase in libido can be a sign of serious mental illness but I think if it was mania there would have been other changes in my life and personality and everything else is unchanged.
Did this happen to you, or have you discovered any studies on it? Surely I can't be the first woman in the world to experience this. I'm worried that if sex goes back to the way it was before, I'll be horribly disappointed, when before I was content because I didn't know any different.
It's been nearly 3 months. First I noticed my nipples were more sensitive and then that my vagina was FAR more sensitive. I didn't think there was anything wrong before - I'd often read that there aren't many nerve endings in the vagina, and penetrative sex with my husband was mildly to moderately pleasant for over 20 years, like a hug. Then abruptly it became exciting and intensely pleasurable, every time, in all positions. I don't understand it. There's no difference in technique - the change was all in me - and I still don't have orgasms (a pity, but I know that's totally normal) but the feeling is so wonderful we've gone to having sex every day from what had dwindled down to only 2 or 3 times a month, and I've been worrying about making my husband feel pressured (he says he's delighted).
Searching on the internet hasn't come up with any real information about why this happened or whether it will stop. My only idea is that I've had some kind of hormone surge due to the approach of menopause - I'm the right age but haven't had any (other?) menopause symptoms so far. I do know that a sudden increase in libido can be a sign of serious mental illness but I think if it was mania there would have been other changes in my life and personality and everything else is unchanged.
Did this happen to you, or have you discovered any studies on it? Surely I can't be the first woman in the world to experience this. I'm worried that if sex goes back to the way it was before, I'll be horribly disappointed, when before I was content because I didn't know any different.
For me, perimenopause was a lot like puberty - my hormone levels, and interest in sex, fluctuated widely from day to day - sometimes even hour to hour.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:31 AM on August 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:31 AM on August 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
It's like an extinction burst: evolution wants you to become pregnant (and pass on your genes) now that the end of your fertility is growing nigh. Enjoy!
posted by carmicha at 6:50 AM on August 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by carmicha at 6:50 AM on August 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Did this happen to you, or have you discovered any studies on it?
1) YES. FUCK YES. Anecdotally from other women, YES.
2) Hahhaha, does conventional science much care that in our 40s, women tend to turn a corner where we're more easily aroused and enthusiastically terrific in bed? No. Not really. Not unless there's a problem to solve. Plus, a significant percentage of women in their 40s are not in a situation where they would have the opportunity to discover/test whether or not their libido has changed. (Mostly because patriarchy, either directly or indirectly, even for queer women.)
posted by desuetude at 12:57 PM on August 22, 2019 [3 favorites]
1) YES. FUCK YES. Anecdotally from other women, YES.
2) Hahhaha, does conventional science much care that in our 40s, women tend to turn a corner where we're more easily aroused and enthusiastically terrific in bed? No. Not really. Not unless there's a problem to solve. Plus, a significant percentage of women in their 40s are not in a situation where they would have the opportunity to discover/test whether or not their libido has changed. (Mostly because patriarchy, either directly or indirectly, even for queer women.)
posted by desuetude at 12:57 PM on August 22, 2019 [3 favorites]
It’s TOOOOOOOTALLY a thing for perimenopausal women! I even once stumbled on the website of a therapist (or similar) specializing in helping women cope with the insane perimenopausal libido surge.
posted by HotToddy at 4:37 PM on August 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by HotToddy at 4:37 PM on August 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
Oh yeah, I started noticing clitoral erections and constantly being wet. 5 years in and post-hysterectomy I've gone back to normal me, but the noticeable clitoral sensations while I was just riding in a bus was quite ... disturbing.
posted by b33j at 7:13 PM on August 22, 2019
posted by b33j at 7:13 PM on August 22, 2019
I understand that arousal in both the male and the female is the result of testosterone. The mechanism behind this is probably that your female hormone levels have dropped leaving your natural male hormone levels comparatively high.
Testosterone level is highest an hour or two before dawn - that can be the best time for sex.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:07 AM on August 23, 2019
Testosterone level is highest an hour or two before dawn - that can be the best time for sex.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:07 AM on August 23, 2019
Response by poster: Thanks for your replies! I was worried someone would say 'That's how sex addiction starts - put a stop to it now before you ruin your life' or ' Someone I knew had this and it was the only symptom of a fatal illness' so I feel rather reassured now.
It does feel unfortunate that I slept with my husband thousands of times before the sex really got good and the reason for the lack of excitement all those years was my completely healthy and normal hormone balance. What was the benefit of my body limiting itself like that? Better late than never, I suppose.
If I remember I will update when my hormones settle at a new level and all the fun goes away - I assume it won't last longer than the question stays open. For the sake of those who run across the question in the future, and for science (even though science doesn't care!)
posted by justapuppet1999 at 12:06 PM on August 28, 2019
It does feel unfortunate that I slept with my husband thousands of times before the sex really got good and the reason for the lack of excitement all those years was my completely healthy and normal hormone balance. What was the benefit of my body limiting itself like that? Better late than never, I suppose.
If I remember I will update when my hormones settle at a new level and all the fun goes away - I assume it won't last longer than the question stays open. For the sake of those who run across the question in the future, and for science (even though science doesn't care!)
posted by justapuppet1999 at 12:06 PM on August 28, 2019
> If I remember I will update when my hormones settle at a new level and all the fun goes away - I assume it won't last longer than the question stays open.
I'm 45. I've been randy like this for years now.
posted by desuetude at 11:58 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm 45. I've been randy like this for years now.
posted by desuetude at 11:58 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 4:25 AM on August 22, 2019