How to give myself the credit I deserve?
July 29, 2019 2:30 AM Subscribe
I worked long and hard on a big project at work. Today the final milestone (signature of an agreement) was achieved, and this was 90% down to me, even though I am fairly junior. I have waited for and worked towards this day for about 9 months, but instead of being over the moon I feel like crap, because my superiors did not recognise my achievement beyond the bare minimum of acknowledgement.
I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job. I don't see anything wrong with that.
Assuming my superiors never change their ungrateful ways, how can I give myself the credit I deserve?
How can I stop feeling angry and disillusioned at the lack of interest shown in my work by my managers?
Please don't tell me to:
- get therapy (for reasons it's not for me)
- change jobs (I am already trying)
- talk to my manager about it (I have spoken to him already about the way I operate/ what I need and it has fallen on deaf ears, I have no reason to think this issue would be different)
I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job. I don't see anything wrong with that.
Assuming my superiors never change their ungrateful ways, how can I give myself the credit I deserve?
How can I stop feeling angry and disillusioned at the lack of interest shown in my work by my managers?
Please don't tell me to:
- get therapy (for reasons it's not for me)
- change jobs (I am already trying)
- talk to my manager about it (I have spoken to him already about the way I operate/ what I need and it has fallen on deaf ears, I have no reason to think this issue would be different)
Were there any people on the project with you at or below your level? If you had any peers or subordinates involved, you could organize some kind of celebration with them?
posted by LizardBreath at 3:08 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by LizardBreath at 3:08 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
I like to give myself a personal celebration when I wrap up a big project. These days that’s a new book + some time at a wine bar alone to read.
If you meant external validation, I would urge you to let go of the idea that others should express gratitude, or that there’s something wrong with your boss (“their ungrateful ways”?). You will never be satisfied with your work life otherwise.
From their perspective, that’s what the money’s for.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:18 AM on July 29, 2019 [20 favorites]
If you meant external validation, I would urge you to let go of the idea that others should express gratitude, or that there’s something wrong with your boss (“their ungrateful ways”?). You will never be satisfied with your work life otherwise.
From their perspective, that’s what the money’s for.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:18 AM on July 29, 2019 [20 favorites]
Why should they be "grateful"? You did the job you are getting paid to do.
This.
I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job. I don't see anything wrong with that.
The 'wrong' thing about this is that it requires other people to meet your need for recognition. That requirement means your need is bound to be thwarted, regularly.
You are motivated by extrinsic praise. Become intrinsically motivated and you'll be satisfied with self-praise.
posted by Thella at 3:19 AM on July 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
This.
I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job. I don't see anything wrong with that.
The 'wrong' thing about this is that it requires other people to meet your need for recognition. That requirement means your need is bound to be thwarted, regularly.
You are motivated by extrinsic praise. Become intrinsically motivated and you'll be satisfied with self-praise.
posted by Thella at 3:19 AM on July 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
Sorry, but this is how most of the work world operates--not many pats on the head. Be proud of yourself without requiring external validation. Take a deep, relaxing breath. Reward yourself with something special you enjoy. Wind down and savor a less pressured schedule for a while. Do make sure at review time that your project is included in your evaluation. If you stay in the job, use the project as a way to negotiate future promotions and raises. While the project is fresh in your mind, do a write-up of it for yourself to include in an updated resume and future interviews for other jobs.
posted by Elsie at 3:30 AM on July 29, 2019 [22 favorites]
posted by Elsie at 3:30 AM on July 29, 2019 [22 favorites]
Update your resume with a description of your role in the project. Practice describing your contributions concisely and effectively, and use that practice when it comes to job interviews and performance reviews/requests for promotion at your current job.
When you get a chance also write down all the things you learned from working on this project - the knowledge you gained and the skills you grew.
By the way I agree with the other comments that technically your managers don't owe you any recognition, but at the same time I'd say that active recognition is part of effective management and a good work environment, because in the end we're human and most of us do get a sense of motivation and well-being by being told how good our work is.
That said, if your workplace rewards accomplishment less with words and more with career development, that's not something to discount. And I'm taking you at your word that what you accomplished was a major achievement, but do make sure your assessment is well calibrated - was your work above and beyond, or was it more a matter of meeting the expectations that your coworkers also meet?
Anyway, well done, both for your perseverance and your success :-)
posted by trig at 3:43 AM on July 29, 2019 [43 favorites]
When you get a chance also write down all the things you learned from working on this project - the knowledge you gained and the skills you grew.
By the way I agree with the other comments that technically your managers don't owe you any recognition, but at the same time I'd say that active recognition is part of effective management and a good work environment, because in the end we're human and most of us do get a sense of motivation and well-being by being told how good our work is.
That said, if your workplace rewards accomplishment less with words and more with career development, that's not something to discount. And I'm taking you at your word that what you accomplished was a major achievement, but do make sure your assessment is well calibrated - was your work above and beyond, or was it more a matter of meeting the expectations that your coworkers also meet?
Anyway, well done, both for your perseverance and your success :-)
posted by trig at 3:43 AM on July 29, 2019 [43 favorites]
This need sounds fairly young-thinking. A lot, maybe most, of life’s deepest achievements will come without recognition. I’ve won industry awards, which was nice, but when I think of things I’m most proud of a lot of them were more along the lines of discovering a really talented writer and giving her a platform, etc. And really...a lot of that was me passing on the opportunities someone gave me. So as a lifelong thing, I think the best route is to cultivate gratitude in yourself. You got the opportunity to stretch and bring in a deal. Who helped you that you could recognize?
However, while you’re building that, you could do a few other things. One is to develop your own recognition program. If you want to go all out, you could put a chart on your wall at work and assign yourself stars...this would probably get some eye rolling around you, but if you’re confident this will help you be productive, I say go for it.
The second is to think of yourself as a secret super hero. I mean, you did get “the bare minimum” of recognition so see that as what mere mortals provide and go look for the next chance to save the universe.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:46 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
However, while you’re building that, you could do a few other things. One is to develop your own recognition program. If you want to go all out, you could put a chart on your wall at work and assign yourself stars...this would probably get some eye rolling around you, but if you’re confident this will help you be productive, I say go for it.
The second is to think of yourself as a secret super hero. I mean, you did get “the bare minimum” of recognition so see that as what mere mortals provide and go look for the next chance to save the universe.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:46 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
Ooh, this is a familiar feeling! One thing to think about is that this can go on your resume now, or if you use it, on your LinkedIn. That can feel satisfying and like you will actually get credit somehow! Just not immediately.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 3:47 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 3:47 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Just to address a few of the comments:
I worked mostly independently on the project - there was a small amount of supervision by my supervisor, but no peers or subordinates.
The fact that I did so much independently and still delivered on time shows I’m working well above my pay grade, not just doing the job I am paid to do
The money is a need - it pays for food, mortgage and bills. I don’t derive any pleasure out of having my basic needs met, and I am not a high earner, so the money does not count in motivating me or helping me feel recognised for what I do.
I’m not saying I’m owed recognition- the whole point of this question is to help me figure out how not to depend on that, or become “intrinsically motivated” as Thella puts it.
posted by EatMyHat at 4:01 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I worked mostly independently on the project - there was a small amount of supervision by my supervisor, but no peers or subordinates.
The fact that I did so much independently and still delivered on time shows I’m working well above my pay grade, not just doing the job I am paid to do
The money is a need - it pays for food, mortgage and bills. I don’t derive any pleasure out of having my basic needs met, and I am not a high earner, so the money does not count in motivating me or helping me feel recognised for what I do.
I’m not saying I’m owed recognition- the whole point of this question is to help me figure out how not to depend on that, or become “intrinsically motivated” as Thella puts it.
posted by EatMyHat at 4:01 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Get yourself a nice bunch of flowers, or something else that feels festive to you. What would you get for a friend to congratulate them on a success? Get that for yourself.
posted by Too-Ticky at 4:02 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Too-Ticky at 4:02 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
> worked towards this day for about 9 months, but instead of being over the moon I feel like crap, because my superiors did not recognise my achievement beyond the bare minimum of acknowledgement.
> I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job.
perhaps this feeling is some level of depression or burnout or anger caused by cognitive dissonance -- you have been working hard and pushing toward a result, but now you realise that -- at least on some level -- for you personally, there is no particular reward for your hard work.
> how can I give myself the credit I deserve?
> How can I stop feeling angry and disillusioned at the lack of interest shown in my work by my managers?
i went through a loosely similar experience after working in my first commercial role in my mid-late 20s, although it sounds like my motivation was a bit different to yours.
what helped me:
1. i realised i had internalised my employer's goals and identified too much between my identity and how well i was doing my job and serving my employer's goals, rather than identifying my own goals, and clearly thinking through how (or if) my job helped me work towards them. now i clearly recognise that my employer's goals are not my own goals. i work my contractually agreed hours and leave, and don't have any work comms (phone, email, slack) on any personal device i used outside of work time. apologies if this is stating the flaming obvious.
2. i realised that while i was effective at my job, i was not effective at the commercial negotiations involved in selling my labour. i hadn't negotiated well for salary or benefits over the years, and my employer merrily took advantage of this. after i understood this, i was most angry at myself for being naive. it was far more effective for me to switch to a new job with better pay than try to negotiate an incremental improvement with the old employer. getting better at negotiating has been much more useful to me financially than getting better at my actual job.
3. i ended up quitting my job in disgust before having a new job lined up. it took me a few months to get my head straight after this. quitting without having a new job was not a clever move, and now i regret this, but i got lucky and it turned out okay. in retrospect i should have been putting my energy into interviewing with other prospective employers to cultivate new options for work, rather than working unpaid overtime, etc.
posted by are-coral-made at 4:07 AM on July 29, 2019 [21 favorites]
> I have a high need for achievement and recognition, because that is what motivates me to put in the long hours and work well above my pay grade to do a good job.
perhaps this feeling is some level of depression or burnout or anger caused by cognitive dissonance -- you have been working hard and pushing toward a result, but now you realise that -- at least on some level -- for you personally, there is no particular reward for your hard work.
> how can I give myself the credit I deserve?
> How can I stop feeling angry and disillusioned at the lack of interest shown in my work by my managers?
i went through a loosely similar experience after working in my first commercial role in my mid-late 20s, although it sounds like my motivation was a bit different to yours.
what helped me:
1. i realised i had internalised my employer's goals and identified too much between my identity and how well i was doing my job and serving my employer's goals, rather than identifying my own goals, and clearly thinking through how (or if) my job helped me work towards them. now i clearly recognise that my employer's goals are not my own goals. i work my contractually agreed hours and leave, and don't have any work comms (phone, email, slack) on any personal device i used outside of work time. apologies if this is stating the flaming obvious.
2. i realised that while i was effective at my job, i was not effective at the commercial negotiations involved in selling my labour. i hadn't negotiated well for salary or benefits over the years, and my employer merrily took advantage of this. after i understood this, i was most angry at myself for being naive. it was far more effective for me to switch to a new job with better pay than try to negotiate an incremental improvement with the old employer. getting better at negotiating has been much more useful to me financially than getting better at my actual job.
3. i ended up quitting my job in disgust before having a new job lined up. it took me a few months to get my head straight after this. quitting without having a new job was not a clever move, and now i regret this, but i got lucky and it turned out okay. in retrospect i should have been putting my energy into interviewing with other prospective employers to cultivate new options for work, rather than working unpaid overtime, etc.
posted by are-coral-made at 4:07 AM on July 29, 2019 [21 favorites]
Add a section to your resume describing how you spearheaded tgis project, managed most aspects, ensured deadlines were met, communicated with all groups involved, brought in New technology. Seeing it on paper as you consider your next position will feel great. Conn, you deserve it!
posted by waving at 4:18 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by waving at 4:18 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I have spoken to him already about the way I operate/ what I need and it has fallen on deaf ears
Something fundamental about most workplaces is that your supervisors get to determine how they like to operate and you adapt to that, within reason. As you get more senior you may get your own people to supervise but they won’t give you that kind of recognition either. This tends to hold for as long as you report to others. The only way to avoid that is self-employment at which point you get to accommodate your paying customers.
So I would gently suggest that you adjust your expectations a bit here. A ‘well done’ is nice but it will rarely go beyond that. Long hrs tend to get you no extra recognition and advancement tends to require you to demonstrate you can do the work of the next level before you have the title. So focus on how you can leverage your successes to advance, be it internally or externally. If money and advancement don’t motivate you that’s ok but then what is your objective in a corporate role? If you want other less tangible rewards that’s ok but the commercial world tends to be bottom line driven and tends to assume you focus on your own bottom line.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
Something fundamental about most workplaces is that your supervisors get to determine how they like to operate and you adapt to that, within reason. As you get more senior you may get your own people to supervise but they won’t give you that kind of recognition either. This tends to hold for as long as you report to others. The only way to avoid that is self-employment at which point you get to accommodate your paying customers.
So I would gently suggest that you adjust your expectations a bit here. A ‘well done’ is nice but it will rarely go beyond that. Long hrs tend to get you no extra recognition and advancement tends to require you to demonstrate you can do the work of the next level before you have the title. So focus on how you can leverage your successes to advance, be it internally or externally. If money and advancement don’t motivate you that’s ok but then what is your objective in a corporate role? If you want other less tangible rewards that’s ok but the commercial world tends to be bottom line driven and tends to assume you focus on your own bottom line.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
I understand how you are feeling. It’s almost like a let down, because you were hoping for a bit more positive ANYTHING from them, but not really because internally it feels like a big weight is off your shoulders. It’s like you’re going dancing...you are excited and bubbling over but no one wants to dance and are not into it. I know some on here mentioned a generational thing, but it’s normal to want acknowledgement after a big effort! That’s a human thing! However, work DGAF. That’s why it’s work.
I understand what you are saying - you respond well to getting feedback after a job well done. They are not going to do that and you cannot expect them do do that because it’s out of your control.
I think I understand your ask: you know they are not going to give you what you need (positive feedback) so you are trying to figure out what YOU can do that is within your control to fulfill your own need.
Take a shameless day off. Seriously...take an extra day and declare no obligations and literally just do what feels good to you on that day, in that moment. It’s incredibly freeing and a great recharge. You do you on that day as your own celebration.
Added bonus: when you take said day tell them it’s a personal day and nothing more. I recently wrapped up a big achievement at work, got little acknowledgement, let that roll off me and took a recharge day. My boss thought I was interviewing elsewhere and suddenly I got that reinforcement. This was unintentional on my part but an interesting observation.
posted by floweredfish at 4:21 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
I understand what you are saying - you respond well to getting feedback after a job well done. They are not going to do that and you cannot expect them do do that because it’s out of your control.
I think I understand your ask: you know they are not going to give you what you need (positive feedback) so you are trying to figure out what YOU can do that is within your control to fulfill your own need.
Take a shameless day off. Seriously...take an extra day and declare no obligations and literally just do what feels good to you on that day, in that moment. It’s incredibly freeing and a great recharge. You do you on that day as your own celebration.
Added bonus: when you take said day tell them it’s a personal day and nothing more. I recently wrapped up a big achievement at work, got little acknowledgement, let that roll off me and took a recharge day. My boss thought I was interviewing elsewhere and suddenly I got that reinforcement. This was unintentional on my part but an interesting observation.
posted by floweredfish at 4:21 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Sometimes, the way supervisors reward high-performing employees is more of a long game. Rather than effusive praise now, you might see other positives later, like more interesting projects assigned to you, more freedom to work without supervision or micromanagement, freedom to make more decisions on how you work and what you work on, maybe even the ability to choose who you work with. Who knows, maybe the supervisors all get together occasionally and talk about their superstar employees, and everyone is jealous of your supervisor, and just waiting for a chance to poach you to their awesome project.
Have patience. Keep on doing what you're doing, and good things will happen.
But - be careful about doing too much that is too far outside your job description for too little compensation. That way lies madness and burnout.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:32 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Have patience. Keep on doing what you're doing, and good things will happen.
But - be careful about doing too much that is too far outside your job description for too little compensation. That way lies madness and burnout.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:32 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Congratulations on achieving your goal!
I’ve had a fair few jobs, and in my experience, managers who actively recognise and vocalise your accomplishments are rare and beautiful creatures. In general, they are too busy with their own deliverables to concern themselves much about yours (unless you are not hitting targets).
I like the suggestions above of crediting yourself, by reflecting what the accomplishments mean to you, your CV, and your career. You’ve learned skills and gained experience and that’s so much better than receiving credit for having done nothing. Also, you’ve mentioned previously that you work in the public service-- can you reflect on how your work is benefitting society?
In case some of your ill feelings comes from resentment that your long hours and working above your pay grade hasn’t been formally recognised, you could try… not doing that next time? I mean that kindly. As far as your employer is concerned, they pay you to produce an output. If you over-deliver, that’s nice but it's your choice and they don’t owe you for that. Particularly in the public sector which doesn’t have the same performance incentives as in private industry. If you find the experience itself is reward enough, then go for it… but if it’s not, you don’t owe them anything.
posted by roshy at 4:41 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I’ve had a fair few jobs, and in my experience, managers who actively recognise and vocalise your accomplishments are rare and beautiful creatures. In general, they are too busy with their own deliverables to concern themselves much about yours (unless you are not hitting targets).
I like the suggestions above of crediting yourself, by reflecting what the accomplishments mean to you, your CV, and your career. You’ve learned skills and gained experience and that’s so much better than receiving credit for having done nothing. Also, you’ve mentioned previously that you work in the public service-- can you reflect on how your work is benefitting society?
In case some of your ill feelings comes from resentment that your long hours and working above your pay grade hasn’t been formally recognised, you could try… not doing that next time? I mean that kindly. As far as your employer is concerned, they pay you to produce an output. If you over-deliver, that’s nice but it's your choice and they don’t owe you for that. Particularly in the public sector which doesn’t have the same performance incentives as in private industry. If you find the experience itself is reward enough, then go for it… but if it’s not, you don’t owe them anything.
posted by roshy at 4:41 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I really sympathise, because I’m also very dependent on external validation (I wish I wasn’t, but everyone saying “just become dependent on internal validation instead” - it’s not always super-easy to turn aspects of your personality on their head overnight). I also once managed a project that was at the very edge of my capabilities for 8 months and launched it only for everyone to pick out minute holes in it that represented like 0.01% of the project, not everything that was right. So. My tricks would be:
* Vent to a friend who has nothing to do with work and is willing to give you 20 minutes to be cross while they say “You did so well, they’re assholes” back to you.
* Treat yourself to something tangible as a congratulations present from yourself.
* Write a list of the ways this project has taught you things, given you experience for the future that will benefit you - framing it as being like a college course in [skill] that you didn’t have to pay for - your dumb company actually paid you to do it - can help a bit.
* If you stay at the company long enough, and there’s an annual evaluation process, be ready to outline exactly how large a role you played in this and how proud you are of yourself. Might as well have it on record, even if hardly anyone reads the damn thing.
posted by penguin pie at 4:51 AM on July 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
* Vent to a friend who has nothing to do with work and is willing to give you 20 minutes to be cross while they say “You did so well, they’re assholes” back to you.
* Treat yourself to something tangible as a congratulations present from yourself.
* Write a list of the ways this project has taught you things, given you experience for the future that will benefit you - framing it as being like a college course in [skill] that you didn’t have to pay for - your dumb company actually paid you to do it - can help a bit.
* If you stay at the company long enough, and there’s an annual evaluation process, be ready to outline exactly how large a role you played in this and how proud you are of yourself. Might as well have it on record, even if hardly anyone reads the damn thing.
posted by penguin pie at 4:51 AM on July 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
Is it possible you could make a blog post about your accomplishment in a way that is framed as a learning opportunity for others? So not so much bragging but "this is what I did, hurdles I had to cross, what I learned, and how you can do it yourself" sort of walk through. Then share it on a professional site like LinkedIn or a forum related top your field. It's bound to get a few likes or comments if you need that external validation (which, honestly, I think is healthy to an extent). You may also mentor/help someone else in the process and that is always far more satisfying to me than praise from a supervisor.
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
"That's what the money is for" is antiquated bullshit - Don Draper is not a role model - and people who are still managing that way should be put out to pasture.
Of course junior people can vastly out perform their wages and of course that work should be recognized. But if your bosses only speak money, then step one may be to ask for more money. You have proven that you are not just a junior employee, so ask for a promotion and pay raise. (Easier said than done, of course.)
Other people can offer you better advice on how to change your perspective to deal with this, but I wanted to validate that you are not somehow defective or immature because you wish your employers would say thank you for a project where you exceeded expectations.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:48 AM on July 29, 2019 [20 favorites]
Of course junior people can vastly out perform their wages and of course that work should be recognized. But if your bosses only speak money, then step one may be to ask for more money. You have proven that you are not just a junior employee, so ask for a promotion and pay raise. (Easier said than done, of course.)
Other people can offer you better advice on how to change your perspective to deal with this, but I wanted to validate that you are not somehow defective or immature because you wish your employers would say thank you for a project where you exceeded expectations.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:48 AM on July 29, 2019 [20 favorites]
Before the next project begins, decide on a reward you will treat yourself to when it’s complete. A vacation? A new phone? Something you want but will delay gratification for obtaining. When the project is done, make a special day for yourself, go for a nice lunch etc. Then go get your present.
posted by ficbot at 5:49 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by ficbot at 5:49 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
With some managers, it's like this. You have to kick ass at your actual job, and then you have to be your own internal PR person and make sure they are aware of what you did, how you went above and beyond and why this is a good thing.
I used to think that if I kept my head down and worked hard, my efforts would be seen and appreciated. Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha.
Now, if I work late I try to send an email before I leave. If I get an email thanking me for my work on something, I forward it. My boss has regular 1:1s with staff and I use mine to talk about what I'm working on and why it matters. My last boss would pretty much repeat the good things I said about myself in my performance review, so... write this up and save it for your performance review file. Keep an eye on it so at the time of your review you can also add "6 months later the project had resulted in X% foo gains/improved customer service" or whatever.
posted by bunderful at 5:53 AM on July 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
I used to think that if I kept my head down and worked hard, my efforts would be seen and appreciated. Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha.
Now, if I work late I try to send an email before I leave. If I get an email thanking me for my work on something, I forward it. My boss has regular 1:1s with staff and I use mine to talk about what I'm working on and why it matters. My last boss would pretty much repeat the good things I said about myself in my performance review, so... write this up and save it for your performance review file. Keep an eye on it so at the time of your review you can also add "6 months later the project had resulted in X% foo gains/improved customer service" or whatever.
posted by bunderful at 5:53 AM on July 29, 2019 [12 favorites]
Congratulate yourself by treating yourself. Whether that means a gift, flowers, a day off to relax, whatever your love language is, give it to yourself and pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
posted by katypickle at 6:26 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by katypickle at 6:26 AM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Congrats on finishing a big job and achieving something difficult! Whenever I do this at work, I always buy myself a beautiful piece of art. My superiors barely even remember my name, let alone give me praise for things, but a mentor once told me to celebrate every success, and she was right.
posted by sockermom at 6:38 AM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by sockermom at 6:38 AM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
The transition from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation is a hard one because it requires you to reshape your entire approach to your work life. With this project, you pushed yourself really hard with the expectation of a commensurate reward at the end -- so you're looking for a self-provided reward that will encourage you to keep working this hard all the time. Basically, you want something that will refill your tank as much as you depleted it while getting the job done. That's a difficult task when you push yourself extra hard.
One way to do this is to have a clearly defined set of values you refer back to in difficult times. The hardest workers I know are the ones who genuinely enjoy the task at hand. They find the job personally fascinating, or they love to serve others, or they believe they're saving the world. Some don't care about the work but understand exactly how the job gets them something else they want in life; I think like Homer Simpson's do it for her wall. You can become this person by really thinking about your values. Don't be vague like, "I want to help people!", be specific like "I can't sleep thinking about the homelessness crisis in my town." I think it's likely this soul-searching results in changing jobs at the least or even your whole career. (Or, it could lead you to discover your core values lay outside of work and you shift your focus away from your job.)
The other approach is to be more cognizant about how much you're depleting and refilling your tank. If you expect you're not going to get much back in return, don't spend as much energy getting it done. Lots of the suggestions people made above are really, really great advice -- but I bet you think they sound kinda small potatoes and not motivating enough to make you put in the kind of effort you exerted on this project. If that's true, it's because you put in too much effort. If giving yourself a day off or a nice bottle of wine or a good book aren't enough reward, scale back the extra effort you're putting in at work until they are.
This likely means scaling way, way back at work. You mentioned in your follow up that your salary is a basic need and not rewarding itself -- cool. Do a basic level of work for a basic salary. They get what they pay for, and you get so much more mental space and energy to refill your tank with whatever else you care about. If you're ambitious and want to move up the ladder -- cool. Remind yourself that your reward for this intense work is that it moves you forward towards that goal, and take steps to make it happen (the suggestions about updating your resume/LinkedIn and planning to bring it up during your review are great). If you value challenge and love putting forth your best effort, reflect on what you were really proud of on this project and what insight you gained. Journal or scrapbook about it so you can look back later. But you're discovering that the level of intense work you just did is not manageable as a default state: you can't force yourself to burn the candle at both ends all the time just because. Work at a more manageable baseline and keep that extra effort in reserve for when you really really need it.
Don't hustle for free. You spent a bunch of extra energy on this project for free and got burned, which totally sucks. Next time, make sure you're getting compensated in some way, whether that payment comes in the form of money or self-fulfillment. But working for your boss's public praise or others' approval or an award is like working on spec; you can't guarantee the outcome. Becoming more intrinsically motivated will help you find a more consistent payout, but it will likely also force you to confront the unhealthy views of work you hold now. Don't shy away from those difficult questions and decisions.
posted by lilac girl at 6:39 AM on July 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
One way to do this is to have a clearly defined set of values you refer back to in difficult times. The hardest workers I know are the ones who genuinely enjoy the task at hand. They find the job personally fascinating, or they love to serve others, or they believe they're saving the world. Some don't care about the work but understand exactly how the job gets them something else they want in life; I think like Homer Simpson's do it for her wall. You can become this person by really thinking about your values. Don't be vague like, "I want to help people!", be specific like "I can't sleep thinking about the homelessness crisis in my town." I think it's likely this soul-searching results in changing jobs at the least or even your whole career. (Or, it could lead you to discover your core values lay outside of work and you shift your focus away from your job.)
The other approach is to be more cognizant about how much you're depleting and refilling your tank. If you expect you're not going to get much back in return, don't spend as much energy getting it done. Lots of the suggestions people made above are really, really great advice -- but I bet you think they sound kinda small potatoes and not motivating enough to make you put in the kind of effort you exerted on this project. If that's true, it's because you put in too much effort. If giving yourself a day off or a nice bottle of wine or a good book aren't enough reward, scale back the extra effort you're putting in at work until they are.
This likely means scaling way, way back at work. You mentioned in your follow up that your salary is a basic need and not rewarding itself -- cool. Do a basic level of work for a basic salary. They get what they pay for, and you get so much more mental space and energy to refill your tank with whatever else you care about. If you're ambitious and want to move up the ladder -- cool. Remind yourself that your reward for this intense work is that it moves you forward towards that goal, and take steps to make it happen (the suggestions about updating your resume/LinkedIn and planning to bring it up during your review are great). If you value challenge and love putting forth your best effort, reflect on what you were really proud of on this project and what insight you gained. Journal or scrapbook about it so you can look back later. But you're discovering that the level of intense work you just did is not manageable as a default state: you can't force yourself to burn the candle at both ends all the time just because. Work at a more manageable baseline and keep that extra effort in reserve for when you really really need it.
Don't hustle for free. You spent a bunch of extra energy on this project for free and got burned, which totally sucks. Next time, make sure you're getting compensated in some way, whether that payment comes in the form of money or self-fulfillment. But working for your boss's public praise or others' approval or an award is like working on spec; you can't guarantee the outcome. Becoming more intrinsically motivated will help you find a more consistent payout, but it will likely also force you to confront the unhealthy views of work you hold now. Don't shy away from those difficult questions and decisions.
posted by lilac girl at 6:39 AM on July 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
There's nothing wrong with wanting a workplace where you get recognized for effort regardless of getting paid to do the job. I work at one, they know it's important (and free to do, though there's often also bonuses and gifts), everyone is involved in making sure credit is given where due.
Make a note of this for your next job search.
For you, right now: add this accomplishment to your resume, and in the folder where you keep your resume stuff write yourself a post-mortem about what you did that worked, what didn't, what you might do differently next time. Give yourself the gift of documentation here, you'll be surprised how useful it is later.
In the near future, take a Friday or Thurs-Fri off and have A Nice Weekend for EatMyHat Who Has Been Working Super Hard. Give yourself one day of total collapse: snacks, the book you've wanted to read or a couple movies you want to see, pajamas all day. Take another day to go do all the stuff you haven't had time to do because you were busting ass on this project: haircut, fix/replace that thing that's been sitting waiting to be handled, oil change, call your mom, send a card to a friend, pick up supplies you need to spend some time doing a hobby over the weekend. Organize a lunch out with friends. Go look at some good nature. Rest, recharge.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
Make a note of this for your next job search.
For you, right now: add this accomplishment to your resume, and in the folder where you keep your resume stuff write yourself a post-mortem about what you did that worked, what didn't, what you might do differently next time. Give yourself the gift of documentation here, you'll be surprised how useful it is later.
In the near future, take a Friday or Thurs-Fri off and have A Nice Weekend for EatMyHat Who Has Been Working Super Hard. Give yourself one day of total collapse: snacks, the book you've wanted to read or a couple movies you want to see, pajamas all day. Take another day to go do all the stuff you haven't had time to do because you were busting ass on this project: haircut, fix/replace that thing that's been sitting waiting to be handled, oil change, call your mom, send a card to a friend, pick up supplies you need to spend some time doing a hobby over the weekend. Organize a lunch out with friends. Go look at some good nature. Rest, recharge.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
The way to feel good about this is to use it to get more money. You may not have been thanked but, believe me, they noticed. Most of us do the bare minimum necessary. An employee like you is one in a thousand and they don't want to lose you. If you worked above your pay grade, hammer on that fact when it's time to review your salary. Insist on a big raise. It's best to be specific. E.g. "I want a 20% raise" rather than "I want a big raise."
posted by mono blanco at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by mono blanco at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I don’t derive any pleasure out of having my basic needs met
Can you maybe work on this part? Speaking of gratitude, it seems like you could benefit from examining what you already have going right in your life. When I get paid, I'm happy to pay the bills, because having the money to do so is so much better than having to scrape and borrow from Peter to pay Paul. Maybe try to reframe what having your basic needs met feels like to you.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
Can you maybe work on this part? Speaking of gratitude, it seems like you could benefit from examining what you already have going right in your life. When I get paid, I'm happy to pay the bills, because having the money to do so is so much better than having to scrape and borrow from Peter to pay Paul. Maybe try to reframe what having your basic needs met feels like to you.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:15 AM on July 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
When I start feeling resentful and put upon (I don't meant that judgmentally! It's a totally normal reaction to feeling unappreciated!), I have started countering it by expressing gratitude to others. I will bring in pastries for the team in the morning, send an email to everyone on the team and/or just my direct-reports telling them how awesome they all are and how much I appreciate them, or something along those lines. Not in a manipulative way; my requirement for myself is that I be authentic about whatever I'm saying or doing. But I take my own sense that I'm not feeling appreciated and use it to make sure that I'm publicly appreciating others in the ways I feel I'm missing -- in part to avoid being a hypocrite, in part to start the culture change I want to see.
I know you said you worked mostly independently, but are there some people who helped you in whatever capacity who you could thank? Clerical staff who contributed, managers who offered guidance, subject-matter experts who offered input? I also often find that just the act of expressing thanks changes my whole mood around the issue.
posted by lazuli at 7:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
I know you said you worked mostly independently, but are there some people who helped you in whatever capacity who you could thank? Clerical staff who contributed, managers who offered guidance, subject-matter experts who offered input? I also often find that just the act of expressing thanks changes my whole mood around the issue.
posted by lazuli at 7:20 AM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
how can I give myself the credit I deserve?
Very early in my career, I was given space and responsibility to do a project from beginning to end pretty much singlehandedly. It didn’t pay immediate dividends and while there wasn’t any guarantee it would accomplish anything, there was a small to medium chance it would make a big impact in a space in the field long-term that I cared (and still care) a lot about. I did an excellent job on the project and I didn’t get special recognition (in fact, the time I spent on the project lowered my pay somewhat for that year). A few years later, I left that job for other reasons, and had to leave behind my project and the larger effort it was a part of, which is still ongoing.
It is one of the great joys of my life that I did this project so well that it’s still changing the field, even if no one else ever knows about my involvement. I am so proud of it and I always will be. It will never earn me another dime. On the other hand, the work I did on it taught me a lot about myself and what work can be like when I’m succeeding at it. I do include it on my resume and the few people really in the know about it are impressed (as they should be!), but most people don’t know much about this part of the field. It may still fail to make change long-term, the larger effort it was a part of is still ongoing. I have a google news alert for relevant terms and I keep track of it like a proud parent.
Take what you can from the work you did. You can give yourself recognition for it—your own opinion of yourself matters, not just what others think.
posted by sallybrown at 7:24 AM on July 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
Very early in my career, I was given space and responsibility to do a project from beginning to end pretty much singlehandedly. It didn’t pay immediate dividends and while there wasn’t any guarantee it would accomplish anything, there was a small to medium chance it would make a big impact in a space in the field long-term that I cared (and still care) a lot about. I did an excellent job on the project and I didn’t get special recognition (in fact, the time I spent on the project lowered my pay somewhat for that year). A few years later, I left that job for other reasons, and had to leave behind my project and the larger effort it was a part of, which is still ongoing.
It is one of the great joys of my life that I did this project so well that it’s still changing the field, even if no one else ever knows about my involvement. I am so proud of it and I always will be. It will never earn me another dime. On the other hand, the work I did on it taught me a lot about myself and what work can be like when I’m succeeding at it. I do include it on my resume and the few people really in the know about it are impressed (as they should be!), but most people don’t know much about this part of the field. It may still fail to make change long-term, the larger effort it was a part of is still ongoing. I have a google news alert for relevant terms and I keep track of it like a proud parent.
Take what you can from the work you did. You can give yourself recognition for it—your own opinion of yourself matters, not just what others think.
posted by sallybrown at 7:24 AM on July 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
I tend to follow the self-motivation path myself, but I’ve watched my independent contractor friends pimp themselves out for recognition and reputation. It’s a fundamental part of their job. So, to get constant recognition for your work:
1) Name recognition. Get those business cards and make sure you spread them far and wide. Send project updates to larger groups, and make sure there are plenty of high level CCs. Learn everyone’s names and use them frequently — it forces them to learn yours.
2) Take political ownership of projects. Make sure all of the necessary resources get attached and be very visible about doing so. Commit to a schedule and meet it 100% of the time. Higher-ups need to know they will not be embarrassed when they come to you.
3) Make some effort to become work-friends with everyone you can, but particularly higher ups.
4) In case it isn’t clear by now, relentlessly self-promote. Be shameless.
You’ll notice that nowhere in here do I mention doing your job spectacularly well. That’s because, while you need to be competent, consistent public recognition mostly goes to people who are already publically recognized. Quiet people get tossed a bone now and then, but the bread and butter of recognition and awards are people who make themselves reasonably useful and are shameless about making sure everyone knows it.
To me that’s not a pretty picture, but I’ve watched friends build careers on those principles. And I have to say it certainly tracks with what I saw throughout my time in industry.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:28 AM on July 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
1) Name recognition. Get those business cards and make sure you spread them far and wide. Send project updates to larger groups, and make sure there are plenty of high level CCs. Learn everyone’s names and use them frequently — it forces them to learn yours.
2) Take political ownership of projects. Make sure all of the necessary resources get attached and be very visible about doing so. Commit to a schedule and meet it 100% of the time. Higher-ups need to know they will not be embarrassed when they come to you.
3) Make some effort to become work-friends with everyone you can, but particularly higher ups.
4) In case it isn’t clear by now, relentlessly self-promote. Be shameless.
You’ll notice that nowhere in here do I mention doing your job spectacularly well. That’s because, while you need to be competent, consistent public recognition mostly goes to people who are already publically recognized. Quiet people get tossed a bone now and then, but the bread and butter of recognition and awards are people who make themselves reasonably useful and are shameless about making sure everyone knows it.
To me that’s not a pretty picture, but I’ve watched friends build careers on those principles. And I have to say it certainly tracks with what I saw throughout my time in industry.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:28 AM on July 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
Speaking as a public servant in a jurisdiction with a multi-year salary freeze where non-unionized public administrators are nonetheless assumed to be overpaid paper-pushing fatcats:
One of the ways I cultivate intrinsic motivation is to remind myself that I need to be as good at my job as possible because it's a way for me to treat taxpayers' resources with integrity. Bringing my best to work won't earn me more in the short term, but at least I get to go home knowing that no one can argue with the fact that I work for every. bloody. cent.
Sure, that's kinda aggro, but it keeps me hustling, especially when much of my work is process improvement-type stuff that leads to delayed benefits (much less praise).
posted by blerghamot at 7:40 AM on July 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
One of the ways I cultivate intrinsic motivation is to remind myself that I need to be as good at my job as possible because it's a way for me to treat taxpayers' resources with integrity. Bringing my best to work won't earn me more in the short term, but at least I get to go home knowing that no one can argue with the fact that I work for every. bloody. cent.
Sure, that's kinda aggro, but it keeps me hustling, especially when much of my work is process improvement-type stuff that leads to delayed benefits (much less praise).
posted by blerghamot at 7:40 AM on July 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
Antiquated or not, "that's what the money is for" is still how many companies operate, and telling your manager you don't like how they manage is not going to get the changes you want.
I don't think you should give up on external recognition, but not for the reasons you seem to think. Getting credit publically is important for your career. Anyone who tells you otherwise is kidding themselves and/or you. This is hard because many of us would just like to be able to do the job well and receive commensurate rewards. But that almost never happens. Especially if you happen (I don't know) not to be a white male. Therefore I recommend you adopt some of the suggestions given above for doing your best to get the word out without appearing to undermine or disparage your team or manager.
As a long-term mental health move, though, seriously, you have to develop either intrinsic motivation to do the job or to get paid. I recommend the latter. are-coral-made's point (1) is so important. Sometimes I think it's the most important thing I can convey to interns/juniors. Do not love something that does not love you back. Meanwhile, buy yourself a small reward, take a day off--do something to reward yourself for doing what you need to do.
posted by praemunire at 7:45 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
I don't think you should give up on external recognition, but not for the reasons you seem to think. Getting credit publically is important for your career. Anyone who tells you otherwise is kidding themselves and/or you. This is hard because many of us would just like to be able to do the job well and receive commensurate rewards. But that almost never happens. Especially if you happen (I don't know) not to be a white male. Therefore I recommend you adopt some of the suggestions given above for doing your best to get the word out without appearing to undermine or disparage your team or manager.
As a long-term mental health move, though, seriously, you have to develop either intrinsic motivation to do the job or to get paid. I recommend the latter. are-coral-made's point (1) is so important. Sometimes I think it's the most important thing I can convey to interns/juniors. Do not love something that does not love you back. Meanwhile, buy yourself a small reward, take a day off--do something to reward yourself for doing what you need to do.
posted by praemunire at 7:45 AM on July 29, 2019 [9 favorites]
Also, the bosses who are best at making sure I’m recognized often do that by telling me “good job” directly. Sometimes months later I get a shout-out at the department-wide annual meeting, or a senior manager is like “hey, I heard about your work on xyz.
Sometimes.
posted by bunderful at 11:18 AM on July 29, 2019
Sometimes.
posted by bunderful at 11:18 AM on July 29, 2019
Wait, I may be misunderstanding but if I understand correctly, you finished a very important project and would like to make it known in the company to strengthen your position and increase your chances of promotion, right?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact you should probably start thinking in those terms sooner rather than later especially if you happen to be a woman.
On top of all the above advice, I strongly recommend Ask a Manager as a resource.
posted by M. at 11:30 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact you should probably start thinking in those terms sooner rather than later especially if you happen to be a woman.
On top of all the above advice, I strongly recommend Ask a Manager as a resource.
posted by M. at 11:30 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
In practical terms:
1. figure out the value of the achievement. You said an agreement got signed. What will it produce? For instance "signed agreement to bring in $x funding which will achieve Y, Z, and N" or "brought on seven new vendors which will allow us to sell %X more in 2020 than we did in 2019" or whatever it is. Get granular. Consider intangibles as well and try to quantify them, like "increased visibility of Project with coverage in major trade publication" etc.
2. use these metrics in your request for whatever it is you want THAT IS WITHIN THEIR POWER TO GIVE YOU. "be grateful" is not a thing at work. Try "I'd like a bonus" or "I want to be considered for Employee of the Month" or whatever your company does.
3. also use these metrics on your resume as you job search.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:44 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
1. figure out the value of the achievement. You said an agreement got signed. What will it produce? For instance "signed agreement to bring in $x funding which will achieve Y, Z, and N" or "brought on seven new vendors which will allow us to sell %X more in 2020 than we did in 2019" or whatever it is. Get granular. Consider intangibles as well and try to quantify them, like "increased visibility of Project with coverage in major trade publication" etc.
2. use these metrics in your request for whatever it is you want THAT IS WITHIN THEIR POWER TO GIVE YOU. "be grateful" is not a thing at work. Try "I'd like a bonus" or "I want to be considered for Employee of the Month" or whatever your company does.
3. also use these metrics on your resume as you job search.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:44 AM on July 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Personally, I prefer money over words of praise or framed certificates of merit. Is there a conference or training class or professional event you’d like to attend? If so, speak up and point out that this would be a benefit for both you and your employer, and get them to pay for it.
posted by Ideefixe at 12:02 PM on July 29, 2019
posted by Ideefixe at 12:02 PM on July 29, 2019
The interests of your employer and yours are not aligned. A way to self-motivate is to really understand and internalize that. Be a model employee not for the good of the company, but so you can fight for better treatment.
posted by corb at 12:08 PM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by corb at 12:08 PM on July 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm a supervisor, and when I read your question, I wonder what job your supervisor thinks they have. My industry may be more team-oriented than yours, but when people go above and beyond, they get celebrated by their supervisor in front of their peers, and often by supervisors going up several levels. If I were conveying through inaction that I didn't care about a big accomplishment, I would not expect much from my team. There's a reason it's called "leadership", because the person in charge is supposed to be in front! Reading the other responses makes me wonder what is going on in corporate America.
posted by wnissen at 1:51 PM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by wnissen at 1:51 PM on July 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Wanting recognition is a matter of identity and belonging. Ideally you belong to a group and you know and the group knows that you are valuable member of that group, and they can trust you to protect and defend them and you can trust them to protect and defend you. "Eatmyhat has our backs," the group members say. "If we're in a tough place, Eatmyhat will get us through. Gotta make sure Eatmyhat is taken care of. We'd be in a mess for sure if anything happened to Eatmyhat."
That's the ideal and we all want that for ourselves, at least a little bit (although some of us, having been disappointed want to be entirely independent and self reliant instead and may even resent recognition.) Since our species is interdependent, we all have a drive to belong and most of actually go through our lives feeling like we don't quite fit in, we aren't recognized for who we really are. This ensures that we will keep trying to find tribe, or keep trying to make the tribe we belong to fit our need for recognition and identity.
In your case you are building your identity on being a good worker. You're not building your identity on being a member of a creative community who only works for the income to afford to be creative. You're not building your identity on being a member of a family, or on being the most sexy individual imaginable, or the best comforter and helper, or one who knows everyone and can make the right introduction when needed. There are a whole lot of other identities you could be building, but the one in your question is your identity as an excellent and deserving worker.
The problem is, however, the same as if you are trying to be the best boyfriend ever to someone who just going out with you until somebody better comes along. The people you work with have no investment in you. You're just a junior employee and their remunerations and retention policies are planning on seeing you walk, because there is no job security nowadays, and it makes more economic sense to pay people less and have a high turnaround.
Even if some members of the team are looking at you and being impressed, they aren't really planning on being there any longer than a better opportunity. To your co-workers and managers, the company you work for is not a tribe and they are not invested in the job or they would be putting in the same kind of serious commitment that you have been putting in. Insteadt your manager has a LinkedIn profile and is hoping he gets contacted by a headhunter quite soon, and your coworkers find their Tribe in going home and looking after Mother, or being a good gunner and scout for their Eve On Line corporation, or spend their entire day texting their boyfriend complaining about their stupid job.
Now, since you are already deeply invested in being a great worker, other people have advised you to hang onto that investment and look for a different tribe that will appreciate you properly. But even if you get a promotion, or get poached by another company, it is probable that the recognition you receive will fall short of what you need, either periodically or chronically because you are looking for Tribe from groups that are rarely tribes.
It is true that sometimes there are companies where they do a lot of emotional labor and nurturing and supporting each other, but those are generally either nepotistic situations, or a company that coincidentally has a cluster of caretaking individuals in one department.
If you want your identity to be built on being a good worker, and to get positive recognition from your job, then you need to either find a job where you will be nurtured and respected and valued, or cultivate such a culture at the job you have. Some professions are better than others at providing support - helping professions are often those than have a cluster of caretaking individuals, but most jobs, most of the time are calculating how little recognition they have to give you and are not interested or capable of providing very much. The third alternative of spending much energy self promoting will probably make you successful professionally and lead to new jobs with more financial recognition, but could still leave you feeling unloved, because no matter where you go the majority of your coworkers will listen to your self promotion with no interest whatsoever and you will know it.
I'm going to suggest that you diversify. Yes, document and share how good you are at your job, but simultaneously, see if you can get multiple sources going where you get recognition and support for the many different ways you are valuable and competent. What you need is a community, so instead of redoubling your efforts in hope that this community will see how much you do, look for other communities you can join that are supportive and appreciative.
Look for validation from people who are invested in you, friendships where you are supported, social groups where the other members of the group care about your common goals. Look in multiple places, because real life means that most of the groups you can join will be temporary or vulnerable to change. And when you find people who work well with you, who work hard on common goals and recognize you doing it, people who you are motivated to praise, to admire and support - don't let them go easily. But find other places to focus your achievement than this one job. It's not likely that your professional life will ultimately be enough, no matter how good you get, nor how much recognition you get. But since achievement is important to you, there are many places that you can focus your efforts and make an enormous difference and people out there who will be utterly thankful to have you working alongside them.
posted by Jane the Brown at 2:26 PM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
That's the ideal and we all want that for ourselves, at least a little bit (although some of us, having been disappointed want to be entirely independent and self reliant instead and may even resent recognition.) Since our species is interdependent, we all have a drive to belong and most of actually go through our lives feeling like we don't quite fit in, we aren't recognized for who we really are. This ensures that we will keep trying to find tribe, or keep trying to make the tribe we belong to fit our need for recognition and identity.
In your case you are building your identity on being a good worker. You're not building your identity on being a member of a creative community who only works for the income to afford to be creative. You're not building your identity on being a member of a family, or on being the most sexy individual imaginable, or the best comforter and helper, or one who knows everyone and can make the right introduction when needed. There are a whole lot of other identities you could be building, but the one in your question is your identity as an excellent and deserving worker.
The problem is, however, the same as if you are trying to be the best boyfriend ever to someone who just going out with you until somebody better comes along. The people you work with have no investment in you. You're just a junior employee and their remunerations and retention policies are planning on seeing you walk, because there is no job security nowadays, and it makes more economic sense to pay people less and have a high turnaround.
Even if some members of the team are looking at you and being impressed, they aren't really planning on being there any longer than a better opportunity. To your co-workers and managers, the company you work for is not a tribe and they are not invested in the job or they would be putting in the same kind of serious commitment that you have been putting in. Insteadt your manager has a LinkedIn profile and is hoping he gets contacted by a headhunter quite soon, and your coworkers find their Tribe in going home and looking after Mother, or being a good gunner and scout for their Eve On Line corporation, or spend their entire day texting their boyfriend complaining about their stupid job.
Now, since you are already deeply invested in being a great worker, other people have advised you to hang onto that investment and look for a different tribe that will appreciate you properly. But even if you get a promotion, or get poached by another company, it is probable that the recognition you receive will fall short of what you need, either periodically or chronically because you are looking for Tribe from groups that are rarely tribes.
It is true that sometimes there are companies where they do a lot of emotional labor and nurturing and supporting each other, but those are generally either nepotistic situations, or a company that coincidentally has a cluster of caretaking individuals in one department.
If you want your identity to be built on being a good worker, and to get positive recognition from your job, then you need to either find a job where you will be nurtured and respected and valued, or cultivate such a culture at the job you have. Some professions are better than others at providing support - helping professions are often those than have a cluster of caretaking individuals, but most jobs, most of the time are calculating how little recognition they have to give you and are not interested or capable of providing very much. The third alternative of spending much energy self promoting will probably make you successful professionally and lead to new jobs with more financial recognition, but could still leave you feeling unloved, because no matter where you go the majority of your coworkers will listen to your self promotion with no interest whatsoever and you will know it.
I'm going to suggest that you diversify. Yes, document and share how good you are at your job, but simultaneously, see if you can get multiple sources going where you get recognition and support for the many different ways you are valuable and competent. What you need is a community, so instead of redoubling your efforts in hope that this community will see how much you do, look for other communities you can join that are supportive and appreciative.
Look for validation from people who are invested in you, friendships where you are supported, social groups where the other members of the group care about your common goals. Look in multiple places, because real life means that most of the groups you can join will be temporary or vulnerable to change. And when you find people who work well with you, who work hard on common goals and recognize you doing it, people who you are motivated to praise, to admire and support - don't let them go easily. But find other places to focus your achievement than this one job. It's not likely that your professional life will ultimately be enough, no matter how good you get, nor how much recognition you get. But since achievement is important to you, there are many places that you can focus your efforts and make an enormous difference and people out there who will be utterly thankful to have you working alongside them.
posted by Jane the Brown at 2:26 PM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
One note on calibration. Your sense that you did something well above your level may come from seeing other people at what you perceive as higher levels do that same thing at the same level of quality or worse.
I've seen something like this happen before on my teams where people key off the performance of the worst example of the next level up from them and say "I did the same thing they did, and they're +1 level so I should be +1 level (or get the same pay/recognition/access to projects)." But it might be that your mutual manager views their contributions as too slow or inexpert or otherwise not high quality. That might explain the mismatch in this case; you think it's exemplary because it's the same as other more senior people, your manager thinks it's expected and other people are under-performing.
Another variant of this is to view others as +1 level when they're not actually. Sometimes titles don't actually represent levels cleanly and, again, you're meeting the same expectations as them so you don't get any special recognition. Maybe that's a good thing! They got convinced in hiring that you could handle something like this even if you maybe feel like it was at the edge of your capabilities. That could be part of a big self-esteem boost! They had high expectations for you and you reached them!
One way to disambiguate this with your manager is to ask directly about their expectations of you. "How did you think that project went?" is a great retrospective question. It might get you the validation you're looking for or help you calibrate on what good is if they say "It was good but I think it could have gone faster here, or I think next time you could do it with less intervention from me."
posted by heresiarch at 4:21 PM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
I've seen something like this happen before on my teams where people key off the performance of the worst example of the next level up from them and say "I did the same thing they did, and they're +1 level so I should be +1 level (or get the same pay/recognition/access to projects)." But it might be that your mutual manager views their contributions as too slow or inexpert or otherwise not high quality. That might explain the mismatch in this case; you think it's exemplary because it's the same as other more senior people, your manager thinks it's expected and other people are under-performing.
Another variant of this is to view others as +1 level when they're not actually. Sometimes titles don't actually represent levels cleanly and, again, you're meeting the same expectations as them so you don't get any special recognition. Maybe that's a good thing! They got convinced in hiring that you could handle something like this even if you maybe feel like it was at the edge of your capabilities. That could be part of a big self-esteem boost! They had high expectations for you and you reached them!
One way to disambiguate this with your manager is to ask directly about their expectations of you. "How did you think that project went?" is a great retrospective question. It might get you the validation you're looking for or help you calibrate on what good is if they say "It was good but I think it could have gone faster here, or I think next time you could do it with less intervention from me."
posted by heresiarch at 4:21 PM on July 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
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posted by Spacelegoman at 2:54 AM on July 29, 2019 [33 favorites]